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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you can tell when someone is 'very' wealthy

329 replies

nothingbutsnow · 06/12/2021 21:51

.....more due to how they behave, a sort of self possession than actual money signifiers like clothes, jewellery, etc?

By wealth I mean perhaps more than just well off.

It's something i thought about a few days ago in a garden centre, a family passed by us with teens and there was just something obvious yet not easily described. Clothes were sort of 'anti-mumsnet', like skinny jeans, bright tops, nothing remarkable visually. It made me realise I had observed this before but never thought much of it.
It was more a sort of looming self confidence, not especially pleasant, but noticeably interesting! Not rude or ignorant but disconnected from their surroundings enough to tread on your toes.
I've seen discussions on MN about such things in the past, and the difference in my experience has been they are rarely thin, but more buxom, tall, strident. The teen girl was in skinnies, tshirt and trainers (nothing remarkable) but she had an expression that I can't describe.

There doesn't seem to be an interest in trends at all, especially fashion.

People on here always say it is battered up old Barbour jackets, moth eaten cashmere and dog hair, but I think this is a stereotype rarely seen outside of the rural eccentric.
To me the give away is posture (not so much elegant as assertive), air of disinterest and a certain way of existing in/taking up space differently.

None of this is important, but it's something i noticed. Anyone agree that it is indefinable yet obvious?

OP posts:
Gillimac37 · 08/12/2021 19:30

Maybe people with 'old money' dont need to show it off with high fashion, fancy cars & clothes because they don't feel they need to prove anything. They just more interested in doing things they consider meaningful. Just my thoughts. X

Noangelbuthavingfun · 08/12/2021 19:36

I find it fascinating how a few posters in here get annoyed at the comments ... OP I totally agree with your observation and the poster that said 'human but more'. Uts not in all cases but when you see these traits you can bet dollar you are right. Some people just aren't that tuned into it - is that why you get annoyed ? It doesn't really matter at the end of the day - its just that it's very interesting to analyse when you do see this ... the way someone holds themselves and speak. It's part of people watching ... enjoy! It takes all sorts !

Bugbabe1970 · 08/12/2021 19:41

There's wealth and then there's class
I worked for very upper class almost royal families when I was a nanny and they of course wore second hand clothes and
Wellies most of the time....I also worked for very rich families...who flaunted their wealth!
I believe the term used by the almost royals was nouveau riche! And yes you could tell the difference

Kanaloa · 08/12/2021 21:25

@Mirw

There is nouveau riche who are assertive to the point of aggression. Look like everyone else but have an attitude that says "look at me. I've made it". Which actually means I have got my money through scamming others, doing nothing online or selling crap to people who already have to much crap. They are no better than the rest of us, just think they are. Just put them in their place, politely. They can't cope with it... Funny to watch the "breakdown" as their pedestal crumbles.
So the people who have made their money are ‘no better than any of us’ but those who have inherited it through no work of their own are wonderfully different and charismatic people who just drip class in their mumsnet hated skinny jeans every time they glide around the garden centre in such a self assured way that they can’t help but to tread on people’s toes?
Kanaloa · 08/12/2021 21:25

And they’re not ‘more than human.’ Why do people insist on this rich worship? They’re just people.

A580Hojas · 08/12/2021 21:29

To the best of my knowledge I've only met a handful of people who are immensely well off. I didn't notice any special markers about them.

MdNdD · 08/12/2021 22:05

I think you have to be British to understand this conversation.

Noangelbuthavingfun · 08/12/2021 22:10

@MdNdD Totally agree Grin

julieca · 08/12/2021 22:28

Christ some of you are practically doffing your caps on this thread

Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 08/12/2021 22:29

KanolaGrin

CSJobseeker · 08/12/2021 22:29

@Bugbabe1970

There's wealth and then there's class I worked for very upper class almost royal families when I was a nanny and they of course wore second hand clothes and Wellies most of the time....I also worked for very rich families...who flaunted their wealth! I believe the term used by the almost royals was nouveau riche! And yes you could tell the difference
So: Inheriting money that you've never worked for = classy Working to make your own money = nouveaux riche, not classy

Could you tug your forelock any harder, do you think?

Aslan007 · 08/12/2021 22:37

@HeatingOnHeatingOff

I’m considered wealthy (13k a month after tax salary)

Yet I don’t look wealthy at all. People are very surprised when they see my house as they expect me to live in a bog standard house.

The nursery kept pulling me to one side asking if I was claiming everything I was entitled to and seemed surprised we were over the 16k a year benefit criteria. They then started asking for my national insurance number so they could check if I was entitled to any free hours from 2 years old!

My sister once said to a colleague “if you saw my sister you would never think she had her own business and could afford to shop here at M&S!

I’m not scruffy but my jeggings are £15 M&S ones, tops are cheap simplybe ones etc.

Plus I was brought up on a council estate and I think it shows when I talk to people by the things I say etc.

So now I don’t think you can always tell.

@HeatingOnHeatingOff, I think it’s really humble of you to be earning a 13k figure and to still dress as you feel comfortable. May I ask what your business is in?
Negligee · 08/12/2021 23:23

@Bugbabe1970

There's wealth and then there's class I worked for very upper class almost royal families when I was a nanny and they of course wore second hand clothes and Wellies most of the time....I also worked for very rich families...who flaunted their wealth! I believe the term used by the almost royals was nouveau riche! And yes you could tell the difference
You realise some of the bluest-blooded aristocrats regard the actual royals as rather nouveau Johnny-come-latelies? Grin
hygtt · 08/12/2021 23:24

So:
Inheriting money that you've never worked for = classy
Working to make your own money = nouveaux riche, not classy

It's nonsensical that the former look down on the latter, particularly as originally someone back in the day will have made the money to pass down & perhaps through dodgy means.

maybe it's jealously as a lot of the nouveau have more cash!

Kanaloa · 08/12/2021 23:25

@julieca

Christ some of you are practically doffing your caps on this thread
I know, it’s mortifying. This insistence that the generationally wealthy are literally extra human.

No offense meant as I’m not generally unkind but have you had a look at the royal family? I personally wouldn’t see Prince Charles and be blown away by the superhuman way he walks beautifully round the garden centre and his glowing skin and beautiful wonderful classy way of gliding around.

This op literally saw a random family in the garden centre and elevated them above herself by the way they walked. She didn’t even know they were wealthy!

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHaands · 08/12/2021 23:28

Do you mean in the same way that the very young royals are trussed up in fuck-awful monstrosities that most of us wouldn't dream of dressing our poor children in?

myfaceismyown · 08/12/2021 23:30

I think what you are sensing is class. So maybe upbringing and education breeds class but I think it is more complex than that. This might sound odd but I truly believe that some people are just born with it. I've met people with inherited money who are totally lacking in any sense of "class". I have a good family friend who came from very humble beginnings. Something about the way he walks, chooses to dress, his innate manners, confidence and humour are simply classy. He is now a very senior Professor and specialist in his field, but when I met him a 22 he was already there. Really nice chap incidentally and my DH's closest friend (apart from me)

hygtt · 08/12/2021 23:31

This insistence that the generationally wealthy are literally extra human.
and better which is bizarre!

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHaands · 08/12/2021 23:35

@Zipper666

Some people DO exude charisma. Not by style or possessions but, some indefinable "thing". You don't know what it is, but when you meet them it's THERE! I think it's about being "easy in your own skin" - not overconfident but simply sure of yourself and who you are.
@Zipper666 that's not because of wealth though.. it might go have in hand with wealth.. it might not. It's something else entirely
julieca · 08/12/2021 23:35

You know when people talk about someone who looks elegant no matter what they wear? The only person I have met who truly looked elegant and amazing even when wearing jeans and an ordinary jumper was a woman I worked with who lived in an ordinary terraced house and worked in an office. If people on this thread had seen her at a garden centre, they would have been declaring her an aristocrat.

julieca · 08/12/2021 23:37

Charisma is different. I remember this lad of woman I was friends with. He was fat and ordinary looking, but he exuded charisma.
Not at all elegant or good looking, but you were just waiting for him to either make you laugh or say something profound.

Zipper666 · 08/12/2021 23:54

Clearly, wealth and class and charisma are all different things and few people display all three in their persona.
I'm British born but now in the US for almost 15 years and the American's strange deference over an English accent is amazing.
They think it shows "class" - growing up in South London I had a strong Cockney accent and have worked long and hard to lose it, it seems to have worked as they think I'm "posh" !!
Americans are easily awed by wealth, and displays of crude excessive spending which would appall most Brits, is lauded here as a visible sign of success!

MountainAshley · 09/12/2021 00:36

This thread is so amusing. So CPDFA Wink

Monimom · 09/12/2021 00:42

I agree OP. IMO those who live a privileged life do have a certain air about them. I've worked around such people - they live parallel lives to us mere mortals! I've also worked around pretenders, but you can tell it's not innate, not quite 'there'. I think there's specific combination of factors which elevates somehow.

toddybell · 09/12/2021 01:15

The wealthiest person I know, looks like a tramp mostly and wears a uniform of sorts with the same style of top, jeans and hiking boots- he's not white but because of his education and upbringing, he can hold his own in any sort of situation. He mostly listens and only replies when he has something worthy of saying. People hang onto his every last word!

The second wealthy person I know, massively lacks confidence, blushes every time he's spoken to, stutters (non SN) when he speaks because he's so overwhelmed, dresses like a grandad but he carries himself like he owns the world.

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