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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am unreasonable but i just cant help it, and i dont know why?

57 replies

deenymcqueenygoreandguts · 17/12/2007 16:07

about my in laws.
i cant help it,
i scowl at what ever happens to them. I have no patience and very little tolerance.

im an evil wich quite honestly,
my question to you is,

Do you have an unreasonable intolereance to some one and can you explain why?

OP posts:
SatsumaMoon · 17/12/2007 16:09

If my mother visits for more than a couple of days she gets on my nerves and I start being horrible to her - and she doesn't have to do/not do anything in particular. My tolerance for a particular aunt is even lower....

Original poster
deenymcqueenygoreandguts · 17/12/2007 16:13

its unexplainable isnt it.
im not like this with any one, just the in laws.
I can feel myself getting irritated and for nothing.
would like to get psycho analysed to find out why??????

OP posts:
loopylou6 · 17/12/2007 16:15

yeah, my father inlaw, he just annoys me, i dont even like him in my house, hes dirty, smells of alcohol all the time, (he dont drink in the day, but down a bottle of whiskey in the evening time so stinks all day aswell) he does things like comes in my home and goes the toilet whilst dragging his dirty hands up my sparkly white bannister, brings the dog bowl in to fill over my sink sits on my beautiful new leather suite with his dirty pants, then goes and sits on my cream dining room table seats and i just wanna hit him over the head with the nearest vase, THEN he hugs my kids with his dirty minging hands grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr tbh pretty much everything he does gets on my wik, i dont know why, amybe its coz i feel hes trying to "compete" with me for my DH'S attention, hes forever trying to take him off to play with cars and things, just to get him away from me im sure of it, hes rude filthya nd ignorant.

moondog · 17/12/2007 16:18

Loopy he sounds appalling!

loopylou6 · 17/12/2007 16:20

he is, in his defence the blackness of his hands is coz hes a plumber and comes here after work, BUT the rest of it is just disgraceful, he honestly looks like he has just been dug up, my dad says i should call him treasure

dingdongmerrilyonFLIER · 17/12/2007 16:23

this is how i feel about my inlaws, feel really sad aout it actually, but I can't seem to be nice with them. with anyone else I can rise above it and be very nice and caring, but not with them. I think that over the years I've just given up trying with them, it is a 2-way thing, being nice and caring and they just don't, so I've stopped.

sorry for the rant, just glad to hear I'm not the only one

Original poster
deenymcqueenygoreandguts · 17/12/2007 16:25

thats how i fee dingdong, im sad about it too because it just isnt me to be like this.
are they horrid then dingdong?do you feel ilke you have good reason?

OP posts:
Flibbertinseljinglebells · 17/12/2007 16:41

Thats how I feel about my inlaws too. They never liked me and I feel like everything they say or do is a criticism of me or what I do or how I rear their grandsons. I know that they poke fun at me behind my back or just downright slag me off to BIL and his GF who of course is perfect. 10 years of treading on eggshells around them I am sick of it and just the news that they are going to visit and they are on my nerves already.
I can't be myself when they are around cos I feel all aggressive and irritated the second they step in the door.

dingdongmerrilyonFLIER · 17/12/2007 16:41

I think its just that they are completely different people from me, dh had a different upbringing to me, so i suppose thats maybe part of the problem. if i go into detail about things it would just sound so petty and childish.
the things that i get annoyed about also annoy my dh. one of the things they do now is that they ask questions through the children, like "do you think mummy will let you do such and such" (i will be sitting next to them when gps ask the question). I just ignore it until they ask me the q directly (told you it sounds petty and childish .
I'm usually the type of person who gets on well with most people and if I don't I can disguise my feelings in social situations, but, sadly, not with them.

are your inlaws horrid?

paulaplumpbottom · 17/12/2007 16:43

It is strange the way they bring out the worst in us isn't it?

dingdongmerrilyonFLIER · 17/12/2007 16:44

mine are staying for 4 nights at christmas and its frankly putting a real downer on it for me. DH only has 3 days off at christmas and they will be with us the whole time, so they don't give any consideration to us. Dh works really long hours and hardly gets any quality time with us as it is.

moan moan

dingdongmerrilyonFLIER · 17/12/2007 16:45

I only hope that any future daughter in law I have, I will make her feel like a member of the family

Bridie3 · 17/12/2007 16:47

I'm a bit the same. I enjoy the younger members of the family--teenagers, children, etc. The aging can be more trying. I usually make sure there's a bottle of wine in the fridge at all times. And lots of chocolate. And take the opportunity to go for long walks.

Wisteria · 17/12/2007 16:48

Count me in - I get incensed with their ridiculous viewpoints and bigotry - example from MIL - 'well bf is just not natural is it??' oh and 'it's all the asian population's fault' (that can be applied to anything in their life that's not going their way FFS!!

I have come to the conclusion that it is because normally when people annoy you, you can shrug it off and not rise to it but you know that you'll be stuck with them for the rest of your married life!!

Original poster
deenymcqueenygoreandguts · 17/12/2007 16:48

it is strange yes.
No they are not horrid, just...well....thick tbh in my opinion.
i have always thought that they dont like me very much, but have grown to tolerate me over the years.
i too feel all narky and aggressive when they come round.
i could get VERY petty if i were to go on about them.
dont get me started...its unreasonable, childish and petty BUT why????

OP posts:
Flibbertinseljinglebells · 17/12/2007 16:59

Every time I feel like hiring a hit man I remember my sister with her Venezuelan mil and mine doesn't seem so bad.
The woman would wave chocolate etc in front of my dn's 10 mins before a meal and say 'you know I would love to give you this, but your mother won't let me'

Flibbertinseljinglebells · 17/12/2007 17:01

Ooh deenymcqueeny, do you think mine might come to tolerate me too? The rest of our scenarios sound exactly the same. When they go on about how DS1 is exactly like their own sons (but DS2 who looks just like me gets 'oh he doesnt' look at all like his brother does he?') I have to refrain from saying 'but its ok he has my brains'

ChristmasSendsMePsycho · 17/12/2007 17:12

i feel like this about my family, but then they bought it all on themselves!!!!

they 'disowned' me when I had baby no.5 as they thought me irrisponsible to not know how I got in that state. It wasn't as tho I was a silly teenager on no 5 partner, no 5 baby just to get a council flat. oooh no, same dad, room in our home/hearts/car/family and DH works hard for us all so I can stay hoem to look after them.

I am very privileged and know it and am happy yet they aren't and so haven't spoken to me since I announced DS2 was on his way (he is now 5.6yrs, so has now been 6yrs since I saw them all, and they haven't even met him.

I know it is thro jealousy tho, as both my half-sister and half-brother wanted large families each yet H-sis had two boys and then her DH left her by having an affair, and with H-brother his wife only ever wanted one child so got sterilised after their son which cut him up. (and also H-sis told me why...she said she couldn't handle me being happy)

jealousy is horrid.......very distructing!

anyway......families......can't choose em, but at least you don't have to admit they are your's all the time.

fircone · 17/12/2007 17:14

Flibbertinseljinglebells (have I got that right?!) - you've got my mil.

If she likes a grandchild, it looks like their side of the family. If she doesn't, then it takes after the dil. I knew dd was doomed when at three days old mil said she had my personality

WinkyWinkola · 17/12/2007 18:59

I cant tolerate my PIL for 24 hours then I start to get v. ratty. I know why I don't like them much.

They are controlling. They do things like not tell DH when the funeral of a relative is so he doesn't travel up for it because MIL thinks he doesn't need to be there. DH wanted to be there!

They think anyone who doesn't want to live where they live, the way they lived (i.e. two children and a dog) is mad. Needless to say our way of life is completely different to theirs which surprises and annoys them.

My children looks just like theirs when they were babies. (They don't).

They constantly bitch about other relatives including their daughter who holds them at arms length.

They go mad when they're not invited to the opening of an envelope.

I feel toxic after their constant harping. And because we don't see much of them (which makes me very glad), I feel guilty and have agreed to go away with them for five days for the sake of the DCs. I've a feeling I won't be doing it again because I'll need time to flush away all the nasty comments and suffocation.

bookofchristmascarolsmum · 17/12/2007 19:19

My bf is driving me mad at the moment. Does that count?

Original poster
deenymcqueenygoreandguts · 17/12/2007 19:22

yes it counts.
why is he getting on your nerves???

OP posts:
dooley1 · 17/12/2007 19:25

I am the same with my inlaws.
When I try to explain to people why they make me grit my teeth in rage it sounds so petty and childish but I just can't help it. It is mostly MIL. She never stops talking, talks cmplete crap most of the time and repeats the same old boring stories endlessly, she talks in cliches and she never ever stops talkign about food. we invited them down just after Xmas. She immediately said she would bring this and that, prepare this meal etc. What if i don't want her in my effing kitchen cooking with a vat load of lard...
Dh feels mostly the same way but makes me feel guilty because apparently she acts differewntly around me, treads on eggshells as she has according to him picked up on my rage
Current bugbear is we've just moved into a bigger house and now he wants his parents to stay here, in my house, instead of in a hotel like they usually do. I know I probably sound horridly selfish and unreasonable but I didn't relaise how lucky I was that they never actually stayed here

pollyannainexcelsis · 17/12/2007 19:31

I am the same with my inlaws. For the first 10 years, I was justified, as my MIL was completely horrible to me - to my face, and behind my back. But in the last few years, she has been fine (although we will never have lots in common).

And now, even her voice, irritates the hell out of me. I can't bear to see her at all, and avoid answering the phone in the evenings when I think she will ring.

I once saw a video of myself at her house and I look like such a miserable old cow .

I just avoid seeing her now.

I am also unreasonably intolerant of short people

WinkyWinkola · 17/12/2007 20:11

@ Pollyanna and short people. My mum always told me to watch out for short people as they're "very ambitious and will stab you in the back."

And Dooley, your MIL is just like mine. Talks crp the whole* time.

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