To be so upset about Arthur is it normal

[Onthedowns]

I just cannot stop crying. I know it's another thread but listening to those recordings of that poor boy i have been physically sick and so upset. I have cuddled my children so hard. I came from an abusive background but nothing like him.

I feel completely irrational

Coupled with covid what has happened to society 😔

[quote Noeuf]@Libertaire with you on that reaction. And I’ve had loads of therapy. I don’t think the inner child stuff is at the core of most approaches.[/quote]
Keep scrolling? No need to put down someone's response even they clearly put time into writing a thoughtful post

And no I don’t think these should be in the public domain either- it’s plain ghoulish

So you don't think as a society we should be aware of what our society are capable of?
Do you think Arthur, Victoria or baby P (to sadly name but a few) should be brushed under the carpet?

This has destroyed me. I have a ds the same age as Arthur and since hearing about this I've broken down many times.
I have followed the trial every day and feel mentally exhausted.
I give my ds an extra kiss every bedtime, one for Arthur, and I make sure I tell all my dc how much I love them every day.

Its just so horrific and disturbing.

I am glad happy pictures have been released of Arthur. He was such a beautiful boy.

I don't know why any of you would willingly listen to the footage and I don't know why news outlets were allowed to play it.

I do hear some footage of Arthur saying no one loved him and no one was going to feed him. It was heart wrenching and awful, there's no way I would have listen to it voluntarily.

I knew I shouldn't watch those videos on the news but I did.

I was awake all night. I just kept hearing his little voice.

I think it's more likely to be very upsetting than not.

It's hard to forget if you have any feeling for the plight of others.

This is Mumsnet. People here feel things very strongly. I doubt if we are alone in feeling so upset.

Your distress will pass but it will take a little while.

I’ve found it deeply distressing especially the video of him with his duvet...it’s soul destroying! Something sick in society and very broken....can’t get it out of my mind the horrors of it. He should’ve been cherished

@NeedsCharging

And no I don’t think these should be in the public domain either- it’s plain ghoulish

So you don't think as a society we should be aware of what our society are capable of?
Do you think Arthur, Victoria or baby P (to sadly name but a few) should be brushed under the carpet?

No, I don't.

It's private, the horrific suffering of a child should be no one's entertainment.

Also I worry about our already damaged society becoming de-sensitised to child abuse. Yes we should be aware it happening but not to this extent, it should never be "normal".

@Noeuf

Yeah it’s weird how people are hugging their children right and posting messages to Arthur on MN. It’s appalling abuse but there has and always will be abuse. Do something useful rather than listening to his active suffering over and over - donate to nspcc, take an interest in safeguarding knowledge, volunteer to work somewhere with deprived kids - even just buy charity Christmas cards.

Indeed. And stop voting for governments that cut back social services and many many support systems for children and young people like him.

I try to avoid finding out too much of the details now with child abuse/murder trials after being so deeply affects by the details of what was done to Peter Connelly.

I'm not turning a blind eye, I'm interested in what services could have done differently and what they could do in the future but not reading the specific details of the abuse is my self care.

@NeedsCharging

And no I don’t think these should be in the public domain either- it’s plain ghoulish

So you don't think as a society we should be aware of what our society are capable of?
Do you think Arthur, Victoria or baby P (to sadly name but a few) should be brushed under the carpet?

No one's brushing it under the carpet. But we don't all need to be looking at a child's last hours.

It's voyeuristic.

I watched/listened to it on the offchance, I didn't seek it out, it came on the news and I happened to see it. I cried, most of the night in fact. I couldn't get the image of his poor broken body, or his little voice pleading for food out of my head, crying that nobody loved him.
I'm glad they've been sentenced, next up is all the professionals that failed him so disgustingly.

@tiktokniknok

I cannot understand so many PP are attacking OP over this I really cannot! It's quite vile

I agree. It’s quite clear to me that she’s reacting to what happened to Arthur the way she is because of her own abusive childhood. It’s a trigger response.

I’ve managed to avoid listening to the recordings myself because I also suffered childhood abuse and I knew I would react in that exact same way. Even without listening to the recordings, I’ve found it very upsetting. I think it was Arthur saying ‘no one loves me’ and being afraid his dad would kill him that affected me the most.

Poor little Arthur. It was good to see that his tormentors have been handed long prison sentences, though.

It's a case that has shocked and broke the hearts of the nation, and unfortunately made us all realise that this happens behind closed doors. My heart breaks for that little boy, no child should endure that. Our social workers take a lot of abuse, blame and responsibility but maybe cap their case load, this has happened time after time and surely they can't all be incompetent, they are over worked, can't give enough of their time to each individual child and this is the outcome. Our system is failing our children

Reparenting is a legitimate and useful technique for dealing with childhood trauma. Your response is really dickish and insulting to people who have found it helpful when dealing with horrendous things that happened to them as a child.

Name changed for this as I live a couple of streets away from the “Father”. I recognised him from seeing him round. I just can’t get my head round what happened to that little boy, I can remember the day it happened and thinking what the hell has happened?

I can’t listen to or read the reports (although understandably) it’s all over local SM. How can anyone be so so evil to act like that. I feel physically sick that that cunt was walking round the same town as my son.

Let’s hope they never get released and make some lovely friends in prison.

I’ve avoided the videos and voice notes of the case. I can’t listen to it. I’m already playing over the stuff in my head and imagining how it sounds. I can’t get this case out of my head this week and start to cry if I think about it too much. I think the pure, simplicity of a young child saying that nobody loves him and no one will feed him has hit us all hard. It’s the most cruel situation for a child to ever be in.

@royco No counsellor should be saying the same things as an informal poster on a forum. It's totally fine that inner child work isn't for you - at least not now. I have also been in that place, and even been very scornful of it. I would not have ever guessed my mind could change so much.

Do whatever you need to feel at peace with the events and with yourself.

@LizzieW1969 It absolutely reflects her own triggered response. I'm so sorry OP has received these replies, some of which are very unkind. I hope she can 'hear' us too.

I have been sick and sobbed since two days and can't concentrate on anything. You aren't alone op. I wish we could have a time machine and went and hugged that soul.. Feel so helpless...

You should listen because every child who suffers abuse dies like that. That's something to be remembered by all of us and the authorities. You don't learn it from the written word or a summary but you learn from this.
Think about Hindley and Brady. What kept them in prison was the recordings they made. They were never made public but police and journalists still speak of them with revulsion. When there were attempts to release Hindley those people who had heard the reality of what she had done blazed it all over the media again. They literally kept her in prison on the strength of the recording. And Tustin got 29 years on the strength of her love of recording.

[quote Noeuf]@Libertaire with you on that reaction. And I’ve had loads of therapy. I don’t think the inner child stuff is at the core of most approaches.[/quote]
No therapeutic approach works for everyone, and it also varies over time. The first time I was introduced to inner child work (at age 19), I was polite to the therapist, but vocally scornful at home afterwards. I know what it's like to find inner child work cringe, believe me, and I wouldn't have posted those thoughts if I was unable to tolerate some negative responses.

CBT is a very effective, evidence-based therapy, that helps many people. It didn't help me much, despite being fortunate enough to access it outside the NHS and for a long time. Eventually, via some other more or less helpful approaches, I came back round to someone who does use inner child work alongside much else. Over ten years later, I am a different person now, and now it does help me.

But sadly, there is no panacea. I wish there was. Do whatever makes you feel safest, as long as it is safe.

I haven’t listened and won’t either, though I have read various news articles. I’ve found Arthur’s case much more upsetting than any previous case, probably because I have a DS of that age. I was in tears about it (which has never happened to me before) yesterday evening and even dreamed about the case last night.

Today I’m trying really hard not to obsess about it though that feels like a betrayal and a cop out, weirdly.

I've only read the headlines, have had to scroll past really fast whenever I see the story come up and have skipped to the bottom of the comments on here so as not to learn any more details but just wanted to say YANBU OP. I just know if I read the details of that little boy's death I won't sleep properly for days. The little I've seen in the headlines makes me want to to weep it sounds so horrific. I've never been a sensitive person and rarely cry unless a family member dies, but since having my DDs stories about child abuse/children dying cut straight to the bone. I actually can't bear it. I cried on and off for days over two cases in particular in the past five years. It's too much for me to handle so I avoid it now.

Sorry I have not read the full thread but YANBU to feel the way you do. It’s utterly heartbreaking what happened to that poor little boy and I have been thinking about it a lot today- feeling both upset and angry at his murderers and how he was let down by the system. Child abuse is truly the worst and the only thing that consoles me is that he’s not suffering any more at the hands of these evil ‘people’.

To be so upset is not irrational at all

Rest in peace and sleep tight Arthur

I had a tough time as a kid, I've worked in child protection for years, I am a mum

We can all do more to take care of kids in our own families and watch out for other kids too. (I include myself in this)

Being proactive is important but so rare ime- what can we all do in our communities? Doesn't have to be complicated- checking on a neighbour with covid, reach out to your nephew that you don't know well in the nearby city, check in with your stepkid, have a chat about how they are really doing and what they like, what if they were being abused by their other parent, what would you do?

I told many people about abuse in fragmented ways. Almost everyone did (and continues to) turn a blind eye or to do nothing. Not because they are bad or nasty, it's just the path of least resistance and much easier to minimise and assume it's nothing, or that somebody else will sort it out. I was desperate for an adult to make the time to sit with me and listen to me and to say that I could talk to them about anything at all, however strange or scary it was.

The level of malicious evil intentional cruelty towards Arthur is rare ime

What is not rare is child abuse and neglect, it's everywhere and we all have a responsibility to address it. Things get kept within families because of shame, secrets, years of 'this is what's always happened in our family' and these barriers need to broken down