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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being precious?

128 replies

WheatlandTerrier · 02/12/2021 22:18

Speaking to a guy online. Due to meet this weekend. All OK no smut etc. However tonight on text he asked if I think I'd like him. I said you need to like yourself first and he replied I love myself every night with lots of laughing faces. Aibu to give it a miss ?

OP posts:
Ileflottante · 02/12/2021 22:51

What you said was weird and made you sound tedious. He obviously made a joke to lighten the bizarre tone you set.

GetTheFlockOutOfHere · 02/12/2021 22:52

@WheatlandTerrier

Speaking to a guy online. Due to meet this weekend. All OK no smut etc. However tonight on text he asked if I think I'd like him. I said you need to like yourself first and he replied I love myself every night with lots of laughing faces. Aibu to give it a miss ?
Why did you say 'you need to like yourself first?'
pumpkinpie01 · 02/12/2021 22:55

I find it a bit odd what he said , sounds childish ' do you think you'll like me ?' Well you will soon find out if you like each other it doesn't need to be a conversation before you have even met

MsThinksAlot · 02/12/2021 22:58

So he masturbates every night then, is it the point of the joke?

If you're not someone who likes the idea of your partner masturbating, you already know this one can and does. No need starting and asking him later to not do so.

If you don't care, then fine.

In the past, I'd have seen the question he asked as 'first time jitters' but I know now I wouldn't have patience for a potentially insecure person. That said, if we've been having a good time up to that point, I may still go with my radar switched on for B.S.

WakeEatSleepRepeat · 02/12/2021 23:04

You sound like a perfect match!

WorraLiberty · 02/12/2021 23:06

@Ileflottante

What you said was weird and made you sound tedious. He obviously made a joke to lighten the bizarre tone you set.
Absolutely this ^^
NYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYNYN · 02/12/2021 23:10

Your response was the odd one......... how bizarre

Kamelion · 02/12/2021 23:15

You should definitely give it a miss if you’re thrown into doubt by the world’s tamest “smutty” joke.

Peppercorn9 · 02/12/2021 23:16

Eh? The OP's reply wasn't the problem - what was she supposed to say in response to "do you think you'll like me?" What kind of grown man asks that?! His initial question was weird/needy and bad enough, but his reply to the OP was just fucking grim. Bin him off, OP - YANBU at all!

Kamelion · 02/12/2021 23:16

@MsThinksAlot

So he masturbates every night then, is it the point of the joke?

If you're not someone who likes the idea of your partner masturbating, you already know this one can and does. No need starting and asking him later to not do so.

If you don't care, then fine.

In the past, I'd have seen the question he asked as 'first time jitters' but I know now I wouldn't have patience for a potentially insecure person. That said, if we've been having a good time up to that point, I may still go with my radar switched on for B.S.

I think it was probably a light-hearted (clearly misjudged) quip rather than a factual confession about how frequently he masterbates……
Peppercorn9 · 02/12/2021 23:18

Also, do people actually think a joke about wanking before you've even met your date isn't completely off-putting?!

smoocakes6 · 02/12/2021 23:19

Erm .. 'do you think you like me?' Is a bit needy IMO . You've agreed to meet him ffs why ask that ?. That would put me off too .

WorraLiberty · 02/12/2021 23:22

@Peppercorn9

Eh? The OP's reply wasn't the problem - what was she supposed to say in response to "do you think you'll like me?" What kind of grown man asks that?! His initial question was weird/needy and bad enough, but his reply to the OP was just fucking grim. Bin him off, OP - YANBU at all!
"do you think you'll like me?"

Well I can think of a million and one different answers that aren't as weird as the one she gave.

"Let's see, shall we?" Would be the most obvious.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/12/2021 23:23

A lot of people make jokes when they're faced with hippy dippy self help terminology - not necessarily because they think it's all a load of overprivileged wank, but also when somebody hits on exactly what they're feeling underneath, such as that they don't love themselves for reasons such as abuse, depression or simply feeling vulnerable.

So you could be turning up your nose at a bullheaded tosspot - or somebody who, at the first hint of admitting to some vulnerability, reverted to humour to try and lighten the 'ouch, she's got a point there' feeling. Which isn't always a sign of a fixer upper, it can be something that the sweetest, loveliest people feel and do.

Guess you'll never know what person he was, though.

Taoneusa · 02/12/2021 23:27

@Peppercorn9

Also, do people actually think a joke about wanking before you've even met your date isn't completely off-putting?!
This ^^

Yuck!

Justmebeingme245 · 02/12/2021 23:30

Personally - it's the 'do you think you would like me?' comment that I would find massively off-putting. They haven't even met yet and he is looking for reassurance all ready. I wouldn't date him for that alone but I'm insanely picky and single so ....

AJGranny · 02/12/2021 23:30

@Ileflottante

What you said was weird and made you sound tedious. He obviously made a joke to lighten the bizarre tone you set.
Yep.
steff13 · 02/12/2021 23:33

@Peppercorn9

Also, do people actually think a joke about wanking before you've even met your date isn't completely off-putting?!
People don't have a hive mind. There are some people who would be put off, some would think it was funny, and everywhere in between. Personally, I'd roll my eyes but not consider cancelling on him. Like others, I think OP's was weird.
Kite22 · 02/12/2021 23:35

@Ileflottante

What you said was weird and made you sound tedious. He obviously made a joke to lighten the bizarre tone you set.
This ^

It is really difficult to judge tone in writing.
I don't see how anyone can have meaningful 'conversations' by text with people they don't already know.

What you wrote was just odd. I suspect he didn't know how to respond. But then again it seems odd for him to ask you if you think you are going to like him. I mean, I don't know much about on-line dating, but I presume you chat for a bit and choose only to meet people you think you might like, so the fact you agreed to meet already suggests you hope you will like him, no ?

Mother2princess · 02/12/2021 23:36

You sound odd op

Justmebeingme245 · 02/12/2021 23:40

@Mother2princess

You sound odd op
Not really - he asked a weird question and got a weird answer.. I don't really understand why everyone is saying OP is weird. Why can't people be nice?
WorraLiberty · 02/12/2021 23:54

Not really - he asked a weird question and got a weird answer..
I don't really understand why everyone is saying OP is weird. Why can't people be nice?

If people think the OP's answer was weird, what's the problem?

Are women always supposed to be 'nice' instead of honest in your view?

The guy sounds insecure and asked a weird question. The OP gave him a weird answer (in many people's opinion).

That's all.

Kite22 · 03/12/2021 00:00

Exactly Worra

notangelinajolie · 03/12/2021 00:06

You both sound a little weird with your comments but I'd put that down to (both) trying to sound clever/funny and not quite succeeding.

You need to meet. See how it goes and don't over think.

Kuachui · 03/12/2021 00:07

sorry but yeah your the wierd one.. i woukd have laughed at his joke.

He masterbates. so does most other people. was a bit cringe but i would have laughed