Moral dilemma about xmas
339
WouldIBeATwat · 05/12/2021 22:19
I’ve had a hell of a time of it over the past 2 years (NHS worker blah blah blah), DC struggling with lockdowns, trying to look after parents and DH and everything else. Over the summer I realised something had to change and applied for a job (out of NHS) and got it.
I started that job last week, having no time off between ending the last job. It’s a completely new sector and I’m absolutely shattered.
Leave year runs Jan -Dec and because I’ve started in Dec I only have 2.5 days of leave. I assumed these would need to be used for the Xmas bank holidays and I would need to work between Xmas and new year. All fine.
My husband said he would take DC to visit his family (5 hours away) that week. I said I wouldn’t come as I would need to work, his family is huge and rowdy and I know I would not be able to work with them around.
I don’t really want to go there anyway, which brings me to the point.
I’ve found out that I don’t need to use my leave to cover the bank holidays. So I have 2 days leave to use during the 3 working days between Xmas and new year. I have been offered the third unpaid if I want the week off. Or I can work if I prefer and carry the extra 2 days into next year (which then would match my entitlement from the NHS).
So, would I be unreasonable not to tell DH that I could, in fact, take the time off and go with them and instead take a few days for myself (letting him think I was working) given I’ve worked non-stop for almost 2 years. He has taken breaks and trips on his own over that time leaving me with DC, including 2 weeks in the summer. I have not had any breaks on my own.
I may still work between Xmas and new year and carry the leave. 🤔
YABU - you shouldn’t take this much needed but sneaky break to recharge your batteries
YANBU - do it.
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
WouldIBeATwat · 06/12/2021 17:13
@MrsLargeEmbodied
tell you what op, you do what you want
Yeah. Just changed jobs (with no break in between). Not stressful at all changing sectors, taking on more responsibility and learning a completely new organisation, largely remotely (my team is spread across the entire country). It’s a piece of piss.
Is there a reason you’re so determined to be shitty?
shreddies · 06/12/2021 17:21
OP. You clearly need a break. Tell your DH you are on call and let him go. Tbh though I would be pissed of at his selfishness in wanting to keep the dcs with him for New Year's Eve, in your shoes I would take it as extra chill time. Get some nice food and drink in and do what the fuck you like.
Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 06/12/2021 17:34
OP really not sure why you’re getting a hard time on here.
Take a bloody break - from one healthcare worker to another (and I didn’t even do your sorts of shifts, I have had breaks and even then I’m considering quitting). No need to tell DH until after he’s gone, and even then be liberal with the details, eg ‘finishing early’ ‘on call from home’. Have some quiet time, go out for brunch, go shopping, watch movies. You will feel good for it - just shove the guilt away, it has no place in this decision.
neverbeenskiing · 06/12/2021 17:42
Also I would like to say that my understanding of “a break” from your initial post was that you hadn’t had any time off work for 2 years. Now I understand it as you haven’t had a child free holiday? You had 2 weeks off but with the children? Tbh that’s what most people have to do.
Her DH doesn't have to though, does he? He's had several weeks of childfree time, which is why OP feels hard done by in comparison.
MrsLargeEmbodied · 06/12/2021 17:43
Is there a reason you’re so determined to be shitty? @WouldIBeATwat
i just said do what you want!
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 06/12/2021 17:44
@neverbeenskiing
Yeh, her DP has been selfish. But he hasn’t been dishonest and equally it doesn’t sound like OP told him not to go on these
Trips at the time.
neverbeenskiing · 06/12/2021 17:47
Yeh, her DP has been selfish. But he hasn’t been dishonest and equally it doesn’t sound like OP told him not to go on these
Trips at the time.
Oh I agree. I'm not advocating lying. Apart from anything else it means nothing will change. I just think that it's the inequality in the relationship that's the real issue here.
onceandneveragain · 06/12/2021 19:13
Some posters are being right dicks. YA 100% not unreasonable not to go to your ILs, however I personally would carry the days over into next year.
advantages:
- You won't be lying to DH and saying you're working when you're not
- everywhere I've worked other than retail those days have been dead anyway so you can still have a relaxed day/get work done without loads of phone calls etc interrupting you. particularly if you're going to be 'informally' on call anyway you may as well get paid for it.
- you'll still get a nice break having a few days and every evening for a week to yourself
- 2 extra days holiday next year
Rainartist · 06/12/2021 19:43
I'd do it without telling DH if he was going to be a dick over not seeing enduring his family. If it alleviates your guilt go in for a day or part of a couple of days.
Sometimes that's all the break you need, pop in for a couple of hours, get a few bits done hassle free then go home relax on your own. That way you aren't lying when you say you've been at work.
LuluBlakey1 · 06/12/2021 19:48
What would you do? Stay at home?
userwhatever01 · 06/12/2021 20:02
I am not sure why you are even asking. Work one day, take the others off, and be vague.
Let your dh deal with his family, if they are rude and play favourites then sod them.
Chill out, have a relax, take it easy ! It is not a very hard dilemma.
lololololollll · 06/12/2021 20:21
I would defo do it. Order takeaway, drink the wine and watch the shit tv. Ooh sounds like heaven
tallduckandhandsome · 06/12/2021 20:42
Definitely don’t go up to see in laws, enjoy the well earned break.
Definitely tell DH he needs to be back by NYE as that’s your time with DC.
Definitely make sure you get equal child-free holiday time as DH.
Yearonebesties · 19/12/2021 15:14
I wouldn’t be allowing my kids near such toxicity full stop
What did you decide to do @WouldIBeATwat
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.