To be upset by piano teacher comments

[FlibberdyGibbett]

My 10 year old son ‘Josh’ has been having piano lessons for six weeks and I have received this text from his teacher.

“Josh seems to be struggling in his lessons. He complains his fingers are tired even after we have just started the lesson. This morning he told me he has been doing too much writing in class beforehand. He seems to talk a lot and doesn’t seem particularly interested. He tells me he practises on his iPad?? I’m not sure the piano is right for Josh, maybe consider a different instrument next term.”

AIBU to feel upset and my son is being unsupported?

Yeah. As a teacher, I’m really impressed with her message. It’s polite and honest.

If you don't currently have a piano at home you need to put lessons on hold for now - they need to practice for at least 15 mins a day otherwise they won't make progress. If he's moaning to the teacher then perhaps he doesn't want to learn, ask him. Finally it's standard to pay for lessons if you need to cancel. I've got one at music college who plays multiple instruments and sings so I'm quite experienced in music teachers!

I think the problem here is a lack of communication between yourself and the piano teacher (andJosh) before lessons started.

When ds3 wanted to learn piano I spoke with the teacher and arranged a trial lesson where we could discuss all our expectations before he started. She was clear he was to practice for 20 minutes 5/6 days a week. She was also clear that I was expected to sit with him during this time and would not have taken him on until he had a piano/keyboard to practice on. Josh doesn’t sound interested but it must be difficult without an instrument.

She's right. He sounds as If he doesn't like the piano ?

As a piano teacher, I find it incredibly frustrating trying to teach a child who has no instrument to practise on at home. It is an almost impossible task, and no-one can learn a new skill in half an hour a week. The majority of the work goes on BETWEEN lessons. Your son hasn't had a fair chance because you set him up to fail by not providing an instrument from the outset. Every lesson will be like Groundhog Day for him and the teacher because he will have made zero progress from the outset. It doesn't sound as though he is enjoying it at all anyway - the 'my fingers hurt/feel tired' is nonsense - it is just his way of saying that he doesn't want to be there. The teacher has given him a fair try, but after six weeks, it is fair enough to give you the honest feedback that you need. "My son isn't being supported" - that's right - you, yes you, are the one not supporting him. What on earth did you expect? Would you expect a child to learn to play a sport without any equipment or learn to read without any books?

As far as him being old - dd was 10, but she took grade 1 after 12 weeks of lessons, they need to put the work in between lessons too

I don't think there's anything wrong with the text tbh. 6 weeks is long enough for her to know if hes interested. Normal to bill for missed lessons I'd think.

&Billybagpuss VERY OUTING but were you thinking, Stroud / Stonehouse In Gloucestershire?!

Be grateful she is being honest and not just taking your money!
"My fingers are tired" is the sort of thing my DS would have said to try to get out of his trumpet lessons. He claimed he wanted to learn to play, but hated the structure of lessons, exams etc. He got to Grade 5 (with a lot of "support" from me, his music-loving mum ) then gave it up.
We discovered later that his dyslexia meant he found reading music notation virtually impossible to process and he was just playing by ear!

Has he got hypermobile fingers?

My mother made me do piano, still scared.

I’d appreciate the honesty. He doesn’t sound remotely engaged in the lessons. Just a waste of money.

I think whilst shes been honest it would have come across better in a phone call. I also think you are really unreasonable to expect her not to charge for the missing sessions. I also think people who are struggling financially aren't usually buying piano lessons.

People are used to the sugar-coated reports that school teachers are forced to churn out, this one sounds far more useful.

As a piano teacher I'm considering sending a similar message to a parent - surely it's better than you wasting money on lessons and me wasting time doing practically the same lesson each week as there has been no practice and no progress and lots has been forgotten.
By making a decision before the end of term someone on the waiting list can be contacted and given chance to budget for lessons next term.
I try to make up students missed lessons if possible but often this falls at the end of the school year with a catch up day.

Gosh why on earth did you even apply for piano lessons with no instrument and no funds or plans to get one? A keyboard is only suitable for keyboard lessons op, not piano.
Anyway fwiw I think she's been very nice to you. I would be quite offended and pretty pissed off as a teacher if a child had been practising on an iPad for 6 weeks.
If you're struggling financially and don't see a viable way of securing a piano, but he really wants to learn, maybe ask the school if he can use theirs for 15mins after school? Alternatively you really need an instrument he can practise on. I wouldn't say he doesn't like it- you won't know until he's had a chance to practise. Sounds like hes playing enough to hate it. Its very embarrassing turning up to a lesson not knowing anything. They're more of an introduction and correction, the majority of work happens at home!

@ShirleyPhallus

Is this a reverse?

How many 10 years olds post here do you think?

How many 10 years olds post here do you think?

I imagine a few piano teachers do though.

I think that this kind of thing is better in person so I don't think you're being unreasonable

A phone call would have been better than an impersonal text message. The piano teacher would surely know about giving advice about a pupil though. Most people who have dabbled with piano keys before, and have shown some kind of flair for piano music,will be more in tune,so to speak,with a piano, instead of maybe never sitting at a piano before, and might find it difficult to show their best interest in things at first.

Years and years ago, when I was about 10, I used to visit my Grandparents all the time,they had a piano, and I used to dabble on the keys and try and do a tune etc. My Grandmother decided to pay for some lessons for me, as I was used to the piano after some time, and she found me a lovely piano teacher, I did quite well after some time, and the teacher put me in for some piano examinations, and I was awarded a few diplomas after this.,

I don't think this would have happened,if I had never had any experience of having a piano in a house before.

The text is fine and the teacher is doing you a favour OP. I tutor a GCSE subject and I'd like to send a few texts like that. Some children are just not interested and I loathe taking money off parents if I feel it isn't going to make a difference.

OP, one of my children (now an adult) is a professional piano soloist so I am no stranger to children and music lessons.

I would say that it's verging on impossible to take it up aged 10, from a starting point of not even having a piano in the house (a keyboard is not adequate for anyone learning the piano - and an ipad is an absolute non-starter). The piano is not an easy instrument, and you have to put a phenomenal amount of practice in if you're going to become really good (much more so than an orchestral instrument, in my experience of children learning those too). It's also not a great instrument for young people who enjoy being around others - an orchestral instrument is much better for sociable types, as they can join orchestras and it can become part of their social life.

Being able to play the piano even competently is a wonderful thing, but to get to that stage, you've really, really got to want to do it. It sounds as if there might be other things that your son would rather do.

The teacher might have been a bit blunt, but I'd be glad she's not trying to take your money if there's no future in it. I have been a private tutor myself and I know that it's soul destroying to try to make a lesson enjoyable for a child who has no interest in what they're doing, and a lot of excuses for why they can't really do it. She's right to charge for missed lessons, I'm afraid - though, obviously, not for lessons she misses!

Kids who can’t practice won’t learn and won’t want to learn. She’s right. You need to find an instrument you can afford and then take lessons.

Honestly? It sounds like Josh is being a pain in the arse in the lessons, He's clearly not interested and the text is very polite. I think that you need to stop.

@MysteriousMonkey

I think she's trying to be kind and I say that as a mum who has spent thousands on piano lessons for my kids over the last few years. One of them I wish their piano teacher had said this, it's so expensive and if they don't want to practise it's such a waste of money!

THIS! I would appreciate her honesty, so many teachers would just string you along and take your money, whilst your child learns nothing...

I think if he's 10 you can have a chat with him about whether he wants to continue or try another instrument or not!

I think the teacher is trying to just be honest with you.

I wouldn't expect the teacher to refund you for lessons missed due to illness, it's standard practice with extra-curricular activities to pay for a term in advance and it's tough if you miss it, unless you can rearrange for another day the same week. People have to make a living!