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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How not to cooperate at work politely

223 replies

PushedOutPissedOff · 07/12/2021 16:10

So I'm leaving a role where the direction of it as outlined in my JD never materialised, for a job which I think will be a better fit in that regard. All good.

However, the parts of my job which never got going have been absorbed into a colleague's new role and she has started with great gusto with meetings, projects etc all of which by rights should have sat with me but I was never allowed to develop.

AIBU for not really wanting to cooperate with her? She needs me as she is a project person not a systems person and really has no idea how it works and needs my input for a coherent plan.

I only have a few weeks left in this role and I really really really don't want to spend it training her up to do things I should be doing. I feel personally that it is professionally embarrassing to be her 'junior' on this but there is an expectation that I help her.

I am rubbish at work politics but I need some strategies/ideas to get out of it until I leave the job in Jan. I admit I would be pleased if she was unable to do it without my assistance.

AIBU? And how?

OP posts:
helpfulperson · 07/12/2021 16:14

Why has she been able to push forward these things but you didn't. Honestly I'd just do what you are being asked, it's only for a few weeks.

flotsomandjetsome · 07/12/2021 16:18

Any annual leave left? I would try and be as unavailable as possible, so rather than no I won't help you, say so sorry I'm not here or I'm busy doing x y or z.

To be honest any excuse however flimsy, as long as it's polite will be fine, you are leaving so presumably don't care if they think you're not helping them, as long as you don't actually say that.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/12/2021 16:18

Wow you sound nice. Why do you dislike her so much that you want to see her fail? Is it that she stopped you being able to do these things? I feel like we need some back drip feed on why she's to blame for this situation

Is it within your job remit to help or are you expected to do it as extra? If the latter just cite work load as you need to get stuff wrapped up before you leave. If the former just suck it up and do it

Alonelonelyloner · 07/12/2021 16:21

What is she doing that has enabled her to push stuff through that you weren't doing?
I am not sure that I understand. Have they given her more tools to do the job? Were you just not 'leaning in' enough? In either case, you would be severely unprofessional to not support her in her position before you leave.

bingoitsadingo · 07/12/2021 16:22

Are you staying in the same company or leaving completely?

If leaving completely, just be a bit slow to respond and gently fob her off (oh I’m not sure / we never kicked off any work on that / this was tricky to get going because of X / I didn’t really get to look into that)

If you’re moving roles, I’d suck it up and be a bit more helpful, but make sure your name is attached to it so anyone involved knows how much should be credited to you

Shedmistress · 07/12/2021 16:23

'Oh gosh this was never part of my role, I have no idea how to do that'.

sillysmiles · 07/12/2021 16:24

I'm leaving a role

However, the parts of my job which never got going have been absorbed into a colleague's new role

AIBU for not really wanting to cooperate with her?

Yes YABU. You are leaving, it's part of her role and it isn't her fault it wasn't part of your role. What is to be gained from being difficult?

Fireatseaparks · 07/12/2021 16:25

Don't be a dickhead OP

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 07/12/2021 16:27

Have you seen the film The Lunch Box. A sub plot is the retiring worker who is supposed to train his replacement. He has a few tactics to avoid it - like being too busy, scheduling other meetings etc.

Ultimately it's not that easy to do - but you could try doing what politicians always do, which is just keep summarising all the issues that need addressing but never offer any solutions. If you do this you can run the clock until there's no more time so you appear to have participated but actually haven't.

icedcoffees · 07/12/2021 16:27

What's the point in being difficult and making your colleagues' life harder?

It's not her fault she's in this situation, is it?

WhenSepEnds · 07/12/2021 16:28

@Shedmistress

'Oh gosh this was never part of my role, I have no idea how to do that'.
YES!!!
KaycePollard · 07/12/2021 16:28

You're about to be very very busy, OP. Very busy.

IncompleteSenten · 07/12/2021 16:30

Is she personally responsible for the fact your job didn't go as it was supposed to?

HelplesslyHoping · 07/12/2021 16:32

It's not her fault that she got a better job than you. Get over it, nothing can be done. Enjoy your new role and see if you can get yourself in a better place than you wanted to be originally. That's the only revenge you need

MalbecandToast · 07/12/2021 16:35

Wow. No, seriously don't be a cow and just help her! Why WOULDN'T you?! You sound bitter as hell Confused

Malibuismysecrethome · 07/12/2021 16:38

I wouldn’t help her. I think it is cheeky to expect you to train her. Let her develop her skills but you don’t need to enable her ambition. Normally I’m all for helping anyone but this seems too much to ask.

TractorAndHeadphones · 07/12/2021 16:39

Can’t say if you’re being U without more information.
However there are plenty of strategies, say that there are many dependviws, say that you need to request persmissoom for certain things, X Y Z.

You’re not going to be of much help if you’re leaving in a few weeks anyway!

DarlingCoffee · 07/12/2021 16:40

No I don’t think you are BU. I don’t think you need to make things ‘difficult’ but no I wouldn’t cooperate to be honest. It’s her chance to put a stamp on her role so let her get on with it and genuinely wish her the best of luck.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 07/12/2021 16:41

@Shedmistress

'Oh gosh this was never part of my role, I have no idea how to do that'.
Well, I must be a cow too, because I would be bitter as hell if I'd got a job I was excited about and then found that I was stymied at every turn from doing the more interesting bits - and then as soon as I announced I was leaving a colleague was suddenly asked to do these very tasks I'd been fobbed off from tackling.

@Shedmistress's response is perfect.

phishy · 07/12/2021 16:42

Come down with a case of COVID so you can only do limited work from home.

That will see you safely through to the end of the year.

Cocomarine · 07/12/2021 16:43

Well, I don’t believe in karma, but wouldn’t it be interesting if you turned up in new job and some arsehole was deliberately obstructive in showing you what you needed to see because they were jealous that you’d been given what they wanted to do?

Do come back with another AIBU if that happens 🤣

Skeumorph · 07/12/2021 16:44

It's not being a cow.

OP was treated poorly in the job. She's leaving.

There is no reason on earth she should put herself out. As for the colleague, it would seem a good idea to stay well out of whatever the new arrangements for exciting challenging projects are, as you won't be there for long. Much better for new colleague that this is made clear to management from the start, and they can stump up for proper training with ongoing support.

godmum56 · 07/12/2021 16:45

I cant say whether you are being unreasonable and I have the feeling that there is backstory here....but for your own mental health (and yes I sound like your grandmother) I'd be helping the new girl.

tallduckandhandsome · 07/12/2021 16:45

@Shedmistress

'Oh gosh this was never part of my role, I have no idea how to do that'.
Perfect!
IntermittentParps · 07/12/2021 16:47

Take your JD to the bosses and say '[new start person] is asking me for help training her up, but as I never got to do items 3, 5 and 8 on my JD, I can't responsibly do so.'