Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so upset about Arthur is it normal

741 replies

Onthedowns · 03/12/2021 16:37

I just cannot stop crying. I know it's another thread but listening to those recordings of that poor boy i have been physically sick and so upset. I have cuddled my children so hard. I came from an abusive background but nothing like him.

I feel completely irrational

Coupled with covid what has happened to society 😔

OP posts:
immersivereader · 03/12/2021 18:04

Yeah I'm not listening to that.

Let's hope both those two have a very hard time in jail.

upaladderagain · 03/12/2021 18:05

Just knowing the bare bones of the case is upsetting enough. I turned off the tv news yesterday, but have still thought about nothing but that poor child all day. The thought of listening to his voice or seeing him (had he been shown in by? Surely to god not) is just too much.
Reading his father's words"Just end him" made me cry.

littleburn · 03/12/2021 18:05

@Noeuf

Yeah it’s weird how people are hugging their children right and posting messages to Arthur on MN. It’s appalling abuse but there has and always will be abuse. Do something useful rather than listening to his active suffering over and over - donate to nspcc, take an interest in safeguarding knowledge, volunteer to work somewhere with deprived kids - even just buy charity Christmas cards.
What makes you think that people aren't donating and thinking about how they can help change things? If they want to also talk about how it has affected them, what's wrong with that? It's an incredibly disturbing case. Even the judge described it as one of the worst he has had to listen to.

To be honest I find the cool girl posturing over how unemotional we should all be much more disturbing than any overt displays of grief.

RealBecca · 03/12/2021 18:06

There's clearly snough warnings on the recorded material to know what its likely to contain.

I cannot understand why anyone would seek it out or keep listening once they knew what it was.

It should never have been made public and i think there are some disgusting people out there, people that PAY to hear that sort of material, using it in disgusting ways.

If he was my child I would be sickened to have his recording out there, never mind people talking about how much its affected them.

Be upset, sure, we all are. Its normal.

But OP, i mean it kondly, tou need to back way from this depressing hole you're falling into - covid has zero relevance and youd be better spending your time constructively on things to improve your mental health rather than start threads like this.

Threads that the poor grandparents might stumble on, now or in the future, whilst trying to cope.

Ive read a couple comments and skipped to the end of the thread because reading this is like watching a car accident knowing there are fatalities.

abcdeg · 03/12/2021 18:06

@royco

If you didn't cry or feel a bit sick you probably haven't read about this case.

This is silly.

You didn't feel sick reading what happened to after? Nothing? That's more unusual than crying.

SealHouse · 03/12/2021 18:07

@royco

To be honest, I forced myself to watch the cctv and listen to the audio. I didn't want to, but I felt somehow that I should. I can't really explain it. Something about not wanting to turn my face away from what the poor child suffered. Almost out of respect for little Arthur. I don't know if that makes any sense.

No! Doesn't make sense.

Maybe not, but I really didn't know what was the right thing to do. This case has affected people deeply, perhaps more than any of the other horrific child abuse murder cases and everyone has to process it in their own way. I think little Arthur will be on people's minds for some time to come.
Adirondack · 03/12/2021 18:08

It is a terrible story and the fact that he really recognised how awful his life was in the comments he made is just heartbreaking. I remember reacting very emotionally to the baby P story as I’d recently had a baby, and I do think all your emotions and responses to cruelty to children are especially heightened when you have a very small needy baby. I recall details of that case (baby P), in particular the fact that he had had a fingernail entirely ripped out in the days before he died, and that he died alone in his cot, suffering terribly. I really hope karma is real for these people who abuse children in this way.

Atla · 03/12/2021 18:09

It's a horrible case, beyond awful to think of the suffering if that poor little boy. I have avoided reading or watching too much about it, precisely because it is so upsetting.

I'm generally quite thick skinned, but I cried the other night watching the coverage of the enquiry into the Manchester bombing and the parents of that little girl Saffie-Rose that was killed. I think because my daughter is around the same age and it is just so senseless and tragic.

RealBecca · 03/12/2021 18:10

And child abuse or suspicions should be enough to report, noone needs to hear this to know they should act if they suspect something.

royco · 03/12/2021 18:11

You didn't feel sick reading what happened to after? Nothing? That's more unusual than crying.

No. I felt anger mainly, and real sadness for Arthur.

Didn't feel 'physically sick' or whatever.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 03/12/2021 18:12

I keep focusing on the fact that it seems like the majority of his life was very happy with a loving mother. He did know love and happiness. Just keep focussing on that.

That and the fact I hope those cunts get some serious prison experiences

ComputerIsLoading · 03/12/2021 18:13

@Ellen888

This is what the Moors Murders did years ago - abused children and recorded it. They were sexual sadists. The recordings were played in court. In those days they were allowed to have an all-male jury. The death penalty was in force when they were caught but had been abolished by the time they had been tried and convicted. These sort of cases are a very good reason to me for bringing back the Death Penalty. (Dons hard hat and retreats to bunker)
Totally agree!
royco · 03/12/2021 18:14

seems like the majority of his life was very happy

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I don't think he was happy. His mother suffered awful abuse that Arthur would have been witness to.

tallduckandhandsome · 03/12/2021 18:14

This case has affected people deeply, perhaps more than any of the other horrific child abuse murder cases

But why more though? Baby P, Daniel Pelka, James Bulger, Victoria Climbie were all equally horrific. I don't get why people want to quantify the level of horror, why each murder has to be considered worse than the last one.

abcdeg · 03/12/2021 18:14

@royco

You didn't feel sick reading what happened to after? Nothing? That's more unusual than crying.

No. I felt anger mainly, and real sadness for Arthur.

Didn't feel 'physically sick' or whatever.

So why are you mad at others if you also felt emotional? I don't get it, a boy was brutally abused and people are bothered because others are tearful.

Just because I haven't been physically sick, don't mean others can't be. Someone else with a boy the same age, or someone who was abused themselves or is just particularly empathetic will be distressed, why does anyone care if others are sad, let alone be offended by it

Rhannion · 03/12/2021 18:15

It’s normal to be very upset and distressed by this, I think most people are. It’s truly heartbreaking and I feel so sorry for Arthur’s relatives who tried to save him.
I agree that the video and recording should not be in the public domain( I haven’t listened or watched, & won’t)
I remember once hearing the vile recording of Lesley Anne , one of the victims of moors murders and it’s haunted me ever since. Some times ignorance is bliss.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 03/12/2021 18:15

Although I will say actually a lot of people on here have been referencing Victoria climbie, who I had never heard of. I couldn’t get further than her Wikipedia introduction I had to close it and I can’t stop thinking about even that. These cases are just unspeakably terrible and it’s normal to feel strongly affected.

Innocenta · 03/12/2021 18:15

[quote tallduckandhandsome]@Innocenta I'm not saying anyone is lying, but I've seen so many posts from people saying they feel physically sick and I highly doubt that they all are. For the most part it's hyperbole and hints that they must feel stronger than other people.[/quote]
I think it's also wrong for PP to claim that a 'normal' response is to feel X or to feel Y (and thus suggesting you are wrong not to feel sick).

Some feelings may be more common than others. None of these feelings are wrong.

Some people react to distressing news or content by going numb or shutting down. Some avoid such content as much as they can, not wanting to be overwhelmed by responses they don't feel in control of.

Human emotions are just really damn hard, and it's an area where we need to have a bit of grace for each other. No one knows what another poster's childhood was like - it will hit everyone differently for a million different reasons.

AndreaC67 · 03/12/2021 18:15

Maybe not, but I really didn't know what was the right thing to do. This case has affected people deeply, perhaps more than any of the other horrific child abuse murder cases and everyone has to process it in their own way. I think little Arthur will be on people's minds for some time to come

No he wont, he will be forgotten, like all the other terrible child murders there has been, just as all the inquiries and recommendations are forgotten until the next abuse murder takes place.
R4 said tonight that the last abuse inquiry said privatisation and staff cut backs needed to be addressed, i think that was into the death of Peter Connelly (BabyP) yet what actually happened? more cuts and out sourcing.

How many people on here knew his name, rather than Baby P and he suffered abuse beyond imagination.

Swirlywoo · 03/12/2021 18:15

This is a really odd thread. That's not even including the bit about us all bring cold and heartless Confused

Akire · 03/12/2021 18:15

We didn’t have video of those children in pain or audio of hearing those children cry. That’s what makes it seem worse although of course suffering is horrific for them all.

FourTeaFallOut · 03/12/2021 18:15

@RealBecca

And child abuse or suspicions should be enough to report, noone needs to hear this to know they should act if they suspect something.
It's rubbernecking.
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 03/12/2021 18:16

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I don't think he was happy. His mother suffered awful abuse that Arthur would have been witness to

Happier, then. He had favourite stories and books she read, he did well at school. His home life would have been bad but he had a mother who loved him. It certainly wasn’t anywhere near the final 3 months of his life.

royco · 03/12/2021 18:18

So why are you mad at others if you also felt emotional? I don't get it, a boy was brutally abused and people are bothered because others are tearful.

I'm not 'mad'. I've been vocal with my opinion that that footage shouldn't be in the public domain.

I also dislike the competitive grieving, ie making threads and claiming they've been sick etc.

MarmitesMyMate · 03/12/2021 18:18

There's not much that makes me feel sick to my stomach! But this.. This actually brings me such anger.. To wish them evil b@stards get a long slow beating for the rest of their lives. That poor child he shouldn't have to be dead to be safe from them. As for SS how could they not of looked deeper into things. This happens far too often