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Original poster

To be so upset about Arthur is it normal

741 replies

Onthedowns · 03/12/2021 16:37

I just cannot stop crying. I know it's another thread but listening to those recordings of that poor boy i have been physically sick and so upset. I have cuddled my children so hard. I came from an abusive background but nothing like him.

I feel completely irrational

Coupled with covid what has happened to society 😔

OP posts:
ElfontheShelfisLookingatYou · 05/12/2021 09:46

I mean the hairdresser boyfriend thought he was special because be snuck the child a sip of water??

A child not a prisoner!!

Bagelsandbrie · 05/12/2021 09:47

@ElfontheShelfisLookingatYou

I mean the hairdresser boyfriend thought he was special because be snuck the child a sip of water??

A child not a prisoner!!

That really upset me too. When it was initially reported it was made to sound like he’d done some super human act of kindness. For fucks sake! Giving an obviously abused child on the brink of death half a glass of water?!! Wow big man.
MLMshouldbeillegal · 05/12/2021 09:47

[quote Mufasa1118]@Thefartingsofaofdenmarkstreet no It is not competitive!. For how bad we feel.

I think the word empath, is just a term, like someone saying they are very sensitive .

We are all upset about this, not doubt about that[/quote]
Of course it's competitive. They wouldn't be saying they were an empath if it wasn't competitive.

They are SO affected, SO upset, can't stop crying/vomiting, hugging their children SO tight, because they are EMPATHS, dontcha know. Hmm

Emotionally incontinent is a better description. Trying to turn this horrible crime into some sort of grief top trumps is just horrendous.

missfliss · 05/12/2021 09:48

Talking about it with my husband who works in a school with very vulnerable children - would safeguarding being taught to more adults be a good idea? Perhaps in the cohorts of primary entrant parents?

Safeguarding is after all every bodies responsibility but the training is only delivered to professionals by and large.

I'd be delighted to learn more so that I was more confident not only in spotting signs of abuse but also learning about the processes and mechanisms by which it can be tackled

ElfontheShelfisLookingatYou · 05/12/2021 09:52

Yoko ono hat, don't you get any safe guarding education esp after cases like Daniel pelka?

I'm astonished anyone was happy to sit with a five year old in the dark for an hour?

I thought you were going to say 5 mins! An hour!
It's so sad, people don't want to interfere, scared.

I do understand all of that which is why when people do report the people who investigate need to remember that and take it really seriously! However the law needs to change so you all should have known that's child abuse.

You should all have been aware by not reporting it you would be complicit. It's so so so much more worrying when people like this firstly feel comfortable in using these abusive punishment in other propels home.

It's also endorsing their treatment of the child by saying absolutely nothing. So your silence says its OK...

ElfontheShelfisLookingatYou · 05/12/2021 09:54

Bagel at least their testimonials helped in the end but there should have been no end.

Bagelsandbrie · 05/12/2021 09:57

@ElfontheShelfisLookingatYou

Bagel at least their testimonials helped in the end but there should have been no end.
I don’t think they had any choice but to testify in court really. It was clear that they didn’t really want to. The saddest thing about this case is how many missed chances to save him there were.
Sweetchocolatecandy · 05/12/2021 09:57

@MLMshouldbeillegal I don’t see it as some sort of grief competition at all- I think most people are genuinely upset and outraged over what’s happened and need an outlet for it, whether it’s posting on this thread or talking to family, friends etc. I can tell you exactly how I feel about it without reading any comments on this thread or feeling the need to ‘out-do’ any previous posters. You must have a very dim view of humanity if you think most people are faking being upset over a child’s death. Personally, it reassures me that most people are good and rightly horrified by what has happened.

connorkendallromanshiv · 05/12/2021 10:03

@Thefartingsofaofdenmarkstreet

So 'empaths' are going to be more upset by this case than mere mortals? Confused
Apparently.
Mufasa1118 · 05/12/2021 10:04

@MLMshouldbeillegal yes I don't think it is competitive either.

The good thing is that we are all upset about this together. It shows our humanity. And that we all want to improve child welfare. Poor little Arthur

Mufasa1118 · 05/12/2021 10:06

Why on earth are people talking about competitive grief now. It seems so strange to me.

I don't care if someone says they are an empath. Why get angry about it?

Can we get back to talking about other things now

jakesmommy · 05/12/2021 10:06

I have reported a suspected case of child abuse, 10 years ago I was waiting for a bus at my local bus stop with my then 4 and 1 year old sons, a young boy of about 8 walked up to me and ased whether my brother was a policeman, the child had bruises on his face and a black eye, knew the parents of the child from the school run, they lived in another road but were known to SS, I answered no and asked him if he was ok, but he walked off, I reported what I has seen anonymously to SS, they must have been as I saw them on the school run a couple of days later, he must have recognised me as the person he spoke to because she said in a big loud voice be careful, don't want people to think I hurt you, a few months later she had all her children taken into care for abuse, I like to think that I helped him in someway.

Mufasa1118 · 05/12/2021 10:07

@Sweetchocolatecandy exactly! It is so good that we are all upset about this and we want to improve society.
It shows our humanity

missfliss · 05/12/2021 10:08

You know what, for the record I agree that claiming to be more of an empath than other people is problematic actually.

But the vast variety at majority of posts on this thread are not a grief fest - just people wanting somewhere to express their shock and that are glad that other people feel as sad as them.

Mufasa1118 · 05/12/2021 10:10

I am thinking of becoming a foster mother in the future.

I thought of doing it before this case. But I thought -would I be any good at it. I don't want to be bad at it

This case had made me really want to try in the future. The good thing is you can dip in and out of being a foster mother. So you can do it for six months and then stop. I am scared that I wouldn't be any good at it and would upset a child. But I think after this case I will be brave enough to try it for six months and see how I am. I think that I would have a lot of love for a child, so if I even help 3-5 children, that will be good

missfliss · 05/12/2021 10:12

Good for you Mufasa - I hope you do

Doubledenimrock · 05/12/2021 10:13

I reported a next door neighbour to SS when I was a young person myself. It was a teenager, he ran through my house with blood streaming from his face. Left blood all over the floor. They did visit.

ilovebrie8 · 05/12/2021 10:13

They should face charges he screamed in pain at their home when he was being pressure pointed ...I feel knocked sick at the thought! He was weak and broken and they saw and kept schtum....they could have saved his life! No excuses they need to be held to account and hope they never have a moments peace ...they have blood on their hands ...

Mufasa1118 · 05/12/2021 10:17

What sickens me the most is that she made recordings of him crying in distress.
She probably listened back to them later and enjoyed his distress..
It was like when Ian Brady recorded the little girl crying :(. Because he enjoyed listening to it later. Real evil :(

ilovebrie8 · 05/12/2021 10:22

Please someone give her a taste of her own medicine! I’m the person who hates violence and never ever condones it ...but this has enraged me let her suffer every day ...

Bluntness100 · 05/12/2021 11:18

@ilovebrie8

Please someone give her a taste of her own medicine! I’m the person who hates violence and never ever condones it ...but this has enraged me let her suffer every day ...
I think the other thing that’s causing mass outrage is this was a woma. It’s a woman who tortured and murdered a small child. The father was clearly equally as culpable, even though he didn’t actually finally murder him, but everyone is focusing more heavily on the female, yes she was the driver, but he also tortured his own child daily, encouraged her, joined in, and then tried to cover up his murder. He was sending her messages saying just end him, get nasty, take his neck off his shoulders etc.

He then saw his dying emaciated child, with his head hyper extended due to the sheer force that he’d been repeatedly hit off the floor or wall ans supported her in trying to cover it up.

We all understand the concept of a male abuser, but female abusers and to this extent, prolonged physical and mental torture and brutal murder of a small child is relatively rare and even more disturbing because of it.

LizzieW1969 · 05/12/2021 11:39

@Bluntness100

Agreed. People are always particularly horrified at the idea of women participating in violence towards children. Because women are supposed to be nurturers in their minds.

Hence the blame has been almost entirely focused on Tustin rather than Hughes, despite him actually being Arthur’s father.

Kippersfortea · 05/12/2021 11:42

The NSPCC run courses in safeguarding eg. One for lone workers which would have been for the hairdresser in this situation. They do cost £15-£20 ish but the money goes to NSPCC

There are lots of other providers. I am working through various courses with new skills academy in safeguarding, child neglect, child psychology, paediatric first aid, etc. I've completed a few as I've signed up for unlimited membership for £12 a month and going to work through all of them which can help me be in a better situation to help kids like Arthur. Not a massive thing I know, but I am not in the position to foster or be a social worker, doesn't mean there aren't things I can learn or do to help.

As they say safeguarding is everyone's responsibility

ToykotoLosAngeles · 05/12/2021 11:53

You know who I also feel sorry for? The paramedics. How you can arrive at that scene and not mow the parents down with the ambulance as you leave I will never know.

Bagelsandbrie · 05/12/2021 11:57

@ToykotoLosAngeles

You know who I also feel sorry for? The paramedics. How you can arrive at that scene and not mow the parents down with the ambulance as you leave I will never know.
That is very true.

In the trial the paramedics said they knew instantly it was a case of terrible abuse. So sad for all the medical people involved who did their absolute best in an awful situation.