To be upset by piano teacher comments

[FlibberdyGibbett]

My 10 year old son ‘Josh’ has been having piano lessons for six weeks and I have received this text from his teacher.

“Josh seems to be struggling in his lessons. He complains his fingers are tired even after we have just started the lesson. This morning he told me he has been doing too much writing in class beforehand. He seems to talk a lot and doesn’t seem particularly interested. He tells me he practises on his iPad?? I’m not sure the piano is right for Josh, maybe consider a different instrument next term.”

AIBU to feel upset and my son is being unsupported?

As Josh has been attending piano lessons for the last six weeks, OP, surely he has mentioned what he does there and whether he likes /dislikes learning the piano ?

@FlibberdyGibbett

Also she’s just billed me to pay for December lessons, but he missed 2 earlier in the month due to having Covid and she’s basically said she doesn’t carry missed lessons over?!

She had set aside the booked time to teach your son. If he didn't show, she couldn't 'sell' her time to anyone else. Are you seriously suggesting that her income (and ability to pay her own bills) should be so uncertain and fragile?

We always had a piano in the house when I was a child, and I had lessons. But I also had an interest in music inherited from my Dad.

I don't think you could be expected to practise on an ipad, that would be almost impossible, like practising on a keyboard drawn on paper!

Poor child is at a disadvantage right from the start.

The piano teacher isn't going to want to miss out on money is she/he? So they wouldn't be saying this if they didn't feel that your son could make progress, or that he isn't interested! I would thank them for their honesty!

I agree that piano is a hard instrument to learn and very slow to see results at the beginning, even more so if there’s no practicing! See if Josh would prefer to learn an orchestral instrument or even just let him get a cheap guitar and watch YouTube tutorials.

Some local authorities have an instrument loan scheme for orchestral instruments, so that the pupil can have a half or three quarter sized cello or whatever it is and then progress to full size as they grow. Lots cheaper than buying the instrument. Might be worth looking into as then if Josh quits you’re not saddled with an expensive second hand trumpet or something.

It's pointless without a piano at home. I know people take up the piano thinking it will be easy, but it's the most inconvenient instrument of ALL in a world where most homes no longer have a piano.

He'd be much better off playing the trumpet or violin or something portable where you can rent the instrument - possibly even from your local council?

Ukeleles are incredibly cheap, and he's more likely to want to play the guitar as he gets older.

Violins are also pretty cheap. Trumpets less so, I guess, if your local council doesn't provide them.

Does your council do First Access?

Honestly, if you can't afford something for him to play on, you can't afford lessons, because it is absolutely pointless. Imagine trying to learn Mandarin without making any attempt to access Mandarin on Duolingo or online in between lessons. How much progress would you realistically make?

10 is quite old to begin learning a musical instrument.

Crikey. Don't tell that to all the adult learners out there. Or my stepdaughter, who started piano at the age of 12 and in 18 months got to grade 5.

OP that text is fine. Piano is expensive as you quite quickly have to go from a short keyboard to some form of piano and even electronic ones are far from cheap. Talk to your son. Tell him you don't mind either way but need to know if he's enjoying it or not. I think it's good of the teacher not to persist if she thinks it's not for him. Hard to hear, but better in the long run. See if he wants to play guitar or even ukulele. Not banjo, unless he wants to spend his life tuning it.

@Couchpotato3

As a piano teacher, I find it incredibly frustrating trying to teach a child who has no instrument to practise on at home. It is an almost impossible task, and no-one can learn a new skill in half an hour a week. The majority of the work goes on BETWEEN lessons. Your son hasn't had a fair chance because you set him up to fail by not providing an instrument from the outset. Every lesson will be like Groundhog Day for him and the teacher because he will have made zero progress from the outset. It doesn't sound as though he is enjoying it at all anyway - the 'my fingers hurt/feel tired' is nonsense - it is just his way of saying that he doesn't want to be there. The teacher has given him a fair try, but after six weeks, it is fair enough to give you the honest feedback that you need. "My son isn't being supported" - that's right - you, yes you, are the one not supporting him. What on earth did you expect? Would you expect a child to learn to play a sport without any equipment or learn to read without any books?

Completely agree with this - why on earth would you get him lessons when you cannot provide an instrument for him to practice on at home? Practicing on an iPad is ridiculous and a cheap keyboard (which he doesn’t even have yet) isn’t much better.

@FlibberdyGibbettOP I don't agree that Josh is necessarily not interested at all, I am really surprised at some of these comments. How can he practice without a piano? I think you should go back and explain that he doesn't yet have a piano! Also that he is interested but that he is slightly phased by it and needs a bit more time. Or can you find a new teacher after you have found a piano? I would want a teacher a bit more encouraging and inspiring. Learning is very hard at first but gains momentum as the child starts to see results. If you are buying one, an electric one with weighted keys is waht you want by the way - stays in tune and you need the weighted keys, don't just get a pop keyboard.

I think that it is pretty average for a 10 year old to be rubbish at practising too, even if they are interested, and that it will help if you can help him. I played a musical instrument when younger and I did practise but often badly, i was motivated but immature, and I was really jealous of friends with parents who were involved in the practising! However, in relation to the comments about him being too old, I started my instrument at around 10 and went on to do well, do high grades and play in a symphony orchestra as a teenager.

So - if he wants to learn don't be put off and find ways to make it work.

Can you find an online game where he can learn to read the treble and base clef notes? That helps too.

Also even if he ends up not being brilliant, it doesn't matter at all, being able to play the piano is a great skill, good for the brain and something that brings enjoyment and happiness in later life. I am surprised about the negativity here!

Better that she was upfront about it. I'm sure she'd rather teach someone keen rather than waste her time with someone that is clearly not bothered.

As for the missed lessons - why would the missed lessons be carried over? This is her source of income so if someone can't make it they will be billed regardless. Your financial situation isn't her problem, yes she's an individual but this is her business. If it's that tight for you then maybe you shouldn't be forking out for lessons.

I used to private tutor and I agree the teacher should have spoken to you rather than texting. That is unprofessional.

However you are not facilitating practice (an I pad is ridiculous) and he is totally disinterested. She is trying not to waste your money.

As for paying for lessons you kissed, sorry tough luck. You need to just accept that.

@Username7521

As someone who plays piano take the teachers advice and sit down and chat to him to see if he is really interested. It’s a hard old slog, and I still remember one of my first piano teachers advice saying you need to particle 15 min 5 times a week just to keep the basics. He’s 10. It’s been 6 weeks. Not sure what more you’re expecting from the teacher.

This.

YABU. He doesn't sound interested at all and that will be incredibly frustrating for the teacher, especially if she has a waiting list like most of the teachers around here.

@Merryoldgoat

Why on earth is your son learning an instrument he doesn’t have access to?

A keyboard isn’t adequate.

An iPad is a pisstake.

You need a Piano to learn the piano. If he’s not practising using the instruments in school in his break etc then there’s zero point to lessons.

This.

Don’t waste teachers’ time OP starting DS on an instrument he has no means of practising.

As someone who was forced to play the piano as a child, I wish my teacher had seen the absolute lack of enthusiasm I had for the thing!

I agree it's worded a bit brusquely. But it is honest, which is helpful. I would have a chat with your son about whether he really wants to continue or not.

Speaking as someone whose parents diligently paid for a million music lessons when I sincerely didn't want them but didn't have the guts to tell them, I think you're lucky the teacher has been this direct with you. Yes, she could have softened it a bit but maybe politeness isn't her thing: ultimately she's probably doing you a favour and saving you lots of money. Talk to him- maybe there's another instrument that'd suit him better?

@Couchpotato3

As a piano teacher, I find it incredibly frustrating trying to teach a child who has no instrument to practise on at home. It is an almost impossible task, and no-one can learn a new skill in half an hour a week. The majority of the work goes on BETWEEN lessons. Your son hasn't had a fair chance because you set him up to fail by not providing an instrument from the outset. Every lesson will be like Groundhog Day for him and the teacher because he will have made zero progress from the outset. It doesn't sound as though he is enjoying it at all anyway - the 'my fingers hurt/feel tired' is nonsense - it is just his way of saying that he doesn't want to be there. The teacher has given him a fair try, but after six weeks, it is fair enough to give you the honest feedback that you need. "My son isn't being supported" - that's right - you, yes you, are the one not supporting him. What on earth did you expect? Would you expect a child to learn to play a sport without any equipment or learn to read without any books?

V good post.

It's good.
She's telling you he's not really that interested. Don't carry on wasting your money.

I'm in the "it's good that she's honest and polite camp" but need to state that I teach 5 students an instrument alongside my normal classroom music teaching, so am not necessarily impartial.

Email is by far the easiest way to communicate. If this teacher works in a primary school, she probably isn't allowed to access her phone during the day, so she can't call you then. If she's anything like the majority of visiting music teachers that I've been privileged to work alongside, she almost certainly goes home from school to an evening of a few hours' of private teaching. By the time she has eaten something, it's getting a bit late to start contacting parents by phone. If she phones and you don't pick up, she will then get lots of "I've got a missed call from you"-type messages. Sod it, email is much easier. You can send it when it's convenient and reply when it suits you.

I agree with others about having an instrument to practice on. It's absolutely vital. A few minutes' practice every day is far better than half an hour the night before a lesson. I'm lucky that my 5 are honest with me. 3 of them are y11/12 and life has the habit of getting in the way so if they haven't done a lot of work since the last lesson, they tell me and I change the focus of the lesson accordingly.

OP, talk to Josh. Make it clear that if he really wants to do piano, he has to put some work in, ideally on an actual piano. If he would rather do something else, talk it through and move forward that way.

WOW totally missed the iPad revelation, sorry. In that case I think it's unfair to judge him ...

I think she's being quite decent. She could just keep taking your money. I am a teacher (not piano) and I would do this too if a student is not engaged. I don't like to see parents wasting money.

A call might have been kinder yes. But I have learned the hard way that some parents put no value on your time and will expect multiple lengthy phonecalls to discuss the same thing.

You know that the lesson fees are her income, right? You’ve booked her time, she was available, you couldn’t come - if everyone expected to opt out of paying in that situation she wouldn’t be able to pay rent/mortgage etc. If you can’t afford the lessons then just stop. If you can afford them then you’re being incredibly unreasonable to want to skip paying for the ones you miss.

The teacher knows he doesn't want to do it. Why are you forcing your child to do a hobby he doesn't enjoy

How can he practice without a piano, or at least a keyboard?!

Wild stab in the dark, but he's not hypermobile by any chance? How are his handwriting and fine motor skills?

Hypermobile children often find using their hands uncomfortable after any length of time.