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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD's Dad just cancelled having her

228 replies

user013452 · 03/12/2021 16:12

DD due to spend the weekend at her Dad's this weekend. She stays at his 4 night a month and that's it (every other weekend). Due to go to his at 4 today. Get a text from her Dad at 3 to say he can no longer have her this weekend. Wouldn't give a reason. Eventually admitted it was because him and his wife are arguing. Her 2DC (not his) will be at their house weekend. Couldn't say when he might next be seeing her, it could be the next time she's due to stay in 2 weeks. He's also asked me to tell DD she's no longer going (as he hasn't), but has asked me not to tell her the real reason. DD is 13. Surely this is not ok? Maybe it's just me?

I'm being unreasonable- it's fine for her to miss this weekend due to her Dad and his wife not currently getting on.

I'm not being unreasonable - it's her Dad's contact weekend, his wife's DC will be there are for the sake of 48 hours they should act like adults?

OP posts:
TheRemotePart · 04/12/2021 17:51

Oh dear. He’s obviously panicked, in the midst of a big fight and thought ( fairly) he doesn’t want her in amongst the bad vibes or that hed be a bear with sore head around her?
It sounds like whatever it was, it’s over now and he has tried to salvage the next day at least ?
Eek. I wonder what was so bad ? Must’ve been some argument!
Sorry you missed your own plans, OP. How typical!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 04/12/2021 18:02

@Santaischeckinglists

Please don't lie for him. Dd needs to be able to trust 1 parent... Get a take away and have a great night yourselves!! Smug in the knowledge he is miserable!! Petty but satisfying!!
This.

It's awful for her - and really he should be telling her, the cowardly twat. Ring him up and hand her he phone.

CoastalWave · 04/12/2021 18:03

Surely you wouldn't want her to go if there's an atmosphere?!

Why get into a row about it?

Enjoy the time with your child.

Misty333 · 04/12/2021 18:06

He is being totally selfish and not thinking about the effect emotionally this will have on his daughter. He has to take responsibility for his choices therefore he should tell your daughter if he cancel’s. Don’t lie for him! Also did you say her two children would be there, if so he should step up his daughter is just as important as her two and it is his home as well. He sounds a weak man.

Celestine70 · 04/12/2021 18:31

She's old enough to just tell her what he said.

Dogmummy1980 · 04/12/2021 18:48

OP you sound like an amazing mum!!

Your DDs dad is a complete idiot!!! We have a blended family and jeez it’s not easy at times!! We argue too BUT when we have our respective kids all that goes out of the window as we are adults

My ex also contributes bare minimum for his kids - indeed I am still waiting for his contribution for the kids uniform which I have even knocked money off for him but still nothing. Apparently he has no money but has money to take his new GF out….. another story all together!!

Just keep being an ace mum - it’s his loss in the long run!

Bertiebiscuit · 04/12/2021 18:57

I agree with everyone else - don't tell lies to make him look better to his daughter - she is old enough to start to see what kind of man he really is, he's not only being a slack dad he's making you collude with his crappy behaviour, don't

readyornot22 · 04/12/2021 18:57

Inexcusable. Especially at such late notice. What a scumbag. Did you have plans? I guess all you can do is be grateful you aren’t with him anymore. Sounds like he will lose this wife too! I feel for you because my ex is meant to have our two next weekend but he cancelled yesterday. I have paid to go to a Christmas party which I won’t be able to go to now. And he hasn’t seen them since July. I literally hate his rotten guts.

Roselilly36 · 04/12/2021 19:21

@Itsalmostanaccessory

My reply would be, "She is 13. Call and tell her yourself."
^this would be my response too,, he should tell her himself and explain why. So sorry for your DD & and Flowers for you left to pick up the pieces.
MobMoll · 04/12/2021 19:29

Much better for her not to go if they are rowing. If he lives 10 minutes away surely you can make plans for another day, even if it’s not overnight?
Just for the record, my stepson used to live with his mum until he was eight and came to live with us. We always had to have some level of flexibility regarding visitation. I wouldn’t have wanted him to go over to his mum if she and her DH were arguing.

Daffi · 04/12/2021 19:43

It's a shame no one seems to want their kids, maybe you should have got a hamster

Itsalmostanaccessory · 04/12/2021 19:47

@Daffi

It's a shame no one seems to want their kids, maybe you should have got a hamster
Are you particularly stupid?

The OP isnt complaining about having her kid. She quite happily sorted it out and got a take away etc to cheer her daughter up.
The issue isnt that she has her kid this weekend. The issue is that the dad is cancelling on her and treating his child like something he can just chuck whenever he cant be arsed. That isnt OK because it upsets the child and isnt fair on the child, not because the OP has to keep her kid for the weekend.

His dare you suggest she doesnt want her kid and shouldn't have had the child. That's disgusting and you owe the OP an apology, you nasty piece of work.

Original poster
user013452 · 04/12/2021 19:49

@Daffi Bit of a strange comment to make considering I cancelled my own plans straight away and arranged things for me and my DD to do instead! Hmm

OP posts:
Cherryberrybonbon · 04/12/2021 19:49

Will She be bothered?

My son isn’t that bothered about going to his dads now, he likes been in his home with his things just goes because he has too

Whatinthelord · 04/12/2021 19:52

I think given she’s 13 I’d be trying to be as truthful as possible.

It’s so irresponsible of him to cancel contact because they’ve had an argument (unless is very bad and making their home unsafe) and then on top to avoid telling her about it.

No doubt your daughter will pick upon exactly what is going on anyway.

whoopy1 · 04/12/2021 20:04

@Daffi

It's a shame no one seems to want their kids, maybe you should have got a hamster
Are you perhaps judging the OP by your own standards? How dare you comment like this, the OP has nowhere said that she doesn’t want her daughter. You are certainly one nasty piece of work!
Mollymoostoo · 04/12/2021 20:09

@user013452

DD due to spend the weekend at her Dad's this weekend. She stays at his 4 night a month and that's it (every other weekend). Due to go to his at 4 today. Get a text from her Dad at 3 to say he can no longer have her this weekend. Wouldn't give a reason. Eventually admitted it was because him and his wife are arguing. Her 2DC (not his) will be at their house weekend. Couldn't say when he might next be seeing her, it could be the next time she's due to stay in 2 weeks. He's also asked me to tell DD she's no longer going (as he hasn't), but has asked me not to tell her the real reason. DD is 13. Surely this is not ok? Maybe it's just me?

I'm being unreasonable- it's fine for her to miss this weekend due to her Dad and his wife not currently getting on.

I'm not being unreasonable - it's her Dad's contact weekend, his wife's DC will be there are for the sake of 48 hours they should act like adults?

He may have moved out and doesn't want your DD to know
SimpsonsXmasBoogie · 04/12/2021 20:13

@Daffi

It's a shame no one seems to want their kids, maybe you should have got a hamster
Maybe you should learn to read things properly before making nasty comments.
GeorgiaGirl52 · 04/12/2021 20:29

@Itsalmostanaccessory

My reply would be, "She is 13. Call and tell her yourself."
This. But YABU to want to send her into a "war zone" just to give yourself a free night.
Original poster
user013452 · 04/12/2021 20:51

@GeorgiaGirl52 When did I say I wanted to send her in to a 'war zone'? In fact it's such a war zone that DD has just text and asked me to pick her up early tomorrow as her Dad and his wife are going out for lunch with their friends and she's not invited!

OP posts:
Outlyingtrout · 04/12/2021 21:04

[quote user013452]@GeorgiaGirl52 When did I say I wanted to send her in to a 'war zone'? In fact it's such a war zone that DD has just text and asked me to pick her up early tomorrow as her Dad and his wife are going out for lunch with their friends and she's not invited! [/quote]
So after messing her (and you) around and delaying DD's contact, he's now cutting it short as well? He really doesn't prioritise her at all does he. That's so sad.

And what a coward - he couldn't tell DD himself that he was cancelling last minute and now he doesn't have the balls to ask you to collect her early so he's getting her to text you. I can see why he's your EX husband.

Original poster
user013452 · 04/12/2021 21:10

@Outlyingtrout You've summed it up perfectly there!

And what makes it even more infuriating (for me) is that I rescheduled last nights plans to tomorrow in the day which means I either move them again in order to pick DD up early, or she has to stay at her Dad's for hours on her own whilst he's out!

OP posts:
UnsolicitedDickPic · 04/12/2021 21:29

@Daffi

It's a shame no one seems to want their kids, maybe you should have got a hamster
Reading comprehension isn't one of your strong points, is it?
Downton57 · 04/12/2021 21:34

Why on earth has he made plans to go out for lunch without your daughter when it's his weekend to have her? That is totally out of order.

NowWhatUsernameShallIHave · 04/12/2021 21:58

My arrangement is the same as yours OP but my son is 11

I would fully expect him to come over to talk to my child, or at least over the phone.

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