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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by piano teacher comments

413 replies

FlibberdyGibbett · 02/12/2021 15:14

My 10 year old son ‘Josh’ has been having piano lessons for six weeks and I have received this text from his teacher.

“Josh seems to be struggling in his lessons. He complains his fingers are tired even after we have just started the lesson. This morning he told me he has been doing too much writing in class beforehand. He seems to talk a lot and doesn’t seem particularly interested. He tells me he practises on his iPad?? I’m not sure the piano is right for Josh, maybe consider a different instrument next term.”

AIBU to feel upset and my son is being unsupported?

OP posts:
Bananarama21 · 02/12/2021 15:29

You sound like one of those parents he sounds like he doesn't want to be there please listen to the advice of the teacher..nothing worse than teaching a child who doesn't want to do the activity I say this as a swimming teacher.

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 02/12/2021 15:30

@DeepaBeesKit

Also she’s just billed me to pay for December lessons, but he missed 2 earlier in the month due to having Covid and she’s basically said she doesn’t carry missed lessons over?!

This is standard? She would constantly lose income otherwise.

10 is quite old to begin learning a musical instrument. If he really wants to progress he will need to be willing to work at it, being attentive in lessons and motivated to practice regularly.

You can learn at any age. I started at age 32.
AlternativePerspective · 02/12/2021 15:31

He’s not interested. He’s not able to practice at home anyway which is part and parcel of having piano lessons in the first place.

But I’m guessing he said he wants to learn because he knows other people who play the piano and it seems such a cool thing to do. Until you actually do it and realise that it starts out with scales and finger exercises and boring stuff which will only take you into actual songs a few months down the line.

I am a natural keys player and play by ear. But the few lessons I had I found boring as. The only reason why I was able to succeed is because I had the talent to do so. had I had to do months and months of scales before I could even play a song I would likely have given up. Like I did with the flute. Wink I would love to play the flute, but I just don’t have what it takes to stick to the endless lessons before I can even muster up a tune. So I don’t.

BobbieT1999 · 02/12/2021 15:31

I'm sure you're boy is lovely but he sounds like a nightmare to teach in these piano lessons! Constantly chatting and complaining that his hands ache if encouraged to focus? That must be so difficult to manage in order to get him to focus.

Everyone is right, he doesn't seem interested!

Also, 6 weeks of lessons seems a long time to go without having the ability to practice at home.

Don't feel slighted, I think the piano teacher is being honest and you need to find another activity for him.

Idontevenknow · 02/12/2021 15:32

He can't be bothered

Be glad she's told you so you don't continue to waste your money

roundtable · 02/12/2021 15:33

Sounds like she's on the ball. Practising on an iPad? Wtf?! My piano teacher used to berate me for 'only' having an electronic piano to practise on.

It's pointless and demoralising to tutor someone who doesn't want to be tutored. It's good she's not just pocketing your mum ney and stringing you along. And yes, you pay for missed lessons. Even covid.

Original poster
FlibberdyGibbett · 02/12/2021 15:34

@DeepaBeesKit

Also she’s just billed me to pay for December lessons, but he missed 2 earlier in the month due to having Covid and she’s basically said she doesn’t carry missed lessons over?!

This is standard? She would constantly lose income otherwise.

10 is quite old to begin learning a musical instrument. If he really wants to progress he will need to be willing to work at it, being attentive in lessons and motivated to practice regularly.

I just thought she could be a bit more flexible because of Covid, I get she would be out of pocket but we are struggling a bit financially- I realise this is not her problem.

Yes he is a bit older but due to the pandemic lessons have only just become available in school again, otherwise he would have been 8 to start.

I thought he was attentive but, may be not. I’ll need to chat with him I guess

OP posts:
EmpressCixi · 02/12/2021 15:34

I agree Josh sounds uninterested and the piano teacher was right to suggest he drop piano. Children are often interested in an activity and honestly want to do it, until they actually are faced with the work of learning how to do it. They discover, contrary to their expectations it isn’t something they actually enjoy.

My DD also wanted to learn piano and we did one term of lessons in which she discovered it really wasn’t her cup of tea after all. So I second the suggestion of talking to Josh and asking him if he enjoys piano and wants to continue or if he'd like to try something else.

It’s just normal life lesson to try something and find out, oh it’s not for me.

Rainbowsew · 02/12/2021 15:35

@FlibberdyGibbett

Also she’s just billed me to pay for December lessons, but he missed 2 earlier in the month due to having Covid and she’s basically said she doesn’t carry missed lessons over?!
This is not unreasonable. She is running a business and has costs to cover. Just like if you attended an adult education course, you pay for it all whether you attend for sessions or not.

I would ask your ds whether he wants to continue.some children are not suited to formal lessons but like to play about on an instrument they enjoy.

CulturePigeon · 02/12/2021 15:35

I think the piano teacher is doing her professional best to let you know the actual situation. As others have said, she could just keep taking your money.

It will be very difficult for Josh to make progress or sustain interest if he doesn't have a keyboard or piano at home. I know you have said you are in the process of getting a keyboard, but if he hasn't had one up to now he won't have been able to make the best of his tuition. Could he find a piano to practise on at school? Just 15 mins a day would be fine at this stage if he wants to continue.

If he really isn't interested, I would give it a break and maybe return in a year or so - if he is motivated. Or perhaps a different instrument might suit him - one that's a bit more portable or affordable to hire or buy. The motivation really has to come from him, but you can support him by encouraging practice and listening to/talking about music with him.

Candleabra · 02/12/2021 15:37

He needs an instrument to practice on for starters.
It’s hard work learning an instrument. Lots of regular practice required. It really helps if you love it and really want to learn.
If the piano is not for him then best you know sooner rather than later.

8lue8ird · 02/12/2021 15:43

I always suggest to parents that they hold off coming to lessons until they have an instrument to practice on at home. Or else how are they supposed to progress at all?

And from the excuses he's giving to the teacher each lesson, it sounds very much like he's really not that into it.

rosesinmygarden · 02/12/2021 15:46

She's not being rude. She's being honest and trying to save you from wasting your money (which you claim you can't afford to spend anyway).

Yoir son sounds like he doesn't want to learm to play. It's hard work and maybe harder and less interesting than he had first thought.

It's normal to be charged for lessons you've booked but didn't attend. You say ypu thought she would be more 'flexible' but in reality, you dont want her to be 'flexible' you want her to forego her income - thats not fair.

diamondpony80 · 02/12/2021 15:46

We always have to pay for missed lessons as well. We don't like it, but it certainly encourages attendance!

Seems strange that a 10 year old would have tired fingers after pressing the keys a few times when he can't even play the piano yet. At that age he should be progressing really quickly. Sounds like the teacher is right, he just doesn't have any interest.

My mum persevered with my brother with piano lessons for years when we were kids. He also suffered from "tired fingers"! Eventually she let him give it up and honestly I don't think he's ever sat at a piano since. It just wasn't for him.

Merryoldgoat · 02/12/2021 15:48

Why on earth is your son learning an instrument he doesn’t have access to?

A keyboard isn’t adequate.

An iPad is a pisstake.

You need a Piano to learn the piano. If he’s not practising using the instruments in school in his break etc then there’s zero point to lessons.

EarringsandLipstick · 02/12/2021 15:49

And without an instrument, how could he be interested? All he's doing is going to a weekly lesson, with no chance to practise. The teacher obviously wasn't aware, hence her surprised comment about the iPad. (You can't practice on an iPad!)

All my DC have done music of one form or another. One stuck with it & is really enjoying piano now. The other two tried a few instruments (yes a bit of a pain but we already had the keyboard, and others like recorder weren't expensive), and formal lessons, before doing less formal classes on the fiddle (Irish traditional music on violin). I was just happy they were doing something musical, I think it's a life skill. But yes I've relied on music teachers to have honest conversations with me!

NellieBertram · 02/12/2021 15:50

She’s been quite direct but really if he’s not interested and not practising wouldn’t you rather know so you can try another instrument?

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/12/2021 15:51

You've have hated DD's teacher. He grabbed me in the corridor and said something like, "if DD won't practice or can't take it seriously I will be telling you to find a new teacher." Extremely sternly and taking no shit. In front of her!

She knuckled down, worked hard and now adores him. Because when he praises her, he means it. A sticker from him is like gold (and she doesn't even like stickers!).

Piano isn't great if you're struggling for money. A second hand keyboard won't take him that far honestly and there are MUCH cheaper instruments.

CovidPassQuestion · 02/12/2021 15:51

A 10yo should know not to be chatty in a lesson- I'm sure his class teacher wouldn't allow it, so why would he do that in piano lesson.

If he wants to continue, ask for finger exercises he can practise, so that he can build up the strength in his fingers/hands/wrists- this will help his writing too!

Outlyingtrout · 02/12/2021 15:52

I reckon she finds the lessons a slog with a kid who moans and is disinterest, and probably has other people on her waiting list who she's thinking would be a more productive and pleasurable teaching experience. She's let you know as tactfully and truthfully as she can in her position. I'd just knock it on the head and try something else.

RE the bill, she also has her own costs to cover and will have lost huge amounts of money during the pandemic. She has absolutely no legal or moral obligation to bail you out. She can't just fill a one-off lesson with another child. Each child she takes on will be wanting weekly lessons. So it's a shame that your son couldn't attend his lesson but since that slot is kept open for him each week it obviously needs to be paid for.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 02/12/2021 15:52

Listen to her op!
My mum used to make me go to music lessons l hated - just ended up resenting her and never practising.
Have a serious chat with Josh and say it is decision time.

HunterGatherer · 02/12/2021 15:54

God, what an amazing and honest teacher she is. I wasted thousands on music lessons for half interested kids.
When they actually found instruments they liked, (guitar and harp) they basically taught themselves.

AmyDudley · 02/12/2021 15:57

If he is this early on in his learning and showing signs of lack of interest, I would guess he's not going to get more interested - usually there is a first flush of enthusiasm for a new hobby, then it may tail off later.

I have two grown up children - both had piano lessons as children. DD never had to be asked to practice, she would dash to the piano as soon as she got in from school - she loved it, went on to do a music degree and is now a professional pianist.

DS never wanted to practice, found the lessons dull and basically was not interested, so I let him choose something else - he chose drama classes and singing lessons both of which he loved and kept up and he's now very involved in local theatre. Its a huge thing in his life.

Piano lessons or music lessons of any kind are not compulsory they are a choice - some people will love them, some people love other things.

I think people get a bit hung up on wanting their children to learn music with the idea it is a lovely thing to be able to play an instrument. Of course it is - but so are lots of other things and there's just as much joy to be got out of horse riding or dancing or pole vaulting or whatever. He might like a different instrument, but he might prefer to do something entirely different.

i think its good of your teacher to suggest he tries something else - she will have enough experience to know when a child is not interested - she doesn't want you wasting your money. And of course you were charged for lessons you missed - otherwise she'd be out of pocket.

AdmiralCain · 02/12/2021 16:01

I had piano lessons for 4 years, I can site read Middle C sheet music, I never made it past grade 1, I wish Mrs. Denton had wrote my parents a letter and just Admiralcain is shit, stop wasting your money now. I know it hurts to hear your kid isn't good at something but sometimes that's the truth.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 02/12/2021 16:01

She is doing you a favour by being honest, and advising you not to waste your money. Without your DS really wanting to learn, he is not going to justify the cost of lessons.