To be absolutely LIVID about this email?

[Lividlavidacoco]

‘Hi Livid,

I hope you’re well and your return to work went smoothly? Just to let you know, a few of the mums messaged me after Monday’s session to express discomfort at having a penis in the group environment. They expressed they felt uncomfortable breastfeeding with him in the room and we want the group to always be a safe and inclusive space for breastfeeding mummies. I am a small business so think it’s best that he doesn’t attend again. Sorry for the inconvenience, I’ll refund any sessions you have pre-paid.’

WTAFFFFFF.

Context: I returned to work 2 weeks ago, DH is now a full time stay at home dad to our 8 month old son and he’s loving it. He’s a brilliant father and this will be the set up until DS starts school.

I attended a baby music group with DS since he was 2 months old and he really enjoys it (as much as a little baby enjoys anything!) with other mums. No where in the literature of the group does it refer to mums, everything is ‘baby and parent’ so I assumed him attending the group instead of me would be fine. I told the group leader 3 weeks ago that DH would be bringing DS from now on and she was totally fine about it.

There are only 3 groups for babies in our small town and I attended all of them: a breastfeeding group, a ‘mums and babies’ coffee morning and then the baby music group. Obviously DH can’t attend breastfeeding or the coffee morning so this was the only one he could do

WIBU to fire back an email asking firstly why she feels the need to refer to my husband by his genitals and secondly, where in the group descriptions anywhere Eddie’s it says it’s a mums only group??

AIBU here???

@Trixiefirecracker

Can you imagine the uproar if they referred to a woman by her genitalia. I honestly don’t even know where to start with this one, it’s outrageous.

Well, you only have to read the feminism forum to read the discussions about exactly this

That's shocking, I would be fuming.

There were dads at a lot of the baby groups I went to with DS, in fact the baby music class was run by a man, was originally run by a lady but when she left he took over.

This is the kind of bollocks that contributes to women being the main child carers, if we want men to play an active role in their children's lives they need to be welcome at groups etc at the very least...I don't mean breastfeeding groups or women only spaces, but a music group for a baby...really!?!..I loved it when my DH could join us, as his long shifts meant he did miss out on some things.

I'd leave a screenshot of the email on the groups Facebook page...and then never attend again, there might not be many groups locally, but I wouldn't be making one that discriminates so easily popular!

I also wonder if there are women in this group getting confused by the issue of men in women's only spaces? eg Dh often found it uncomfortable to take DS into certain baby change facilities in our local John Lewis because although, technically, it was not a female-only space, it was set up to facilitate breast feeding etc and he felt that he was intruding. But that is not the case in a music group surely?

What the actual fuck!

This is awful. Discriminatory and inappropriate. Please call her out on it.

I too would go APESHIT about this.

I’d start to get legal on their arse. Who owns the space in which they are holding the music class? What is your town / county councils policy on local groups and inclusion? Have any Midwives or Health Visitors recommend the group?

I’d be absolutely sending an email advising them I was seeking advice on their stance (but no more detail other than that till I’d looked into the points above).

Utter fury!

Social media

Do they have a facebook page or even better a Google page on Google maps? I would be pasting that email on there with quotation marks for others to see.

Absolutely disgusting calling him be his genitals and discriminating against him.

Name and shame?

Horrible horrible behaviour. I would be absolutely raging!!

As a side note I much preferred the dads and grans in the baby groups I attended, much easier to talk to and get along with.

Women do get referred to by their genitals though, uterus havers are encouraged to have cervical screening.im guessing she was applying that principle and ot making assumptions about op's husband's gender.

Oh this is simple, email back telling her actually she identifies as a woman and therefore is female and so she’s being transphobic.

@YellowandGreenToBeSeen

I too would go APESHIT about this.

I’d start to get legal on their arse. Who owns the space in which they are holding the music class? What is your town / county councils policy on local groups and inclusion? Have any Midwives or Health Visitors recommend the group?

I’d be absolutely sending an email advising them I was seeking advice on their stance (but no more detail other than that till I’d looked into the points above).

Utter fury!

Yes, this. She’s being ridiculous, rude and discriminatory.

I am genuinely disgusted by this. My OH will be a SAHD and I worry for the discrimination he will face.

WomblingKnobhead

What do you feel about the breastfeeding women who feel vulnerable whilst feeding?
“

What do you feel about the 8 month old developing baby who may be excluded because he is being taken to a “baby and parent” group by the “wrong” parent?

Presumably, the breastfeeding mothers never, ever feed their babies in another public space?

This is outrageous! He is a great dad and this is what matters. Am angry for you both.

As far as I know, DH’s penis remained safely contained although can’t be sure about DS’s.. kid is a total exhibitionist during nappy changes

You’ve all made me laugh which has calmed me down, thank you.

The woman who runs the group I think will be repeating the phrasing that was used to complain to her. I wondered whether one of the mums has suffered some sort of abuse and therefore finds the presence of men in a space she thought would be women only uncomfortable. I kind of feel though that that’s not really a reason why DH and DS should miss out on a group?

Appalling discrimination

If they are uncomfortable breastfeeding then they find another room. What would they do if they were in a cafe and the baby needs feeding? Ask all the men to leave?

I might also ask if they are going to ban all the baby boys if they are uncomfortable with Penises.

Oh and in your message make sure you say you are sorry if any of the vaginas felt uncomfortable but the group was not marketed as vaginas and babies only.

"a penis in the group environment" is so rude and funny that I almost liked her but then she said "breastfeeding mummies" and nah.

A penis? A penis in the group? Is this how we are supposed to refer to men now? You are right to be angry OP.

Absolutely shocking. No way I would let that rest. There were two dads who came to all out group meet ups which came off the back of a massage baby group. Both as included as I was.

dexterslockedintheshedagain

I'd be furious!
Your DH might be the only 'penis' in the group, but there seems to be more than one dick....”

👏👏👏👏

That's awful (and weird). Your poor DH.