To be so upset about Arthur is it normal

[Onthedowns]

I just cannot stop crying. I know it's another thread but listening to those recordings of that poor boy i have been physically sick and so upset. I have cuddled my children so hard. I came from an abusive background but nothing like him.

I feel completely irrational

Coupled with covid what has happened to society 😔

@Squizzley

Hmm, why would anyone come on these threads and dictate how others should feel. A moral superiority seeping through, a sniffy dig at others feeling over invested. It’s all a bit judgy and a bit I don’t know..class based moralising?

And who's class are you assuming? Interested to know

I can’t stop replaying those words in my mind , young children are often not very vocal in expressing their emotions ,for him to feel how unloved he is, is beyond heartbreaking.

@TheCatWearsPrada

Threads like this are all the same it's competitive grieving and it's sick.

Agreed

Can't be bothered to be honest to argue with people who are dismissive of others experiences- you are entitled to your opinions. I disagree that this is a thread on competitive grieving.

To the many people who are just really feeling upset - massive empathy and some kindness in a world that has shown real ugliness in this case.

Sorry its on the BBC news page and it's been played on the radio I haven't sought out anything

It's still easy to avoid hearing the upsetting details and seeing the video. I managed to look at the BBC News page and listen to radio news without listening/watching the video.

@TonkinLenkicks

A social work page put a picture on their Instagram that’s said ‘social workers don’t kill children, parents kill children. Remember that’

I was appalled. Too fucking soon. And I say that as a social worker

Agreed. It's like people who went on about blue lives matter- after people right called out disgraceful police conduct.

Now it's not all social workers- in a case where we know there were shortcomings, negligence even.

Not the time to be getting defensive and those who had any humanity would actually want to fix the problem🤷🏽‍♀️

I agree with you @Squizzley. There is a horrible trend on Mumsnet that whenever people come on here and express that they’re feeling sad, or upset about something in the news, a “high-and-mighty” clique appears to tell these people that they’re “grief groupies” or having some sort of compassion competition. I remember similar comments on a thread about Azaylia Cain, where it originated as a thread for people who felt affected by her plight and then turned into some sort of battle about what we could and couldn’t say.
It’s such a shame people can’t just accept that some people feel more outwardly emotional than others. I’ve cried for Arthur these past few weeks. I’m not in competition with anyone. That’s how I’m feeling. It’s a shame people feel like they can’t talk about that on here in a safe space without being criticised.

These threads are in really poor taste! The rehashing of what this poor child went through is not entertainment, or a platform for posters to virtue signall about how upset they are. The competitive grief is really awful..
There will be many more cases like this sadly. While there are evil people about., and social services continue to escape any consequences for these appalling failings.

@Drumshambo

These threads are in really poor taste! The rehashing of what this poor child went through is not entertainment, or a platform for posters to virtue signall about how upset they are. The competitive grief is really awful.. There will be many more cases like this sadly. While there are evil people about., and social services continue to escape any consequences for these appalling failings.

The fact you can't understand why others are upset doesn't mean it's competitive grief.

I haven't posted as i thought i had requested this be deleted however I am a new poster although have been a member for many years.

I didn't watch anymore or listen since yesterday lunchtime. My DH cannot and won't listen or read as he can't cope my two young children are not appropriate to discuss with.

I grew up in Foster care from age 9. Having been in social services radar from birth. I was subject to sexual abuse, violence neglect and witnessed domestic violence from birth parents. My DM left me when i was 5 and haven't seen her since, she died earlier this year. My DF died when i was 12.

I consider myself extremely hard and so do those around me. This broke me i haven't slept maybe as my DS is 5.

To the sanctimonious posters who suggested donating money. I do that already and i volunteer until lockdown as volunteer for children in care. Neither of these appear to stop child abuse.

The system is also broken through bureaucracy not just funfing. To weighed down in paperwork and administration, passing the responsibility ftom one service to another - WHICH wastes crucial time.

I have never voted conservative in my life.

I didn't post for competition but in the hope of finding like minded people. If some people choose to ignore what goes on outside their front door or because they can sleep easier that's great. There are plenty of children who are dysfunctional in both my children's classes it doesn't convert into abusive backgrounds - another ignorant comment

No he is not my son and his mother must feel wretched however she is also a catalyst for this boy.

Some of the comments have been pure vile and show exactly what society is dealing with. Even a thread like this descends into a bin fest of attacks.

The media have always shown distressing images, articles. If this was stopped for all i think it sends a dangerous precedent.

I hope that Arthur will now find some peace as he certainly didn't have any in life.

If some people choose to ignore what goes on outside their front door or because they can sleep easier that's great.

Can you give examples of anyone who has said or implied this?

@tallduckandhandsome

If some people choose to ignore what goes on outside their front door or because they can sleep easier that's great.

Can you give examples of anyone who has said or implied this?

From the same post: "I didn't watch anymore or listen since yesterday lunchtime. My DH cannot and won't listen or read as he can't cope my two young children are not appropriate to discuss with."

I don't blame OP or anyone else for not subjecting themselves to more than they need to know how harrowing this case is. But there's something contradictory in the latest post.

@tallduckandhandsome

If some people choose to ignore what goes on outside their front door or because they can sleep easier that's great.

Can you give examples of anyone who has said or implied this?

There are plenty of examples of comments ' I don't need to read' I don't need to see' why don't you need? Just as you are stating people don't need to see.

Just as those are validating their reasons it might appear to some it's easier to ignore and carry on.

As previously posted i didn't actually seek out the videos they were heard on the radio when i was another room and the news flashed up.

It's equally not a competition about who and who hasn't seen or heard.

Why do those who haven't seen or heard feel the need to take a superior stance? Like they are a morally better human being.

Not really. I posted later in the afternoon after hearing late yesterday afternoon.

My DH is a completely different kettle of fish and we have had a disagreement regarding this issue we have had different viewpoints . He comes from a normal family not blighted by any issues

Why do those who haven't seen or heard feel the need to take a superior stance? Like they are a morally better human being.

I don't know. Why do those who have watched the recordings feel the same way?

It obviously suits you to pick apart people's comments instead of just taking what is written. I have written exactly how i feel no airs or graces. There seems to be a small portion of posters who cannot wait to try and take the moral high ground.

On this subject matter i don't think there is one?

@Onthedowns

It obviously suits you to pick apart people's comments instead of just taking what is written. I have written exactly how i feel no airs or graces. There seems to be a small portion of posters who cannot wait to try and take the moral high ground.

On this subject matter i don't think there is one?

Well said.

@DrSbaitso

Why do those who haven't seen or heard feel the need to take a superior stance? Like they are a morally better human being.

I don't know. Why do those who have watched the recordings feel the same way?

Not once have i stated that but people are very quick to state how disgusting people are who have watched this. It's sick etc.

Actually perhaps there is a case like many others have stated people should be made to watch these excerpts. People are still very ignorant and closed to this abuse. Choosing to believe its a rarity

@TuesdayRuby

I agree with you *@Squizzley*. There is a horrible trend on Mumsnet that whenever people come on here and express that they’re feeling sad, or upset about something in the news, a “high-and-mighty” clique appears to tell these people that they’re “grief groupies” or having some sort of compassion competition. I remember similar comments on a thread about Azaylia Cain, where it originated as a thread for people who felt affected by her plight and then turned into some sort of battle about what we could and couldn’t say. It’s such a shame people can’t just accept that some people feel more outwardly emotional than others. I’ve cried for Arthur these past few weeks. I’m not in competition with anyone. That’s how I’m feeling. It’s a shame people feel like they can’t talk about that on here in a safe space without being criticised.

Exactly. If people can't seek any solice on an anonymous forum there isn't a lot of hope

Sorry for all you’ve been through OP 💐

Hearing/seeing/reading this has probably found a little chink in the armour you normally wear to protect yourself.

I don’t think it should be out there tbh and it definitely shouldn’t be auto playing anywhere.

Not once have i stated that

It's how the line "If some people choose to ignore what goes on outside their front door or because they can sleep easier that's great" read to me, along with the defence of publishing the recordings. And then suggesting "perhaps there is a case like many others have stated people should be made to watch these excerpts".

Unless you actually meant people deliberately not doing anything about clear child abuse, but as nobody suggested any such thing, I didn't think you were referring to that.

At any rate, this isn't a contest/debate I feel like taking further.

The best posts, in my opinion, are the ones highlighting the realities of children from horrible damaging backgrounds. That's not usually viewed by the outside world in the form of home recordings.

I don’t think people have said they choose to ignore what goes on so they can sleep easier.

I think some are sensitive to the possibility that people could be using Arthur’s plight as a way to make themselves feel better. I hope that’s not the case.

I just think when people say they have been sobbing and physically sick for days it detracts from the very real pain that Arthur’s mum, grandparents, uncles, teachers etc all must be feeling.

I personally believe we owe it to children to watch the videos and see the images, we should not turn our heads away from it. Unless there is something very triggering due to mental illness or past experiences then we owe it to the children to not turn away and refuse to watch.

Please don't feel the need to explain yourself @Onthedowns there's people on here just waiting for something to be annoyed at. They don't care about the actual little boy killed by his caregivers- nope- they care about you and how you react. Save your sanity and ignore this thread

@DrSbaitso

Not once have i stated that

It's how the line "If some people choose to ignore what goes on outside their front door or because they can sleep easier that's great" read to me, along with the defence of publishing the recordings. And then suggesting "perhaps there is a case like many others have stated people should be made to watch these excerpts".

Unless you actually meant people deliberately not doing anything about clear child abuse, but as nobody suggested any such thing, I didn't think you were referring to that.

At any rate, this isn't a contest/debate I feel like taking further.

The best posts, in my opinion, are the ones highlighting the realities of children from horrible damaging backgrounds. That's not usually viewed by the outside world in the form of home recordings.

It's not up to me defend publication that's been law for centuries. Perhaps if you feel strongly campaigning against should be your avenue.

Unless you are deliberately being obtuse I have come from such a background although not like Arthur. There are you suggesting because i have seen a short clip i have no validation? Fantastic