to think you can tell when someone is 'very' wealthy

[nothingbutsnow]

.....more due to how they behave, a sort of self possession than actual money signifiers like clothes, jewellery, etc?

By wealth I mean perhaps more than just well off.

It's something i thought about a few days ago in a garden centre, a family passed by us with teens and there was just something obvious yet not easily described. Clothes were sort of 'anti-mumsnet', like skinny jeans, bright tops, nothing remarkable visually. It made me realise I had observed this before but never thought much of it.
It was more a sort of looming self confidence, not especially pleasant, but noticeably interesting! Not rude or ignorant but disconnected from their surroundings enough to tread on your toes.
I've seen discussions on MN about such things in the past, and the difference in my experience has been they are rarely thin, but more buxom, tall, strident. The teen girl was in skinnies, tshirt and trainers (nothing remarkable) but she had an expression that I can't describe.

There doesn't seem to be an interest in trends at all, especially fashion.

People on here always say it is battered up old Barbour jackets, moth eaten cashmere and dog hair, but I think this is a stereotype rarely seen outside of the rural eccentric.
To me the give away is posture (not so much elegant as assertive), air of disinterest and a certain way of existing in/taking up space differently.

None of this is important, but it's something i noticed. Anyone agree that it is indefinable yet obvious?

Agreed.

well that was a totally unexpected first comment on AIBU!

Anti-mumsnet?

grabs popcorn......

And how did you know this super interesting and fashionably family with the inexplicable expressions were well-off?

Presumably you don’t. You just saw an interesting looking family at the garden centre. It sounds like they were quite charismatic.

For what it’s worth I think you can usually tell if someone is very wealthy, because they are often wearing expensive items, or sometimes because of where they live/if they mention their job.

But you don’t know that these random people were actually very wealthy?

ha, i mean things the style&beauty forum would call dated!

I totally get you- it's a way of being/ walking/ holding oneself, like you say, a confidence. A good haircut (swishy) and little make up too. I observed as much in the private school set when occasionally collecting my friend's daughter/ at her birthday parties.

Also, I don’t know what you mean about appearing disinterested or ‘a certain air of existing differently.’ It sounds like you’re trying to attach a sort of behaviour to the well off that you can’t really explain. Amongst the people I know some are apathetic/disinterested. It isn’t really indicative of wealth but more just how energetic you are.

Gosh Mumsnet seems obsessed with pigeonholing people based on class and wealth.

DD went to a prestigious prep and there was a whole range of personalities from the confidence you describe to nervous wrecks with all sorts of issues. I suppose being wealthy means you're less likely to be self conscious in a society that puts a lot of stock in that sort of thing, yes.

I think one good MC signifier is a strange fascination with the upper classes/wealth. I've started watching Keeping Up Appearances recently and read some of your post in Hyacinths voice in my head

well according to MNs the super rich gentry look like tramps & drive bangers so that would be a no. I think it's quite an out dated trope.

What utter rubbish

Absolutely. The old trope of a scruffy eccentric farmer type is tied heavily in with the royals only and doesn't translate across the board of wealth. I agree that that the sense of stance and indifference that comes of never having to think nor worry nor anticipate anything in regard to material gain does show. It gives an absolute sense of security that the rest of us are without. Even those that become rich, but didn't grow with it- they never adopt that complete comfort.

I think some wealthy people are entitled so give off those vibes & then some are glossy because of grooming, lots of holidays abroad etc.

I know a lot of wealthy people, through work. Like multi millionaire wealthy.

I would say all of them are slim. Not 'buxom'. Non of th especially seem disconnected either.

Why have you applied this to women only. The use of buxom is usually reserved for females. And you only describe a teenage dd. No men in that family?

And your perception could have been entirely incorrect. They may not have been wealthy at all.

I've started watching Keeping Up Appearances recently and read some of your post in Hyacinths voice in my head

i love patricia routledge but it wasn't her best role.

I agree

Money behind you gives you a confidence that cant be faked

You should talk to my staff at work. They think that DH and I are really posh and "rolling in it". The reason? I bought a Nespresso machine for work as I hate instant coffee.......... we're a very very long way from wealthy.

Having worked for a very wealthy family, I do think it's an aura...... they looked penniless at first glance with threadbare old clothes and old bangers parked on the drive. But the moment they spoke, you knew that they were from "old money" as my dear Nan used to say.

@kittenkipper

Absolutely. The old trope of a scruffy eccentric farmer type is tied heavily in with the royals only and doesn't translate across the board of wealth. I agree that that the sense of stance and indifference that comes of never having to think nor worry nor anticipate anything in regard to material gain does show. It gives an absolute sense of security that the rest of us are without. Even those that become rich, but didn't grow with it- they never adopt that complete comfort.

yes, it looks like indifference, that is the word, but i have no issue with it nor any idea if it is a correct observation. it's just interesting i guess.

The wealthiest people I know never talked about their wealth.

You can definitely tell wealthy people

the wealthiest people i know is a very MN sentence starter!

I think one good MC signifier is a strange fascination with the upper classes/wealth.

I don't understand why old money = good & new money = bad. Or why new money is looked down upon by old money. It doesn't make any sense, particularly as many old money families will have had nefarious ties to said money so how do they have the moral high ground?! 😆

Generally yes I agree.
You only have to go to a pub in a backstreet in hampstead and its a different breed frankly. I like to think I am halfway there

However my uncle shuffles about wearing awful baseball caps, Gant airtec t shirts, docker pants and kirkland trainers.

He is worth north of £100m so you can't always tell...

Agreed. Stood next to a chap on holiday in Spain a few years ago. His clothes and look were very understated but I just knew he was money. Just a man playing with his toddler but he smelt rich!

It's a bit like when you meet someone who is a model or really, really into high-fashion - they look extra ordinary. You recognise them as human but a bit extra.

I think there is certainly something in it, I don’t know what it is though. Exdh and I always used to play a game at airport gates where we’d spot who was going to be going in first class when waiting for the gate to open. It was pretty easy. There are always exceptions, of course, and it’s more difficult to tell if it’s people who haven’t grown up with money.