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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I am unreasonable but i just cant help it, and i dont know why?

57 replies

deenymcqueenygoreandguts · 17/12/2007 16:07

about my in laws.
i cant help it,
i scowl at what ever happens to them. I have no patience and very little tolerance.

im an evil wich quite honestly,
my question to you is,

Do you have an unreasonable intolereance to some one and can you explain why?

OP posts:

mimi03 · 17/12/2007 20:13

thank god it not just me!

gingerninja · 17/12/2007 20:13

McQueeny, I'm the same with MIL. I can feel my blood begining to boil just thinking about her. Totally irrational and I'm not like it with anyone else.

london11 · 17/12/2007 20:17

I feel exactly the same about my SIL. She does nothing particularly wrong (most of the time) and I love my neice to bits but just the sight of SIL's name on the telephone caller display makes me feel unreasonably annoyed!

gingerninja · 17/12/2007 20:20

Pollyanna, LOL at short people thing. I'm short and I also find short middle aged women weird. Think it's because a) it's my furture looking at me and b) it's that whole adult child thing (like in the way people dress their kids up in adult clothes ie suits for little boys etc etc)

bossybaublesinherbritches · 17/12/2007 20:23

"When I try to explain to people why they make me grit my teeth in rage it sounds so petty and childish but I just can't help it. It is mostly MIL. She never stops talking, talks complete crap most of the time and repeats the same old boring stories endlessly, she talks in cliches...."

Dooley do we have the same MIL?????

I always sound so petty when I try & explain why MIl is so nasty. She is VERY clever at sliping in snidey comments to me when I'm on my own. She upsets my DD1 who she doesn't like as she's shy & clams up even further when MIL snaps things at her like "what's up-cat got your tongue?" whilst beaming round at everyone to show how clever she is.

Sorry this has turned into an anti-MIL rant

bravissimo · 17/12/2007 20:45

God I feel like this too!! MIL just talks constantly about herself, never has a nice word to say about anybody everything is a criticism of someone as if they are the only people capable of making a good decision - will bring up things that happened years ago as examples of how bad someone is, gossips and spreads rumours about everybody including her own best friends and generally can't be bothered to help other people out including members of her own family. If she does end up doing anything then she will have to go on about it forever as if she's a saint!!

Anyone else this wouldn't bother me but i just get so annoyed even though she has always been nice to me. I wish i could be more rational and tolerating but I get so childish and irrational where she is concerned! The strange thing is when i am with her I like her - it's just when I am not with her that I start to get annoyed about her. God I need to stop now - I wish i wasn't so pathetic.

bookofchristmascarolsmum · 17/12/2007 20:53

Well it's a bit of a long story but he is refusing to tell his parents that we got engaged at the end of August so I've called it off (they are quite difficult people and are stuck in their ways but even so). I think 4 months is quite long enough to be able to broach the subject, esp in someone in their 30s . He'd bought a ring and was talking about May for a wedding so it wasn't complete imagination on my part. I do feel rather peeved though.

bookofchristmascarolsmum · 17/12/2007 20:54

I'm saying bf out of habit btw .

scanner · 17/12/2007 21:11

Oh my goodness I have a similar situation, but I'm so much more horible than you lot because my MIL is lovely and I still find her anoying . If I told you why I find her irritating it would sound pathetic.

Our upbringings were very different although our families are fairly similar in terms of income etc. He's from the North with very religious traditional parents and I was brought up in London with divorced 60's liberal parents.

The worst thing is that the more I get ratty with her the harder she tries and sure enough the harder she tries the more anoying I find her. I am an old bag.

bookofchristmascarolsmum · 17/12/2007 21:17

Sounds like she's trying too hard. Maybe if you both just relaxed a bit things would be easier?

RIELOVESBACARDI · 17/12/2007 21:21

mil and step daughter

Quattrocento · 17/12/2007 21:27

Oh Pollyanna I am so glad that you said you were unreasonably intolerant of short people.

I thought it was just me!

gingerninja · 17/12/2007 21:29

My MIL is just so bloody miserable. She is negative. Her moany voice, constantly complaining . Ahhh, she's so old fashioned. She's not prepared to accept that anything created since 1950 has any value. Thinks that she's the only one who can succesfully raise children. Thinks (has never said but doesn't need to) that I'm some kind of half a woman for a) working b) having a child that doesn't sleep c) having a DH that cooks and changes nappies and puts his DD to bed (outrageous)

I hate the fact that she is a tactless cow and feels that it's acceptable to question someones clothes, hair etc etc yet fails to notice her own. She has plenty of money but pleads poverty. She thinks that all women LP are just out for a council house, has a Daily Mail style attitude towards ethnic groups. It's almost the fact that she seems so oblivious to the inappropriateness that annoys me more than what she has to say.

Not sure if I explained that properly but I feel a lot better because of it. MN is good therapy

ItCameUponAMidnightClara · 17/12/2007 21:30

I could've written the OP. No matter how nice, inoffensive, and normal they are, I tense up and find myself incredibly irritated.

ItsGrimUpNorth · 17/12/2007 21:48

Mine is just thick.

She seems to think that if everybody does something i.e. leave baby to cry, leave children alone whilst out for dinner (but the McCann's were so silly to do that) etc, it's ok. I'd expect that kind of argument from an 8 year old.

But she's 54, never worked, sits at home, stares at photos of her DCs and cooks up great grudges against people. Including me for not letting decide when my chidren should do certain things.

I'm really worried about when FIL retires and then they'll both be sitting there, brewing resentments through boredom.

ItsGrimUpNorth · 17/12/2007 21:49

I mean she said the McCanns were silly to do that, not me. When she'd done it herself. Sorry. Very tired.

Wisteria · 17/12/2007 21:56

PMSL at cooking up resentments - am sure that is how my MIL spends her time!!

peanutbear · 17/12/2007 21:57

i too have an irrational ;oathing of my in laws, they are odd to say the least she smells, never talks except to tell me things i should be doing that I am not,

and he keeps telling me to support dh whatever his decisions that apparently is my only function in life

i could go on but its all very mundane stuff that drives me mental

ItsGrimUpNorth · 17/12/2007 21:59

But I also worry that I'm going to end up like that, bearing grudges, feeling resentful because I don't have young children anymore, my DILs won't let me see my GCs every day. Is that what old age is - full of anger and bitterness? That's what my PILs seem to represent. It bothers me a lot.

Wisteria · 17/12/2007 22:04

I think old age only becomes like that if you have no life outside your lo's.

My Dad is entirely opposite but he has a whirling social life (opera or theatre every other night) and masses of friends to stay. He has recently turned his house into a B&B as he enjoys entertaining!

WinkyWinkola · 17/12/2007 22:08

I think you're right, Wisteria. It's so important to have one's own interests.

I intend to grow old disgracefully and have gin at 4pm every day, way earlier than the cocktail hour, have ballroom dancing lessons (staggering about from gin consumption) and learn Italian for no other reason than because it's a beautiful language. DH wants to learn Chinese but it so phlegmy and grimacy, that language.

I reckon a lot more DIL/PIL relations would be healthier if the PIL had lots of outside interests instead of just GCs.

Flibbertinseljinglebells · 17/12/2007 23:41

Fircone we can't share the same mil as bil's gf, her other dil, is PERFECT.
So it can't be you!! (btw you can call me flibberty hee hee)
Perversely I can't wait to see them over xmas - our 18m ds2 is already trying to pull his trousers down and saying 'wee poo', his talking is much better than DS1 (the dp/bil clone) ha ha.
Just while we are on the subject of her finding dp clones more attractive than flibberty clones, when she came to visit DS1 in hosp 24 hours old, I was holding him so she couldn't see his face till I handed him over. I'll never forget the gasping type speak she did 'oh - OH! - he's beaUUUUUTIFUL!!!'
Well what did she expect out of my perfect fanjo?????

ninedragons · 18/12/2007 02:39

PMSL at Flibbert's perfect fanjo.

I (and, proving that it's not just me, my husband) are the same with my FIL. He is the archetypal know-it-all, and I don't think I've ever heard him say anything that didn't start with "What you want to do is....."

Our light switches are dirty (they're not) and we'll get diseases from them, the reason his key snapped off in our lock was not that he tried to force it to turn the wrong way but that we don't squirt WD40 into the locks weekly, our furniture is in the wrong position, we are throwing our money away renting in a country that we'll only probably live in for two years, drink driving laws do not apply to him because he is an excellent driver, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Last time they came to stay, I said we had disaster recovery training at work and had to sit in a warehouse in the outer suburbs for a week seeing if we could get the computer systems up and running in case of terrorist attack or bird flu pandemic. Complete lie, of course. Husband and I sat in a bar for a week getting sh*tfaced and creeping in late at night.

He's banned from our house. Which is a shame for MIL, who is absolutely lovely.

Flibbertinseljinglebells · 18/12/2007 12:17

Thankfully for us my il's have a revolting dog which is 1/4 pitbull so of course we are completely justified in banning it from our house with 2 small boys. Which they think is unreasonable as the dog 'wouldn't hurt a fly' so they hardly visit and when they do its only for an hour or so and they have to leave the dog in their car.
And before all the dog lovers start on, we are in a 2 roomed house with no internal doors downstairs so we can't put the dog in another room and I wouldn't have it in the house even if I lived in a mansion as it swims in a lake every morning and STINKS.

bossybaublesinherbritches · 18/12/2007 15:16

tee-hee- I'm a dog -lover Flib & even I wouldn't have agreed to having THAT in the house!!

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