to think you can tell when someone is 'very' wealthy

[nothingbutsnow]

.....more due to how they behave, a sort of self possession than actual money signifiers like clothes, jewellery, etc?

By wealth I mean perhaps more than just well off.

It's something i thought about a few days ago in a garden centre, a family passed by us with teens and there was just something obvious yet not easily described. Clothes were sort of 'anti-mumsnet', like skinny jeans, bright tops, nothing remarkable visually. It made me realise I had observed this before but never thought much of it.
It was more a sort of looming self confidence, not especially pleasant, but noticeably interesting! Not rude or ignorant but disconnected from their surroundings enough to tread on your toes.
I've seen discussions on MN about such things in the past, and the difference in my experience has been they are rarely thin, but more buxom, tall, strident. The teen girl was in skinnies, tshirt and trainers (nothing remarkable) but she had an expression that I can't describe.

There doesn't seem to be an interest in trends at all, especially fashion.

People on here always say it is battered up old Barbour jackets, moth eaten cashmere and dog hair, but I think this is a stereotype rarely seen outside of the rural eccentric.
To me the give away is posture (not so much elegant as assertive), air of disinterest and a certain way of existing in/taking up space differently.

None of this is important, but it's something i noticed. Anyone agree that it is indefinable yet obvious?

@hygtt sorry tired and I didnt realise

@julieca no probs!

Gatsby? Is that you?

Why yes, old sport!

Just returning to add another angle to this. I have a lot of friends and colleagues who went to boarding school and I do wonder if being away from home creates more of a confidence/ independence or the ability to always seem neutral / disinterested when you don’t want to be around people. That would change non-verbal body language.
Anyway….just a thought. Confidence doesn’t always mean arrogance.

Agree op!! I guess they don’t have the weight of worry about money on their shoulders, things are just easier for them and it shows. My family became very wealthy a few years ago (not me) and it’s hugely apparent.. they dress similar to always.. just slightly nicer brands.. no obvious labels just new clothes often so no signs of wear and tear; nice hair cuts etc.

@PegasusReturns

It’s confidence, belonging and lack of worry.

I’m not quite there, but I’m first generation wealthy. I remember making my own bed, turning right on the plane and wondering if my ATM card would be declined in the last week of the month.

My DC and most of their friends have never experienced this. They sail through the world without any real worries, never questioning if they’re in the right place or what people might think.

Boris and Carrie spent £28k on take away meals over an 8 month period last year. That's confidence!

@Totalwasteofpaper

Are you talking about The Holly Bush?
Because yes to that. Used to drink in there years ago, and pretty much everyone (except me) was clearly £££.

@Silvershroud

It is when you consider Johnson’s apparent money worries!

My kids and I are all dressed in hand-me-down or second-hand clothes (because, environmental reasons) and we drive a banger (because, practicality).

Ah but ironically these can be signs of wealth, in my opinion, or at least of the confidence that wealth and a private education gives you.

My DC wear second hand clothes and are a bit scruffy partly because my husband and I have the innate confidence that we won't (usually) be judged poorly by others thanks to our education, voice, manner etc. Lots of children from lower income and working class families I know have their DC kitted out pristinely in expensive gear and many have much nicer and newer cars than we do.

but all the teens I know, especially girls, are all in jeans or leggings and oversized hoodies with messy buns and no/ little makeup. No ‘trying hard’

Ah yes but still plenty of signs their parents are doing ok: Lulu Lemon or Sweaty Betty leggings, Nike Airforce 1 (often limited edition); hoodies are Nike/Pangaia/VB/Stella Reebok/Adidas collab, Maria Tash multiple earrings; manicures/balayage/lash extensions. Pre covid light winter tans.

Also broke aristos do this. My DF's one. His friend observed walking round Blenheim once that he walked like he owned the place.

I don't think it's universal.

Where I'm from, there are quite a few very wealthy fishermen, but you'd never know it to look at them.

I don't mind talking about wealth - im responding to an earlier comment. Why should we? If there is a cultural taboo i cant say I've felt it.
It's all much of a muchness, unless we are discussing it in terms of politics. That would be very different of course.
My OP is more lighthearted though, just a musing.
It does seem to elicit some interesting viewpoints.

yes, it looks like indifference

Perhaps it’s not indifference, more invincibility.

It’s not only wealth and not all wealthy people but I think comes from a real confidence in the family unit. No insecure attachments either in the parents or their children.

I suspect they were just from very far north to be in a tee shirt in this weather. Possibly millionaire Eskimos.

I still think that what i brought up in my OP has sod all to do with old bangers and such.

it is an indefinable air, an indifference. It forms the facial expressions, the way the head sits on the shoulders even. The very manner in which the body takes up space. It is almost alien if you do not possess it.
I dont envy it, so it is fascinating. If you do envy it, it will appear otherwise.

and yes yes it is invincible!

What's your criteria for wealthy?

Super wealthy - yes, but wouldn't see them in a garden centre.
Upper class - yes, but that doesn't always mean wealthy.
Moderately wealthy - there are so many different variants of this that I think it would be hard to tell.

I know what you mean, OP. I think much of it is to do with education - I can detect a public school accent instantly, and that kind of expensive education often instils a sort of super confidence that immediately makes people stand out (not always in a good way). Parents from families that have been wealthy for generations often have a tradition of sending children to the same expensive schools that they attended, and so their children have the right accent and the right connections to get on in the world, it's a way of perpetuating the class system.

I think that rich is the availability of cash, wealth is having plenty of time. The tragedy for the extremely wealthy is that despite having few things beyond their reach, an outside party can still get rained on and it doesn't guarantee health for loved ones.
A friend with £40 or £50 million died at 50, the best doctors in the world couldn't save him.
I've known half a dozen billionaires, they and their other halves were slim, among those with tens of millions, slim women and heavier men - too small a number to draw any conclusions from though.

I think with you would go to a garden centre or not in the 1st place with your children says more about class and money than guessing based on a quick glimpse at people.

I worked with someone who I found out had gone to Westminster school, He was pretty unconfident and shy.

But remember, this is just a social observation after all, not spiritual or deep or too meaningful in the broader sense of life on earth. It likely won't help climate change! What we perceive here has no real bearing upon us as individuals, especially if we are secure in ourselves (not just financially).

More so in the UK. Abroad, it depends.

@nothingbutsnow

I still think that what i brought up in my OP has sod all to do with old bangers and such.

it is an indefinable air, an indifference. It forms the facial expressions, the way the head sits on the shoulders even. The very manner in which the body takes up space. It is almost alien if you do not possess it.
I dont envy it, so it is fascinating. If you do envy it, it will appear otherwise.

What have I just read?

How does the head sit on the shoulders of a rich person? It sounds like you’re paying a bizarre amount of attention to strangers. I can honestly say I’ve never seen someone and thought ‘they must be wealthy because of how their head sits on their shoulders and their look of indifference and how they take up this space in the garden centre.’

You don’t have a clue they were even wealthy. They could have just been very into yoga and therefore had good posture. Did you see them buying loads of expensive bonsai trees or absolutely spunking money up the wall on expensive garden centre vases?