To think people really need to stop letting strangers live with their children

[PuttingOnTheKitsch]

Yet another child was murdered at the hands of a parent's "partner". There have been many, many cases of this happening, Daniel Pelka, Peter Connelley, Kyra Ishaq, the list is endless.

Yet, there will still be women on here, letting some random man move in with them and their child within six weeks and saying "Am I not allowed to have a life!?" if anyone points out that's a bad idea.

Men are just as bad, the step-parent's board was full of blokes who would dump their children on whichever woman they were seeing, while they carried on with their lives and the step mum would come on here and seethe at the poor behaviour of the children instead of understanding how distressing it must be for a young child to have a dad who foists you off on anyone.

Nobody died from not having a live-in partner.

If we truly want things to change, rather than shaking our fists at social workers, we need to look at ourselves as a wider society and stop expecting different results from the same poor behaviour.

I am sorry to burst your bubble but your child is far more likely to be abused or murdered by their mother or father than a stranger.

The actual thing that would safeguard most children would be for all women to be single mothers- use men for sperm and then In prison them, or we could all get back in the real world and stop victimising single women

Interesting thread.

The problem is lots of children have died in during lockdown by being killed by either mum or dad or both, how many have had this same coverage as this one.

The "old evil step mother" bias is just as prevalent not because all of SMs are evil, it's because society views a female committing a crime like this as far more unusual than a man (see the levels anger at her and the almost acceptance that the dad did this) and it fits in with a narrative/bias that many people have internally because when someone is a mother they will naturally resent having to share resources it's always women vs women and a helpless man getting non of the heat. A women is seen as a maternal figure, step or not so it's seen as a worse thing than the dad who gave him life.

It's the same reason why when children go missing, if they are white and pretty they tend to get a lot more media coverage, this is just fact. The other stories just get swept up under the carpet. Anything with a angle or a slight society bias usually gets more visibility, more discussions more everything really.

The fact of the matter is step mum is a murder, the mums (a murder and doing time) and as per usual the dads actions in this are overlooked completely which is madness since he's just culpable. This poor child didn't stand a chance.

Also I don't actually think they were married so actually by MN standards she wasn't the child's step mother just dads gf but I suppose that isn't as headline grabby.

This child was surrounded by monsters, who were monsters regardless of title. As a parent if you put your child in a situation to get abused then you are just if not more culpable as the monster abusing the child.

@OatALot

ONS says 'Around 4 in 10 (39%) of victims of physical abuse in their childhood were abused by their father. A further 29% were abused by their mother, 12% by a partner or previous partner and, 10% by step-father and 10% by another family member.'

Stop using this case to bash stepparents and lone parents.

That tells us nothing because it doesn't account for the proportions of the different household types in the population as a whole.

@bjjgirl

The actual thing that would safeguard most children would be for all women to be single mothers- use men for sperm and then In prison them, or we could all get back in the real world and stop victimising single women

Well said xx

I was 18 when I had my first. His biological father never took anything to do with him and died last year. Should I never have met my partner and had his brother and sister?

@nitsandwormsdodger

mrs bison. Please fuck off to he far side of the 1950’s and stay there you cannot be real,

That poster has (on other threads) been giving such gems of advice as "if a girl is getting teased for wearing trousers, she should just wear a skirt".

I think that a lot of women need to spend a lot more time getting to know a man before they actually breed with him, Then there might be a few less one parent families in the World.
I have said before that the day you meet a new bloke you should automatically have a 3 year contraceptive implant inserted, If you make it to the end of the three years still in the relationship, then you can have a baby.

YANBU. I completely agree.

I also think the two adults won't even call them parents as they don't deserve that title that killed that poor little boy deserve to be prisoned for life. 21 years for taking away a little boys life who had his whole life to lead is disgusting. What was that judge thinking?

The father was involved too wasn't he.
Bring back hanging for these sort of people they don't deserve to live

I am a single parent and I have never let a man live with us. One short term boyfriend tried with the romantic phrase that I am paying the rent anyway!

I kept any relationships and my DS away from each other.

It is about the parent (man or woman) prioritizing the child. These two got off on what they were doing to him. The poor little scrap. I'm so upset about this and all the others.

I can't stop crying thinking of him. X

Ok so this post 100% is getting deleted but this entire situation has pissed me off so much I need to offload. She wasn’t a stepmum. She was just a convenient hole for him to fuck & he ultimately was willing to kill his son to keep it going. I really, really hope they both get murdered in prison. Painfully and slowly.

RIP Arthur

This case really shook me, as has this thread.

Many years ago, a good family friend had three children with a man who moved out when the youngest was about 5 months old.

Fast forward 6 months and the woman was in a new relationship and had moved him into the home. The children were aged 1, 5 and 7.

One day, the mother had to go out and left the 1 year old with her partner, and when she came home he had killed the child. The investigation showed the baby had suffered irreversible brain injuries as a result of being thrown at the wall with great force. It was just awful. The mother of course had said what a wonderful man he was and how she would never, ever have thought he be capable of such a thing otherwise she wouldn’t have invited him into her life and her home. We all just thought that she’d been so heartbroken by the relationship breakdown with the children’s father that she’d just turned to the first man to show her attention. Like I said before, there are certain men in this world who prey on vulnerable women.

My sister has been a single parent for 11 years and has only had one serious relationship in that time and even then, she said she would never live with another man whilst her children still lived at home.

Totally agree. Too many awful stories of step parent abuse and murder. Get to know somebody before moving them in with your child.

www.itv.com/news/tyne-tees/2021-11-29/grace-thorpe-death-man-jailed-for-murdering-toddler-who-called-him-daddy

Yes I don't think it is much talked about - its hard to imagine with rates of divorce and relationship breakdown that blending families or whatever isn't okay, but actually, it ignores really step parents have their own psychological needs or indeed problems which can be visited on children.

Words are pretty cheap - step parenting, like all parenting, is about actions towards and for children.

As someone who moved in with their new partner fairly quick (not by choice) I can still both sides.

I was very wary of my partner, just from following other child abuse cases, that he's not my child's biological parent and won't necessarily have the same attachment and tolerance I do, which is a risk factor.

However, that doesn't mean all stepparents are evil, or are abusers. There's no news articles reporting happy families are there? And we are happy blended families every single day- but your never know that the adult holding the little child's hand isn't their biological parent.

To summarise parents should be cautious, wicked people like Tustin exist, but not all are like that. Good parents would not tolerate abuse to their child: period- whether from a bio parent or new partner. Unfortunately for poorArthur (may he rest in peace) his dad would've continued abusing him regardless. Tustin just handed the final blow (enabled by Hughes).

The same people who say single mothers shouldn't move men in are the same people who tell you to 'get over it' when you're concerned about a father bringing his new girlfriend around the kids.

My ex (my children's dad) was a 'step dad' who abused his 'step' children. The mother was also aware and did nothing. Both awaiting sentencing currently. I was told I had to get over it and allow my children there and I was a bitter baby mum when I recognised the abuse and stopped the contact. Authorities did not believe me.

I wouldn't move someone in for a long time but I'm certainly not going to put my life on hold. I would have to be sure before any meeting of children.

[quote ProudlyMarried]@iklboodolphrednosedpaindear

Youre right, theres always a chance of picking a wrong/bad/abusive partner.

But isnt it less likely to be the case if both you and your partner are both married 1st time, working, have a stable family house, no baggage, and church going (as an example). Opposed to say switching from boyfriend to boyfriend every year?[/quote]
Hahahahahaha

No.

Davy Tweed.

That is all.

Seriously I get that its difficult, but sometimes, the signs are utterly grim.

OLD and men saying "I love children". None of their own or rarely see their own kids. It makes you feel a bit ill because presumably they say it to a lot of lone parents. In days gone by such a man would been an obvious bad catch, but in a virtual world, it is very hard to know anything really and people can be very credulous. If anything, OLD should mean you take even long to test a partner living in your home.

I don’t think anyone’s saying single mums shouldn’t date but come on?! The woman I posted about knew her new partner had been to prison before she met him, too many women ignore red flags and people their child at risk.

Sorry but the idea that being church going is some sort of protection against abuse has made me retch.

The worst abusers I have ever known have been in various churches up to their necks. Including one person who I couldn’t prove anything against but was seriously creepy and has now moved on to a lay preacher position and has got a partner with young children.

@icelolly12 wow. Victim blaming at its best.

@RoastPotatoQueen

YANBU. I completely agree.

I also think the two adults won't even call them parents as they don't deserve that title that killed that poor little boy deserve to be prisoned for life. 21 years for taking away a little boys life who had his whole life to lead is disgusting. What was that judge thinking?

This. ^ They will probably be out in 12 years too!