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How not to cooperate at work politely
223

PushedOutPissedOff · 07/12/2021 16:10

So I'm leaving a role where the direction of it as outlined in my JD never materialised, for a job which I think will be a better fit in that regard. All good.

However, the parts of my job which never got going have been absorbed into a colleague's new role and she has started with great gusto with meetings, projects etc all of which by rights should have sat with me but I was never allowed to develop.

AIBU for not really wanting to cooperate with her? She needs me as she is a project person not a systems person and really has no idea how it works and needs my input for a coherent plan.

I only have a few weeks left in this role and I really really really don't want to spend it training her up to do things I should be doing. I feel personally that it is professionally embarrassing to be her 'junior' on this but there is an expectation that I help her.

I am rubbish at work politics but I need some strategies/ideas to get out of it until I leave the job in Jan. I admit I would be pleased if she was unable to do it without my assistance.

AIBU? And how?

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy · 07/12/2021 17:20

Two wrongs don't make a right. Help her, don't go overboard but help her out - it's the morally right thing to do.

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Benjispruce5 · 07/12/2021 17:21

It’s the employer’s responsibility to train her, not rely on an about to leave staff member.

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Haffdonga · 07/12/2021 17:24

I'd help her by explaining, showing, suggesting etc. Why not? What have you got to lose?

But I'd not over-help by offering to actually do any of it.

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Lalliella · 07/12/2021 17:26

Be the better person OP. Help her out. It’s not her fault.

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thedefinitionofmadness · 07/12/2021 17:27

Have you seen the film Bartleby? You might get some tips. (its horrific)

Others have given you the perfect reply but if you want to be gracious ( not sure I could be) I would view it as a consultancy project and switcheroo on her - I can give you X (2?) meetings to utilise my expertise on this on X and Y date. My diary is very full so I can't attend all the various things she's setting up.

I don't think this is personal, its more systemic and therefore I understand why you wouldn't want to babysit her into it all

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madisonbridges · 07/12/2021 17:28

I don't really understand what the problem is. You are being paid to do certain tasks that you've never actually done (it's not important why). You're now being asked to do those tasks you're being paid for doing. How is that unreasonable?
You're leaving and have a better job which you're happy with so I don't see why you wouldn't do what you're being asked to and why you feel so bitter. (Unless your role should have been spending winters in the Caribbean on white beaches and in blue seas. Then I can see why you'd be bitter!)

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Inertia · 07/12/2021 17:28

I don't think you realistically can advise her on elements of the role that you haven't actually been carrying out. She needs to speak to the person who manages those parts of the job, so that she can be correctly advised by the person who has oversight of all aspects of the role, not someone who never worked on that particular type of project.

Is she regarded as your successor, in which case you need to train her to take over the responsibilities you did have? Or are you handing over to a different person, who actually will need training, handover documents etc?

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BornIn78 · 07/12/2021 17:28

“You need help with what? Oh I was never really allowed to get going with that … someone else will be better placed to help you out”.

“You need me to show you what? Oh I never got trained up in that myself so I’m not sure”.

“Oh that, yeah that was a part of my job description I wasn’t given the chance to start/develop so I wouldn’t be much help”.

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tickingthebox73 · 07/12/2021 17:30

I think if you have been in this situation you understand the OP, if not you are wondering why she is being mean....

Having been in this situation - go sick when there is a meeting on "migraine", miss it "by accident". Take a day off at late notice "childcare issues". Whatever you do don't participate, as its inevitable that you (or rather your name) will be the fall guy hen it all goes tits up.

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IrishMamaMia · 07/12/2021 17:31

I think you've probably become a bit bitter from a bad situation at work but it's not her fault. I'd just send a handover doc with key info , I wouldn't get involved in training her up. Sounds like there isn't time for that.

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GinIronic · 07/12/2021 17:32

You can’t help her even if you wanted to because you didn’t get a chance to develop that part of the role. 🤷‍♀️

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SusieBob · 07/12/2021 17:34

If you are able to help out, you should. Don't burn bridges; you have no idea when or if you might come across these people again. If you sit there refusing to help when you could it will be remembered.

At my old work somebody handed their notice in, refused to do any sort of handover/training etc of a replacement and left everyone in the lurch. Guess who was told where to go when she came back 6 months later asking for her job back.

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Twitterwhooooo · 07/12/2021 17:35

Well, I assume that you have your own work to be doing, so I'd be getting on with that.

Also, as others have said, it's not her fault that your role there didn't work out. It would be reasonable to give her the guidance she needs for a few weeks when you have time around your other duties.

It will be more about directing her about where she will be able to find the information etc that she needs when you've left, I would have thoug

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inferiorCatSlave · 07/12/2021 17:35

In fact OP in this scenario I’d be wary of helping because anything that goes wrong will be blamed on you. Someone leaving is a good scapegoat.

That would be my concern - especially if it's a small or closely linked field so I'd probably do a mix of BornIn78 replies and pointing in a helfpul resouce/someone else's direction but not getting drawn in.

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TractorAndHeadphones · 07/12/2021 17:37

@tickingthebox73

I think if you have been in this situation you understand the OP, if not you are wondering why she is being mean....

Having been in this situation - go sick when there is a meeting on "migraine", miss it "by accident". Take a day off at late notice "childcare issues". Whatever you do don't participate, as its inevitable that you (or rather your name) will be the fall guy hen it all goes tits up.

I have also seen this a lot!
Very hard to advise as depends on the situation but if someone’s role is given to someone else , even in the same org original personal is easiest to blame for everything.
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StepAwayFromGoogling · 07/12/2021 17:39

Wow. Lots of really nasty, bitchy people on here. The person who is taking over from the OP has nothing - I assume - to do with the OP being 'blocked' previously from what she wanted to do. So rather than go to management and express her frustration, she's going to try to derail the new starter's job. Who has nothing to do with anything. Nice.

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TractorAndHeadphones · 07/12/2021 17:43

@SusieBob

If you are able to help out, you should. Don't burn bridges; you have no idea when or if you might come across these people again. If you sit there refusing to help when you could it will be remembered.

At my old work somebody handed their notice in, refused to do any sort of handover/training etc of a replacement and left everyone in the lurch. Guess who was told where to go when she came back 6 months later asking for her job back.

Well that person certainly burned their bridges! Hence why we’re advising OP to be more subtle.
But there’s a world of difference between training your replacement (part of your job) and having to advise someone on something you’ve never done before (not your job). Especially if it’s at the level OP said r.e high level strategy , this sort of thing takes ages. You can’t really hand it over - so If there’s no replacement OP is very likely to be blamed if everyone acts on her advice because they have no clue.

I found this out the hard way - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing…
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Cheerbear24 · 07/12/2021 17:43

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g

I feel I'm getting a clear sense on this thread from those who've been treated like the OP and those who've been fortunate enough never to go through that.

Yes, exactly
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TractorAndHeadphones · 07/12/2021 17:43

@StepAwayFromGoogling

Wow. Lots of really nasty, bitchy people on here. The person who is taking over from the OP has nothing - I assume - to do with the OP being 'blocked' previously from what she wanted to do. So rather than go to management and express her frustration, she's going to try to derail the new starter's job. Who has nothing to do with anything. Nice.

It’s not a new starter though - it’s an existing colleague! 😂
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Crinkle77 · 07/12/2021 17:47

It's not your colleague's fault that those aspects of your role never got started. Why tale it out on them? Your anger should be directed at your lousy managers.

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inferiorCatSlave · 07/12/2021 17:49

@StepAwayFromGoogling

Wow. Lots of really nasty, bitchy people on here. The person who is taking over from the OP has nothing - I assume - to do with the OP being 'blocked' previously from what she wanted to do. So rather than go to management and express her frustration, she's going to try to derail the new starter's job. Who has nothing to do with anything. Nice.

The OP needs to protect her professional status.

These roles are not her job any more it's her companies problem and this "new" woman.


I'd suggest being professional - making it clear she had nothing to do with these aspects and being helpful but not taking any actual work on.


I've seen people getting fucked over by being nice and believing it will get repaid later.

I wouldn't suggest be nasty or horrible to the new woman - politely distant so OP can't be blamed for any failures/issues and she won't be in line for any praise for success.
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senua · 07/12/2021 17:51

she has started with great gusto with meetings, projects etc
Is anybody else wondering how long this will last before the colleague hits the same roadblocks as OP?

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thedefinitionofmadness · 07/12/2021 17:52

What derailed your role OP?

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PushedOutPissedOff · 07/12/2021 17:53

Thanks all. I completely understand why some of you think I'm being unfair/vindictive. I would have too until this job.

It doesn't sit well with me not to be helpful - I am a yes woman, not always to my own benefit but in this case I know it would be crushing to my self esteem to do what is being asked of me.

I have a 'kick off' meeting for a project later this month, I have been invited by my colleague to contribute but it is very definitely something I should have been leading on and everyone in the meeting will know that. I am now thinking I should withdraw somehow and will use some of your suggested phrases to do so!

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SusieBob · 07/12/2021 17:56

"But there’s a world of difference between training your replacement (part of your job) and having to advise someone on something you’ve never done before (not your job)."

Well, it's not really clear if the help required is something the OP knows about, is it.. That's the implication though, and if it is it would be extremely unwise to "get out of it".

If it is something the OP isn't trained/skilled in, then it's an easy out, but then I suspect there would be no need for the question in the first place.

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