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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off my husband lost his wedding jacket?

459 replies

Terribleluck · 04/12/2021 03:09

He went on his Christmas do and not only did he decide it was on to walk home 2 miles in not the best weather (I still can't believe his friends would let him do that) but he lost our wedding jacket, that does make very, very pissed off/sad.

OP posts:
usernameshistory · 04/12/2021 04:57

It all sounds incredibly tense and controlling on your part. These things happen... Losing sentimental stuff is hard but it really is one of those things in life.

ILikeYourButt · 04/12/2021 04:58

I literally wouldn’t give a fuck about this.

usernameshistory · 04/12/2021 05:00

Oh I see this is something else altogether. Mislaying stuff is inevitable when drunk too.

CloudyStorms · 04/12/2021 05:00

If you're going to wear your wedding outfits out and about you have to accept they might get damaged or in the case of the jacket, left behind. Just like normal clothes. If anyone is going to be upset about it then he is, I'm not sure why you particularly even care.

GiltEdges · 04/12/2021 05:02

I think some posters are missing the point that we wear our wedding outfits every now and then for special occasions that mean something to us.

Pretty sure nobody missed it. Doesn't in any way change the outcome. If it's lost, it's lost. People lose things sometimes. Fine to be momentarily sad. Not fine to dwell and make him feel even worse about it.

sheusesmagazines · 04/12/2021 05:03

I would be annoyed too but then I'd try to let it go. You'll probably be able to get it back tomorrow - coming from someone who has lost lots of things whilst drunk over the years Blush

user1481840227 · 04/12/2021 05:04

@Terribleluck

He's completely passed out do how is this the silent treatment? It's not like we can have a conversation. I'm not pissed off he went out, but that he changed what we had agreed on. I was supposed to go and get him around 12, not try to figure out where he was at 3 in the morning.
Well I assumed this must have happened a previous night as you said "I'm sure he just thought it was easier in the long run to walk home... But he would have got here soaking wet at around 5 in the morning (if he even got here!) "

So I assumed he had got home at 5am last night or whenever as it couldn't have been tonight as you posted the thread before that.
Are you saying he didn't walk or run home??

Your posts are disjointed so they are hard to understand.

CloudyStorms · 04/12/2021 05:04

People lose things sometimes. Fine to be momentarily sad. Not fine to dwell and make him feel even worse about it I agree. If someone loses or breaks something sentimental then it's better to be supportive, think of ideas like ringing the bars or generally be like oh sorry its lost my dear but we still have the memories etc. Not be angry.

user1481840227 · 04/12/2021 05:06

Totally understand that you're annoyed that he went back on what you agreed on, I lived with a problem drinker so I understand the frustration there but if it's a once off then it happens.

Original poster
Terribleluck · 04/12/2021 05:09

What I meant was that his wonderful plan of just walking home (in his drunk mind) would have meant he'd get home around 5... He was planning to walk more than 2 miles at a very slow pace in the pouring rain.

OP posts:
user1481840227 · 04/12/2021 05:10

So did you in fact collect him?

Original poster
Terribleluck · 04/12/2021 05:12

Yes, I did. I was awake anyways and it's not really that safe to walk these roads especially when drunk (and I think he could have got lost, the shortcut to our home is through a foresty bit).

OP posts:
Aprilx · 04/12/2021 05:16

If you wear your wedding clothes on regular nights out then you need to accept that they won’t last forever. They could be damaged, lost, stolen or just generally succumb to wear and tear. I must admit I have never heard of a man keeping a “wedding jacket” before but that is another matter.

Anyway I don’t think that is what this is about, it really seems like you didn’t want him to go out. And you need stop blaming other people for him drinking more than you approve of and not coming home at a certain time. You sound very controlling.

Original poster
Terribleluck · 04/12/2021 05:26

No, I genuinely didn't mind he went out. I had my own mini sleepover with the kiddos. We watched a film, had some snacks. I did some work related stuff and keeping myself busy to just go and get him like we agreed at the time we agreed. I did expect him to get this wasted, I mean every Christmas do something happens, a couple of years ago I had to give him a bath, and the one before they had to help me carry him upstairs. But he told me it was definitely going to be a quiet night tonight because of other factors (including getting his booster in a fee hors) and I believed him. So I basically didn't sleep at all (I have trouble sleeping in general anyways). But in general I think I just now have a negative outlook to his drinking. It doesn't happen that often, but a couple of times it hasn't been harmless so I don't have lot of tolerance left in me anyways. (And the jacket was the cherry on top).

OP posts:
VividGemini · 04/12/2021 05:29

If he wears it then there's always been the possibility that it wild get lost or damaged. If you wanted him to keep it you should have asked he don't wear it surely?

Longdistance · 04/12/2021 05:30

Well, at least it wasn’t two wedding rings Hmm

Original poster
Terribleluck · 04/12/2021 05:33

I really didn't think he'd lose it, he's never lost anything! (This is the first time) besides he looked proper handsome and told him it was a great look!

OP posts:
WeeTattieBogle · 04/12/2021 05:34

@Terribleluck

Well it obviously doesn't help that we agreed he'd call me to pick him up, but never did. And he didn't answer his phone... But I'm really more annoyed with his friends about that. I'm not against him having a good time, but just either keep me posted or Kae sure you get home safely. I don't think I'm asking for anything too unreasonable.
Do be honest it seems he’s treated more like a child than a man by you and his workmates.
user1481840227 · 04/12/2021 05:35

@Terribleluck

No, I genuinely didn't mind he went out. I had my own mini sleepover with the kiddos. We watched a film, had some snacks. I did some work related stuff and keeping myself busy to just go and get him like we agreed at the time we agreed. I did expect him to get this wasted, I mean every Christmas do something happens, a couple of years ago I had to give him a bath, and the one before they had to help me carry him upstairs. But he told me it was definitely going to be a quiet night tonight because of other factors (including getting his booster in a fee hors) and I believed him. So I basically didn't sleep at all (I have trouble sleeping in general anyways). But in general I think I just now have a negative outlook to his drinking. It doesn't happen that often, but a couple of times it hasn't been harmless so I don't have lot of tolerance left in me anyways. (And the jacket was the cherry on top).
Ah you see, with a clearer picture of it then it's so much easier to understand why you' feel this way.

I need to get to bed myself but will follow up tomorrow. I hope you manage to get some sleep x

Pinksloth · 04/12/2021 05:36

@Terribleluck

No, I genuinely didn't mind he went out. I had my own mini sleepover with the kiddos. We watched a film, had some snacks. I did some work related stuff and keeping myself busy to just go and get him like we agreed at the time we agreed. I did expect him to get this wasted, I mean every Christmas do something happens, a couple of years ago I had to give him a bath, and the one before they had to help me carry him upstairs. But he told me it was definitely going to be a quiet night tonight because of other factors (including getting his booster in a fee hors) and I believed him. So I basically didn't sleep at all (I have trouble sleeping in general anyways). But in general I think I just now have a negative outlook to his drinking. It doesn't happen that often, but a couple of times it hasn't been harmless so I don't have lot of tolerance left in me anyways. (And the jacket was the cherry on top).
Sorry but you sound controlling. He goes out a few times a year and gets a bit drunk which inconveniences you but nothing else. I agree with the PP it sounds like you don't like him going out without you.
Original poster
Terribleluck · 04/12/2021 05:41

The other times I have found them hilarious, but this is the first time he goes out again after he lost his license and having to call the police (two separate events). He said quiet evening, don't worry just pick me up between 11-12... Very different to him not answering the phone and walking the roads by himself at 3am. I know he won't remember anything anyways.

OP posts:
MordredsOrrery · 04/12/2021 05:48

I'm not bothered about the jacket but somewhat surprised that you couldn't leave your kids for an evening but went out in the middle of the night to collect your H. Did you take them with you or leave them at home?

CeeceeBloomingdale · 04/12/2021 05:52

It's a none event. It's a jacket and he's an adult who appears to enjoy himself annually. DH outgrew his as he put on weight, it was never going to last forever. Also he didn't appear to walk home as you keep posting, as you also say you picked him up. 2 miles is nothing! Did you leave the kids alone to pick him up or get them out of bed? Maybe he was trying to avoid either of those options. He would have been warmer walking than standing waiting for you. I would justvcall the venue and see if the jacket is in lost property instead of all the angst.

GiltEdges · 04/12/2021 05:55

@MordredsOrrery

I'm not bothered about the jacket but somewhat surprised that you couldn't leave your kids for an evening but went out in the middle of the night to collect your H. Did you take them with you or leave them at home?
I was wondering the same thing.
VividGemini · 04/12/2021 05:58

@Terribleluck

I really didn't think he'd lose it, he's never lost anything! (This is the first time) besides he looked proper handsome and told him it was a great look!
If its the first time he's ever lost anything you really can't take it out on him, he's clearly mindful of his belongings and losing one thing once is bad luck rather than negligence.