To be upset by piano teacher comments

[FlibberdyGibbett]

My 10 year old son ‘Josh’ has been having piano lessons for six weeks and I have received this text from his teacher.

“Josh seems to be struggling in his lessons. He complains his fingers are tired even after we have just started the lesson. This morning he told me he has been doing too much writing in class beforehand. He seems to talk a lot and doesn’t seem particularly interested. He tells me he practises on his iPad?? I’m not sure the piano is right for Josh, maybe consider a different instrument next term.”

AIBU to feel upset and my son is being unsupported?

@Arren12

Could you look at hiring a piano for now? Digital pianos take less space and it’s less important where they are placed in the house (you can wear headphones and they won’t go out of tune with temp and humidity etc so can go anywhere).

Then if she doesn’t keep it up then it just goes back and no one has lost out - she’s had a nice opportunity but you aren’t out of pocket. If she does persevere then you may be able to buy it after a certain amount of time, or you’ll know it’s worth investing in one.

My DD10 plays the guitar, she was advised to play 15 minutes 3 or 4 times a week to start with but plays over an hour every day, she absolutely loves it. At her last lesson she played him lots of songs she had printed off and learned herself.
His response to this was to tell me how amazing it was that she was so keen and playing so much as most of the kids he taught didn't want to be there and had no interest in learning an instrument.
I think the teacher is trying to tell you he isn't interested, god knows how he gets tired hands playing piano? I played both violin and piano and violin is so much harder than piano and your fingers actually hurt!

I'm surprised by the amount of people saying that 10 is too old OP. It's never too late.

Violin is hard though. DD14 started at around 6 at her request and had lessons until lockdown. As lessons got cancelled she borrowed a guitar and taught herself that and started playing on her Toys r us keyboard. One year on and she's doing really well and started GCSE music playing the guitar and keyboard. Just bought an electric piano and despite not having lessons, I think the years of violin have helped her develop a sense of tone. Sometimes kids need to try a few instruments until they figure out what suits them. And that changes as they get older too

Oh and just read pps comments about sitting with them for practice. I always did that. When DD was ur son's age, we had a little busking box next to her violin. when we saw her practising we'd throw in coppers usually but the odd 50p. It did help encourage her to practice.

Missed lesson make ups are of the teacher is unable to attend, not your child. He doesn't have a keyboard, so can't be practising much and complains from early on in the lesson that he's got tired fingers........I'd say the feedback is reasonable. Maybe buy the keyboard first and then find a different teacher, as they obviously don't feel your son is motivated.

@spottybananar

I was a piano teacher before stopping a few years ago. I actually stopped because too many parents these days came into two categories/ the prospective Beethoven's. It didn't matter how bad their dc were at the piano (and yes you can just be bad unfortunately) they expected their dc to be the best at piano regardless. And the second category, the annoying parents who insisted their dc should keep trying.

It really is not a skill that you desperately need to have. It should always be a skill you want to have. A good piano teacher in my humble opinion will be honest and say if piano just isn't for you/your dc. We know pretty much by lesson 2 if you've got a natural aptitude and by lesson 6 if the dc is constantly moaning or unhappy forget it, it's a painful experience on both sides.

No one failed anywhere, the right thing to do is either try another teacher if you really believe the next Beethoven is in your dc or listen and try another hobby.
Think about it, it's not exactly in the piano teachers interests to point out you need to stop paying them.
I taught for nearly two decades and over that time parents went from being respectful, to extremely demanding. I don't know why but it was definitely a trend and not a good one. You're better off finding something your dc absolutely loves and can't wait to turn up for, you'll all be a lot happier.

Hah! Now I know why the piano teacher DD has likes me. I said, "she's not going to be Mozart but she's improving". And if she doesn't practice, her teacher will cancel her in a heartbeat.

He's old school. I like it and bizarrely, DD does too.

Music isn't for being Beethoven. As far as I'm concerned it's a good discipline that teaches you that work makes beauty. You put in the time, you will get literally applauded. And that's a virtuous circle.

@Evvyjb

The violin is worse. A million times worse.

I say this as a bloody good musician who with years of lessons, was only ever competent at best at violin. It is HARD.

%^^^
This
My said this abs she played piano to such a standard that she played in church (NEVER play the violin again).

**grandmother

Josh maybe asking to play an instrument but his actions tell a different story
I learnt piano and looked forward to my lessons
I used to practice over an hour every day and often more.
I even played for fun rather than tv.
I enjoyed it.
I did start off with the recorder and played in assembly at school so I could already easily read music.
How can his fingers get tired?
It really isn't the hobby for him - football?

@Arren12

We can afford tuition just but this would only be school lessons sorry I should have said that above.

We are limited for space so can't get a piano straight away like I mentioned above. I would definitely commit to making space if she showed commitment and promise.

It was a nice thought as I do think she would be good but its not the end of the world.

She has her art. Shes actually a talented drawer and artist as a consequence of her autism.

I just wanted her to have the opportunity to try piano because she needs the outlet as she's not well at the moment and I can see it helps her to have an outlet she enjoys.

This thread has massively put me off or made me see sense. Such is life

It shouldn't put you off. Posters in here are notoriously unpleasant, they go out of their way to try to make others feel inadequate and undeserving of anything nice.

Children are learning, that is indeed the point of being a child. A professional teacher will treat a learner with respect, and fully involve the family. This teacher is obviously somewhat lacking in professionalism. But there are good ones out there.

@Billybagpuss next you'll be saying you're an old wycliffian!!
i'm greatful to Mrs D's lessons, I still have a piano and I have improved, I like classical, I can play some Debussy, Beethoven Moonlight sonata and Satie. When I retire I'd like to dedicate myself to it way more. How strange 30 years on we should have had the same music teacher!

Get him in the bag pipes or a French horn. Ideal starter instruments!

@Arethechildreninbedyet

Stop lessons for now. If he says hes still interested get him the second hand keyboard, see if he has any interested in practicing alone and if he does restart lessons.

If he doesn’t resell the keyboard and look for a new hobby.

I agree with this.

Have the instrument around the house. If the kid’s interested, he’ll start to play it. Then maybe start lessons.

My daughter wanted a guitar for her 15th birthday. My wife said, “Total waste of money. She’ll never play it.”

My attitude was “true - if she’s got it she might not play it. But if she hasn’t got it, she certainly won’t play it.”

It sat in the corner of her bedroom for months, collecting dust. But then, because it was there, she started to pick it up.

She’s nineteen now and writing songs. She has absolutely no music theory and doesn’t even know the names of most of the chords she’s discovered. Maybe she’ll decide to learn the more formal stuff later - but whether she does or not, she plays most days and she enjoys it. And that’s what matters with music

@Arren12

We can afford tuition just but this would only be school lessons sorry I should have said that above.

We are limited for space so can't get a piano straight away like I mentioned above. I would definitely commit to making space if she showed commitment and promise.

It was a nice thought as I do think she would be good but its not the end of the world.

She has her art. Shes actually a talented drawer and artist as a consequence of her autism.

I just wanted her to have the opportunity to try piano because she needs the outlet as she's not well at the moment and I can see it helps her to have an outlet she enjoys.

This thread has massively put me off or made me see sense. Such is life

Please don't be put off by this thread. If your daughter loves making music find a tutor who is on your wave length. There is a misconception that you need to learn music in one way, do the classic grades etc That just isn't true.

You can do grades in pop/rock or just learn for the fun of it. Have a look at this www.trinitycollege.com/help/hub/parents

Some places offer group tuition and ask at your local music shop about keyboard lessons if you'd prefer that over piano (I did group keyboard lessons when younger).

There are lots of options now, it's just a matter of finding the right teacher.

Remember, MANY great musicians have had no or hardly any tuition. Many can't read music. Thank fuck their parents weren't on mumsnet eh?

Remember, MANY great musicians have had no or hardly any tuition. Many can't read music. Thank fuck their parents weren't on mumsnet eh?

Quite.

www.straightdope.com/21343780/if-irving-berlin-couldn-t-read-or-write-music-how-did-he-compose

[quote WalkingOnTheCracks]Remember, MANY great musicians have had no or hardly any tuition. Many can't read music. Thank fuck their parents weren't on mumsnet eh?

Quite.

www.straightdope.com/21343780/if-irving-berlin-couldn-t-read-or-write-music-how-did-he-compose[/quote]
This is very cool.

Remember, MANY great musicians have had no or hardly any tuition. Many can't read music. Thank fuck their parents weren't on mumsnet eh?

Yes, and Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg and Steve Jobs are all school drop outs but let's face it, the vast majority of those receiving no or hardly any tuition won't be great.

@DickMabutt73962

Remember, MANY great musicians have had no or hardly any tuition. Many can't read music. Thank fuck their parents weren't on mumsnet eh?

Yes, and Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg and Steve Jobs are all school drop outs but let's face it, the vast majority of those receiving no or hardly any tuition won't be great.

What a dickish attitude. You don't have to be 'great' to get pleasure from making music.

I think to be fair it is important to throw opportunities your child's way as they are only children and they are discovering what they like etc. This was how my childhood was and I played the Cello and Piano, attended ballet lessons etc. Cello was incredibly hard but I did get to grade 7, piano I really enjoyed.

That said I have a 10 year old DD who loves playing the Piano, we are upping her lessons to an hour after Christmas as there is not enough time to explore the more challenging stuff which she is starting to need now. She practices loads and I never ever have to ask her. My son found music much later and started playing the guitar in year 7, at first he had to be encouraged to practice but now four years later he is always playing and plays well; he finds it relaxing. He loved it so much that he opted to study music GCSE which is certainly quite hard. Therefore, it is quite tricky to conclude your 10 year old is not interested 6 weeks in as I have seen both sides to this.

I would try him on a recorder for a bit

You don't have to be 'great' to get pleasure from making music.

True. Outside of your job, enjoying something is much more important than being good at it. I often wonder how much fitter we’d all be if we hadn’t been put off sport at school by being told we were useless. Be a terrible volleyball player, an awful violinist, a crap painter. If it gives you pleasure, that’s enough.

GKChesterton said, “If a thing’s worth doing, it’s worth doing badly.”

What a dickish attitude. You don't have to be 'great' to get pleasure from making music.

If you read the comment I was quoting, it specifically mentions 'great' musicians who had little to no tuition, it wasn't taking about them simply enjoying it why don't people read properly which is why I mentioned great? Because it's a tired phrase that doesn't mean anything, oh look at blah blah, they're AMAZING and didn't even get a degree! When they are most likely just privileged to have been born gifted.

DNA is a privilege now?

He hasn't got an instrument to practice on in between? That's like learning to read doing half an hour a week.

Get a piano. Get committed. Give it a bit longer.

And pay the teacher or expect to find a new one who doesn't mind ad hoc payments.

.

@WalkingOnTheCracks

DNA is a privilege now?

Wait until you hear about White Men. You'll be mind blown.