To be so upset about Arthur is it normal

[Onthedowns]

I just cannot stop crying. I know it's another thread but listening to those recordings of that poor boy i have been physically sick and so upset. I have cuddled my children so hard. I came from an abusive background but nothing like him.

I feel completely irrational

Coupled with covid what has happened to society 😔

@womanity you are spot on. I’ve taught children like yours sad they are poorly tolerated at school. I’m so sorry the world jis not a kinder place

And not sad

@CPL593H I didn't say anything about your childhood. I have deliberately been cautious in my wording as it would obviously be a mistake to assume that people who are critical of inner child work are all without trauma. I do not think this.

Great suffering and unresolved trauma often impedes people's ability to work to better society. It's not something that can always be overcome by willpower or devotion to a cause - simply not how it works.

This made feel so incredibly sad 🙏🏻

I remember that case @ODFOgrinch
It was very sad. The parents were very young & mistakenly thought they were doing the right thing by making sure little Leroy had plenty of food to grow big & strong, unfortunately it was the wrong food. And them trying to be good parents caused the the little one to die.
It was purely a terrible but fatal mistake as little Leroy was loved by his parents.
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/1999/jul/28/familyandrelationships.features101

Oh OP, it is completely horrific beyond words. I think this is completely natural for some people. I was the same with Baby P (Peter Connelly), I think having a child of a similar age at the time, it really profoundly affected me. Bless his heart. It is absolutely heartbreaking but yes, I think your reaction is normal.

I haven’t read past the first 6 pages but goodness, does this have to turn into a bun fight? We all cope with things in different ways. Some will watch the CCTV and listen to the recordings. People will feel things in different ways. A little boy has died, maybe we should be channeling our energy into that and how we can change things for other children rather than picking apart peoples reactions.

RIP Arthur.

It’s really upset me too. I can’t bear the idea of him thinking that nobody loved him when so many people would have fallen over themselves to offer him a loving home given half the chance. I have a little boy the same age and I’ve hugged him lots today but I’ve cried lots for Arthur and have been feeling very sad about what happened to him. I can’t understand how some people are capable of being so cruel to innocent little children. I think it’s sadistic.

I was extremely distraught over that little 6yr old girl in Scotland that was taken from her bed, raped & murdered. I stupidly read about it on the Daily Mail (it was open on my mums iPad - I don't read that rag) and they had, as per usual, not held back on the graphic, gory details with no prior warning. It absolutely destroyed me. I regularly wonder how her poor mummy is. There are 3 tracks on an album I was listening to around that time that I simply cannot listen to now as it seems to bring it back.

OP you're not odd or strange, you're just an empath with compassion and, well, normal! Unlike those monsters - which seems like a staggeringly understated word to use for them

@Innocenta it really isn't about devotion to a cause or about the pros and cons of inner child work. It may be working towards a better society if what is involved is picking up a phone to social services (I know, I know) or talking to the school, more than once if necessary, more than twice. Such referrals have a cumulative effect and if one person who has been upset by the terrible death of that poor little boy does so and it makes a difference (they may never know) it is worth oceans of tears. So is trying to include a marginalised child and many abused children or those suffering the after effects are excluded, at the time they need friendship and support the most.

YANBU

I've been reading about this during the months leading up to the trial

The more I learned about events the more upset I felt each time a new article came out

On Thursday with the convictions I watched the news and all the reports were upsetting, it's just such a horrific case

I've avoided watching the video, either on TV and news websites

It's important that Arthur's awful story is told and the world what a pair of murdering scum bags they are

I truly hope they rot in jail for the rest of their lives

RIP little Arthur

Take care OP

[quote CPL593H]@Innocenta it really isn't about devotion to a cause or about the pros and cons of inner child work. It may be working towards a better society if what is involved is picking up a phone to social services (I know, I know) or talking to the school, more than once if necessary, more than twice. Such referrals have a cumulative effect and if one person who has been upset by the terrible death of that poor little boy does so and it makes a difference (they may never know) it is worth oceans of tears. So is trying to include a marginalised child and many abused children or those suffering the after effects are excluded, at the time they need friendship and support the most.[/quote]
I don't want to derail the thread even further. I understand your point. I'm coming to this from a place of knowing many traumatised women who might indeed find those simple tasks to be things they couldn't do. I could do them, and I agree with you that everyone should - that in an ideal world, we all watch out for children (but then, in that ideal world, there would be no abuse).

I don't feel comfortable expanding further on why people couldn't do relatively 'easy' things or how it might affect them, because I think it's too off-topic and might only add to the triggering content further.

I hope everyone on the thread can get some rest tonight - whether we've agreed or not.

@Almostmenopausal

Yes that case was absolutely awful- Alesha MacPhail

During the trial, hearing all the details- horrifying and I do sometimes wonder how her mum is doing...how do you cope & go on after something like that?

Hmm, why would anyone come on these threads and dictate how others should feel.
A moral superiority seeping through, a sniffy dig at others feeling over invested.
It’s all a bit judgy and a bit I don’t know..class based moralising?

@Squizzley

Hmm, why would anyone come on these threads and dictate how others should feel. A moral superiority seeping through, a sniffy dig at others feeling over invested. It’s all a bit judgy and a bit I don’t know..class based moralising?

I agree.

How we express ourselves is due to many different factors, why would someone critisice someone for feeling empathy.

Why does it hurt some people for others to be upset.
It is not fake, it is a normal reaction to evil.

It is also very judgemental to say people should not being watching the videos of Arthur, some can, some can't, but his story should be told.

We need to know what that boy went through and remember.

YANBU. As part of my uni degree and my college course I had to learn about children who had been abused and it was awful, that was years ago and I’m so angry that the same rubbish is being spouted about leaving no stone unturned. It shouldn’t keep happening. Arthur’s story has upset me more than any other, I’m not sure why. It’s just horrific

I don’t get all those complaining about the “competitive grief”, over somebody sharing their upset at the video and seeking support over it on a parenting forum.

This little boy was beaten to death in his own home ffs. And all you can focus on is telling strangers off for expressing their upset?

Poor Arthur died in the most terrible way. How is people being upset about it causing any further harm to him, or his memory?

Let people grieve him and let people be sad over the situation. All he ever knew in his short life was hate and pain. Let him be cared about now, let people grieve the gorgeous little boy he was and let people cry over the loss of him. He deserves to mourned. For the life of god, don’t let him be forgotten.

It’s beyond me that people are telling those who have been upset at the news about Arthur that they shouldn’t cry or be sad over what happened to him.

His family didn’t give a shit about him and actively harmed and killed him. He’s an innocent child and deserves to be cared about and grieved, and if that has to come from the general public rather than the people it should have come from then let it be. Let people care about him and show emotion for him, please. Care was something he was so sorely deprived of.

You aren’t big or clever guilt tripping people for being upset.

Agree with the posts below ( I've posted twice already on this thread).

My grief and sadness and depression doesn't help Arthur and it is the most useless feeling.

My mind can't stop going over how much he will have suffered and been so lonely.

I've been awake in the night again with my brain just fixating now.

It doesn't help anyone I know and this is not competitive- I'm not relishing any part of it - I've really never been so affected by a case.

This thread helps me feel less alone with it - not revelling in some competitive grief as posters suggest. More reassurance that other people are also so affected by Arthur.

I work at home all day alone and have had to push back the tears and get in with it. My little boy obviously cannot hear or talk about it beyond the basics that another little boy has died.

My husband is lovely but spends all his day working with vulnerable kids in a special school and can listen but is wrung out a bit by that.

So for me this is one place where I know that others are sharing.

It's not like the other threads which are focused on the perpetrators and revenge/ it is mostly full of people who are just saddened and not sure what to do with their own very strong emotions on the topic.

Don't get the moral superiority of those on here suggesting grief tourism etc. really bizarre.

No one should be made to feel like they shouldn't be sad over this. It's horrendously upsetting.

We are not competing as someone suggested.

Since the original thread on here got deleted, I have spoken to no one about this case. I have cried only whilst on my own. No one truly knows how this has affected me.

This should be a place where people can come and share their feelings anonymously. Many of us do not have people in real life who we can talk to.

I was deeply affected by the Becky Watts case, for a month I honestly wasn’t myself. She looked so much like my daughter.

It wasn’t a feeling I could help, and it certainly wasn’t ‘competitive sadness’.

A social work page put a picture on their Instagram that’s said ‘social workers don’t kill children, parents kill children. Remember that’

I was appalled. Too fucking soon. And I say that as a social worker

So many people saying op went looking for this video. It really SHOULD have been an article that had a warning so you could choose whether to open it but the papers and tv are just flashing it up with no warning, even the video (which I think should never have been shown to the public). So op was just watching the news, like the rest of us.
I do think it's human nature to feel things as awful as this and to react - especially as a parent. As a society it's in our DNA to look out for other people's children. That's why you would react the same way if someone else's child went to run in front of a car as you would your own.

I only know the minimal information about this case as there is no way I could cope with all of the details.
I suggest OP, you turn the news off and focus on something positive. Maybe make a donation to a children’s charity, take some unwanted things to a charity shop, volunteer?

Stories such as this hit the news every so often and each one show us that some innocent child has suffered at the hands of those supposed to love and care for them. This is shocking and upsetting to most people but we can’t do anything for that child now. What we can do is be vigilant to these events possibly happening near us and try to put a bit of goodness back where we can.

This is such an awful story and I think many of us have shed tears for this little boy.

Yes, the video came on the news with barely any warning. I have pretty bad mobility issues and couldn't get out of my chair and grab the remote before hearing and seeing it. I wonder if the family asked the BBC to show it? Very, very distressing.

@womanity

I’m raising two DC who were removed from their birth family.

I wonder how many of the ‘sobbing for days’ posters are the ones who most harshly judge my DC because they’re weird/late/aggressive/loud/unpredictable as a result of their experiences and who spent years not inviting my DC to their DCs’ birthday parties and who ask for my DCs not to sit next to their DC in school and who give me the side eye in the playground.

The world is not kind to DC who have survived these early experiences.

Hear hear