to think you can tell when someone is 'very' wealthy

[nothingbutsnow]

.....more due to how they behave, a sort of self possession than actual money signifiers like clothes, jewellery, etc?

By wealth I mean perhaps more than just well off.

It's something i thought about a few days ago in a garden centre, a family passed by us with teens and there was just something obvious yet not easily described. Clothes were sort of 'anti-mumsnet', like skinny jeans, bright tops, nothing remarkable visually. It made me realise I had observed this before but never thought much of it.
It was more a sort of looming self confidence, not especially pleasant, but noticeably interesting! Not rude or ignorant but disconnected from their surroundings enough to tread on your toes.
I've seen discussions on MN about such things in the past, and the difference in my experience has been they are rarely thin, but more buxom, tall, strident. The teen girl was in skinnies, tshirt and trainers (nothing remarkable) but she had an expression that I can't describe.

There doesn't seem to be an interest in trends at all, especially fashion.

People on here always say it is battered up old Barbour jackets, moth eaten cashmere and dog hair, but I think this is a stereotype rarely seen outside of the rural eccentric.
To me the give away is posture (not so much elegant as assertive), air of disinterest and a certain way of existing in/taking up space differently.

None of this is important, but it's something i noticed. Anyone agree that it is indefinable yet obvious?

@MiddleParking yes, actually, I do! Straight shiny longish hair...why does that make me look rich? lol

Not rude or ignorant but disconnected from their surroundings enough to tread on your toes.

That is the part which doesn't read wealthy to me, the people I know just wouldn't do that, they may have self confidence but they also have good manners as well.

Wealthy teens generally look “perfected”. Teeth will be expertly straightened (not dodgy like my nhs teeth), or if a brace is there it will be near invisible. Skin will have a healthy well fed well exercised glow. Hair glossy and not frizzy because of the expensive products / brazilian blowout. Subtle blond highlights for the mum.

They’ll all look fairly well exercised from having the time to do golf / tennis / riding etc in the freh air, and they won’t have the thin frame and under eye shadows you get from regular overwork. Or the fat from too many takeaways and ready meals.

I don’t think it’s clothes or behaviour I think it’s the look you get from spending a LOT on your body.

I live near area with v expensive houses and a range of owners.
(I am in a standard semi but it's walking distance and big open space v lovely lots of people use).

Houses like I dunno 2- 15 million some more.

I mean obv don't know everyone! But see around- school runs, seen around for years and say hello etc.

Some are elderly, some with kids school run mum (and/or dad) with harried expression, some work really hard v well paid jobs ( including mums and dads). Some cheerful some miserable.
Some with teens being a nightmare.
Etc etc.

I don't see how you can squish a whole load of different people into one family who seemed confident where the mum clothes were not MN S&B sort of thing!

The only time I’ve ever experienced this wasn’t to do with money as such but more just presence. We are on holiday in tenerife and while people-watching at dinner I kept on looking at this table near us with a very perfect family - dad, 3 boys and a pretty mum. There was just something about them that I couldn’t stop staring. I saw them getting the waiter to take their picture and I was just determined to find them on social media to have a stalk at their life 😂 Turns out it was relatively easy to do because she’d tagged the hotel in her Instagram picture so it came up when I searched the hotel. It was only then I realised this woman was Emily Norris (youtuber). Still find it bizarre when I see her posts that I only discovered her because I was staring at them having dinner in tenerife 🙈

Sometimes you can, sometimes you can't.

Maybe some people perhaps. I certainly know plenty of people that you wouldn’t know were very wealthy at all.

@Skysblue

Wealthy teens generally look “perfected”. Teeth will be expertly straightened (not dodgy like my nhs teeth), or if a brace is there it will be near invisible. Skin will have a healthy well fed well exercised glow. Hair glossy and not frizzy because of the expensive products / brazilian blowout. Subtle blond highlights for the mum.

They’ll all look fairly well exercised from having the time to do golf / tennis / riding etc in the freh air, and they won’t have the thin frame and under eye shadows you get from regular overwork. Or the fat from too many takeaways and ready meals.

I don’t think it’s clothes or behaviour I think it’s the look you get from spending a LOT on your body.

Oh come on.

I've lived here for years and a girl I known since school still about. Parents massive house loads of land v expensive area. Bought her house nearby pool huge etc.

One of her children has severe disabilities since birth. She left work to care for child. Yes she can afford help but emotionally, physically it's still not exactly a walk in the park. She has been through periods of pretty bad depression. She looks tired. She is a regular church goer and religion is important to her. (Not asked how many £££ she spends on body pampering tbh).

Stereotyping any group as identikit cut outs is, I don't get it.

Humans love to group and apply broad traits to and I get that but it's not a great thing we do imo.

Or... in a cult?

There’s a difference in very wealthy people and very upper class/aristocratic people. Often the upper class don’t have much cash.

[quote VaguelyInteresting]@Totalwasteofpaper

Are you talking about The Holly Bush?
Because yes to that. Used to drink in there years ago, and pretty much everyone (except me) was clearly £££.[/quote]
DH and I used to drink there too, and we’re far from rich, so it’s quickly looking as if The Holly Bush is full of skint people.

[quote megustalacerveza]@MiddleParking yes, actually, I do! Straight shiny longish hair...why does that make me look rich? lol[/quote]
It just does. I’d be willing to bet that what OP interpreted as “a sort of looming self confidence, not especially pleasant, but noticeably interesting! Not rude or ignorant but disconnected from their surroundings enough to tread on your toes” etc was, in fact, straight hair and big teeth.

He he well then my kids and I must've looked this kind of well off (we weren't):

Teeth will be expertly straightened

Naturally straight in our family, managed to dodge the expense of orthodontics

Skin will have a healthy well fed well exercised glow.

Decentish food, some of it homecooked, from bog-standard supermarkets and lots of running about in the countryside.

Hair glossy and not frizzy

Ditto home cooking, fresh air, healthy lifestyle, natural airdrying (and a bit of luck).

Subtle blond highlights for the mum.

Youngish mum here, natural blonde highlights.

What we didn't have was the obligatory pony, 4x4, expensive birthday parties and big house though! So we'd've looked well off to some casual observers, but not our own community. Not sure my children appreciate how much they benefitted from the above however! (Do they ever?)

I drink in the Flask in Hampstead even their dogs look posh 😃

I've got a super rich friend. Multiple houses in different countries. Private jet.He's got the tackiest taste in fashion and can't spell for toffee. I don't think you can stereotype really!

People say lots of rubbish about healthy food and exercise. Its expensive clothes, expensive hair cuts and accessories. I saw Pauline Quirk in real life who comes from a very ordinary family. You could tell her haircut cost a fortune and that her clothes were expensive even though she was wearing ordinary casual clothing.

I come from a wealthy background..
We spent every Saturday afternoons at jumble sales and my mum got her outfit for our wedding from a charity shop ….she looked absolutely bloody stunning 😍
Our school uniform was from Harrods 🙄

You can get expensive clothes from charity shops. My FIL often wore a tweed jacket he got from a charity shop that would have cost a fortune new.
But they are not buying from primark.

@julieca

People say lots of rubbish about healthy food and exercise. Its expensive clothes, expensive hair cuts and accessories. I saw Pauline Quirk in real life who comes from a very ordinary family. You could tell her haircut cost a fortune and that her clothes were expensive even though she was wearing ordinary casual clothing.

You can get loads of really nice clothes from charity shops, though. I've got a few bits from Comptoir des Cotonniers, including a cashmere jacket and a silk blouse. Cost me less than mass produced tat from H&M. I wear these with a long skirt (Whistles, fiver from a charity shop) and nice leather boots (I've had them since 2014) and floaty scarf. Get my hair trimmed at a cheap place down the road and dye it myself at home with £7 L'Oreal dye...it's just naturally poker straight and shiny. I'm not sure how easy it is to tell the difference between people who are wealthy and people who try to dress well on a tight budget.

You have to spend a lot of time and travel to posh areas with charity shops with that kind of stock. Perfectly doable, but not many people have the time to get more than a few things this way.

I’m wealthy and live in a wealthy area of the US. People here are obsessed with working out and eating healthily, so rarely do you see anyone even slightly portly. Subtle highlights and a great haircut, as well as subtle Botox, are a given. Clothes can be anything from LL Bean to Loro Piana, but you’re right—people roundly have excellent skin, teeth etc. and makeup is only ever natural.

How much in your mind is ‘wealthy’ OP?

@nothingbutsnow

I still think that what i brought up in my OP has sod all to do with old bangers and such.

it is an indefinable air, an indifference. It forms the facial expressions, the way the head sits on the shoulders even. The very manner in which the body takes up space. It is almost alien if you do not possess it.
I dont envy it, so it is fascinating. If you do envy it, it will appear otherwise.

Could it be partly to do with money meaning they pay for manual labour instead of doing it, plus private medical care adds up to them having better posture and being uninjured, not creaking and in some degree of pain like so many people are?

@gegs73

Only thing I've noticed with very wealthy people (I work with some) is that men in their 40s and 50s have especially good skin. Maybe nicer creams/washes than most.

no, it's lack of stress / anxiety, and also the qualy of food they have, rich men rarely use face creams unless in showbiz. Beight rich and comfrtable, they worry they don't appear rugged/manly enough. Obvs not talking about the rich footballers haha.