Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my parents behaviour unreasonable?

138 replies

Totalmadness30 · 05/12/2021 15:49

I'm looking for other people's views on whether my parents behaviour is unreasobable. To cut I short my parents have always been let's say overbearing and it's taken years to assert any independence with my parents, I'm 30 with 5 children and been living on with partner for 13 years. There's a long list of things but recently one of the things is to he school run. My mum has been meeting me on the school run pretty much everyday she waits for me to walk up and then walks all the way bk to our house, if she doesn't see me she will send txts asking where I am and even call in the car instead. My parents also asks everyday about taking and fetching the kids, if it slightly rains they pester saying the kids cant walk in the rain,etc. I am a sahm so definitely don't want other people doing my job, but the other day it went further and one afternoon it was bad rain and my parents had already gone to the school and picked my daughter up and sat her in their car without any consent from me or partner which I didn't take kindly to no matter how good their intentions might have been. Then the other thing is they will visit everyday pretty much and always unannounced. They knocked the other day and as we have a 5 week old I was just resting and really not wanting visitors so I ignored the door. My parents then rang continuously, looked thru my letterbox, camw round the back, looked through my window and tried the back door and sat outside for 20 minutes until finally going. Then the last straw was today. Me and dp were having an intimate moment and right in the moment by mum knocks on at 10am and presses her face against the glass in our door and clearly saw too much 🤦very embarrassing and my partner got very angry about it and said she is getting too much now and as a result we ended up arguing. I don't know if it's us being unreasonable or my parents and don't want to seem rude and unwelcoming to them but I feel it's too much? What do you think?

OP posts:
ChubbyMorticia · 05/12/2021 19:55

Your parents behaviour is completely unacceptable. I'd be telling them both, in no uncertain terms.

'Mom and Dad,

Enough! You do NOT have permission to pick up my children from school. It is completely inappropriate for you to be looking through my windows or letterbox. if we don't answer the phone or door, we are unavailable. Period!

We're taking a break from your company. When we're available for a visit we will INVITE you. Until then, we will not be seeing you. Do not show up at the school or our home, as you are not welcome."

Your parents have clearly proven that they cannot be trusted to control their own behaviour within reasonable boundaries, so they need to have any 'drop in' privileges revoked.

Elbie79 · 05/12/2021 20:06

@CallmeHendricks

"I'm glad some people agree and don't see the relevance of where my intimate moment was???" Yes, it's irrelevant, but I'm just impressed!
Yes, hugely impressed!
UrbanAli · 05/12/2021 20:13

You really did not need to clarify where your children were… you poor thing :( We’re all as bad as your parents.

Suzanne999 · 05/12/2021 20:15

Your parents are way beyond reasonable. I don’t think I harassed my daughters this much when they were 10 & 12 !!!
I’d never think to turn up at either home unless prearranged and the school should never have let your parents take your child out of school.

You’ve got the perfect opportunity to tell them now when they saw too much. Text as a previous poster has described, it’s polite but firm.
It could even escalate to your parents following your kids, constantly checking on them etc.. as they become teens.

Cherrysoup · 05/12/2021 20:15

Have you actually sat your parents down to tell them to back off? I’d kill anyone who was this involved in my business.

Suzanne999 · 05/12/2021 20:15

Was supposed to read “ way beyond any glimpse of reasonable”

Woolled21 · 05/12/2021 20:20

Yes of course I'm the mother Hmm 😂 and you seriously think that the op has given the full story.... Wool over eyes for sure imho

VladmirsPoutine · 05/12/2021 20:29

@Finknottlesnewt That is utterly shocking! I hope your friend is ok. I'm not sure I could ever recover.

lololololollll · 05/12/2021 20:36

@CallmeHendricks

Where were the 5 kids when you were having this intimate morning at 10 in the morning, and how come you were visible through the front door window pane?
There's always one!
lololololollll · 05/12/2021 20:38

@Finknottlesnewt

I'm less impressed by the intimate moment than I am worried that OP keeps describing her OH as 'partner' and not Husband.. especially as she is a SAHM to 5 kids.. !! Hoping it's just a figure of speech.
You sound fun
Bluntness100 · 05/12/2021 20:39

I’m sorry op, but five kids at 30, first one at seventeen and shagging wirh kids in the house and so that anyone who looked through thr door could see you is going to derail any thread,

Newestname002 · 05/12/2021 20:41

They sound like the family in the TV programme "Everybody loves Raymond" - especially his mother, Marie who interferes with her children's lives. Hope you and your DP can get it through to your parents that you have large parts of your life which is private and nothing to do with them. 🌹

lololololollll · 05/12/2021 20:42

@Bluntness100

I’m sorry op, but five kids at 30, first one at seventeen and shagging wirh kids in the house and so that anyone who looked through thr door could see you is going to derail any thread,
Oh my god, I've seen you say some horrible things but this is just.. wow! There's "bluntess" and then there's just being a dick
ChubbyMorticia · 05/12/2021 23:27

@Bluntness100

I’m sorry op, but five kids at 30, first one at seventeen and shagging wirh kids in the house and so that anyone who looked through thr door could see you is going to derail any thread,
Here's the thing: if a stranger had pressed their nose against the window to look into OP's house, they'd have been charged for trespassing and peeping.

Yet, here you are, blaming her for having sex with her partner.

I'm down to four kids at home. When would you like us to have sex? Ship them all out to the neighbour's? Just lock them out for a few hours? Or are we simply never allowed to have sex until the children are all moved out, or in high school full time (of course, pandemic would mess up that schedule...)

CatNameChange101 · 05/12/2021 23:44

Bluntness100 it’s always you…

MummyJasmin · 06/12/2021 00:00

Some of these comments!

KenAdams · 06/12/2021 00:45

What did you say to the school when they rang you to check your daughter could be picked up by your parents?

HiJenny35 · 06/12/2021 01:08

Some of these responses are disgusting. It's no one's business when the op choses to have sex with her partner, as for all the comments about sex 5 weeks after giving birth she didn't say they were having sex, she said they were having a moment, there are other things apart from sex.
As for the whole unmarried sahm judgement, she didn't ask this, she's been accused of not understanding how it works and having a chip on her shoulder, you have no idea of her situation. I'm a sahm, 2 kids, not going back to work, not getting married queue outcry of horror, my house is in my name, no mortgage, I have my own money that I earnt before the relationship, to get married I'd be the mug, you know nothing of her situation, who the house belongs to, who the main earner is when she returns to work, if she has money for another source, absolutely none of your business as its not what she asked.
Op ignore it, appears to come from a place of jealousy that someones got 5 kids, happy and still getting it on. As for your mum I'd use the catching you as a reason for a chat, that it's too much and that you want to a text before they come round and you'll text back if it's a convenient time. They won't take it well but it's got to be done.

Yournamehere007 · 06/12/2021 04:52

I think its weird tgat people are asking about the nature and place of your intimate moment Confused

Pieminster · 06/12/2021 05:18

Where's the OP gone? Maybe she's having another intimate moment

HoppingPavlova · 06/12/2021 05:28

What 9yo and 12yo are still asleep at 10am? I have adults and sure when teens and early 20’s they can win Olympic medals for not surfacing before noon but 9yo and 12yo? Weren’t you afraid they would wake up and come down given it was mid-morning. Also, what is the magic trick of toddlers/young children staying in bed on their iPads and not coming down of a day until well after 10am? If you write your secrets in a parenting book you will be a millionaire.

Minesril · 06/12/2021 06:54

For a site that goes on about people's SPAG on a daily basis I'm always astonished regarding poster's reading/comprehension skills. OP clearly says she owns her own business. Marriage may not work for her at all from a financial POV.

People see '5 kids' and instantly judge don't they? While dressing it up as faux concern. So tedious. I think a couple who have been together since they were at least 17, through 5 kids, who clearly still fancy each other, one of whom is an engineer and one of whom has their own business, is probably all right. In fact they sound lovely.

tallduckandhandsome · 06/12/2021 08:23

I’d say the pension of an engineer is more valuable than the pension of someone self-employed decorating cakes.

Get married in the register office and secure access to his pension. I hope the house is in your name, OP.

FabriqueBelgique · 06/12/2021 08:32

@HoppingPavlova

What 9yo and 12yo are still asleep at 10am? I have adults and sure when teens and early 20’s they can win Olympic medals for not surfacing before noon but 9yo and 12yo? Weren’t you afraid they would wake up and come down given it was mid-morning. Also, what is the magic trick of toddlers/young children staying in bed on their iPads and not coming down of a day until well after 10am? If you write your secrets in a parenting book you will be a millionaire.
Blimey! Just because your family is up at the crack of dawn.. ya’ll never heard of a lay-in at the weekend?!
HoppingPavlova · 06/12/2021 10:38

Nope, my family is definitely not up at the crack of, and haven’t been since they were teens but not too many families come 10am that have a 9yo sound asleep, and a toddler and young child still in bed happily playing on their iPads. You seem to think this is normal? Most parents would absolutely wish it were but this is unicorn stuff.

Swipe left for the next trending thread