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Original poster

To be so upset about Arthur is it normal

741 replies

Onthedowns · 03/12/2021 16:37

I just cannot stop crying. I know it's another thread but listening to those recordings of that poor boy i have been physically sick and so upset. I have cuddled my children so hard. I came from an abusive background but nothing like him.

I feel completely irrational

Coupled with covid what has happened to society 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
Onthedowns · 04/12/2021 12:28

@zlister

Please don't feel the need to explain yourself *@Onthedowns* there's people on here just waiting for something to be annoyed at. They don't care about the actual little boy killed by his caregivers- nope- they care about you and how you react. Save your sanity and ignore this thread
@zlister

I am starting to think you are correct. People more angry at my reaction speaks volumes

OP posts:
Original poster
Onthedowns · 04/12/2021 12:31

@tallduckandhandsome

I don’t think people have said they choose to ignore what goes on so they can sleep easier.

I think some are sensitive to the possibility that people could be using Arthur’s plight as a way to make themselves feel better. I hope that’s not the case.

I just think when people say they have been sobbing and physically sick for days it detracts from the very real pain that Arthur’s mum, grandparents, uncles, teachers etc all must be feeling.

I don't know anyone normal could hand on heart say they don't feel better compared to Arthur.

I am sure his family have very little interest in what is going on on a social forum. It's not meant to detract in anyway and certainly don't think it's anyone's intention including mine. My thoughts have been with them

OP posts:
royco · 04/12/2021 12:48

@Bluntness100

I personally believe we owe it to children to watch the videos and see the images, we should not turn our heads away from it. Unless there is something very triggering due to mental illness or past experiences then we owe it to the children to not turn away and refuse to watch.
Owe it to our children? The collective 'our' or individual?

Because I can't see how my son would benefit from me watching a distressing video of someone's suffering, without their consent too.

That footage completely invades Arthur's privacy and shouldn't be for the public to consume.

OldTurtleNewShell · 04/12/2021 12:48

I just think when people say they have been sobbing and physically sick for days it detracts from the very real pain that Arthur’s mum, grandparents, uncles, teachers etc all must be feeling
How? If something that terrible happened to my DC, I'd really struggle to cope and I don't know how I'd get through the grief but I don't see how other people being shocked and upset would detract from what I was feeling. If anything, it might help knowing that so many people cared and were feeling upset and angry on his behalf.

pickingdaisies · 04/12/2021 12:55

OP I commented after your original post and just came back to the thread. I haven't reacted as you did, but I haven't had the same history as you. I can't understand the mentality of people who turn up on threads just to have a go at people who, for whatever reason, can't discuss it with anyone in real life. What else is an anonymous forum for? If you don't need it, scroll on by.

TallulahsCurse · 04/12/2021 12:57

@HumpreyDowny

Tallulahscurse and tallduckhandsome,

Do you think I care if you may buy it or not? I don't understand why you are being toxic about grieving and shocked people. How dare you? Why would someone write to an anonymous forum as a contest? People have been so deeply affected by this and have nothing to prove to you. People who are writing here are trying to find solice, and others to talk about it, it's a completely human thing to do. The least you can do is not belittle people's feelings, why can't you just scroll away. And yes I too did cry and threw up. People process horror differently and apparently that's my way.

People deeply genuinely caring and being affected makes me feel a tiny bit more optimistic about society. If I hadn't seen these posts I'd have thought evil has normalised in our society and would depress me even more...

I couldn't care less what you or others think I should or shouldn't say.

I stand by what I've said that this is sick, posting online about how affected you all are by this. Of course people are affected by it. Of course I am. I work in an environment where I have to become involved with some absolutely horrendous things being done to children. One of my own children is also dead. So I am not heartless or whatever all you think I am.

And MN can sensor whay they like - their track record of keeping posters safe, not deleting things they really should is absolutely abysmal, so if they wish to censor me it bothers me not, as they are absolutely shocking at moderating safely and fairly.

But I stand by what I've said. It's very different being affected and emotional about hearing and learning about a horrific case like this (which is fine, normal, understandable, expected) to then going onto MN and engaging in the absolutely appalling hand wringing and competitive upset and distress. It's sick, absolutely sick.

UserOfManyNames · 04/12/2021 13:12

I’m another one that gets affected by cases like this. I personally feel it’s disrespectful to the victim not to read their story and feel some of their pain, it’s the least I can do for them to remember them, no matter that I didn’t know them. I’m also a victim of a very abusive childhood and an empath (so I’ve been told by quite a few therapists!). When it’s children of similar ages to my own DC, I feel it more as I can imagine it being them, it’s perfectly natural.

The only case that’s made my feel physically ill for a few days was the recent Killamarsh case as I have a DC of a similar age to some the victims, just started secondary, that the victims would have been aware of or witnessed the others being killed (as well as the alleged rape), and the little girl on the sleepover being murdered as well.

I think the people who call people like us who are deeply empathetic and who feel other’s pain ‘voyeuristic and ghouls’ are the ones who have something wrong with them tbh and probably are not strong enough emotionally to feel anything like that so can’t imagine how other people can. Also if you don’t want to talk about this case and are not affected by it, why are you even on this thread?

TallulahsCurse · 04/12/2021 13:15

@UserOfManyNames

I’m another one that gets affected by cases like this. I personally feel it’s disrespectful to the victim not to read their story and feel some of their pain, it’s the least I can do for them to remember them, no matter that I didn’t know them. I’m also a victim of a very abusive childhood and an empath (so I’ve been told by quite a few therapists!). When it’s children of similar ages to my own DC, I feel it more as I can imagine it being them, it’s perfectly natural.

The only case that’s made my feel physically ill for a few days was the recent Killamarsh case as I have a DC of a similar age to some the victims, just started secondary, that the victims would have been aware of or witnessed the others being killed (as well as the alleged rape), and the little girl on the sleepover being murdered as well.

I think the people who call people like us who are deeply empathetic and who feel other’s pain ‘voyeuristic and ghouls’ are the ones who have something wrong with them tbh and probably are not strong enough emotionally to feel anything like that so can’t imagine how other people can. Also if you don’t want to talk about this case and are not affected by it, why are you even on this thread?

I am perfectly able to deal with my emotions.

And I'm on this thread because I have as much right to be on it as anyone else, and because I think such threads are so incredibly ghoulish and competitive in "grief" and as such I have a right to say that.

sineadteh · 04/12/2021 13:19

I stand by what I've said that this is sick, posting online about how affected you all are by this

How is it sick? Stop making this about you and your feelings, nobody cares for your ludicrous hyperbole.

People can discuss whatever they like, this isn't even about the details of the case it's just people sharing their sadness. The more people who care the better, I'd have thought, or do you not want such victims to be remembered?

Why even have a funeral or vigil, it's just sick. People crying and being sad, how dare they. Distracting from the causeHmm

sineadteh · 04/12/2021 13:23

Id say it's pretty low to abuse adults who grew up being abused of being ghoulish. Not even sure how compatible grief and ghoulishness are even related in the first place- how can one do both?

TallulahsCurse · 04/12/2021 13:26

@sineadteh

I stand by what I've said that this is sick, posting online about how affected you all are by this

How is it sick? Stop making this about you and your feelings, nobody cares for your ludicrous hyperbole.

People can discuss whatever they like, this isn't even about the details of the case it's just people sharing their sadness. The more people who care the better, I'd have thought, or do you not want such victims to be remembered?

Why even have a funeral or vigil, it's just sick. People crying and being sad, how dare they. Distracting from the causeHmm

To the contrary, people going about their tears and grieving is making it about them.

And you can't tell me what to post. It's a public forum, people will post things that not everyone likes - but I don't like what people post here and think it's utterly reprehensible.

ronniz · 04/12/2021 13:29

That footage completely invades Arthur's privacy and shouldn't be for the public to consume.

I agree. Now I would recognise it as a positive if this lead to real change & more funding went into child services, parental support, etc. but I'm not sure that would happen as people historically don't like paying more tax.

I think you can feel uncomfortable with some of the posts on here but still deeply care about what happened to Arthur.

Porcupineintherough · 04/12/2021 13:34

Arthur has no need of privacy any more and he needed it even less in spring 2020. He needed a bloody great spotlight shone at his life.

I hope everybody who has seen the footage will remember it and campaign when Huges and Tustin come up for parole.

ronniz · 04/12/2021 13:38

I hope everybody who has seen the footage will remember it and campaign when Huges and Tustin come up for parole.

Whilst I agree with harsh sentences how does the above stop it happening to other children?

User112 · 04/12/2021 13:42

I have 6 yr old twins. When I look at my little boy, I see Arthur. I could have brought him up. I really could have. I’m soo sorry Arthur. Sending you love and peace.
I love you, Arthur. What a beautiful little boy you are x

eastegg · 04/12/2021 13:48

@Porcupineintherough

Arthur has no need of privacy any more and he needed it even less in spring 2020. He needed a bloody great spotlight shone at his life.

I hope everybody who has seen the footage will remember it and campaign when Huges and Tustin come up for parole.

Yes. Calls for respect for his privacy are totally misjudged. It’s the last thing Arthur needed.
shinynewapple21 · 04/12/2021 13:55

@discombob

Me too, I cried a bit earlier. It's a normal reaction to a sweet boy being treated so horribly. Bless him, it's the "nobody loved me" that gets me every time.

Yes hearing that was heart breaking .

I understand OP. In my work I come across cases of child neglect but this is something different . I really couldn't bring myself to read much of it , so upsetting.

Neoncoral · 04/12/2021 13:57

@Porcupineintherough

Arthur has no need of privacy any more and he needed it even less in spring 2020. He needed a bloody great spotlight shone at his life.

I hope everybody who has seen the footage will remember it and campaign when Huges and Tustin come up for parole.

So true.
Porcupineintherough · 04/12/2021 13:58

@ronniz absolutely nothing. Confused To do that other measures must be taken but I, for one, do not want Hughes back on the streets in 10 years.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 04/12/2021 13:59

@PleasantBirthday

I think I struggle with the mawkishness of Facebook posts and we love yous and I would have taken him in etc. You wouldn't have taken him in. He went through a hellish experience and would have been a difficult child with very difficult to meet needs as a result of his horrific experiences. Maltreated, abused, neglected, victim and witness to shocking violence, he would not have been the smiling grateful recipient of anyones munificence.

If you really feel affected and you must do something, hold down your dinner, dry your eyes and be kinder to the child you think is feral and a bad influence on yours. Report every legitimate concern you have. Ask questions. Actually consider the nuisance child that irritates you as possibly the child whose situation is deteriorating and do what you wish you had done for this child.

This is a really good post
ronniz · 04/12/2021 14:12

@Porcupineintherough and I hope those measures are taken. That's my point.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 04/12/2021 17:20

@ronniz

I hope everybody who has seen the footage will remember it and campaign when Huges and Tustin come up for parole.

Whilst I agree with harsh sentences how does the above stop it happening to other children?

She appears quite manipulative and could most likely inviegle her way into another family...esp as she ages and can seem a sweet older lady...

He may well be out in 14 years... Will be only in his mid 40s.
He will have many potential years of fathering more children or being step father.

These thoughts make my blood run cold.

Original poster
Onthedowns · 04/12/2021 17:25

No one is engaging in anything competitive just airing and sharing their upset and disgust.

Just like I have heard many do in real life is that sick? People discussing in a coffee shop?

People leaving flowers as a gesture is that sick? I would say your over invested in what people are thinking and feeling. There is no right or wrong

OP posts:
Yearn · 04/12/2021 17:26

@Bluntness100

I personally believe we owe it to children to watch the videos and see the images, we should not turn our heads away from it. Unless there is something very triggering due to mental illness or past experiences then we owe it to the children to not turn away and refuse to watch.
Can you please explain why you believe this? It seems like a monstrous view in my opinion.

I don't believe the details of an innocent child's suffering should be for the general public's consumption. I don't see how it will help anybody, least of all the victims. There is a reason the jury in this case have been excused from serving again in the future.

sqirrelfriends · 04/12/2021 17:35

I agree with @Yearn, watching a child's pain doesn't help them. If my DS was in a tragic accident, would I want footage of that shared? No I wouldn't.

Arthur is already gone, what we can do for him is respect his privacy and vote in governments that aim to fund social care appropriately. It costs an absolute fortune to remove children, if social services had more money, they might have taken the reports about Arthur being abused more seriously.