To be so upset about Arthur is it normal

[Onthedowns]

I just cannot stop crying. I know it's another thread but listening to those recordings of that poor boy i have been physically sick and so upset. I have cuddled my children so hard. I came from an abusive background but nothing like him.

I feel completely irrational

Coupled with covid what has happened to society 😔

Just to add, i dont have any 'fantasies' - it is a knee jerk, temporary emotion. To suppress honest emotions might not be so good an idea, or tell others how to deal with theirs. I wouldnt actually enjoy seeing anyone tortured, of course.
So long as the feelings pass and do not stick, we are all entitled to that liberty. Self awareness is the thing.

havent seen vid, that is a step too far.

[quote Justheretoaskaquestion91]@Kippersfortea

The fact that both grandmothers wanted to help, reported concerns snd would have housed him/loved him but didn’t get the chance is just fucking awful and people need to lose their jobs as a bare minimum but won’t[/quote]
If it's true as reported that the police threatened the Uncle with being arrested for breaking lockdown rules when he said he wanted to go and check on the child, someone needs to be sanctioned....at all times the welfare of a vulnerable person was an exception during lockdown. If I know that, so should the police.

@WeirdArchitecture

Just to add, i dont have any 'fantasies' - it is a knee jerk, temporary emotion. To suppress honest emotions might not be so good an idea, or tell others how to deal with theirs. I wouldnt actually enjoy seeing anyone tortured, of course. So long as the feelings pass and do not stick, we are all entitled to that liberty. Self awareness is the thing.

You said this: "I want to see those bastards tortured like they tortured him" that's you sharing your torture fantasies with others on the internet. It's not a 'feeling' a feeling is an emotion. You've shared a graphic fantasy.

I think I struggle with the mawkishness of Facebook posts and we love yous and I would have taken him in etc. You wouldn't have taken him in. He went through a hellish experience and would have been a difficult child with very difficult to meet needs as a result of his horrific experiences. Maltreated, abused, neglected, victim and witness to shocking violence, he would not have been the smiling grateful recipient of anyones munificence.

If you really feel affected and you must do something, hold down your dinner, dry your eyes and be kinder to the child you think is feral and a bad influence on yours. Report every legitimate concern you have. Ask questions. Actually consider the nuisance child that irritates you as possibly the child whose situation is deteriorating and do what you wish you had done for this child.

@royco

In fact, I disagree with those recordings being in the public domain.

Can someone explain why they are? Surely Arthur's privacy should be respected?

It's like a gore-fest to some.

I agree. Why are these even published? I am so shocked they are.

I understand to some extent OP. It was disgusting. I couldn't actually read about it it was so desperate and shocking. Fuckers, throw away the keys.

@PleasantBirthday

I think I struggle with the mawkishness of Facebook posts and we love yous and I would have taken him in etc. You wouldn't have taken him in. He went through a hellish experience and would have been a difficult child with very difficult to meet needs as a result of his horrific experiences. Maltreated, abused, neglected, victim and witness to shocking violence, he would not have been the smiling grateful recipient of anyones munificence.

If you really feel affected and you must do something, hold down your dinner, dry your eyes and be kinder to the child you think is feral and a bad influence on yours. Report every legitimate concern you have. Ask questions. Actually consider the nuisance child that irritates you as possibly the child whose situation is deteriorating and do what you wish you had done for this child.

This is a great post.

I found the reporting pretty gratutitous, there was a warning before it was shown, but as there is a warning before everything these days, most things which are very minor indeed, I had seen and heard everything before I realised. Children would have heard it too, it was on at 8am on BBC Breakfast.

@Applesonthelawn

Or alternately Carrotsticks, it could be genuine feelings that have no other place to find expression. This is not something we can discuss with our partners, our children. I'm for one doing my best to keep it to myself in real life because I don't want to burden them when there is nothing they can do. It has helped me to know that I am not the only one who has found it so upsetting. This is nothing to do with competitive grieving. I am the last person who would virtue signal.

Why can't you talk to your partner about it?

And did you truly think you were the only one to find it so upsetting?

I think everyone feels absolutely devastated by this case. Yet again social services turned a blind eye to abuse and yet AGAIN a defenceless child has died. How many people need to raise concerns (with photographic evidence) before they are taken seriously??? It certainly made me hug my children even tightly than normal.

On the basis that I am a hard-faced old bat and it's even got to me, I'd say YANBU.

The video of the poor soul trying to pick up the duvet is just heartbreaking.

Why anyone would actively choose to listen to the recordings FFS? It's downright macabre. It's akin to the people who buy those dreadful, dreadful child abuse 'autobiographies' FFS. Why would you want to read pages and pages of child abuse and torture? What is wrong with you?

I hate the shallow, mawkish goulish frothing that is splashed across Facebook. It's insincere and puddle deep.

Also, given that his natural mother is in prison for murdering her partner, how the hell was he not on the radar of social services, even before his grandmother drew attention to his injuries?

Yanbu I have cried felt sick and decided not to listen as would have been physically sick.

@NanaRant

I had a sleepless night as this, again, triggered me. I cannot bear the statistic that 1 to 2 children die at the hands of their parents or carers in the UK every week. Time after time, we hear the same mantra.

Social Work Services are the very worst professionals to respond to this type of thing. Time and time again they ignore the signs, listen too intently to parents, never take the child aside - the list goes on. Case reviews say the same thing, and God knows I have written enough myself (child protection background).

I can't decide if it is plain incompetence, overwhelm, over-work, or just laziness.

I had the misfortune to make a child protection referral myself recently. it takes a lot of courage. I evidenced and substantiated everything. It could have been cut & pasted and used for the application for a court intervention. Yep, no further actioned. Not even investigated. 7 pages. This, on the back of at least 2 previous referrals of concerns.....school says no issues. Case closed, no further action.

Very similar circumstances. Entire family cut off and denied contact. Child is being deliberately harmed every day - by Dad and step Mum. It is harrowing. All she knows is punishments, withdrawal of food, not allowed drinks. Family can't get near and all Social Work say is apply to the courts for a contact order. Sickening.

@NanaRant......I'm appalled and truly shocked to read what you've written. I can honestly say that that is not the response you would have got from me, or my colleagues, when I was a practising social worker in my last local authority. But as I said, I am out of touch and possibly naive regarding how things are today. What you're describing is disgraceful and in my view, negligent on the part of Social Services, and I cannot understand how they can refuse to act. Is there no way you can take this further? (Granted, I don't know what your position is in this matter).

Completely agree, and all the 'string them up' and 'let them drop' fantasies on the other thread were bordering into sick fantasy, too.

Using a turn of phrase to express the disgust at a child being murdered is now "sick fantasy" folks.

I take it a step further, and unapologetically think people who harm kids in this manner (where there is no reasonable doubt) should be executed.

That's not sick fantasy, have a word with yourself. Ironically it makes you sound quite unfeeling and lacking in empathy.

All this energy for posters on Mumsnet, no words for Emma Tustin or Thomas Hughes though? Interesting.

It's awful

I have to say I agree with @Simonjt - you are making this a bit about you. And I agree with others that you didn't have to watch or listen, even if it "popped up" automatically.

LBC played an horrendous recording of Arthur last week
It ripped me from sleep, the sound of a young child in obvious distress
I couldn’t make out what was happening, but then when it was reported that the little boy, Arthur,died next day, it affected me too, as it did many others.

I wish the media wouldn’t play such awful stuff, but I don’t think people ARE competing with “Grief” over Arthur, I think those who have empathy for others will respond in a visceral way.
I have avoided listening and watching the torture stuff that the beastsTustin and Hughes did.

I hope Tustin does not survive.
Ditto Hughes.
They are stains on society.
No good can come from them, absolute scum.

Sorry should add, most people would agree it's utterly horrific and sad. But I'm not sure what your thread is trying to achieve. I think your reaction is fairly normal.

All this energy for posters on Mumsnet, no words for Emma Tustin or Thomas Hughes though? Interesting.

They've been convicted and sentenced. What more is there for anyone to say? Other than competing to see who can imagine the most gory revenge. killing

@discombob

Completely agree, and all the 'string them up' and 'let them drop' fantasies on the other thread were bordering into sick fantasy, too.

Using a turn of phrase to express the disgust at a child being murdered is now "sick fantasy" folks.

I take it a step further, and unapologetically think people who harm kids in this manner (where there is no reasonable doubt) should be executed.

That's not sick fantasy, have a word with yourself. Ironically it makes you sound quite unfeeling and lacking in empathy.

All this energy for posters on Mumsnet, no words for Emma Tustin or Thomas Hughes though? Interesting.

I don't agree with the death penalty. Many, many of us don't. It's not UK law to execute people for any offence, even this one.

That you conflate that very mainstream stance with being unfeeling and lacking empathy speaks volumes about your critical abilities.

I don't agree with the death penalty. Many, many of us don't. It's not UK law to execute people for any offence, even this one.

I personally do. Plenty of people even if not the majority, if you went out and did a high street survey, plenty would agree for the worst cases it should be used. So what? My point is it's not a "sick fantasy" especially for the people just using a turn of phrase.

It's weird to be crying about this and not about the murder that occurred. Some people need to get their priorities straight- that's what lacks critical thinking.

@royco

I don't know why anyone would listen to, or watch the video.

Just reading about it is horrifying enough.

They were played on bbc news last night. 😔 Absolutely awful and can't stop thinking about the horrors the poor little boy went through 😞