To be so upset about Arthur is it normal

[Onthedowns]

I just cannot stop crying. I know it's another thread but listening to those recordings of that poor boy i have been physically sick and so upset. I have cuddled my children so hard. I came from an abusive background but nothing like him.

I feel completely irrational

Coupled with covid what has happened to society 😔

I am in 2 minds. I think that the video was released as Arthur was expressing his emotions and deserves to have his voice heard and not to be silenced any more. I cannot think of a murdered child ever when we got to understand their suffering from their perspective as by the time the horrific abuse is known about its too late. So I think this is why they released the videos. To allow arthurs voice to be heard. However, it was so distressing - I saw it on the news so was difficult to avoid. I wasnt prepared for what I saw and heard even despite the 'distressing content' warning. I kind of agree that it doesnt seem right to show it. However given that the child went in that poor physical state to the step mums friends for her hair to be done and 2 other adults saw him and how he was being treated (the day before he died) and yet did not act .... then I kind of feel that everyone should see the video and know the story of what happened to poor Arthur to raise awareness of what an abused child looks like and what can happen if you do nothing. If seeing the video can save another child by raising awareness then is it not worth the distress of watching it. I actually think there should be public service adverts and posters in every pulic place about what abuse looks like and how to report it or what to do for both adults and children. We cannot rely on the public services.

It's not unreasonable at all, I have two DDs (one is 8, the other 14 weeks) and this has affected me profoundly.

Upset isn't quite a strong enough word for what I felt reading what happened to little Arthur. I've cried so many times since yesterday and not just when reading news articles but at random times. Making dinner, doing homework, tucking in at bedtime. Things that are such simple daily things for me to do and that in my sheltered little world believed were things all parents did for their children. I get very emotional realising no one did these things for Arthur, but more than that, the people that were meant to do these things instead actively deprived him of the absolute basics and inflicted unimaginable cruelty upon him.

I've been scared by the vitriolic hatred I feel towards Tustin and Hughes. I generally think of myself as very liberal and do not believe in violence but would genuinely be unable to contain myself if I found myself in the company of either.

I'm also incredibly angry at those who had the opportunity to save this little boy but didn't. From the social workers to the police to the hairdresser and her partner to the extended family. I cannot comprehend how and why they didn't do something. I know the grandmother and uncle reported them to SS but when nothing came of it why didn't they take more drastic action? When you believe a child's life is in danger surely the threat of arrest pales in comparison to what could happen if you don't act.

I really hope Arthur's legacy is that we as a collective do more to ensure children's safety. That we should shout louder when we believe a child is being abused or neglected. We don't just accept a brief pre arranged visit from a social worker to be sufficient proof that all is well. That we are willing to be a nuisance until something is done because there is no point crying in court when you are a witness at a murder trial. By then it's far too late.

Some excellent points here.

This thread is not aimed at sharing details or fantasizing about ways to punish the perps unlike the many others.

People that accuse others of taking voyeuristic pleasure in being upset about this have something very very wrong with them. We have been called disgusting by them for caring about it and wanting to talk about it - well I'm actually disgusted by YOUR cowardice and your warped minds in trying to suppress those conversations and opportunities to learn about abuse.

Someone said it - the last thing needed now is privacy. Privacy us what allowed this case to fester. Arthur is dead - how is privacy going to help him now exactly. Does privacy matter more than excluding more possibilities for us to face up to what happens behind closed doors? That's a weird point of view.
Your attitudes of closing off conversations and dismissing the varied emotions it surfaces are a big part of the problem we have with this society and maybe Arthur's truth should be told.

Maybe someone else might be helped by adults not putting our own feelings / sensibilities first and actually facing up to the horribly reality of what happened. Maybe it will effect some change somewhere and maybe more cases will be spotted before a preventable murder.

I was already aghast that the hair dessser did nt do anything but seeing the living roll footage and see just how weak he must have been... Wow. They really turned a blind eye to that? Really?
I actually think they should be tried for some sort of complicity. His legs were obviously so incredibly weak! His "throwing himself" was obviously falling with sheer exhaustion. No one should be allowed to stay silent when they see a child in that state.

Well I think we need urgent law change that you can't expect to witness such abuse and get away with it.

@ElfontheShelfisLookingatYou

I was already aghast that the hair dessser did nt do anything but seeing the living roll footage and see just how weak he must have been... Wow. They really turned a blind eye to that? Really? I actually think they should be tried for some sort of complicity. His legs were obviously so incredibly weak! His "throwing himself" was obviously falling with sheer exhaustion. No one should be allowed to stay silent when they see a child in that state.

I was thinking exactly the same thing another complicit party

I have followed the trial every day - well every hour , and Arthur has been on my mind for weeks. Also been following poor Star Hobson’s trial, jury will retire tomorrow or Tuesday. Both those kids are on my mind multiple times a day. My heart goes out to all those children suffering abuse, life is not fair

Re the hairdresser (not sure if this has been said already not read all the comments) her dad came into a FB group and said she didn’t get involved as she’s been in court before and was treated badly. I’m sorry but how can anyone see a child in the state he was in (and we see that from the video, and from her and her husbands comments in the trial) and do nothing. If they had phoned the police Arthur would be alive. Just no excuse

@missfliss hear hear... Absolutely disgraceful that people are belittling others strong emotions. I really needed a place to read that there are other people who have been just as deeply affected and that there's hope in our society.

I am also terrified they will release the CCTV they have of Star Hobson, as the description of it is horrific

@Darbs76

Re the hairdresser (not sure if this has been said already not read all the comments) her dad came into a FB group and said she didn’t get involved as she’s been in court before and was treated badly. I’m sorry but how can anyone see a child in the state he was in (and we see that from the video, and from her and her husbands comments in the trial) and do nothing. If they had phoned the police Arthur would be alive. Just no excuse

I agree.

We make too many excuses for people. This is a child’s life we’re talking about! There should be no excuses.

As an empath I have really struggled since first hearing about this case. It's just so awful.

@LampLighter414

As an empath I have really struggled since first hearing about this case. It's just so awful.

What's an 'empath'?

Everyone is upset by this case.

I actually think it should be mandatory to report suspicions of child abuse. I know it would be almost impossible to enforce and could be used maliciously, but I think it needs to be harder for people to turn a blind eye

I’m glad to read the comments here. People need to be talking about this and to be angry about this. As others have said the last thing child abuse needs is privacy.

Those who are negative and spouting off about competitive grief need to go and have a word with themselves. There is absolutely nothing wrong with people wanting to share their sadness and shock and horror over this case. Nothing.

What's an 'empath'?

Emotionally incontinent.

Empath means that you can really, really feel other people's emotions.

It comes from the word "empathy"

So 'empaths' are going to be more upset by this case than mere mortals?

Hairdresser stood by and did nothing ! Wrong she has blood on her hands a phone call would have saved him ...he was in a terrible state how could you let that go and keep quiet ...she should face charges ...

Re: the hairdresser and her partner, don’t get me wrong, it’s an incredibly extreme example with those two and what they saw was clearly in a bigger league BUT but I’ve definitely “looked the other way” like this about things involving volatile friends and family and I’m a teacher. In fact, I can think of an example where DH and I (both teachers) and DHs sister and brother in law (a midwife and a nurse) as well as PILs all sat and watched a cousins 5yr old be screamed at and then put out in the (pitch black) hallway for some minor wrongdoing. They stood him out there for over an hour and we could all heat him sobbing while we sat around admiring their new baby and drinking tea.

Afterwards we all agreed that we had ignored because:

• we didn’t want to get involved
• cousins partner is scary and has a hair-trigger temper, known to be violent
• they’re a bit “rough” and both can be volition, we had no idea how things might turn if we said anything
• the boy had been a bit naughty, so we knew they’d say to keep our noses out of their parenting

In the end FIL (cousins uncle) did say something and did get shouted at (and called an “interfering cunt” by the partner). None of us felt him saying anything helped the boy.

FWIW the boy is an adult now and okay (his horrible dad is no longer on the scene and hasn’t been since he was about 8 or 9 which is probably a good thing) but I know I did the wrong thing in not helping him or questioning his parents that night. I also stand by why I didn’t, I still don’t think it would have helped. It’s catch 22.

@Thefartingsofaofdenmarkstreet no It is not competitive!. For how bad we feel.

I think the word empath, is just a term, like someone saying they are very sensitive .

We are all upset about this, not doubt about that

@ilovebrie8

Hairdresser stood by and did nothing ! Wrong she has blood on her hands a phone call would have saved him ...he was in a terrible state how could you let that go and keep quiet ...she should face charges ...

I completely agree. And the boyfriend. They allowed Arthur’s abuse to continue at their home, for hours, over a two day period. How are they not being charged with child cruelty? Affy Milhench and Tobias Jarman (and I’m not breaking any rules by saying those names, they’re in the public trial updates for anyone and everyone to see) should be utterly ashamed of themselves.

I have been badly affected by this case, because of the way it ended. Emma "won". Temporarily anyway. Hopefully by now she's had a couple of black eyes and a kicking in the shower.

Anyway, agree about the hairdresser. I hope the memories of those 2 days haunt her and her partner forever.

But the hairdresser ended up in court anyway??

If there was a change in law it would have put pressure on her to report knowing she herself would be legally implicated if she didn't. It would have given her that push.

One of the most disturbing aspects of this for me is that tustin and Hughes were comfortable in carrying on his endless punishment in other people's homes!

And they did absolutely nothing!!

I have to say this does make me think about one time in my life that I thought about reporting a mother to SS.
She was my cousin. She never hit her child, but she was the worst mum I had ever seen , constantly screaming and shouting at her child for nothing. And kind of enjoying screaming at him. And telling him to sit outside in the hall a lot by himself.

She told me that several of her neighbours had already reported her to Social services for shouting at him.

I thought about reporting her. But I didn't in the end. Not because I didn't care about the child. But I thought "can I really do that to her" Can I take the child off his mother. It seemed like such a serious thing to do.

It was really hard to know what the right thing to do was. Im going to read up on resources online about how to better look out for child abuse and what can I do. Someone on here mentioned that they just did a safeguarding course online