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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by piano teacher comments

413 replies

FlibberdyGibbett · 02/12/2021 15:14

My 10 year old son ‘Josh’ has been having piano lessons for six weeks and I have received this text from his teacher.

“Josh seems to be struggling in his lessons. He complains his fingers are tired even after we have just started the lesson. This morning he told me he has been doing too much writing in class beforehand. He seems to talk a lot and doesn’t seem particularly interested. He tells me he practises on his iPad?? I’m not sure the piano is right for Josh, maybe consider a different instrument next term.”

AIBU to feel upset and my son is being unsupported?

OP posts:
motherofcatsandbears · 03/12/2021 17:13

Does he want to learn or do you want him to learn?

LobsterNapkin · 03/12/2021 17:15

Piano lessons without being able to practice are useless. It's not like a sport. You need a piano or keyboard, or access to one every day. Even 10 minutes a day to start will be fine, but no practice is hopeless.

Ten isn't too old though, plenty of people learn to play even as adults. That being said, in my experience even kids who want to learn will often need help with practicing. Reminders and even an adult sitting with them. Practicing is a skill as much as playing is.

mewkins · 03/12/2021 17:23

@TractorAndHeadphones

A lot of those ‘untrained’ musicians never had formal music lessons - because their families were musicians so they didn’t need to! And If you are indeed a genius who can teach themselves to play then you don’t need a teacher so who cares what one says?
Christ. There are plenty of us non geniuses who haven't taken a lesson but can bang out a decent tune. Without being from a 'musical family'. So many people think that the only way to play music is via formal lessons in classical music. It isn't true.

It also isn't true that in order to get anything out of it you need to work your way through grades etc. You can get SO much enjoyment from figuring stuff out and playing with other people etc. It's a bit like saying there's no point taking up running unless I can win an Olympic gold. There is such a thing as just enjoying the journey.

TractorAndHeadphones · 03/12/2021 17:32

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

Paul McCartney has done ok for himself too
Case in point - his father was a jazz player!

Music at the end of the day is by ear. Sheet music etc all these are Western inventions. Plenty of folk musicians for example have never used sheet music and never will.

First and foremost is the instrument. Get a feel for the instrument and lessons will follow. Sadly people force their kids into lessons.

TractorAndHeadphones · 03/12/2021 17:44

@mewkins we’re actually saying the same thing.

I consider lessons to mean any form of knowledge transfer. Whether that’s being taught by a parent, playing with other people, books, whatever. ‘Formal’ lessons are paying a music teacher.

Plenty of successful musicians never had ‘formal’ lessons however they did have some form of knowledge transfer. A lot are from musical families. Nobody just started messing around, and suddenly became a competent musician with zero external input.

I had formal music lessons but I also played folk instruments and taught myself one that formal lessons don’t exist for

mewkins · 03/12/2021 17:58

[quote TractorAndHeadphones]@mewkins we’re actually saying the same thing.

I consider lessons to mean any form of knowledge transfer. Whether that’s being taught by a parent, playing with other people, books, whatever. ‘Formal’ lessons are paying a music teacher.

Plenty of successful musicians never had ‘formal’ lessons however they did have some form of knowledge transfer. A lot are from musical families. Nobody just started messing around, and suddenly became a competent musician with zero external input.

I had formal music lessons but I also played folk instruments and taught myself one that formal lessons don’t exist for[/quote]
Have you read Slash's autobiography? Grin

walnutfalling · 03/12/2021 19:07

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

He was using my sisters piano to practise a couple of times a week until we got our own keyboard sorted.

Also, I’d take the word of a piano teacher who has spent time with him and is actually going to lose money by mentioning his disinterest.

It is still subjective though. I had 3 music teachers when I was growing up - one thought I was a genius, one that I'd be good if I practised more and one that didn't want to give me lessons because of my part time attitude. I ended up playing in a symphony orchestra in my teens which was fantastic - and kept me away from wild parties for a few years.

I am not sure why you are so invested in being negative about Josh?

Some instruments do need to be taught. I really don't think you could pick up the violin and just "know" - the bow technique, all the fingering techniques would need to be taught, it isn't just about intonation.

I do also think that musician parents can be more instrumental (ha!) in helping their dc than their music teacher half the time - they know their child, know when their child is buggering around vs not interested (two different things ime) and they are there every day listening and commenting, makes a big difference. And I think many music teachers don't actually enjoying teaching - though some do I am sure

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 03/12/2021 19:20

I am not sure why you are so invested in being negative about Josh?

Well, gaslighting on such an inane thread is a new one for me!
Not invested or overly negative. I just believe the teacher, who spends time with him every week and is choosing to lose a client and income.
They have no reason to lie. They know him. Simple as that really.

TractorAndHeadphones · 03/12/2021 20:14

@walnutfalling Isn’t it financially it’s in their interest to have a student continue? Unless they’re a maestro or something.

Interest can also wax and wane. The boy in question may grow to like it after he’s played around a bit more, or when he’s older. Even I never really bothered until I was a teen. Some of my other classmates went the opposite way.

What matters is that at this point in time he doesn’t seem interested. Maybe another teacher might be better, or he may not like lessons, but he has categorically stated that he doesn’t want to play because his fingers are tired. What do you expect the teacher to do?

walnutfalling · 03/12/2021 22:16

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken Do you know what gaslighting means? This was not an "inane" subject to the OP. You wrote in 3 different posts (in a thread you found inane...):

He had a passion for music and the piano though, which Josh seemingly does not

Good idea! Buy a piano for child who already shows disinterest in playing the piano!

Also, I’d take the word of a piano teacher who has spent time with him and is actually going to lose money by mentioning his disinterest

So i was clearly not gaslighting with my assumption...

walnutfalling · 03/12/2021 22:24

@TractorAndHeadphones no idea about the money thing, the teachers I know all have a waiting list, so wouldn't be financially compromised. Josh complained about his fingers, didn't categorically state he didn't want to play? I have to tell you, most dc I know who want to learn will still mess around a lot and make excuses about not practising, before knuckling down... I think it would be demotivating to be without a piano at home to be honest - wouldn't put off the very keenest but would be hard so I initially assumed that was the problem, as he had said to OP he wanted to learn.

Well, OP, good luck to you and Josh!

DickMabutt73962 · 03/12/2021 23:00

@TatianaBis

it says great musicians and I differentiated between classical and jazz.

I wouldn’t personally call Callum great anyway.

I've never heard of him outside of seeing photos of him next to Sophie Dahl, had no idea he's a musician and couldn't tell you a single song of his
Billybagpuss · 04/12/2021 07:52

I've never heard of him outside of seeing photos of him next to Sophie Dahl, had no idea he's a musician and couldn't tell you a single song of his

He upset everyone at our local music festival by stamping on their £100k Steinway which he used to do as part of his act. Fine, if it’s your own piano

StonedRoses · 04/12/2021 09:38

I really hope 10 isn’t too old to learn. Because I started aged 41 in lockdown. And have my exam next week. Difference is it’s become a passion for me. I love playing and can’t wait to get on the piano!
There is a difference between a keyboard and a digital piano. A digital piano has weighted keys and very accurately replicated the sound and feel of an acoustic piano. You can buy a starter digital piano for around £300. I’ll be putting mine on Marketplace or eBay soon as I’ve just ordered an acoustic piano!

CaribouCarafe · 04/12/2021 10:03

@StonedRoses I used to teach a couple of mature students and they were some of my favourite lessons - 100% motivated and passionate about music, did the practice and were focused during the lessons. They used to progress much quicker than the little kiddies.

I used to also play in a hobby quartet with a cellist who only learnt how to play in her 50s! Was a lot of fun playing with her.

There's no right age to start playing - its totally up to the motivation and attitude of the person (+ maybe a little bit of talent, but most of it is just hard work and persistence).

50ShadesOfCatholic · 04/12/2021 11:09

😂 😂 at 10 being too old to learn, gosh some people talk shite. Roughly 0.025 % of students are future concert pianists, the rest are kids learning music and having fun, or wannabes who will wind up becoming embittered piano teachers.

TatianaBis · 04/12/2021 11:17

or wannabes who will wind up becoming embittered piano teachers

Is there a reason you’re insulting piano teachers? (I’m not one btw).

RantyAunty · 04/12/2021 11:53

piano will be a lot easier to learn than the violin.

My DD played the viola starting around that age.

She practiced daily because she wanted to.

Any instrument takes daily practice.
You might be able to find a piano for cheap as some don't want to be bothered moving them.

Arren12 · 04/12/2021 13:26

Just to update those who took the time to reply to me. Sorry again op. My dad is going to pay for dd to hire an electric piano. Just got to sort the lessons properly now and find the room.

Dd has taught herself to read music in a day and taught herself to play jingle bells on a dood in the last hour. Autism is a funny thing it really is. I think she will find piano practice just fine.

CaribouCarafe · 04/12/2021 13:32

@Arren12 wonderful update! Hope she continues to enjoy her piano journey Smile

mewkins · 04/12/2021 19:35

@Arren12

Just to update those who took the time to reply to me. Sorry again op. My dad is going to pay for dd to hire an electric piano. Just got to sort the lessons properly now and find the room.

Dd has taught herself to read music in a day and taught herself to play jingle bells on a dood in the last hour. Autism is a funny thing it really is. I think she will find piano practice just fine.

How brilliant. I hope she enjoys it Smile
SpeckledHem · 05/12/2021 18:28

Why are so many people so unkind and unpleasant? Some really snobby posts here. Hope Josh enjoys his violin lessons!

Original poster
FlibberdyGibbett · 09/12/2021 20:54

Josh had his violin lesson today- it went really well, he learned the names of the four strings, a relaxed bow hold and how to keep the bow straight on the string to avoid squeaks! He also learned the words pizzicato and arco.

The teacher has also agreed to teach me on zoom so it’s something we can learn and practise together, we’re so excited 😆

OP posts:
Meadowbreeze · 09/12/2021 21:38

@FlibberdyGibbett that sounds great! Hope you both enjoy it.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 09/12/2021 22:08

Aw lovely update @FlibberdyGibbett

Sounds like you've struck gold with this teacher.