Is my parents behaviour unreasonable?

[Totalmadness30]

I'm looking for other people's views on whether my parents behaviour is unreasobable. To cut I short my parents have always been let's say overbearing and it's taken years to assert any independence with my parents, I'm 30 with 5 children and been living on with partner for 13 years. There's a long list of things but recently one of the things is to he school run. My mum has been meeting me on the school run pretty much everyday she waits for me to walk up and then walks all the way bk to our house, if she doesn't see me she will send txts asking where I am and even call in the car instead. My parents also asks everyday about taking and fetching the kids, if it slightly rains they pester saying the kids cant walk in the rain,etc. I am a sahm so definitely don't want other people doing my job, but the other day it went further and one afternoon it was bad rain and my parents had already gone to the school and picked my daughter up and sat her in their car without any consent from me or partner which I didn't take kindly to no matter how good their intentions might have been. Then the other thing is they will visit everyday pretty much and always unannounced. They knocked the other day and as we have a 5 week old I was just resting and really not wanting visitors so I ignored the door. My parents then rang continuously, looked thru my letterbox, camw round the back, looked through my window and tried the back door and sat outside for 20 minutes until finally going. Then the last straw was today. Me and dp were having an intimate moment and right in the moment by mum knocks on at 10am and presses her face against the glass in our door and clearly saw too much 🤦very embarrassing and my partner got very angry about it and said she is getting too much now and as a result we ended up arguing. I don't know if it's us being unreasonable or my parents and don't want to seem rude and unwelcoming to them but I feel it's too much? What do you think?

Your mother needs a hobby. I'd also tell school that they are not allowed to pick up the DC.

I think your parents are beyond strange- don’t they have anything else to fill their time? I’d be explaining straight that you aren’t always available- id also be having a strong word with the school who let my children go off with someone else without being told to.

Yeh, that's too much. You should be allowed to not answer the door. A five week old baby and they kept ringing until you were summonsed to open the door.

Umm.. your poor husband!

Why on earth are you letting this happen? It’s absolutely suffocating. Time to get yourself some boundaries.

Where were the 5 kids when you were having this intimate morning at 10 in the morning, and how come you were visible through the front door window pane?

Wow. You’re a grown adult not five. My parents weren’t even this way when I was twelve. There’s nothing wrong with walking in the rain. Stick a coat on. I live in Scotland. No bugger would get anything done if we were afraid of a wee bit rain. Get some boundaries. I’m with your husband. It’s too far.

Your OH is right, your parents are being too much, and you need to get firm with them. Be prepared for guilt tripping and angry outbursts, but they need to get hobbies and/or a grip.

Also tell the school they are not allowed to collect the DC. Make sure they don't have a key.

@CallmeHendricks

Where were the 5 kids when you were having this intimate morning at 10 in the morning, and how come you were visible through the front door window pane?

Talk about missing the point, but use your imagination. At school / asleep / with a friend / on the PlayStation / watching TV / all manner of other options...

And it's pretty easy to see enough to get the gist through a frosted window pane when you press your face right up against it

I’m intrigued about the intimate moment….where? In your hallway??with kids about?

None of their behaviour is normal or Ok, it’s controlling. Can you move?

At school? On a Sunday?

Are they concerned that your children are neglected or being abused?

I would absolutely and utterly hate that. I'd move. To Australia.

@CallmeHendricks

At school? On a Sunday?

Bollocks. Missed that

Yes lets all have sex at 10am in the kitchen on a Sunday. When we have 5 kids one only 5 weeks old.

Children are only allowed to be picked up by parents unless permission given by parents at ds school.

Not sure what relevance where my kids were when I'm being intimate??etc....to clarify, my 12 and 9 year old still asleep, my 5 and 4 year old usually stay in on a Sunday watching TV or tablet in bed and baby with us. We are decorating our bedroom at the minute so are downstairs while it's being painted because of baby. Our curtains were closed and our living room is open plan so we sleep at the very far end and cannot be seen as it's frosted but I don't generally expect people to be pushing their face up against my glass

Perhaps your mum seeing too much is a good thing. Text your mum now and say' Mum, I am a grown woman, it is clearly inappropriate for you to be peering through the windows or shouting through the letterbox. Will you please wait to be invited because you are over stepping your welcome. We are entitled to some privacy.'

Hit send and then turn your phones off and unplug the house phone. If nothing else it will show your dh that you are doing your best.

" I don't generally expect people to be pushing their face up against my glass"
Well, sorry, but going by all the awful behaviour your parents are exhibiting that you've mentioned in this thread alone, I would say that's exactly what you should be expecting!
They are so far beyond reasonable that you don't really need us to validate your objections. Of course YANBU.
But I suspect you and they have sleepwalked into this situation and it's harder to notice things when they increase gradually.
You really need to establish some boundaries here, in collaboration with your husband. Work out what you both are willing to accept and go from there.
Whether your parents will accept it is another matter.

I'm glad some people agree and don't see the relevance of where my intimate moment was??? Forgot that its strictly meant to be in the bedroom at 8pm and only on special occasions...jeez....I came here for views on the topic in question not the ins and outs of my sec life 🙈🙄

Get a curtain for the front door. They won’t be able to see anything then if they look through the letter box or press their noses to the glass.

Hopefully witnessing your intimate moment will put them off peering into your house! They definitely need some hobbies.
Given you’ve 5 children including a very young baby you do have a lot on your plate, which they are probably acutely aware of. However you need your privacy and independence.
Could you manage them? By that I mean think about what you’ll find useful in helping you out. Maybe a little list of jobs/errands that you don’t like but would be useful or days they could do pick up or take all of them out (bar the baby) to give you a break. Could you speak with them and suggest a couple of these things with an aim of limiting their interference. Give them a timetable? And definitely say that they need to call if they want to pop over. If you don’t answer it means no. They don’t need to keep calling/texting. You’re likely having a rest or busy. Good luck with getting some boundaries in place!

"I'm glad some people agree and don't see the relevance of where my intimate moment was???"
Yes, it's irrelevant, but I'm just impressed!

Lol

I'm quite in awe of you having an intimate moment five weeks after giving birth, fair play to you, pity it was ruined

Yanbu. You now need to be much firmer and blunter with your mum. It's already affected your relationship by causing an argument