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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be so upset my child has to wear rainbow laces to play rugby?

379 replies

Rainbowlaceshelp · 02/12/2021 16:39

Just as the title says.

My child came home today and says they have been given a set of rainbow laces for thier rugby boots for the game at the weekend. To show that they are inclusive.

I'm very very upset and angry that I am now being forced to confront this issue.

I have no objection to showing solidarity for gay and lesbian people. It is precisely for this reason I object to being strong armed into rainbow compliance by Stonewall who grow more homophobic by the day.

What can I do? Should I just get over it, conform and keep quiet? I don't want to make my child appear as though they 'hate the gays' when it's in fact the total opposite.

OP posts:
lunarlandscape · 02/12/2021 17:41

They are shoelaces. Focus your energies elsewhere.

Funnylittlefloozie · 02/12/2021 17:43

As usual, everyone is talking about men in rugby. There are loads of out lesbians playing for the four national teams. There are out lesbians playing rugby at all levels of the game. The women's game doesn't actually need any help being inclusive.

As usual, the problem lies with men - men being homophobic towards gay male players, or male-bodied people trying to bully their way onto women's teams, with the potential to cause really serious harm to other women in those teams.

Id tell my kid to put her rainbow laces in one boot, and her normal laces in the other. I dont take kindly to being forced to wear symbols.

pictish · 02/12/2021 17:44

Personally I’d like to see the rainbow go back to just being a rainbow again…a beautiful meteorological phenomenon that is simply enjoyed for its own sake.

You can’t be a rainbow fan without making a statement now. I’m woke and shit, certainly don’t care who loves or fancies whom…but sometimes it’s nice to have a rainbow because you like them.

RuggerHug · 02/12/2021 17:45

12 is old enough to know they aren't going to hate someone for no reason. Inclusion in sport is very important and has been for ages. Rainbows on laces/gear has been a thing for a least 20 years (I am now feeling oldShock) as we had similar things on my old teams. We weren't told and it wasn't linked to an organisation, it was a visual symbol so everyone knew they were welcome and accepted.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 02/12/2021 17:46

Kids are made to do "political" stuff all the time - just recently they seemed to spend a lot of time making poppies for remembrance day. For royal weddings/babies they sometimes make cards congratulating the monarchy, and soon loads of them will be dressing up as shepards and angels, and learning songs about Jesus. School is not an apolitical place.

Unless you object to all of these things on the grounds that "12 is too young to have an opinion about this stuff" then it does seem that there's something ...particular you object to about your child wearing rainbow laces?

Receptionclass · 02/12/2021 17:47

Talk to your child and let them decide.

tommyhoundmum · 02/12/2021 17:49

I have a huge rainbow scarf bought during the pandemic. Not lesbian but don't see why a rainbow should be commandeered by any group.

Lovelyricepudding · 02/12/2021 17:49

YADNBU they are not 'just a rainbow', your child is being required to support a political campaign which seeks to undermine women's rights and in rugby has placed women's safety secondary to the inclusion of men in women's rugby.

ThrobbingToothacheOfTheMind · 02/12/2021 17:49

Amazing how so many women hate freedom of choice and autonomy.

Chr1stmasCarole · 02/12/2021 17:50

Well it's a rugby match where they're celebrating inclusivity.
As you don't agree with that message keep your ds home from the match that day and let them know that you as a family don't believe in being inclusive and won't be forced into it..... I think that's fair enough.

pictish · 02/12/2021 17:51

Anyway, the shoelaces…it’s a nice enough gesture, glad to see inclusion and acceptance pedalled as a stance to declare, particularly in the sports world.

Most people, including the rugby crowd will have no notion of Stonewall or any issues pertaining to the same. I’m not well versed myself. Whether you go along with it or not depends if you mind being controversial. Up to you. I would probably put the laces on and choose another hill to die on.

Twilight7777 · 02/12/2021 17:51

Yanbu. It’s the coercion that stinks.

doadeer · 02/12/2021 17:52

Eh? Why are you very upset?

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 02/12/2021 17:52

@ThrobbingToothacheOfTheMind

Amazing how so many women hate freedom of choice and autonomy.
You mean like the OP trying to decide for her child on this issue?

Yeah, it's crap.

EmpressaurusWitchDoesntBurn · 02/12/2021 17:52

There are loads of out lesbians playing for the four national teams. There are out lesbians playing rugby at all levels of the game. The women's game doesn't actually need any help being inclusive.

Too right. The women’s game needs to be protected from having to include males.

I’d like to know whether the people who are talking about rainbows being nice & friendly have read the comments from the lesbians on this thread.

foxgoosefinch · 02/12/2021 17:53

it was a visual symbol so everyone knew they were welcome and accepted

Everyone apart from women and lesbians, you mean.

It’s now a visual symbol for the support of men’s rights to do what they want even at the expense of women, especially gay women.

itsjustnotok · 02/12/2021 17:53

DD is 12. The secondary school has been hell when discussing LGBT. She is now in Year 8, Year 7 was awful. 4 months in DD’s mood plummetted. Wouldn't talk to us and then one day I found her crying. She admitted she felt so much pressure to try out being a lesbian and that if she didn't it meant she was homophobic. She said everyone was homophobic and transphobic. We explained that the important thing was to support and treat people how you felt you should be treated and if she was lesbian she should never worry because she was her and that was that. She shouldn't feel pressured by anyone it was her decision. By the start of Year 8 she has announced she's trans, omni sexual, bi-sexual, nonbinary and gender fluid. Out of her Her immediate group of friends 3 self-harm, 1 asks for they, them and it pronouns to be used and they all.i tee-date. The whole situation has caused so much worry so I don't agree with forcing anything, even if it's only laces. These kids need to understand that they need to be themselves and that's ok and not have ideas forced.on them.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 02/12/2021 17:53

Just give her the choice? What’s the big deal here?

ClaudiaWankleman · 02/12/2021 17:55

This thread is grim.

RobotValkyrie · 02/12/2021 17:55

Compelled support is not real support.
Compelled speech is not free speech.
Forcing people (especially children!) to express political views they may not actually share is anti-democratic.
Rainbow-dressing is utterly toxic.
It does nothing to actually help anybody, and is far more likely to generate resentment in the long run.

fakereview · 02/12/2021 17:56

@Mybalconyiscracking

There’s honestly nothing wrong with teaching children to be inclusive.
Is it ok for male bodied people to play womens sport? That's the very thin edge of the Stonewall wedge.
mam0918 · 02/12/2021 17:56

I'm not a huge fan of rainbows everywhere, not just because I'm don't like rainbows (they're pretty gaudy in general) but because I have zero idea what you're trying to support by using a rainbow anymore.

I have a friend that wears rainbow everything (always has) not for any cause they are just a super colourful person.

Many of my friends work for the NHS and that's now tied to rainbows.

I work with miscarriage and child loss groups and they often use rainbows to signal a birth after a loss.

I have gay friends who use rainbows to signal they are gay.

During the lockdown, rainbows were used for child mental health and people set up rainbow walks for kids.

I have heard of autistic groups using the rainbow as a symbol too.

I'm sure there's probably more, it's not like a charity ribbon (only used for causes) with an assigned colour (to designate which cause)... to me a rainbow means nothing anymore.

So with all that I couldn't find it in me to be 'offended' over multicoloured shoelaces that could literally mean basically anything.

fakereview · 02/12/2021 17:56

@foxgoosefinch

it was a visual symbol so everyone knew they were welcome and accepted

Everyone apart from women and lesbians, you mean.

It’s now a visual symbol for the support of men’s rights to do what they want even at the expense of women, especially gay women.

This with bells on.
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 02/12/2021 17:56

OMG it’s a pair of shoe laces. You claim it doesn’t upset you but you seem very angry about it. Withdraw your child from the match, don’t change shoelaces or just shut up!

Artichokeleaves · 02/12/2021 17:57

YANBU

It's not a neutral symbol. It has been politicised and it is anything but 'inclusive'. It stands for the political primacy of gender identity, and represents views that are actively homophobic in nature. How pernicious this has been is shown in how many posters here are innocently saying 'but the rainbow just shows fellowship with LGBT+ people'.

It used to. It has been used. It does not mean that any more. Children should never be exploited as unwitting political gestures, or trained up in a specific political belief. Particularly as its one even most of their parents won't be fully aware of the underlying message they are supporting.

Sex doesn't exist, no sex based rights, homosexuality being hate and prejudice, excluding non compliant women, removal of safeguarding etc is just some of what these children are being signed up to. Again: it is anything but inclusive. There a nine protected characteristics required for inclusion. Not one.

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