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How not to cooperate at work politely
223

PushedOutPissedOff · 07/12/2021 16:10

So I'm leaving a role where the direction of it as outlined in my JD never materialised, for a job which I think will be a better fit in that regard. All good.

However, the parts of my job which never got going have been absorbed into a colleague's new role and she has started with great gusto with meetings, projects etc all of which by rights should have sat with me but I was never allowed to develop.

AIBU for not really wanting to cooperate with her? She needs me as she is a project person not a systems person and really has no idea how it works and needs my input for a coherent plan.

I only have a few weeks left in this role and I really really really don't want to spend it training her up to do things I should be doing. I feel personally that it is professionally embarrassing to be her 'junior' on this but there is an expectation that I help her.

I am rubbish at work politics but I need some strategies/ideas to get out of it until I leave the job in Jan. I admit I would be pleased if she was unable to do it without my assistance.

AIBU? And how?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

tabletipper · 07/12/2021 18:49

is this SAP op?

The term superuser, - I am, also a SU-

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RiverSkater · 07/12/2021 18:53

Just help her out, you never know when you might work with her again.

As Marion Albright said, there's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women.

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Testingprof · 07/12/2021 18:53

@TractorAndHeadphones oh how I know what you are talking about. It’s currently happening to me, I was listed as an SME for x except I was never approached for my expertise. Now it’s likely to hit the fan, I’m being asking questions.

OP being incredibly busy tying up your own loose ends/ hand over notes etc.

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VladmirsPoutine · 07/12/2021 18:59

Did you want to leave the company and get rehired as a contractor because you were the only person who knew the systems inside out?

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senua · 07/12/2021 19:00

As Marion Albright said, there's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women.

But we are helping OP!

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BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 07/12/2021 19:00

I would say that since you're leaving it would be better for her to set up the project in the way that she thinks best so that once you're gone it will work in the way that she wants it to. Give her suggestions for training courses/literature that will be useful to her.

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YourenutsmiLord · 07/12/2021 19:05

Her manager will probably get her some training or consultant in to fix things.
It's not your prob OP - stuff them.

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GonnaBeYoniThisChristmas · 07/12/2021 19:11

Just help her out, you never know when you might work with her again

This is good advice from a PP.

What are you going to achieve by stalling / obfuscating / not turning up. I can guarantee you won’t feel better or bigger for doing so.

So YABU and I think your title is oxymoronic or tautologous or whatever - it’s not possible to “not cooperate politely” at work as it is impolite not to cooperate.

Best of luck with the next few weeks.

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sweatervest · 07/12/2021 19:16

this happened to me at work recently. a biggy. and i said "no - i'm not going to share xxxxx with you" and someone backed me up and said "why should sweatervest do it?"

which is neither there nor here but i feel your pain and it's irksome and most people want a pat on the back occasionally but you're having to pat her back. eurgh.

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tsmainsqueeze · 07/12/2021 19:18

@TangerineLimes

I don't know the full story but you just sound vindictive here.

No you don't !
If the employer has messed you about you are bound to be annoyed , i think if it were me i would show new person what i know , hold my head up high and don't look back as you walk out the door .
Good luck in your new job .
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Pascal80 · 07/12/2021 19:22

How petty and nasty. It's just a job - and because you are bitter, you are going to punish this person by not helping her. it's a JOB not a ''role'' by the way.

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tallduckandhandsome · 07/12/2021 19:26

it's a JOB not a ''role'' by the way.

How petty and nasty! Shock

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Aprilx · 07/12/2021 19:30

Being good at office politics isn’t something I would be aspiring to, particularly if to you it simply means being unhelpful to your colleagues.

You are being childish and a bad colleague, unhelpful people are not great to have in an organisation, why wouldn’t you want to be known as a helpful colleague. The more individuals in an organisation can perform and be effective in their roles, the better the organisation will thrive as a whole. Why would you want to see your colleague, and by extension, your organisation fail. Your attitude stinks.

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Mum0509 · 07/12/2021 19:33

I hope where you go your new colleagues are as equally unaccommodating. Jesus, how nasty.

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tallduckandhandsome · 07/12/2021 19:34

@Aprilx she’s leaving the ‘thriving’ organisation and doesn’t give a shiny shit.

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SleepingStandingUp · 07/12/2021 19:35

So your manager Bob didn't think your project A was a priority and told you do do B and C. You thought B and C were beneath you so looked for and got a different job more like A. Great.
Now a different manager Jo has said actually A is important, my team with do it and so has given it to Mary.
Mary concedes that she doesn't have the expertise but her manager has given it to her so she can't exactly refuse and insist it given to someone who has handed in their resignation. Instead she asks that person for help, not as a junior but as someone more competent in the systems.
However you're so sulky that Bob said no to you that you hope Mary screws up and they all regret the day you left.

That about cover it?

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DontWiltMySpinachPlease · 07/12/2021 19:40

Not really fair to penalise the individual because you're company wouldn't let you push forward.

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blueshoes · 07/12/2021 19:48

Apart from being busy and unavailable, you could also send her round the houses. "I am not sure but xyz (esp your manager) might be able to help."

It seems that your beef is with your manager not with her. Why do you want to punish her? We just had someone leave our office for a competitor. Before and even after he left, this person were very helpful in pointing out stuff so things did not slip. They did not do a lot, but was just helpful and wanting to properly transition. My estimation of this person as a decent human being just rose many fold because I knew it would make more sense for them to sink the ship before they go.

My philosophy is not to burn bridges. You never know when your paths might cross in the future. Best to leave on a neutral and if not, good note.

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CharityDingle · 07/12/2021 19:50

@CaveWoman1

Do you work for the local authority by any chance? They pull this shit all the time. We had a Snr Manager start in our team, & he didn’t have a fucking clue how to do the job, so the poor woman who also went for the role was asked to spend the next few weeks training him up. Taking the puss to a whole new level.

Public sector in general are good at this type of shitty one-upmanship. I would also be bitter in your position. Don’t train her up.

Have witnessed similar in private sector.

Hi Sue, meet Bob, he was the one who got the role you applied for. Now you just train him up. He wouldn't have your knowledge or experience but I'm sure you will have him up to speed in no time...'

OP, I would deflect as much as possible. And quite honestly, I would be getting out of that project meeting. 'Oh I won't be here so there's no point in me attending.'
I remember a project I was on years ago, where I, along with another colleague did all the work. Meanwhile another one was taking all the credit. So one day at a meeting, we sat back, and let her take all the questions from the main stakeholders. Wink

I would love to say it stopped her but it certainly made her think twice before her next I...I...I...
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thedefinitionofmadness · 07/12/2021 19:50

@DontWiltMySpinachPlease

Not really fair to penalise the individual because you're company wouldn't let you push forward.

But it is the organisation's problem if they don't have the knowledge. OP is leaving. She is not penalising the person, she's highlighting the skills gap her departure creates.
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StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 07/12/2021 20:01

@thedefinitionofmadness thats exactly it! The company have failed to make use of the skillset - this situation has been caused poor management. That same management will have to figure it out. It is not the fault of the colleague, nor is it the ops problem to fix.

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KTheGrey · 07/12/2021 20:01

Some really good advice on here about preserving your professional reputation. It is your greatest asset; cherish it at all costs. This is not your circus or your monkeys.

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rookiemere · 07/12/2021 20:15

I think there is an in between route. I can see why you don't want to go to that meeting so would a couple of recorded handover team sessions work instead? That way some of the knowledge is saved, but you're not forced to attend an awkward meeting.

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NameChange2PostThis · 07/12/2021 20:15

I'm the only superuser in the org. There is no one else. Other people know parts of it but not the whole. Obviously there are lots of other people out there as knowledgeable and competent as I am but none of them currently work for the company.

@PushedOutPissedOff this is the key to how you help without helping. Direct the ‘new’ person to all the other expert users in your company. Say ‘oh Georgia knows loads more about x than me’ and ‘’Sarah knows loads more about y than me’. Don’t let on that only you know about A, B, and C and how the whole thing works together. Just keep recommending other colleagues as more ‘specialist’. And call in sick on the day of the project kick off meeting if you can’t get out of it.

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stuckdownahole · 07/12/2021 20:53

I would go with the previous posters who advised you to suck it up and be helpful and positive. It's for a few short weeks which will probably be interrupted by Christmas etc.

Even a passive/ indirect refusal to contribute will be noted and I promise that it won't lead your incompetent boss to a moment of blinding realisation.

Being the bigger person isn't fun but it's better for your own pride and reputation. Don't do overtime or be a martyr, but Do Your Best is a good motto.

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