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Original poster

Let myself go...DH says

457 replies

Embarrassed1987 · 04/12/2021 19:31

DH and I have just had a big row.

He’s been grumpy all afternoon and I asked him what was wrong and he’s just blurted out that he doesn’t understand what’s wrong with me 😔

That I’ve massively let myself go and that I don’t look anything like the woman he married. He’s right I know, which is awful.

I’ve gained weight, I was a size 10 and now a size 14.

My hair is brushed and clean but now my only upkeep is going to the salon every couple of months to get rid of split ends. When we met I’d have balayage and styled my hair regularly.

I rarely wear make up now, when I used to wear the usuals, tinted moisturiser, blush, get my brows and lashes done.

I do dress okay when I’m out and about but tonight I was wearing my big dressing gown and PJs (not very attractive I know)

This has hurt, and I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
lisaandalan · 05/12/2021 22:52

Tell him if he wants to give you the money to have your hair done every week and nails and that done he's more than welcome.
That's if you don't mind going to get these things done, I love it and gets you out of the house for a few hours.
On the plus side as well at least he's told you so you can do something about it if you want to.
It hurts but at least he's honest rather than looking else where. X

lisaandalan · 05/12/2021 22:54

Make him look after your daughter more at the weekend so you can go off an beautify yourself if you want to. X

Booklover3 · 06/12/2021 11:05

Are you ok @Embarrassed1987 Flowers

me4real · 06/12/2021 12:29

People who think 14 isn’t overweight are in denial.

No. It's at about a 16 that people are overweight according to the BMI (or maybe a large 14 IDK.) At a 14 most people are robust-looking but not overweight. Of course it varies from person to person.

Malibuismysecrethome · 06/12/2021 12:56

Some people are skinny and look like the back of a bus and some larger girls rock. Sick of you having to be a size 6/8 to be attractive.

girlmom21 · 06/12/2021 13:02

@Malibuismysecrethome

Some people are skinny and look like the back of a bus and some larger girls rock. Sick of you having to be a size 6/8 to be attractive.
Nobody said that. OP was never a size 8.
user1471538283 · 06/12/2021 13:10

I would get myself back to work as soon as I could.

You haven't changed that much you just have a different priority now you are a mother. He ought to see the state of me some days!

What is wrong with people?

pictish · 06/12/2021 13:21

@me4real

People who think 14 isn’t overweight are in denial.

No. It's at about a 16 that people are overweight according to the BMI (or maybe a large 14 IDK.) At a 14 most people are robust-looking but not overweight. Of course it varies from person to person.

Not true. All but a few 14s will be overweight on the BMI. That's not to say they look it...but they still are.
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 06/12/2021 13:25

Come on. This is exactly why there is a weight problem in this country - people who think size 14 isn’t overweight and hide behind BMIs. It does look overweight, the majority of the time. Everyone just thinks they are in the minority and don’t look overweight.

Immaculatemisconception · 06/12/2021 13:27

Using a BMI as a good guide has recently been discredited, to some extent, as it doesn't measure how much fat a person has and how it is distributed.

It's also unreliable for athletes and older people. I would definitely argue that the vast majority of size 14s aren't overweight.

GiveYourHeadAWobble · 06/12/2021 13:28

That’s unfair of him. None of us are teenagers anymore. We have different priorities now, and less time and inclination for rushing off to the salon every couple of days.

MrsFeatherDuster · 06/12/2021 13:28

This was me a few years ago. I was slobbing on the sofa in a tracksuit every evening with a book. Totally disconnected from my DH even though he is a lovely chap and does look after himself.
I asked a few questions on here and got some great advice. I started to make more effort which he enjoyed as it made him feel that there was still a relationship between us rather than just co-parents.
The change has also boosted me as I now see myself as more than just a mum. Loads of benefits if you know what I mean Wink.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 06/12/2021 14:14

I would definitely argue that the vast majority of size 14s aren't overweight

What size are you, out of interest?

simpledeer · 06/12/2021 14:16

I am a size 14 and am definitely overweight. BMI is 28 Sad

SantasGoodLittleGirl · 06/12/2021 14:24

@Embarrassed1987

I just don’t have the same time that I used to, we have a daughter who is 2 and she takes up a huge amount of time. So much so that some days I’m still in PJs at noon on the days she’s not at nursery (I work 3 days a week) and am a SAHM when not working.

I would like to lose weight, and I do dress nicely when we go out, do hair and makeup etc) but that’s not often at the moment!

Stop. Breathe. This is dickish man stuff.

He needs to provide you with money for clothes, beauty treatments and healthy eating for all of you as a routine (not a 'diet'), time to take care of your appearance and time for exercise that you enjoy. Plus, sufficient outings to make all that work worthwhile. If he isn't doing that, he hasn't a leg to stand on. There's no justification for his comments. He's the main breadwinner at present, your care is part of his responsibility.

Immaculatemisconception · 06/12/2021 15:04

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

I would definitely argue that the vast majority of size 14s aren't overweight

What size are you, out of interest?

Fuck off, it's none of your business. Grin
Golightly133 · 06/12/2021 15:24

I would seriously advise you ignoring him and getting on with your life,
My dh said the same sort of thing when I had my 3rd dd (3rd child in 3 years) I was working full time my, job was from home so worked long late hours. I was the main earner. Didn’t have time to scratch myself. To be Honest I was hurt and did make more of an effort.
Then he had an accident which left him disabled had to stop working did my love for him change because he’s no longer capable of all the things he was before or not the same no because he’s still my dh whichever way you look at it. My advice is be you do what ever suits you
Life is too short x x

coogee · 06/12/2021 15:35

No. It's at about a 16 that people are overweight according to the BMI

Regardless of their height?

Sillawithans · 06/12/2021 15:36

This is such a delicate subject.
I'll get shot down here but is there any truth in what he said?

Immaculatemisconception · 06/12/2021 15:47

@coogee

No. It's at about a 16 that people are overweight according to the BMI

Regardless of their height?

That's part of the problem with a BMI. It's such a general guide and doesn't take everything into account. Waist measurement is now seen as more important.
girlmom21 · 06/12/2021 15:58

@Sillawithans

This is such a delicate subject. I'll get shot down here but is there any truth in what he said?
The only reason you're going to get shot down is for not actually reading the OP where she said she knows he's right and listed the reasons why.
Immaculatemisconception · 06/12/2021 16:02

What baffles me about the makeup wearing, nice clothes, fake tanners, for DH, do you get out of bed before he wakes up to throw all that lot on? Grin

SallyWD · 06/12/2021 16:05

I can only understand his comment if he's genuinely worried about you, concerned you might be depressed or something. Then it kind of makes sense when he said he doesn't know "what's wrong with you". Have you been feeling depressed OP? If it's just a case of you putting on a few pounds and spending less time on your appearance (like nearly every other new mum) then he's being really mean! I put on a lot of weight with my second and my husband never mentioned it. Not once. He knew that if I wanted to lose weight I would do so in my own time - and I did. I would have been very hurt by those comments.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 06/12/2021 16:07

Regardless of their height?

Every BMI calculator I’ve ever used takes into account your height

userxx · 06/12/2021 16:09

@drpet49

I’d be glad my partner could be that honest with me.
Me too, then I'd tell him to fuck off.