to think you can tell when someone is 'very' wealthy

[nothingbutsnow]

.....more due to how they behave, a sort of self possession than actual money signifiers like clothes, jewellery, etc?

By wealth I mean perhaps more than just well off.

It's something i thought about a few days ago in a garden centre, a family passed by us with teens and there was just something obvious yet not easily described. Clothes were sort of 'anti-mumsnet', like skinny jeans, bright tops, nothing remarkable visually. It made me realise I had observed this before but never thought much of it.
It was more a sort of looming self confidence, not especially pleasant, but noticeably interesting! Not rude or ignorant but disconnected from their surroundings enough to tread on your toes.
I've seen discussions on MN about such things in the past, and the difference in my experience has been they are rarely thin, but more buxom, tall, strident. The teen girl was in skinnies, tshirt and trainers (nothing remarkable) but she had an expression that I can't describe.

There doesn't seem to be an interest in trends at all, especially fashion.

People on here always say it is battered up old Barbour jackets, moth eaten cashmere and dog hair, but I think this is a stereotype rarely seen outside of the rural eccentric.
To me the give away is posture (not so much elegant as assertive), air of disinterest and a certain way of existing in/taking up space differently.

None of this is important, but it's something i noticed. Anyone agree that it is indefinable yet obvious?

I’m considered wealthy (13k a month after tax salary)

Yet I don’t look wealthy at all. People are very surprised when they see my house as they expect me to live in a bog standard house.

The nursery kept pulling me to one side asking if I was claiming everything I was entitled to and seemed surprised we were over the 16k a year benefit criteria. They then started asking for my national insurance number so they could check if I was entitled to any free hours from 2 years old!

My sister once said to a colleague “if you saw my sister you would never think she had her own business and could afford to shop here at M&S!

I’m not scruffy but my jeggings are £15 M&S ones, tops are cheap simplybe ones etc.

Plus I was brought up on a council estate and I think it shows when I talk to people by the things I say etc.

So now I don’t think you can always tell.

I think it's true that they don't talk about money or wealth- because they never have to think about it. Most people, including the very well off- even the rich- do have to think about money. Money doesn't give happiness but having enough that you never think about it, that it's just there and as natural as air and water , really leaves a lot of mind space freed that few have. Only the truly wealthy ( wealth of monetary value. It's very true that no one can buy the wealth of health and happiness)

I also think that you often find that people who give off the air of being wealthy are actually very cash/asset poor.

I don't know. I work with a few people who are worth £100millon+ and I don't think it would necessarily be obvious to a passing person.

But you don't know if this family was wealthy. You saw some random people. You thought they were wealthy. Without any proof you have decided that they are wealthy. And that your random decision that they must be wealthy proves that you can spot wealthy people. What an incredibly circular argument.

YABU

Depends how you define very wealthy.
CEO who earns £25k a month but thinks Dolmio sauces are cooking Italian and has 12 wardrobes full of expensive crushed clothes because they are worth it.
OR
Inherited a country pile and vast acreage but wears grandad's DJ because it fits and cash flow is always problematic.
Plus the vast amount of very wealthy people who fall between the extremes.

@Kanaloa

And how did you know this super interesting and fashionably family with the inexplicable expressions were well-off?

Presumably you don’t. You just saw an interesting looking family at the garden centre. It sounds like they were quite charismatic.

For what it’s worth I think you can usually tell if someone is very wealthy, because they are often wearing expensive items, or sometimes because of where they live/if they mention their job.

I thought the same. OP, you have ascribed all sorts to people and you have no clue about their wealth or otherwise. This place is so weird. People are people. And wealth also doesn't make anyone extra special or super human.

I don't know. At least not in my experience. The two wealthiest families I know are absolutely nothing alike. One is a farming family and the old trope about the frugal farmer, driving an old car covered in shit rings very true! The others are a famous singer from a boy band and his wife and they look super groomed and gorgeous and you know it's the kind of grooming that only lots of money can buy so that makes it obvious they're wealthy but I can see nothing subtle in either family's posture etc. that gives the game away so it's a YABU to me OP.

Only thing I've noticed with very wealthy people (I work with some) is that men in their 40s and 50s have especially good skin. Maybe nicer creams/washes than most.

@nodogz

Agreed. Stood next to a chap on holiday in Spain a few years ago. His clothes and look were very understated but I just knew he was money. Just a man playing with his toddler but he smelt rich!

It's a bit like when you meet someone who is a model or really, really into high-fashion - they look extra ordinary. You recognise them as human but a bit extra.

‘Human, but a bit extra.’

You do realise rich people are just people? They’re not better than or ‘extra’ compared to us low level humans.

And, like op, you have no clue that this man was wealthy. You just judged that he was based on the fact that he ‘smelt rich’ and ‘just knew he was money.’

So odd

@HeatingOnHeatingOff 13k a month! What do you do?! And good on you

I agree a little, but I think it’s difficult to generalise. My observances are that the genuinely wealthy older money are less likely to be wearing designer labels during the day - but I temper that by saying this might be different in urban areas like London. That’s not to say they don’t wear labels, but all the teens I know, especially girls, are all in jeans or leggings and oversized hoodies with messy buns and no/ little makeup. No ‘trying hard’. But I agree that there is an inner confidence or poise.
That said, I was always highly amused by the large number of people in prep who were desperate to buy into the Boden/Joules Breton stripes, black 4 by 4 and Labrador gang. That’s also ‘trying to hard’ in my book….. I liked people with their own take on style, not trying to project an image. None of the wealthiest wore those types of clothes!

well according to MNs the super rich gentry look like tramps & drive bangers so that would be a no. I think it's quite an out dated trope.
I know by sight our local wealthy gentry, and can confirm that the stereotype is not outdated at all. The last time I saw one of our local landowners before he died, he was litter-picking a hedge in wellies, jeans and a lumberjack shirt with a rip in it. And the last timeI saw the other one, he was on board a tractor and dressed accordingly - and the last time I saw his wife, she was in a knackered Barbour. And the last time I spotted their son, he was driving a knackered-looking pick-up.

Only thing I've noticed with very wealthy people (I work with some) is that men in their 40s and 50s have especially good skin. Maybe nicer creams/washes than most.

In the UK? I think most men here young & old have dreadful skin.

regardless of money

@Grumpyosaurus I'm sure the stereotype is true in some cases, I just don't think it's the norm these days.

I agree OP super wealthy usually have subtle indicators and carry themselves in an air of confidence which you couldn't if you were poor.

I suppose Donald Trump carries himself with that air of confidence, I'm not sure it's always a good thing! 😆

I’ve always been told I give off an air of wealth. Some of the kids at school thought I was so rich and had opinions of it. When a girl came over to our 3 bed semi, she asked “do you own both houses?”

I was raised working class mostly in poverty. I’ve always loved the finer things despite not having them. Now I do have a bit of money, I’m able to buy those things. Everyone thinks I’m exactly the same as always.

I don’t think there’s a definite way to know. I have always thought it was skin that gave it away, it just always looks cared for.

This reminded me of the bit in Gavin and Stacey where she guesses whether the couples in the antenatal waiting room are having a boy or a girl, but she has to also guess whether she got it right and says she got three right and two wrong OP, you have literally no idea if they were “‘very’ wealthy” or not. She looked bored and superior because she was a teenager in a garden centre.

@hygtt

In the UK? I think most men here young & old have dreadful skin.

No they don't. WTF are you on about?

I once met a retired teacher, she seemed well educated and very pleasant, I hadn’t realised she was minted from family money.

Her husband was much more flamboyant and was equally wealthy.

So op doesn't actually know if this family was money??

It's not just old aristo troupe of wearing tatty cashmere it's also the likes of Facebook man, silicon Valley billionaires, even Richard Branson types, Elon musk.. They all look sloppy, slightly unkempt, wearing flip flops..

I think some wealthy people are entitled so give off those vibes & then some are glossy because of grooming, lots of holidays abroad etc.

This sums it up. I think it’s to do with private education and other privileges money can buy.

Sorry I think they do, you don't have to agree with my opinion but likewise I'm not obliged to agree with yours! Wtf are you on about

I honestly can count on one hand the amount of times I've seen a man with skin so good I've noticed it. Whereas in other countries in Europe or Australia or the US Im often struck by how much healthier looking men's skin is.