To be absolutely LIVID about this email?

[Lividlavidacoco]

‘Hi Livid,

I hope you’re well and your return to work went smoothly? Just to let you know, a few of the mums messaged me after Monday’s session to express discomfort at having a penis in the group environment. They expressed they felt uncomfortable breastfeeding with him in the room and we want the group to always be a safe and inclusive space for breastfeeding mummies. I am a small business so think it’s best that he doesn’t attend again. Sorry for the inconvenience, I’ll refund any sessions you have pre-paid.’

WTAFFFFFF.

Context: I returned to work 2 weeks ago, DH is now a full time stay at home dad to our 8 month old son and he’s loving it. He’s a brilliant father and this will be the set up until DS starts school.

I attended a baby music group with DS since he was 2 months old and he really enjoys it (as much as a little baby enjoys anything!) with other mums. No where in the literature of the group does it refer to mums, everything is ‘baby and parent’ so I assumed him attending the group instead of me would be fine. I told the group leader 3 weeks ago that DH would be bringing DS from now on and she was totally fine about it.

There are only 3 groups for babies in our small town and I attended all of them: a breastfeeding group, a ‘mums and babies’ coffee morning and then the baby music group. Obviously DH can’t attend breastfeeding or the coffee morning so this was the only one he could do

WIBU to fire back an email asking firstly why she feels the need to refer to my husband by his genitals and secondly, where in the group descriptions anywhere Eddie’s it says it’s a mums only group??

AIBU here???

I'd go apeshit. What a load of poorly written bollocks. Twats. I'd out them on SM, to be honest.

YANBU but she has obviously decided she would rather lose you as a customer than risk losing the other customers who complained.

Unless he's getting it out and waggling it in time to the music, then I think you're all well off away from the group tbf.
But I'd definitely complain. Probably to the Mail tbh.

I assume that some of these women have baby boys with... a penis?
And a husband / partner / baby daddy with, hmmm... a penis?

Wtf!!!!!!!!
I'm sure there must be a law against this???

Assuming your DH didnt actually have his knob out while the "mummies" wee breastfeeding, then yanbu.

Can you imagine the uproar if they referred to a woman by her genitalia. I honestly don’t even know where to start with this one, it’s outrageous.

Surely this can't be real?!

If it is, then it's absolutely cringeworthily discrimination. I'd be furious & I'm not sure what steps should be taken to right this wrong, but it definitely needs addressing through the proper channels.

I'd be tempted to respond that there were definitely dicks present, but my DH wasn't one of them!

A more mature and sensible response would be to point out sexual discrimination is not OK, and that DH has absolutely no interest in how anyone else chooses to feed their child.

Gosh that is awful. Unless he did barge into the breast feeding group or his penis was openly on display YADNBU. Baby dance is fine for all parents. I went to loads of baby classes when on maternity leave with DD and there were often a couple of dads there. Why would it be a problem? Hope he finds a nice group to go to

Is the use of the word penis trans related? Ie she’s inclusive of trans men? Or something?

Did he get his penis out in the group environment? If so, YABU. If not, that is a very weirdly written email!

Imagine a men's group referring to a lone woman as a vagina! Fucking rude

Actually This happens regularly on social media groups and no doubt will infiltrate face to face groups. Women who object to being called "people with vaginas", and "cervix owners" are sent packing

It's completely out of order!
Uncomfortable breast feeding I mean what do they do when at a cafe or out and about?! Ridiculous and yes I bf my DS til nearly 2.

DH used to take our son to groups he was never excluded.
Personally I would ask her why she thinks it's appropriate to refer to your husband in that way and also ask her where it states mother's only to group? That your disappointed that she excludes fathers and is discriminating in this way.

Name and shame them. That’s shocking.

It's not just sex discrimination... This seems to indicate they'd turn away a gay dad with his baby too.

YANBU at all. This is a music group for babies! My DH and I did shared parental leave and he loved taking our baby to these sort of groups. Fortunately he was always made to be welcome.

And I just cannot at her only referring to your husband by his genitals. Rude and ridiculous!

Outrageous. Dh went to loads of baby and parent groups when he was a SAHD. Of course there are certain groups that are not appropriate for him to attend such as breastfeeding ones or even ones specifically for mums if the idea is to give support to each other as mothers of young babies. But a music group? FFS. Around here, half those groups were RUN by men and in fact one group begged DH to take it on when the leader left.

This is awful.
I'd have gone absolutely ape shit of i'd received this.
DH regularly took DS to his music group. At first he was the only dad but eventually more started to attend.

@TheRigatonini

Is the use of the word penis trans related? Ie she’s inclusive of trans men? Or something?

I thought this too.

Oh how utterly vile. Horrible for you and I’m not sure what you can say to your DP. What nasty, sexist bollocks. It’s hard for any stay-at-home carer, but to be excluded from groups and support networks because of gender is just awful. I don’t know how you should respond to this but you should absolutely challenge it as hard as you can.

What a bunch of snowflake mard arses.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man being present at a baby and parent group, where mothers are breastfeeding.

The mothers have the option to cover up if that makes them more comfortable or take themselves away from the group to feed. They cannot decide that groups are female only and exclude fathers because of their feeding choice and how it makes them feel

If it was a breastfeeding support group, or some other kind of female only support group then found but not a music group

Absolutely fucking ridiculous.

Can you imagine the outrage if someone described you as "a vagina".

This needs serious pushback and complaints. I would be LIVID too.

Why is the leader sexualising breast feeding? Why else would they be uncomfortable? Do they think a man gets off?

Absolute dick!

I'm all for female only spaces, but a baby music class isn't one of those situations.

Still, it's no wonder we're not making headway into men doing more SAHP and child related duties when the mere presence of a dad at a parent and child music class sends some people into a spin.

It's unacceptable.
Just as much as when a woman is referred to as a uterus owner or vagina owner.

I'd be saying I'm sorry, are you saying my husband was sitting there with his penis hanging out or are you calling him a dick?