To be so upset about Arthur is it normal

[Onthedowns]

I just cannot stop crying. I know it's another thread but listening to those recordings of that poor boy i have been physically sick and so upset. I have cuddled my children so hard. I came from an abusive background but nothing like him.

I feel completely irrational

Coupled with covid what has happened to society 😔

People don't need to find and comfort their inner child, they need to be in touch with their actual adult self and resolve to challenge and report abuse, really resolve to do that and to campaign for the best services possible and hold them to account. It won't ever stop these tragic events completely but if enough people do it, it can rescue some. That is the best way to honour and remember little Arthur and all the children like him.

I personally think that the video clip and audio clip should be removed from media outlets. It's very distasteful and unnecessary.

@HarrisMcCoo

I personally think that the video clip and audio clip should be removed from media outlets. It's very distasteful and unnecessary.

Agree

You are not alone in finding this all upsetting. I also cried earlier over this.

Breaks my heart - my DH and I are struggling to conceive, yet monsters like this seem to have no problems having children that they don't deserve.

Arthur was such a handsome, beautiful little boy; I would have had so much love to give him - love that his was begging for, and deserved.

I don’t support this, I am disturbed by what’s happened and think about it too much but crying and vomiting makes it too much about you. And not about this little boy,

I was so upset earlier especially having a six year old . I cuddled her like mad. Then read about his fave book was the Snail and the Whale upset me as thats my daughters favourite book and she was so happy to get it

Wow! So surprised at some of the insensitive comments on here.

I feel absolutely heartbroken at this, can't shake it off.
I have thought about practical things I can do, but I also understand that there is nothing I can do or could have done to help Arthur but it doesn't stop the feelings.

It is human nature to sometimes feel things deeply and today I was honestly wondering what I can do to shake this off and get past the upset because it felt like it was taking me over.

That's not making it about me. It's feeling a tiny fraction of what that poor boy must felt and crying with him. For him.

So so so sad, I'm not actually sure how to deal with it. Right now doing something practical like donating to charity or volunteering doesn't seem like it will help because nothing can change what happened to that lovely boy.

It is okay to feel sad, it is okay to talk about your feelings and try to process them.

Rest in peace Arthur. I will hold this in my heart for a long, long time.

Me neither :(

@SilverGlassHare
"Today I’m trying really hard not to obsess about it though that feels like a betrayal and a cop out, weirdly."

I felt the same when trying to block it at work...

No yanbu I watched the video which was on an article as it automatically played …I absolutely sobbed my heart out listening to him say them words and he was so ill he could barely stand, I really don’t think it should be publically shared. It’s disrespectful and not fair and like someone else mentioned there are monsters like his step mum that will enjoy it.

I’m so upset about it too I think it’s because I have my own little boy the thought of it all makes my stomach turn. I would of loved arthur and given him a home, food and cuddles 😢 He has been let down so badly how could social services miss this even after seeing the bruises? I wish his grandmother had just kidnapped him she must of known something wasn’t right.

I am not sure, I was very surprised when the living room footage was shown.
Do we need to see it? I'm not sure this creature claimed he did it to himself and a managed to attack her in the process?
I'm not sure really. It feels intrusive but at the same time it's a horrific crime that's been committed and perhaps seeing this and knowing the case might spur people to act when they see this sort of thing, I don't know.

@CPL593H

People don't need to find and comfort their inner child, they need to be in touch with their actual adult self and resolve to challenge and report abuse, really resolve to do that and to campaign for the best services possible and hold them to account. It won't ever stop these tragic events completely but if enough people do it, it can rescue some. That is the best way to honour and remember little Arthur and all the children like him.

Many people do need to do this. It's totally okay if that's not for you - maybe you haven't been hurt in a way that requires this kind of healing. It's certainly not everyone's journey, and as I said in another comment, I started out incredibly scornful about inner child work myself. I understand where you're coming from, but it's also just a reality if trauma that many people are suffering in this way, and it's part (one part) of why some respond so strongly to tragic events involving children.

None of this means that we shouldn't be working towards better safeguarding in our society. But people who are in crisis often need to process and heal before it's possible to help others (again, not everyone).

@TallulahsCurse harsh but agreed. People are upset, yes absolutely, but those saying they have been ‘sobbing and sick’ for two days? I’m not buying it.

@TallulahsCurse

That’s really harsh and nasty? I personally think you have some issues if that’s how you perceive everyone’s posts “performative weeping”? Perhaps people are genuinely upset ?

OP I think the level of distress, the intensity, that you are experiencing (weeping / vomiting) is excessive and unhealthy, but it probably relates to your past. I think you should seek counselling or support.

TallulahsCurse

You are entitled to feel and express how YOU feel as is the OP.
The fact that people are physically upset by this is a good thing. Grief no matter where it comes from should be expressed.
A little boy died in a disgusting and avoidable way. The more people that show grief/compassion/sympathy and empathy the better.
Why hide from it ir pretend it is not happening? Will that help future Arthur's?

I've not listened to any of the recordings, the photo of him sat in the room alone was enough for me. Reading the whole case has been incredibly heartbreaking. How someone could treat another human being in that way, let alone a child is beyond me. Pure evil.
That woman should have been made to leave her cell and be in court for sentencing. A Coward through and through.
RIP Arthur

@TallulahsCurse

Well that was a bonkers reply. You're making it about yourself and your own incense. And you're pretending that somehow you're own reply is thinking of Arthur, a post slamming those affected by his death? Nice

@HarrisMcCoo

I personally think that the video clip and audio clip should be removed from media outlets. It's very distasteful and unnecessary.

I agree.

I watched it accidentally and haven’t been able to wipe it from my mind and have cried about it several times.
I work in cp and deal with upsetting situations regularly but that impacted me in a way I don’t feel is healthy for anyone.

Arthur’s horror shouldn’t be something that’s viewed by anyone.

Of course this is about Arthur. But we have all been children and feeling upset about his life is no bad thing and surely if anything his experiences should make us all think about compassion for other people's pain? It's when people shut down to others pain that it all starts to go horribly wrong.

Anyone minimising the experiences of other people being very upset, crying, vomiting etc is showing no awareness of the impact of trauma

Especially for people who have experienced abuse themselves (as the OP mentions) trauma is experienced in physical ways in the body and there needs to be acceptance of this to heal.

Read van der kolk, the body keeps the score he says-

Trauma victims cannot recover until they become familiar with and befriend the sensations in their bodies. Being frightened means that you live in a body that is always on guard. Angry people live in angry bodies. The bodies of child-abuse victims are tense and defensive until they find a way to relax and feel safe. In order to change, people need to become aware of their sensations and the way that their bodies interact with the world around them. Physical self-awareness is the first step in releasing the tyranny of the past.

@PooWillyNameChange

I think YAB a bit U to listen to the recordings. I'm not sure why people do, so gory. I don't know all the details, I can't even bear to read the articles.

I agree. There's no way I can listen to those. It would haunt me terribly.

No I don't think it's strange to be so upset. It's a truly horrific case. The thought of such a young child having such a sad and lonely life at the end is very distressing. I have actively avoided reading too much detail or seeing any recordings as quite honestly I don't want it allow it to overwhelm me with sadness. That sounds quite selfish and yes it is, self preservation I suppose.

I feel so utterly disillusioned with the the system that there can be so many warning signs and even his close family asking for help and this little boy still ends up dying at the hands of these abusers. How often do people not bother to report child abuse because they hear of cases like this and think what's the point, no action will be taken.

I hope those evil specimens rot in prison. They should never ever be released.

I have a 5 Yr old son and I have wept and wept for Arthur. I haven't watched any videos but the details are enough.

Its not a competition or ghoulish to talk about it. Its unbearable knowing what he went through and if people need to talk about him and how sad it is thats just proof of empathy.