To be upset by piano teacher comments

[FlibberdyGibbett]

My 10 year old son ‘Josh’ has been having piano lessons for six weeks and I have received this text from his teacher.

“Josh seems to be struggling in his lessons. He complains his fingers are tired even after we have just started the lesson. This morning he told me he has been doing too much writing in class beforehand. He seems to talk a lot and doesn’t seem particularly interested. He tells me he practises on his iPad?? I’m not sure the piano is right for Josh, maybe consider a different instrument next term.”

AIBU to feel upset and my son is being unsupported?

I agree OP that the wording is harsh and abrupt, and the point could have been made more sensitively. But I think the teacher is right. After only 6 weeks it should still be novel and exciting for him, and if he’s making excuses already then it’s not a good sign. If money is tight, I would seriously reconsider buying a keyboard.

You should have bought a piano before starting lessons, pointless otherwise.

A keyboard isn’t any good for piano practice though?

Whoever said 10 is old to learn an instrument - are you okay!???

I started flute at 11 with no experience musically. I got my grade 8 when I was 16.

Playing the keyboard and playing the piano aren't the same thing.
You can learn the notes on a keyboard, but playing requires a completely different technique.

You should have bought a piano before starting lessons, pointless otherwise.

Very few people can go out and just buy a piano, doubly so if they don't know how long the child might persist with learning. Honestly, is MN just full of insanely rich people who have know idea what it's like to be on an average income?

OP if you do want to continue and it turns out he is keen, you could hire a piano. Sometimes you can then put the hire cost towards buying it if it turns out the child really is keen to learn. I realise that may also be a push financially and just mention it as a possibility.

@freezingtoes12

Whoever said 10 is old to learn an instrument - are you okay!???

I started flute at 11 with no experience musically. I got my grade 8 when I was 16.

The flute is a single clef instrument and relatively easy. The two hands of the piano is challenging particularly if you haven’t learnt to sight read either clef yet.

I started 2 instruments when I was 3 which is fairly standard in E.Europe and E.Asia. I would not have wanted to start the piano at 10.

know no idea.

@BertramLacey

You should have bought a piano before starting lessons, pointless otherwise.

Very few people can go out and just buy a piano, doubly so if they don't know how long the child might persist with learning. Honestly, is MN just full of insanely rich people who have know idea what it's like to be on an average income?

OP if you do want to continue and it turns out he is keen, you could hire a piano. Sometimes you can then put the hire cost towards buying it if it turns out the child really is keen to learn. I realise that may also be a push financially and just mention it as a possibility.

And that’s fine. But if you can’t afford a piano there’s no point paying for lessons unless he can arrange to practise in school.

There are cheaper smaller instruments that would be easier to pick up at that age, and potentially could be leant one by the school.

I think that text was very constructive. She’s giving you very straightforward feedback.

Sounds like she wants to put a stop to her time being wasted, and your money.

If you’re struggling financially, I would stop the lessons. You don’t doesn’t sound interested at all and he doesn’t have anything to practise on at home.

we are struggling a bit financially- I realise this is not her problem.

Well then why book piano lessons and buy a keyboard for a child that isn’t interested? And his teacher would also be struggling too if she didn’t get paid!

He can't practise on an iPad and a keyboard isn't much good either. Piano will take lots of practise and discipline and hard work, consider if your son is up to this.

First 10 is by no means too old. Normally they progress faster starting older. Lots of kids start an instrument at secondary school too.

Second, something went badly wrong at the start here between you and teacher. Teacher should have made clear that he couldn't learn without practising at home between lessons. Musical families know this but it always needs to be made clear to nonmusical families, teachers can't just assume. If teacher did make it clear and you decided to ignore it, that's on you not teacher.

Thirdly and given that, does he actually still want to learn and can you actually afford this? If so explain your mistake to the teacher, forfeit lessons until you have something to practice on then ask teacher to start fresh and give it another half term. Tell DS he behaves in lessons if he wants to carry on too.

Re lessons paid for, yes it is normal to pay for lessons you miss. Some teachers allow one or two to be rescheduled, but maybe have a higher price to start with if they're building in spare capacity to do this.

@AdmiralCain

&Billybagpuss VERY OUTING but were you thinking, Stroud / Stonehouse In Gloucestershire?!

@AdmiralCain yes. Mrs D is ace, she taught loads of my friends and later my DD

I think the sad truth is very few people would be able to play piano if at some point children weren't forced to have lessons that they didn't always enjoy. Learning an instrument isn't always an enjoyable experience, it depends if you think it's worth putting him through it. Personally I wish my parents had pushed me harder and I bitterly regret not being given this opportunity as a child. They stopped my lessons because I wasn't interested at the time and I behaved unenthusiastically during some lessons. Music teachers these days only want very keen and eager kids and parents don't want to nag their kids to practice.

@BertramLacey

You should have bought a piano before starting lessons, pointless otherwise.

Very few people can go out and just buy a piano, doubly so if they don't know how long the child might persist with learning. Honestly, is MN just full of insanely rich people who have know idea what it's like to be on an average income?

OP if you do want to continue and it turns out he is keen, you could hire a piano. Sometimes you can then put the hire cost towards buying it if it turns out the child really is keen to learn. I realise that may also be a push financially and just mention it as a possibility.

I agree. And the snootiness around whether poor people should have the opportunity to learn a musical instrument sucks. Pianos used to be in pretty much every home, even the working class ones!

Op, do you have space I'm your home? If you do, I would go on Facebook marketplace and look for free pianos in your area or even ask on a local Facebook group. There are lots going free or very cheap near where I live. Uprights that people don't have the space for any more. It will cost to get it tuned but is this an option for you? Just having it in the house will give your son more familiarity with it. Also you could sit with him and get him to teach you what he has learned. It may generate a bit more interest in him. He could also practise just picking out tunes that he likes by ear.

YABU.

How is she supposed to "support" him in lessons? If he doesn't have the desire or self-discipline, then what can a teacher do?

Are YOU supporting his music education? Do you schedule in a fun 20 minutes each day on music stuff - sit down with him at the piano and practice, or muck about - make it sociable, and desirable, so he associates music with fun with people and his family.

Of course, if you don't have a piano at home, and you're not involved in music-making with him, you are doubly, triply unreasonable.

Which instruments are easier to learn? Thanks

You should really have sorted out a keyboard before he began lessons. There isn't much point in doing lessons unless you can practice - you won't build up strength in your fingers, nor will you develop muscle memory. It's not surprising he seems demotivated, he can't have made any sort of realistic progress. Most teachers would aim to get children able to play a tune or two quite quickly to help keep them motivated, but that needs practice at home.

@bertramlacey I would honestly agree with you in any other area. I do think there are a lot of people on here with seemingly endless supplies of money. However, I completely disagree with you on this when it comes to piano. It is impossible to learn without one. I'm not saying OP should buy one, there is the option of using the school one for a term to see if they like it enough, buying a secondhand digital one (there's some great ones now!) or renting one. Unfortunately as much as many music services do try to make it more accessible, it is very difficult to do that with piano. There are lots of other, much more accessible instruments for low income families or for those that are tight on space.

He doesn't sound like he is bothered or wants to put the effort in.
If you're struggling financially, it doesn't make any sense to shell out for unwanted piano lessons.
The teacher hasn't been harsh. They're just being honest and don't want to waste their time or yours.

Pianos used to be in pretty much every home, even the working class ones!

Yes. I don't know how true to life the film Rocketman was but I was struck by the fact they had a piano that the young Reggie could just play.

Which instruments are easier to learn? Thanks

Depends a bit on what you want to learn and your abilities. I gave up with guitar quite early on because I can't get my left wrist to bend round properly. I find ukulele a bit easier and worth persisting with. Recorder gets a bad name and is subject to small children who can't control their breath making a dreadful noise, but I taught myself so it can't be that hard. I'd avoid violin as it has no frets so unless your ear is really good you'll struggle.

See if a local music shop or music group has days when you can try out instruments and see what works for you. Whatever you are motivated to try and can afford to buy will be easier than something theoretically easy that you can't get hold of and don't have any enthusiasm for.

Piano teacher (part time) here and I also completely agree with the majority of PPs. If he seems unmotivated in lessons AND cannot practice at home it is a recipe for disaster. I feel for the poor boy who will feel pressured to do something he is clearly not passionate about, and also feel for you having to pay for something that is probably stretching your budget and not actually enriching anyone's life, least of all your son's.

I also feel for the piano teacher. Trust me, as people who are passionate about our instrument there is nothing more upsetting than being asked to teach a child who is being forced to learn and hating every moment. We want to pass on our love for the piano and the joy that playing it brings, not have it seen as a chore to endure.

Let him give it up, and be grateful your son's teacher is honest and direct rather than continuing to take your money just because she needs the income.

Also she’s just billed me to pay for December lessons, but he missed 2 earlier in the month due to having Covid and she’s basically said she doesn’t carry missed lessons over?!

Of course she doesn't. Why should she not be paid for the time she has committed? It's not like she can slot somebody else in there.
She'd lose 20 quid ish of her weekly income. Why should she? She might be relying on that to pay bills. If she carries missed lessons over, she won't get paid for that hour. I despair.