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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being precious?

128 replies

WheatlandTerrier · 02/12/2021 22:18

Speaking to a guy online. Due to meet this weekend. All OK no smut etc. However tonight on text he asked if I think I'd like him. I said you need to like yourself first and he replied I love myself every night with lots of laughing faces. Aibu to give it a miss ?

OP posts:
BurbageBrook · 03/12/2021 09:33

Neither of you would be my cup of tea. Him, too smutty, you- too self-help guru!

SparrowNest · 03/12/2021 09:35

I agree OP’s comment was hard to respond to, but also what the hell was she supposed to say in response to him asking if she thinks she’ll like him? The conversation is awkward right the way through and he started it.

Helpstopthepain · 03/12/2021 09:37

What was the conversation like before he asked if you think you’ll like him? And what did you reply to his loving himself comment?

I wouldn’t write him off just yet, have you liked the conversation until now?

RainLol · 03/12/2021 09:46

Going againts the grain here, but I don’t think there were anything wrong with your message. He was gross.
I would give it a pass.

Skysblue · 03/12/2021 10:12

Text messages often cause misunderstandings. He was trying to be funny and failed, I’m not sure what your measure was intended to do, but all the messages seem socially awkward. I suspect you’re both nervous about meeting up and perhaps looking for an excuse to cancel.

If you wanna go, go, if you don’t, don’t, but if you judge people and shut down potential opportunities this fast I can kinda see why you’re single.

Ohmybod · 03/12/2021 10:20

Hmmmm you sound prone to overreacting.

Can you not see that your comment was a bit awkward for someone who hasn’t met you yet? He probably didn’t know how to respond and went for a joke to lighten things up.

Sure, by all means give the date a miss but I think that’s an over reaction. Perhaps also take a break from OLD for a while.

Woohooforwine · 03/12/2021 10:39

@WheatlandTerrier

Well suppose since I a complete cunt I better cancel
Well that escalated quickly 😂
SelfHelpPlease · 03/12/2021 10:41

Hes got a sense of humour.

User123654123654 · 03/12/2021 10:44

He’s dodged a bullet if you do give it a miss, you sound miserable. Lighten up

Dumpling89 · 03/12/2021 10:47

Your response was weirder than his. He was probably just in a panicked flurry to lighten the mood before you made it too 'deep'.

Cas112 · 03/12/2021 11:02

Your response was patronising, maybe he was trying to put you off OP haha

ItsALife · 03/12/2021 11:07

I don’t understand what you meant by your comment? Are you saying you hate yourself? Or he hates himself? That would put me off if a man said that to me.

Iooselipssinkships · 03/12/2021 11:18

On the snippet of conversation you've posted then I don't really see this as pervy, quite self deprecating if anything. I would've laughed and replied touché or something along those lines but then seen how the rest of the conversation panned out. If he continued bringing it back to the same topic then that's when it would become an issue, for me at least.

Lweji · 03/12/2021 15:04

I cringe at people (including men) asking if I think I'd like them, or even how much I like them.

  1. I don't know until I know them.
  2. If I do like you, you will know I do.

It's just fishing for compliments. Needy. Yuck.
I that sense, I think your reply was more than appropriate.

Then his reply would put me further off.

If I didn't bin now, it would certainly go as yellowish flags on my check list for future decision.

Daphnise · 03/12/2021 16:19

Keep looking- there must be someone out there for you....

Kite22 · 03/12/2021 17:39

@Ohmybod

Hmmmm you sound prone to overreacting.

Can you not see that your comment was a bit awkward for someone who hasn’t met you yet? He probably didn’t know how to respond and went for a joke to lighten things up.

Sure, by all means give the date a miss but I think that’s an over reaction. Perhaps also take a break from OLD for a while.

Wise advice

I'm afraid you sound intense and humourless and he sounds over familiar with someone he's never met. Definitely not a match

This too.

From your last post, I think it is the man you were texting who has dodged a bullet here. What an odd reaction Hmm . Even odder than your question to him.
It seems that your 'communication in writing' skills might not be a good match for on-line dating.

Waspsarearseholes · 03/12/2021 18:19

It sounds like he was attempting a bit of pre-date flirting and it didn't land with the 'do you think you'll like me' comment. Or maybe he was also getting a weird vibe off you so wanted to know he wasn't wasting his time. Your response was entirely bizarre. What gave you the impression he doesn't like himself or that he would appreciate someone giving him some nonsense psycho-babble before a date? His final comment would have made me laugh. He obviously misjudged your superior sense of humour, or lack thereof, with his final comment but we're all grown ups. If you don't like the idea of men wanking then he's probably not the guy for you, nor you the woman for him.

thepeopleversuswork · 03/12/2021 18:29

The entire discussion sounds odd. But the wanking joke is not the worst part of it.

His “do you think you’ll like me?” Sounds thin skinned and needy at best. Your reply was textbook woo which most people would find a bit stuck up in this context. It implies that you are presuming he has low self esteem.

Which he may do, but you coming across like a therapist when you have not him won’t help.

The wank joke is mildly lame but hardly suggests he’s a perv. That’s the least of your worries.

SarahJeffers341 · 03/12/2021 18:47

@WheatlandTerrier

I'm not a life coach. I'm just fed up of men getting pervy
Pervy? He asked if you’d like him! Hardly pervy! Your reply was weird and deep!
Saoirse82 · 03/12/2021 18:53

The OP always gers a hard time on here but I totally understand where you're coming from. Online dating seems to be full of pervs so its only natural that immediately you're suspicious when he talks about loving himself every night and wondering whether it's just an innocent joke or he's trying to turn the conversation sexual. I would give him the benefit of the doubt if you liked him up to now but it was a bit icky.

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 03/12/2021 19:00

Weird question, weirder response, failed humour.

OP didn't you just end a relationship with someone you met on OD if I remember correctly? I'd give it a miss for a bit.

FuckinGoddess · 03/12/2021 19:50

You seem dry and tedious, he’s definitely dodged a bullet.

Kite22 · 03/12/2021 21:27

The OP always gers a hard time on here

No they don't.
The OP only gets told they ABU, when they are.
There are often splits of opinion, and sometimes there are AIBU threads where everyone agrees with the OP.

What does happen quite a bit is that, when people don't agree with the OP, the there are complaints about 'bullying', or people being nasty to the OP.

This isn't a forum to come to if you want everyone to agree with you, but this is a forum to come to if you want honesty.

Waspsarearseholes · 03/12/2021 22:37

Goodness me, Advanced Search was...interesting!

HireStarter · 03/12/2021 22:41

"you've got to like yourself first" comes across very patronising.