to think you can tell when someone is 'very' wealthy

[nothingbutsnow]

.....more due to how they behave, a sort of self possession than actual money signifiers like clothes, jewellery, etc?

By wealth I mean perhaps more than just well off.

It's something i thought about a few days ago in a garden centre, a family passed by us with teens and there was just something obvious yet not easily described. Clothes were sort of 'anti-mumsnet', like skinny jeans, bright tops, nothing remarkable visually. It made me realise I had observed this before but never thought much of it.
It was more a sort of looming self confidence, not especially pleasant, but noticeably interesting! Not rude or ignorant but disconnected from their surroundings enough to tread on your toes.
I've seen discussions on MN about such things in the past, and the difference in my experience has been they are rarely thin, but more buxom, tall, strident. The teen girl was in skinnies, tshirt and trainers (nothing remarkable) but she had an expression that I can't describe.

There doesn't seem to be an interest in trends at all, especially fashion.

People on here always say it is battered up old Barbour jackets, moth eaten cashmere and dog hair, but I think this is a stereotype rarely seen outside of the rural eccentric.
To me the give away is posture (not so much elegant as assertive), air of disinterest and a certain way of existing in/taking up space differently.

None of this is important, but it's something i noticed. Anyone agree that it is indefinable yet obvious?

YABU. You could never tell that DH and I have a few million in the bank by looking at us or our kids. My kids and I are all dressed in hand-me-down or second-hand clothes (because, environmental reasons) and we drive a banger (because, practicality). No-one can see our property or share portfolio so it's secret squirrel. We never talk about wealth with friends or acquaintances (because, that would be ugly). And I'm very low maintenance looks wise (because, I am more than a pert arse, balliaged hair and a botoxed forehead). We do spend a lot on travel, outdoor adventure, donations and eating out: that would be the only clue.

My inlaws
My mil looks great for her age. She's always used the best skin care/haircuts/clothes. Had fabulous holidays. She's never worked. She is a lady who lunches and volunteers. She was shocked when she met me 😂😂
Compared to my own mum who worked all her life and was never really got anywhere.

The wealthiest person I know wouldn’t be visiting garden centres, he owns one as part of his stately home estate, along with the farm shop, farm, multiple estate holiday cottages, estate cottages/village on long term rent. Can’t imagine him actually mooching around a garden centre and his wife would be seen dead in skinnies! . Last time I saw him he was in a bespoke tweed cycling suit!

I think expensive clothes look expensive whether they are ballgowns or stained jumpers and jeans.

Do you mean wealthy or from an upper class family? I come from a working class family and you really couldn't tell my partner's background. My parents saved like mad and put a lot of effort into working their way up in their own professions, in-laws own vast amounts of land valued at 7 figures and make their living from farming.
Both drive cars no newer than 9 years old, and the most expensive clothes they own are from Next. In fact, my in-laws absolutely love Tesco for clothing! My parents have always said they'll never identify as anything but working class, they don't feel comfortable going to "fancy" places and loathe the idea of spending money on designer goods. Someone gifted my mum a Radley handbag a few years ago and she is still shocked at the expense. 😁

It’s like Covid tests. The positives are always right even if the negatives are sometimes wrong.

I live in a wealthy bit of the world ( not footballers ). There’s a sense of entitlement even though they are all polite enough. You can absolutely spot the money. It’s very noticeable.

@Avarua why is it ugly to talk about your wealth but not ugly to have a property portfolio as obviously there are ugly impacts of that? I don't really get it.

@CovidCorvid

The wealthiest person I know wouldn’t be visiting garden centres, he owns one as part of his stately home estate, along with the farm shop, farm, multiple estate holiday cottages, estate cottages/village on long term rent. Can’t imagine him actually mooching around a garden centre and his wife would be seen dead in skinnies! . Last time I saw him he was in a bespoke tweed cycling suit!

This sounds very, very much like one of my in-laws' friends! Does the name of his estate begin with a C?

I think you can tell. It’s not about clothes, it’s deffo something more “innate”, it’s confidence and often a demonstration of being comfortable in most situations - and - knowing how to act in them.

@nothingbutsnow Patricia routledge is surely laughing all the way to the bank after that ongoing role.

@hygtt our business develops new properties for exactly that reason. We sold out of existing stock in 2006 and sold our holiday properties for exactly that reason. Ethics.

100% agree with you. I've seen that before too, sitting in a cafe watching people go buy and one stands out at you. They could be wearing the same clothes as you, no fancy bags or jewellery but they have this air about them that screams money. I always get a bit jealous 🙈

@hygtt no one is supposed to talk about wealth because economic inequality should not be talked about.

My observances are that the genuinely wealthy older money are less likely to be wearing designer labels during the day - but I temper that by saying this might be different in urban areas like London. That’s not to say they don’t wear labels, but all the teens I know, especially girls, are all in jeans or leggings and oversized hoodies with messy buns and no/ little makeup. No ‘trying hard’.

Yes I agree. Some of those with new money tend to be more ostentatious, lots of bling, obvious designer labels, flash cars, highly groomed/polished. Kind of letting people they've got money. Not all though. There's a guy in my area who won a few million on the lottery. He keeps a very low profile and just seems like an ordinary bloke. Not flasy at all.

Are you sure they weren’t vampires😂

I don't understand why old money = good & new money = bad. Or why new money is looked down upon by old money

I dont look down on any money, old or new, i'll happily take it all

@5keletor no…. not C.

@Mellowyellow222

Are you sure they weren’t vampires😂

No im not, it is absolutely a possibility! Healthy glow tho!

@julieca but it's ok to benefit from said economic inequality?

I spent most of my twenties working for a variety of billionaires and multi millionaires. I worked managing their homes and estates so in quite close contact and full access to their homes. I think it’s fairly easy to tell, generally there are certain mannerisms and ways of talking. The ones I worked for did have a country focus so tatty barbours and old land rovers were a given.

@Avarua I'm sure you did but there's lots that don't cause you know ethics don't tend to make you rich, although they are a lot easier to acquire once you have become rich!

@hygtt No. I am saying there is a cultural stigma to talking about wealth, as that helps to maintain economic inequality. If anyone well-off/rich talked about how much money they really had, it would cause unrest and possibly activism to tackle economic inequality.

@julieca I was being facetious, I agree with you.

It’s confidence, belonging and lack of worry.

I’m not quite there, but I’m first generation wealthy. I remember making my own bed, turning right on the plane and wondering if my ATM card would be declined in the last week of the month.

My DC and most of their friends have never experienced this. They sail through the world without any real worries, never questioning if they’re in the right place or what people might think.

I don't understand why old money = good & new money = bad. Or why new money is looked down upon by old money. It doesn't make any sense, particularly as many old money families will have had nefarious ties to said money so how do they have the moral high ground?!😆

Gatsby? Is that you?