I was called rude this morning - AIBU?

[Dinosaurhearmeroar]

Hi everyone,

I had a call on the way to work from a random number - I picked up and it was someone asking if I was XX. I was tired and had a headache and said, "why are you calling so early?" (It was 7:20am). He replied;"I am a recruiter for supply teaching." I replied: "I have a permanent job, please take me off your books." Him: "Honestly. you don't have to be so rude." Me: "I'm tired and you know nothing about my life. Goodbye."

I then thought about the encounter all the way to work (another 30 minutes). Was I horrible? Am I someone who makes society worse with their behaviour? I have always been someone who smiles and is "nice" but sometimes it doesn't get me too far - particularly with men. Men still expect me to move out of the way, be a certain type of kind etc. and I sometimes have had enough. I do think I am angry and exhausted and my attempts to assert myself might come across as rude.

While I write this, I can't help thinking - would I even be questioning any of my behaviour if I was a man? Or even just a different woman?

Anyway - sorry for the thought ramble. I feel bad and then feel bad for feeling bad!

Thank you for your time XX

You were rude.

I really don't understand why you had to be so unnecessarily short with him, you were up and about and the only inconvenience was answering the call on your commute.

If you had listened instead of immediately being snappy and rude you would have realised he was ringing so early as trying to get hold of supply teacher (probably for that day) and had a wrong number. You would have said wrong number, he would have apologised and the world would have happily moved on.

Instead both of you were left feeling shite.

And was factual and blunt. Women being terse are not rude. Just because she didn't pad out the call with social fluff doesn't make her rude, or worthy of the recruiter telling her off.

This. The OP was blunt and to the point, but not rude. I doubt he would have told a man off for being rude at this point. We hold women to different standards when it comes to communication. We expect women to hedge statements with 'maybe, possibly, terribly sorry' when we do not require the same of men.

The unreasonable bit is taking a call in the car. Hands free or not, I hate it when people think they can multi-task whilst driving, especially if they're already tired.

I know - it sounds made up but I’m not embellishing the story. I am not with any teacher agencies - I still get PR emails (my old job) but I’ve had the same and only job for several years. I assumed he was doing a PR cold call. Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction! So many people on here getting a little cross about my encounter. I also didn’t do a vote - if you look I am (rightly or wrongly) being called out a lot on this thread and I’ll take it. I also thank those who agree with me. What this shows is we are all very different and to some I was a dick who got the wrong end of the stick and took my mood out in this bloke. To others, I was well within my rights and people have been far ruder. Such is life I suppose.

@authenticforgery

You were rude and I think your being a woman is irrelevant.

I agree she was rude but I bet he wouldn't have said what he did to a man, so I don't think totally irrelevant.

@BlusteringBoobies

Sorry OP, I don't believe your drip feed and think you've changed the narrative due to the overwhelming comments stating you were rude.

You ARE a teacher so that tallies. And why not simply say they have the wrong number? You say your car phone was crackly and you didn't hear the name but then when he repeated it you clarified and still asked to be taken off the books?

Such important information would have been in the OP. I think you were a bit abrupt considering I think at some point you DID sign up with them, but we've all been too curt in situations so I'd let it go.

I agree. I don't believe one word of the OP's updates simply because they don't make sense or tally with what she originally wrote.

You were rude, you know you were rude and it wouldn't do any harm at all to try and put some manners on yourself whether you're speaking to a man, woman, child or cat.

May I also add that telling fibs to try and excuse your rudeness is a double whammy on the unpleasantness scale.

I can't see why she'd say 'why are you calling so early?' if she knew it was a wrong number. The general response is surely 'sorry wrong number..'

I'd say 'why are you calling so early?' to someone I WAS expecting a call from.

@AnotherOneWithNoGoodName exactly.
Also maybe he thought that he was doing a divine duty calling with an offer of work and someone has no right to be snappy.

I know I’m probably projecting but I have seen lots of this and men feel entitled to tell women off for lots of things they dk happily

It doesn't sound rude to me. At the same time, he did have to call early to fill the positions available for that day. You didn't curse at him, and I think he was rude to accuse you of being rude when all you did was state facts.

@LolaLouLou

I don't think you were being rude, you were being factual. I think he was being rude for asking why you were being rude.

I can bet your bottom dollar that he wouldn't have made the same comment to a man.

I hope your headache gets better and your day improves.

If you’re going to gamble, I think you should use your own money, rather than someone else’s last coin.

I'm beginning to wonder if this happened, at least exactly as it's been told, too after the conflicting updates.

I wouldn't expect OP to "fluff" the call out with niceties, but after "why are you calling so early?" as a "greeting", then "you know nothing about my life" at the end, I'd expect her to then run to her bedroom and slam the door behind her... Maybe on the cusp of rude but petulant at the very least!

You were assertive, not rude. Phoning you at 7.20 was incredibly rude of him.

I bet he wouldn’t have said that to a man.

Some men feel entitled to attention on demand from women, and if she points out, as you did, that the man doesn’t have an automatic right to female attention, they get angry. It’s like those guys in pubs who shout ‘smile love’ at random women then swear at her if she ignores them.

No point in trying to convince those posters who don’t believe your update, OP. You won’t convince them, they just love to find any way they can to stick the boot in.

FWIW, IMO I think you were a bit blunt but not rude. His reaction to you was unprofessional.

@LizzieW1969

No point in trying to convince those posters who don’t believe your update, OP. You won’t convince them, they just love to find any way they can to stick the boot in.

FWIW, IMO I think you were a bit blunt but not rude. His reaction to you was unprofessional.

Agreed

You were not rude. No, non, nein.

You were rude, you know you were rude and it wouldn't do any harm at all to try and put some manners on yourself whether you're speaking to a man, woman, child or cat.

May I also add that telling fibs to try and excuse your rudeness is a double whammy on the unpleasantness scale.

. Nope. It just died. It's been through a lot recently.

Yes, you were rude.
I'm not sure when being rude to people started to be seen as an empowering feminist statement. And I'm not talking about random man comments, I mean in day to day exchanges.
Most women, and most men too for that matter, are polite because its the most appropriate way to navigate a social exchange, avoid upsetting other people and get their point across (he will remember your rudeness, not your message) Women are not just polite because men make them, and we don't need to fight for our right to be impolite.
I also think you're being a bit disingenuous to try to make a feminist point here. You would I'm sure have been equally irritated if it were a woman.

OP, you aren't going to get many useful responses, because most people only read the OP, and in your OP you don't say that you've never signed up for supply teaching agencies.

Everyone's just going to think that you did and forgot to take yourself off the books, so will call your response rude.

In reality, it was marketing, so he was being rude.

@BertramLacey

You were rude, you know you were rude and it wouldn't do any harm at all to try and put some manners on yourself whether you're speaking to a man, woman, child or cat.

May I also add that telling fibs to try and excuse your rudeness is a double whammy on the unpleasantness scale.

. Nope. It just died. It's been through a lot recently.

God I love this, permission to borrow phrase!

@5128gap

Yes, you were rude. I'm not sure when being rude to people started to be seen as an empowering feminist statement. And I'm not talking about random man comments, I mean in day to day exchanges. Most women, and most men too for that matter, are polite because its the most appropriate way to navigate a social exchange, avoid upsetting other people and get their point across (he will remember your rudeness, not your message) Women are not just polite because men make them, and we don't need to fight for our right to be impolite. I also think you're being a bit disingenuous to try to make a feminist point here. You would I'm sure have been equally irritated if it were a woman.

www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/04/21/why-women-dont-use-a-certain-rude-word/

I have always been someone who smiles and is "nice" but sometimes it doesn't get me too far - particularly with men. Men still expect me to move out of the way, be a certain type of kind etc. and I sometimes have had enough. I do think I am angry and exhausted and my attempts to assert myself might come across as rude

There was no reason to assert yourself and you were rude but given your previous few sentences I think this is more to do with your attitude towards men than anything.

I wonder if you would have had the same response if a woman had been on the other end.

I expect the guy was tired as well, that is why he made an error with the phone number and you don’t know anything about his life either

If smiling and being nice is a conscious act to get you somewhere I expect people can see through it.

I see 'the handmaidens' has joined the idiocy that is 'cool girls/wives' to shut down any other views. Christ, such twattery.

And why are so many women here unable to live their lives without craving, demanding endless validation? I suspect for many, you aren't real, not in the sense of being trolls, just having no intrinsic sense of reality with out external validation.

@midsomermurderess

I see 'the handmaidens' has joined the idiocy that is 'cool girls/wives' to shut down any other views. Christ, such twattery.

This. I find the cool wives dig so so silly and misogynist, and now we have the handmaidens to throw into the mix.

I think you know your answer, otherwise you wouldn't have started this thread.
If you have been pleasant, the conversation ended in a nice way, both of you have been happy to start a day. Instead, it started your day in a not very nice mood, as well as his.