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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was called rude this morning - AIBU?

409 replies

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 07/12/2021 09:24

Hi everyone,

I had a call on the way to work from a random number - I picked up and it was someone asking if I was XX. I was tired and had a headache and said, "why are you calling so early?" (It was 7:20am). He replied;"I am a recruiter for supply teaching." I replied: "I have a permanent job, please take me off your books." Him: "Honestly. you don't have to be so rude." Me: "I'm tired and you know nothing about my life. Goodbye."

I then thought about the encounter all the way to work (another 30 minutes). Was I horrible? Am I someone who makes society worse with their behaviour? I have always been someone who smiles and is "nice" but sometimes it doesn't get me too far - particularly with men. Men still expect me to move out of the way, be a certain type of kind etc. and I sometimes have had enough. I do think I am angry and exhausted and my attempts to assert myself might come across as rude.

While I write this, I can't help thinking - would I even be questioning any of my behaviour if I was a man? Or even just a different woman?

Anyway - sorry for the thought ramble. I feel bad and then feel bad for feeling bad!

Thank you for your time XX

OP posts:
Wheresthebeach · 07/12/2021 12:11

I think you were blunt, not rude. He should have apologised for having the wrong number. I too doubt he would have reacted that way to a man.

BertramLacey · 07/12/2021 12:12

@TractorAndHeadphones borrow away! Irony meter is quite a common concept. The rest of the phrasing was mine, but once you put something on a public forum, it does tend to travel.

chaosmaker · 07/12/2021 12:13

No, you weren't rude. I hate cold calling/wrong numbers and am not the most polite to them. There's still too much phone numbers being sold on so that irritants can call you up and try to sell you stuff you neither want or need. To the people saying don't pick up, it could have been something important.

LizzieW1969 · 07/12/2021 12:15

@chaosmaker

No, you weren't rude. I hate cold calling/wrong numbers and am not the most polite to them. There's still too much phone numbers being sold on so that irritants can call you up and try to sell you stuff you neither want or need. To the people saying don't pick up, it could have been something important.
Yes, that’s very true, especially when it is unusually early for there to be a call.
traka · 07/12/2021 12:16

I don't answer numbers that aren't recognised or withheld

If it's important they'll leave a message. They rarely do

Pippapet · 07/12/2021 12:18

Haven't read the whole thread, but when he rang and asked if you were XX, did he have your name right or wrong? (it's not clear).

If he had your name wrong (you said he had the wrong number so presumably he had the name wrong as well?) why not say "Sorry, that's not me. You have the wrong number".

If he had your name right, wouldn't you want to know who it was first of all? It could have been the police, or the hospital ringing about a family member.

I can't understand why you'd ask someone why they are ringing so early before you established who they were and why they were ringing. So that is a bit unreasonable.

On the other hand, 7.20am is pretty early for prospectively calling and he could have anticipated that if he didn't acknowledge that quickly in the conversation, it might lead to some disgruntled feelings. So he could have said "I know it's really early, but I wanted to catch you before you get to work".

Ultimately when you cold-call someone you don't know what the other person is doing or going through, and dealing with responses that are less than cheery are part of the job.

gagababy · 07/12/2021 12:20

Cold callers are people too ! Even recruiters are people. As much as I loathe their objection handling, I try never to be rude to them. Bad karma!

That's their job though and it's a tough job at that. Someone has to do it, because guess what, in business - it gets things done.

I love how we have to be compassionate towards everyone, but never towards cold callers !

BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs · 07/12/2021 12:21

Haven't read the whole thread, but when he rang and asked if you were XX, did he have your name right or wrong? (it's not clear).

If you'd bothered to at least read the Op's posts you'd have the answer to your question.

It was a wrong number.

Kennykenkencat · 07/12/2021 12:22

Fireatseaparks

OP, you aren't going to get many useful responses, because most people only read the OP, and in your OP you don't say that you've never signed up for supply teaching agencies

Everyone's just going to think that you did and forgot to take yourself off the books, so will call your response rude

In reality, it was marketing, so he was being rude

Why do you believe it was marketing when even op said it was a wrong number.

Family member is on the books of an agency that schools call to get supply teachers. They do call at that time of the morning if they can place you in a school for that day.

ancientgran · 07/12/2021 12:24

@AngelonTopoftheTree

I don't think you were rude at all, you said I have a permanent job, please take me off your list - what's rude about that?
Exactly. Don't know why everyone seems to be saying it's rude, particularly as we have no idea of the tone used. I think he was unprofessional, no need to say about being rude.
Duckrace · 07/12/2021 12:27

I can't see that what you said was rude. Asking why he was calling early was brusque, but not rude. And we are all now suspicious when people check our names on a call without first identifying themselves, very often for good reason. That's rude of them.

GrumpyTerrier · 07/12/2021 12:34

I guess speaking the way you spoke has created negativity-- no doubt you made his day a bit worse, he was only calling to see if you wanted work. And you have been pondering it enough to come on here.

If you'd responded differently, it would have been less negativity for everyone.

But nevermind, it isnt a huge deal as a one off, we've all done it.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 07/12/2021 12:35

You were rude - it has nothing to do with being a woman. However we can all inadvertently be a bit rude at times - the main thing is we learn from our behaviour.

seethesuninwintertime · 07/12/2021 12:35

It was brusque, [Mr Fawlty], Brusque!

BertramLacey · 07/12/2021 12:36

And we are all now suspicious when people check our names on a call without first identifying themselves, very often for good reason.

I think this is part of the problem. I'm polite to cold callers, although sometimes a bit short if I'm busy. I am spectacularly rude to scammers. One of the things I hate them for is the way they have changed communication. I unplug my landline most of the time because the people who use it are usually scammers and they call at the worst possible times. I pity anyone from Microsoft if they really do have to phone anyone. It must be very difficult to get through!

seethesuninwintertime · 07/12/2021 12:38

For next time OP

Don’t sweat it.

Ellen888 · 07/12/2021 12:42

It depends...

If you were registered with that agency, then yes, you were rude.

If you weren't registered, then they were 'cold calling' which is an invasion of your privacy, and you can tell them so.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 07/12/2021 12:48

@tallduckandhandsome

Basic manners is to apologise when you've dialled the wrong number, not tell a woman she is being rude because she asked to be taken off their list,

Honestly, people, this is basic shit.

This..

She was not being rude...

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 07/12/2021 12:49

Slightly rude op.

The comment about he doesn't know what's going on in your life has no bearing really.

You don't know what's going on in his life.
Takes nothing to be polite does it.

Even if he is calling the wrong number.
A simple mistake.

I wouldn't want to be your students today

skrtxao · 07/12/2021 12:53

Before the caller says that you are being rude, you only asked why he was calling so early and asked him "please" to take him off their books, so I don't see that anything you say up to that point was rude.
He probably felt the tone was not amicable and that was made him say you were being rude, but in my opinion, I don't think anyone can demand a specific tone from other people (given you are not screaming to them) as long as the words used are correct (i.e. not rude and polite). He calling you rude escalated things so, to me, he was the first one to be rude. If he would just have said "That's fine, I will take you off our books, sorry for the early call", I don't think anyone would see any rudeness in that interaction (at least as it was described).

TheseBootsWereMadeForSitting · 07/12/2021 12:54

Here we go again.

Another day, another reading comprehension dead zone.

"Well you did sign up" over and over.

People, falling over themselves to have a pop at OP so much that they can't be arsed to read or have a think before their judgemental little fingers go off in a flurry.

Werehamster · 07/12/2021 12:54

She didn't actually tell him it was a wrong number though, did she?

I think you were really rude. You have no idea what is going on in his life either.

A simple "Sorry, wrong number" is all you needed.

NewlyGranny · 07/12/2021 12:54

Your words were forthright and blunt but I don't detect any outright rudeness there - of course your tone may have triggered the accusation. I don't consider you owe the politeness dance to someone who has dialled a wrong number - "Goodbye" was politer than many phrases you could have uttered!

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 07/12/2021 12:54

@BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs

Haven't read the whole thread, but when he rang and asked if you were XX, did he have your name right or wrong? (it's not clear).

If you'd bothered to at least read the Op's posts you'd have the answer to your question.

It was a wrong number.

If OP had given the full story in her first post instead of drip feeding she'd have had a hell of a lot less responses and zero confusion.
Iamanicepersonreally · 07/12/2021 12:55

Yes, you were rude

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