Page 35 | To be absolutely LIVID about this email?

daytriptovulcan · 03/12/2021 13:34

A foolish email that opens them up to litigation.

treesandweeds · 03/12/2021 13:35

I think her reply is rubbish also. It implies that if the other mothers felt the same she would have gone along with it. I would email back and say I hope she didn't back down because it was one one mum and not the majority but because she was intending to break the law. And where is the apology for being so offensive in her email calling your husband a penis?

SofaKingKnotBovvered · 03/12/2021 13:42

@Lividlavidacoco your husband sounds too reasonable to do it, but, fire with fire. Arrange with the supportive mums to go out for coffee afterwards
Then get him to announce it at the end of the session 'Right then, who's for coffee, where are we off to this week?'
Touch paper lit

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 03/12/2021 13:53

Good news for Mr Livid, although from the kitchen antics it sounds as though he should consider setting up his own class in competition.

Hopefully there will be a splinter coffee group, I wouldn't be surprised if quite a few of the group would prefer a coffee group that the mean lady wasn't in.

Tobchette · 03/12/2021 13:59

Lots of lessons to be learned from this:

Hopefully the business owner has learned a valuable lesson from this and will react very differently if this situation comes up again. She sounds inexperienced and rather naive so hopefully this is a learning curve for her.

Rather than LTB, it seems like we have a case of HOTP (hang onto that penis) and while the discourse is usually about men not pulling their parenting weight, here we have some insight into the challenges sahds face. There's a few small things mums can do to make dads feel more welcome in the world of parenting, like just inviting them for a group coffee, and see them as just another parent, not a big walking talking penis (unless they are behaving like one).

Op has learned she and dh have an ally in the group. Maybe it will turn into a great friendship. Lesson is to nip bitchy behavior from others in the bud rather than let it slide then watch it escalate into this madness. Maybe if the mum had been called out in the first place she wouldn't have felt confident enough to write that email. Still, the other mum who reached out to op sounds like a star!

Praying mn hq see this thread and learn that many of us just want a healthy discussion about these issues without it turning into a trans debate, and learn how frustrated posters are and this is also not great for their business.

Will the complainant learn something from all this? Probably not. She sounds like the kind of person who will twist this around so she is the victim. Such a shame. These kind of people never learn.

Teaandcakeordeath83 · 03/12/2021 14:08

It's not a breastfeeding group. It's a baby music group. If they're playing music with their tits then they're in the wrong group. Equally I assume your husband isn't using his penis in the class either.

I've breastfed for 7 years- if I've ever felt uncomfortable feeding then I remove myself, sort the baby and then carry back on rather than expect the world to revolve around me. Wtf is wrong with these mum's? My guess is it's nothing to do with breastfeeding and everything to do with them feeling they can't have their chats with a male in the group.

Teaandcakeordeath83 · 03/12/2021 14:11

Pressed send too soon. YANBU. A baby music group isn't covered under same sex exemption rules. As a society we want a more equitable and equal role for parents and then gobshite behaviour like this goes on and just undermines it.

My DH and I spilt the childcare- he stopped going to groups after being actively excluded by cliquey mum's. I never went in the first place- rather stick pins in my eyes. 🙊😂

AgeingDoc · 03/12/2021 14:25

I'm glad your DH and DS are able to continue with the class and that you've got to the bottom of it. I can quite understand why you might want to let it drop now, but I think you would be perfectly entitled to take it further should you wish too. The group leader's reply is totally inadequate. She's "sorry it happened" is she? How about she takes responsibility for her own actions and apologises for those. She's discovered the complaint wasn't genuine? So a)she had a knee jerk reaction and did no checking and b) she thought the complaint was reasonable for the time she thought it was genuine. Neither of these show her in a very good light. Nor does her use of language. Whether it was the other mother's choice of words in the first place or not, she was not compelled to repeat it - she chose to.
As I say, I can understand why you might want to let it drop as the most important thing for you is your son's well being, which is fair enough, but I might be inclined to send a follow up email so that the owner is aware that you've seen though the inadequacy of her response. Hopefully she's learned something though.

Platax · 03/12/2021 14:47

@ClaudiaJ1

This is how the TRAs twist the discussion when it doesn't go there way.

What an utterly ridiculous thing to say.

ShowMeTheSugar · 03/12/2021 15:37

So happy you got it resolved, and to the other mums who saw this post and might still be reading: good on you for having the OP and her husband's back

Glad to see common sense prevailed. I hope the group leader learned a lesson here as well

SwanShaped · 03/12/2021 16:42

Glad it’s resolved and your kid can go back to the group he loves. That’s bonkers of the other woman to make a fake complaint. Really mean. She would rather your son miss out on his group than for her to feel a bit awkward about them going for coffee afterwards. It’s a horrible thing to do to a baby.

Dixiechickonhols · 03/12/2021 16:52

Great updates. Glad it’s resolved. The group leader hasn’t covered herself in glory though - her response to complaint should have been this is a parents group as advertised. Proper mean girl behaviour from complaining mum - you can’t sit with us. I suspect people will keep distance from her now she’s shown her true colours.

StickyStickyStickStickSong · 03/12/2021 17:28

@Lividlavidacoco

‘Hi Livid,

I hope you’re well and your return to work went smoothly? Just to let you know, a few of the mums messaged me after Monday’s session to express discomfort at having a penis in the group environment. They expressed they felt uncomfortable breastfeeding with him in the room and we want the group to always be a safe and inclusive space for breastfeeding mummies. I am a small business so think it’s best that he doesn’t attend again. Sorry for the inconvenience, I’ll refund any sessions you have pre-paid.’

WTAFFFFFF.

Context: I returned to work 2 weeks ago, DH is now a full time stay at home dad to our 8 month old son and he’s loving it. He’s a brilliant father and this will be the set up until DS starts school.

I attended a baby music group with DS since he was 2 months old and he really enjoys it (as much as a little baby enjoys anything!) with other mums. No where in the literature of the group does it refer to mums, everything is ‘baby and parent’ so I assumed him attending the group instead of me would be fine. I told the group leader 3 weeks ago that DH would be bringing DS from now on and she was totally fine about it.

There are only 3 groups for babies in our small town and I attended all of them: a breastfeeding group, a ‘mums and babies’ coffee morning and then the baby music group. Obviously DH can’t attend breastfeeding or the coffee morning so this was the only one he could do

WIBU to fire back an email asking firstly why she feels the need to refer to my husband by his genitals and secondly, where in the group descriptions anywhere Eddie’s it says it’s a mums only group??

AIBU here???

The leader also lied by starting the initial email with "a few of the mums have messaged me"

If this was me I wouldn't be satisfied with the "apology" she's given that she's just sorry it happened and not apologised about the penis inappropriateness.
I would be pissed she lied.
I would still be fuming he was called a penis.
And I'd not be able to bite my tongue knowing full well who the woman was that caused all this so if it were me I couldn't go back.

Lasair · 03/12/2021 17:57

Great outcome!

Streer clear of the other mum. She’s clearly got her her things going on.

lanthanum · 03/12/2021 19:19

I'm glad it's resolved, although I think the leader should actually have been rather more apologetic. She seems to have apologised for having made the ruling when it turned out not to be necessary, rather than for (a) having made a very unfair decision, and (b) referred to your husband as a penis.

Dare your husband to say at the end of the session "anyone want to come to for a coffee?" It might be very interesting!

samyeagar · 03/12/2021 19:42

So in other words, the business owner rushed to judgement based solely on the unquestioned word of one person without doing even cursory due diligence? Huh.

ChristmasPlanning · 03/12/2021 20:14

Glad it's sorted.

Muchmorethan · 03/12/2021 20:39

I know if l was "NiceMummy" from here, I'd be very wary about "TwatMummy". She sound's like a very unpleasant and manipulative vagina bearing person who may try and exclude other's if she doesn't deem them suitable

LolaSmiles · 03/12/2021 21:39

BitchyMummy has shown herself up and hopefully other parents there now know what she's really like.

I'm hoping some of the other parents invite OP's husband for a coffee just to spite bitchy Queen bee mummy.

fargo123 · 04/12/2021 02:07

The leader's response was totally inadequate. It would also seem that it starts out on a lie, as it appears only psycho!mummy complained, not several mums'. I'd still complain to Headoffice.

I hope your DH and the sane mums' make a point of going for coffee and not inviting psycho!mummy.

user1481840227 · 04/12/2021 04:58

@LolaSmiles

BitchyMummy has shown herself up and hopefully other parents there now know what she's really like.

I'm hoping some of the other parents invite OP's husband for a coffee just to spite bitchy Queen bee mummy.

But it sounds like the other mums let it go ahead and only tried to put it right when it ended up on mumsnet with a chance it could end up on the dailyfail!

Not much better than bitchymummy really!

ClaudiaJ1 · 04/12/2021 05:10

@Platax If you had followed the discussion it is FAR from ridiculous because that is exactly what has happened. You accused me of saying something I never said, didn't apologise when I showed you were wrong, and now say something I've said and many, many others on here have said, is 'ridiculous'. You clearly have an agenda here.

ClaudiaJ1 · 04/12/2021 05:15

Exactly @EdgeOfTheSky

*BUT the discussion about women-only spaces is at the heart of the Trans issue, and discussion on this thread looked at the status of women-only spaces, the need, the specific nature of the space, the legality etc.

And referring to people by their reproductive organs is a Trans issue and it is relevant to that debate how many posters were outraged by 'penis'. And a heads up as to how common this phenomenon is - as a result of the trans debate.

And...posters don't really get to police how the discussion develops on a thread. It usually happens on a long thread.*

LolaSmiles · 04/12/2021 07:25

user1481840227

Listening to Bitchy mummy complaining about not wanting to invite OP's husband for coffee in a WhatsApp group is different to agreeing with making up a false complaint to get another parent removed from a parent and child group.

I'd say the other mums were as bad if they were agreeing with making up complaints to try and prevent another parent attending, but don't think them listening to one mum bitch about coffee means they agree with such a nasty complaint.

(Obviously if I've forgotten that they all agreed with making up a complaint then I agree with you )

idontgetpaidenoughforthis · 04/12/2021 08:50

"while the discourse is usually about men not pulling their parenting weight, here we have some insight into the challenges sahds face. "

Late to this thread but this comment reminded me of a conversation had yesterday at work. I'm a GP receptionist and made the comment to colleagues that it was heartening to see how many dads brought in their babies for immunisations. This was after I checked in a dad who had his child in a sling. One of my colleagues said "ooh no I think it's weird . Especially when they carry them like that!" When I asked her why she said that normally mums breastfeed to soothe baby after jabs and what was he going to do? 🤷🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ Anyway the dad and child were out of nurses office in no time and not a tear to be seen so clearly wasn't a problem for him!