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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be so upset about Arthur is it normal

741 replies

Onthedowns · 03/12/2021 16:37

I just cannot stop crying. I know it's another thread but listening to those recordings of that poor boy i have been physically sick and so upset. I have cuddled my children so hard. I came from an abusive background but nothing like him.

I feel completely irrational

Coupled with covid what has happened to society 😔

OP posts:
Kippersfortea · 05/12/2021 12:10

Instead of giving him CPR like advised on the 999 call, Tustin went next door and got her neighbour to give the boy CPR as she was a nurse. Apparently she thought she would be able to fix anything. I feel sorry for the call operator, that neighbour and the paramedics, and everyone who worked on his hospital team because by the time she called 999 there jobs were fighting futilely against the inevitable. They will all be traumatised by this as well. Cases like this are so far reaching, and yet don't trigger the dramatic change you'd think they would.

ElfontheShelfisLookingatYou · 05/12/2021 12:24

It's good there's are courses but if we need lone workers to take a course to say.. It's not acceptable to see a child singled out, made to do one thing for hours, pressure pointed, denied food and water, made to follow the perp around the house.. We have much bigger issues havant we.
. And we do and it's these that need to be made Clear

tallduckandhandsome · 05/12/2021 12:28

@ilovebrie8

Hairdresser stood by and did nothing ! Wrong she has blood on her hands a phone call would have saved him ...he was in a terrible state how could you let that go and keep quiet ...angryangryshe should face charges ...

I’m not actually convinced that the hairdresser and her boyfriend are all that different from most people.

Whenever I’ve seen women or children abused in the street, people have stood and watched like gormless idiots.

Kippersfortea · 05/12/2021 12:41

Oh yes absolutely, it would be great to see something like this course (knowing the warning signs and how and what to report) being part of mainstream education, or as a requirement for professional insurance. It would be a drop in a big ocean as regards wider problems, but It would be something which might wake people up to their role in safeguarding. I already was aware of a lot of it, but doing a course reminds me of what to look for. It can be easy to feel unsure, but doing a course helps build confidence and that confidence can become action. I have had to report CSA in the past (after it was disclosed to me), and although my conscience is clear as I know it was 100% the right thing to do, it was also terrifying and I didn't understand how it all worked or how to prevent it or spot the signs in future. I won't be in that position again. I don't want to feel powerless against the monsters of this world. Realistically what can I do? Not a lot. But if I can help to protect my own kids and those around us and our little corner of the world then that is something. That bit of action is all I have, but if everyone did the same we could make a big difference.

Porcupineintherough · 05/12/2021 12:54

@tallduckandhandsome there are quite a few people on here that will say intervening if you see a woman abused on the street is the worst thing you can do, as it will only lead to her getting more abuse when she gets home. Maybe they are even right? I'm guessing that if you think this way for women, then you probably act in the same way for children.

Jane335 · 05/12/2021 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 05/12/2021 13:26

[quote LizzieW1969]@Bluntness100

Agreed. People are always particularly horrified at the idea of women participating in violence towards children. Because women are supposed to be nurturers in their minds.

Hence the blame has been almost entirely focused on Tustin rather than Hughes, despite him actually being Arthur’s father.[/quote]
Baby P was another one, Peter connelly. And of course Victoria climbe. Terrible terrible prolonged child abuse, torture, and murder carried out by women.

Kippersfortea · 05/12/2021 13:56

Star Hobson case, final sitting before it goes to the jury tomorrow. Mum and her female partner. I fear there will be more to come out from the lock downs and since covid

ilovebrie8 · 05/12/2021 14:39

@Jane335 same...i can’t help it it’s cut me to the core. I hope they get their sentences changed and v soon they’ll be told they will never ever leave prison and will die there ...

tallduckandhandsome · 05/12/2021 14:58

[quote Porcupineintherough]@tallduckandhandsome there are quite a few people on here that will say intervening if you see a woman abused on the street is the worst thing you can do, as it will only lead to her getting more abuse when she gets home. Maybe they are even right? I'm guessing that if you think this way for women, then you probably act in the same way for children.[/quote]
But they don’t call the police or anything.

The hairdresser said she didn’t intervene because it didn’t feel right to interfere.

I suspect most people hide behind this.

ToykotoLosAngeles · 05/12/2021 15:10

You can call someone after the fact without intervening at the time. I have nothing but contempt for either of them for ignoring it.

HumpreyDowny · 05/12/2021 15:45

@Jane335, same here. Sentences being reviewed, they should never be allowed to see daylight or near any humans again. Here is a petition, if it reaches 300,000 it will go to government. www.change.org/p/uk-parliament-petition-to-have-arthur-labinjo-hughes-killers-given-a-whole-life-order

minitree · 05/12/2021 15:58

[quote HumpreyDowny]@Jane335, same here. Sentences being reviewed, they should never be allowed to see daylight or near any humans again. Here is a petition, if it reaches 300,000 it will go to government. www.change.org/p/uk-parliament-petition-to-have-arthur-labinjo-hughes-killers-given-a-whole-life-order[/quote]
Sentencing doesn't get decided through petition fgs

longwayoff · 05/12/2021 16:17

I'm usually a tough old girl but all I know about this is the few sentences I've heard of the coverage before I switch it off. Even that has been massively distressing and made me cry the other day. It's beyond comprehension that people can be so vile over a sustained period. They deserve all they will be getting from the other prisoners. Just unbearably hideous. It's not you with the problem OP.

Letsbekindplease · 05/12/2021 16:42

Hi. I think you are having a perfectly normal reaction. Sorry to hear about your background. I actually haven’t listened or watched anything as I too always become very emotional. When little Azaylia was dying with cancer it really affected me and I don’t want to be like that again

Toddlerteaplease · 05/12/2021 16:56

Very tragic but I don'tfeel particularly upset by it. But we deal with a lot of non accidental injury at work. And you really can't let it get too you.

Mufasa1118 · 05/12/2021 16:58

When I heard about Arthur, my first thought was

"I am ashamed of humanity"

Toddlerteaplease · 05/12/2021 16:58

I also agree with the OP's saying that the videos shouldn't be published.

Mufasa1118 · 05/12/2021 17:01

I also think there should be more rules in place about what people are allowed into children's lives.

I think sadly, that there is often a primal thing in women - where they do not love children that are not theirs, and they in fact hate children that their partner has from another woman, as it reminds them of his previous girlfriend.

My dad's girlfriend was the same as Emma Tustin, bar any physical violence. She absolutely hated me because I was not her child.

Should women that are not related to the child be allowed in children's lives?

ToykotoLosAngeles · 05/12/2021 17:08

You can't police that though. I'm willing to bet there are hundreds of thousands of stepmums who are decent at the very least.

The onus here was on Thomas Fuckwit Hughes not to move in with her in the first place but god forbid he not get a shag over lockdown. The problem we have is parents who prioritise their own love life over their children - I'm not talking about a bit of moaning about a step-parent here but when there is mental and physical harm being inflicted.

Mufasa1118 · 05/12/2021 17:11

@ToykotoLosAngeles yes I agree.

I am sure there are some good stepmums out there. I hope so anyway.

Really Social services were at fault here too. If a child has massive bruises, why leave him there for God sake.

PleasantBirthday · 05/12/2021 17:15

I think the threshold for removing kids is far higher than bruises.

Mufasa1118 · 05/12/2021 18:12

@PleasantBirthday I don't think what you said is right? I dont think the threshold for removing children is far higher than bruises.

I've definitely read about cases where the children were removed from their parents after SS noticed huge bruising on the child

There is a difference in bruises too.
There are normal bruises that a child gets from playing/ bumping into things.

Then there are bruises on a child that you can tell are from Some one hitting them and are not from an accident.

Arthur's bruise was huge and it was on the back of his left shoulder. It would be very hard for a child to to bump into something with the back of his left shoulder. It was obvious that bruise came from someone hitting him.

DrSbaitso · 05/12/2021 18:28

[quote Porcupineintherough]@tallduckandhandsome there are quite a few people on here that will say intervening if you see a woman abused on the street is the worst thing you can do, as it will only lead to her getting more abuse when she gets home. Maybe they are even right? I'm guessing that if you think this way for women, then you probably act in the same way for children.[/quote]
With abused women, you also very often find that if you step in, they will turn against you and defend their abuser. I guess it's safer for them to do that, although it's alarming how often their loyalty really truly is to this shit and they're not just saying anything to avoid a beating. How often on here does a woman tell us all about her POS of a partner and, on being told he's a POS, starts defending him, saying he's lovely really, she's presented him unfairly and everyone else just doesn't know him?

It's similar to children in some ways and different in others.

HumpreyDowny · 05/12/2021 20:18

Minitree, those two things were unrelated.