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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give up house to get a house for my kids

351 replies

NoNameHere12 · 07/12/2021 12:08

Hi,

Me and DH have just split after 16 years. We are not married (yes I know I’m a mug).
We have a mortgage on the house, both names. There is 170k equity.

That gives me 85k. I have 2 children. I won’t be eligible to buy somehwere for the 3 of us with that deposit as I don’t have an income, and I’m in the south east, so wouldn’t even get me a studio flat.

As I’d have 85k I wouldn’t get help with being housed. It’s not enough to buy somehwere, but too much to be entitled to help.

Aibu to think I Would I be better off giving him my half (that will go to our kids when he dies) so that I can get help with being housed, I feel stuffed either way.

OP posts:
wetpebbles · 07/12/2021 13:32

Edit to my last post
know you are in the se but you will have to move further afield

dustandfluf · 07/12/2021 13:34

You don't have to move 'far up north' to find more affordable housing options.

ScribblingPixie · 07/12/2021 13:35

Get legal advice immediately, OP.

Pinkdelight3 · 07/12/2021 13:36

I can’t see a standard job being enough to pay rent, so once the 85k runs out, we will be homeless.

Er, no, you'd be in the same position you'd be in if you let him keep the 85k now. So use the 85k to pay your rent while you get yourself a more reliable job and get on a stronger financial footing and by the time you're down to a low-ish amount of the 85k, you might be able to pay your rent from your income or you can then apply for benefits/get housing help like you're talking about doing now. But you won't have given up 85k and some independence along the way. As others have said, arm yourself with info and don't make rash decisions from a clueless panicked perspective. You're always better off with some money in your pocket!

Verbena17 · 07/12/2021 13:37

gertrudeperkinspaperything

To give up house to get a house for my kids
mightbeyesmightbeno · 07/12/2021 13:38

I def wouldn't give it to him, despite feeling like you know him / what he'd do with it, people change. He might re marry. That person might have children. Exactly this situation happened to my dad (his dad remarried after his mum died and when his dad died he hadn't specified in his will, it all went to his wife and now the step children have it after she died).

Get a job, 85k is a good deposit and with a job you should be able to get a place to live.

Please don't leave it to the tax payers to have to pay, you'll get found out that you had money that was given away and it won't go down well.

Chloemol · 07/12/2021 13:38

This may sound harsh but don’t be so stupid

How dare you try and hide money you have in the hope you will be housed, how fucking dare you

Millions manage day in day out in your circumstances

Use the money to rent, if your business is not doing well get another bloody job

Benefits are for those who desperately need it, you don’t

listsandbudgets · 07/12/2021 13:41

My father remarried. He did not make a new will. His wife got every penny.

Thankfully for us my mum didn't sign their largest asset over to him.

£85k is a substantial deposit. Dont do it OP

hivemindneeded · 07/12/2021 13:43

You have no job, so you could live anywhere. Why not move to an area where £85k gets you a reasonable home and find a job!

You can buy a 3-bed terraced house outright in places like Derby and areas around Birmingham. These are cities where there will be jobs available to you.

Maddison12 · 07/12/2021 13:44

@Mrscaptainraymondholt

don't give it to him as also if he remarries and then dies without a will specifically stating its for the kids then it will go to his new wife etc...

it's also fraudulent to give it away when you could use it to house yourself.... one option is to buy somewhere cheap and rent it out and then rent yourself until you are in a position to get a mortgage and buy your own place to live at which point you sell the small place to release the funds to buy where you are and hopefully the value will have increased a little

Oh dear, giving a large amount of money away then expecting a council house will understandably go down like a lead balloon on here..

^The above is very good advice though.

Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 07/12/2021 13:44

God no.

Please don't.

Op it won't necessarily end up with your children when he dies!
It is more likely that it won't.

I'm sure other posters have given you some ideas around this issue

Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 07/12/2021 13:45

Gosh op sometimes really harsh nasty posts here.
Really nasty.

BonesInTheOcean · 07/12/2021 13:46

@NoNameHere12

I’m in the south east, I haven’t looked on rightmove as I’m too scared, but I imagine rent for a 2 bedroom flat (I will sleep in the front room) is very expensive, I can’t see a standard job being enough to pay rent, so once the 85k runs out, we will be homeless. Getting two jobs is not a problem, I’m not work shy, but I have no family so how would it cover rent in south east and wraparound childcare?
How do you think people pay rent with no £85k, and a job?,
LowlandLucky · 07/12/2021 13:47

That would be the worst decision you ever made. Can't you look at Park houses ? They are much more affordable.

redastherose · 07/12/2021 13:48

I'm sure someone else has already said this but if you gave away the money if would be classed as deprivation of assets and it is likely you wouldn't be entitled to any benefits anyway as they will treat you as though you still had the £85K. As pp's say, get a job and use the money as a deposit on whatever property you can afford to buy with that money.

luverlybubberly · 07/12/2021 13:49

Not a good idea. If he remarried, he could end up giving it all to his new wife. If he went into a care home in old age, the money could disappear in costs.

How much is his pension? You could ask for more equity in return for not touching his pension. How much does he have in savings? You are entitled to something me of that too.

mswales · 07/12/2021 13:50

Rent with your 85k, get a job, then after three months apply for a mortgage with your sizeable deposit. It doesn't seem that complicated....

Once you have a mortgage you would be able to get universal credit to top up your income if you weren't making enough to cover mortgage and basic living costs (including childcare). You can't get universal credit while the 85k is liquid assets, but as soon as it is equity in a house you live in, you will qualify for universal credit if your income is low enough and you are the resident parent.

TinyTear · 07/12/2021 13:51

@NoNameHere12

I’m in the south east, I haven’t looked on rightmove as I’m too scared, but I imagine rent for a 2 bedroom flat (I will sleep in the front room) is very expensive, I can’t see a standard job being enough to pay rent, so once the 85k runs out, we will be homeless. Getting two jobs is not a problem, I’m not work shy, but I have no family so how would it cover rent in south east and wraparound childcare?
How old are the children? do they really need separate rooms? they can share until you get a job to pay for a bigger place.
hotmeatymilk · 07/12/2021 13:51

How much is his pension? You could ask for more equity in return for not touching his pension. How much does he have in savings? You are entitled to something me of that too.
They’re not married. She’s not entitled to anything other than the stuff her name is on: 50% of the house equity, basically.

PrincessNutella · 07/12/2021 13:52

He could spend it all on drink. Or his next girlfriend. Keep it and get a job.

Angliski · 07/12/2021 13:52

No way. Ask him for you to transfer the house in trust for your children. If he doesn’t need it why would he destabilise the family and have his kids have to move if they don’t need to(

Greenrubber · 07/12/2021 13:52

If you have no family and a business syoi can run from home but no job you need to travel to why don't you move somewhere cheaper?

Pixiedust138 · 07/12/2021 13:52

You should be able to stay in the house, at least for a few years to get yourself a job and regular income. First thing I'd do is get legal advice. DO NOT give him the money.

KirkstallAbbess · 07/12/2021 13:55

@Verbena17

gertrudeperkinspaperything

But @Verbena17 that's only relevant if she was married/in a civil partnership and she isn't.

TinyTear · 07/12/2021 13:55

@MLMshouldbeillegal

Also, I’m the main carer as I work from home, and even if I didn’t, there isn’t a chance in hell I would leave my children with anyone.

You're really not doing yourself ANY favours with ridiculous statements like that OP.

I agree. Us evil working out of home women

but the OP has her own business don't you know??