To think that ‘passed’ is an awful euphemism

[ClaudiusTheGod]

Why are so many people reluctant to say ‘died’ now?

‘Passed’ used to be used about exams or driving tests. When did passed away become passed? And what’s wrong with saying die/died/dead?

My husband died. He’s dead. He’s never coming back. That’s the truth of the matter, yet I’ve seen people flinch if I use the D words. I would really like to hear opinions on why this is.

Why can’t people just use whatever language they like and why do people get so offended? If someone has just lost someone if saying passed, passed away, gone, dead, died or whatever brings comfort to them then let it be. No wonder we lived in such a fucked up world when people offend people when using a word about death. There is no right or wrong so just get over yourself and let people use what word they like or brings them comfort.

I don’t think they’re linked @NinaDefoe that one started yesterday but this one seems very badly timed now.

^^

@Aussiegirl123456

Why can’t people just use whatever language they like and why do people get so offended? If someone has just lost someone if saying passed, passed away, gone, dead, died or whatever brings comfort to them then let it be. No wonder we lived in such a fucked up world when people offend people when using a word about death. There is no right or wrong so just get over yourself and let people use what word they like or brings them comfort.

Most of us are talking about our own preferences of how people talk to us about the death of our loved ones. At least I was and read the same with others.

The dictionary are is crammed with verbs and their synonyms. Failing to understand your outrage that synonym for dying might be used.
Are you like this with other verbs? 🙄😬

Passed genuinely confuses me. I spend a moment wondering what they passed. It's so ridiculous, just say died ffs.
Very sorry for your loss OP

I found it incredibly difficult to say the word dead or died when my parents died. After a period of time had passed I could, and do say they died in or they died of cancer but in the midst of immediate grief "died" was too hard to say.

Agreed comfortsex, I was certainly talking about my own preferences, I couldn’t care less how other people choose to talk about their own loved ones and I will go off their cues. I dislike feeling like other people are trying to water down my own experience with grief, especially if I’ve said die/died/death to them and they respond with ‘passed’. It feels exactly like a PP said like you can’t discuss your grief with them, it’s as if they find it unpalatable. I didn’t see the other thread either and wouldn’t have commented if I had as I would hate for anyone on that thread who is grieving to feel attacked.

@ClaudiusTheGod

Why are so many people reluctant to say ‘died’ now?

‘Passed’ used to be used about exams or driving tests. When did passed away become passed? And what’s wrong with saying die/died/dead?

My husband died. He’s dead. He’s never coming back. That’s the truth of the matter, yet I’ve seen people flinch if I use the D words. I would really like to hear opinions on why this is.

But euphemisms for death have always been used surely?

My personal preference is dead/died etc. But I will respect other people's wishes.

I do admit to finding it odd when people who deal with death as part of their job are unwilling to use factual terms.

And I am very sorry to hear your husband died.

I like 'passed'. It's easier for people to explain, sounds a bit gentler & softer. Whereas would be really hard to say ' my X is dead'. But either way I wouldn't get my knickers in a twist about what other people prefer to say, it's their choice

@ParkheadParadise

This is the second thread about this.

My daughter was Murdered
I hate telling people that, so I will say
I lost my daughter 6 years ago.
My daughter passed away 6 years ago.
What does it fucking matter what people say.

I'm so sorry, and I totally agree with you.

My husband was murdered. I can refer to it however I want, and if someone else finds it annoying or infuriating if I say my husband passed away or I lost my husband, they can go fuck themselves!

Perfectly worded.
Thank you!

So sorry to hear of your loss op
It's very personal. I lost three immediate family members two very suddenly and there is no way I say died, dead, too harsh for me

Park head and annoymous

I was going to say this topic has been done to death, in my first post, but realised the pun and changed my mind. Like every other month or so, someone makes a thread about it.

But seriously, some of these posts with their usual faux-confusion and faux-innocence when some people say 'passed' or 'lost' or 'passed away'. In the right context, you definitely know what they mean. You just don't like the terms and that's okay.

I do hope people don't go around being an arse to those who lost (yes, lost) their loved ones, deliberately asking them where they've passed to or if they've been misplaced, just to feel better about themselves. That'd be so much worse and cruel.

From my experience, people usually say those things because in the past, they've come across as too direct or insensitive and hurt a grieving person's feelings.

YA Definitely NBU. It's always made me cringe, too.

@Kitkatchunkyplease

Like I said I'm a really literal thinker. I have autism and ADHD, and unless someone came to me with clear emotions expressing what they meant I'd be paralysed for a few seconds trying to work out what they were talking about.

Like if someone said they'd lost their dog last night, I'd assume the dog ran away. But they might also mean that their dog died, and was a much beloved pet.

If someone said they lost their nan, who was in a nursing home, had dementia and was known to be a wanderer, I'd probably think they got out too, unless it was made expressly clear to me that they were bereaved. Even though the likelihood of it being that they'd wandered off would be slim compared to them dying.

It's the same when people say "they're no longer with us".

I know that the phrase can mean, and does mean, death.

But because it can mean something else, it's not as straight forward for me.

Death and the words around it are hard for many.

I was diagnosed with Cancer in 2018. Not even my medical team, from consultant to the nurses used straight forward language about dying. They seemed taken aback that I would use words like death or die, although they did take my lead once I'd put it out there and spoke to me less opaquely.

I had conversations with friends where I said it did not make me feel better to avoid reality or use coy words like 'passing' or 'lost the battle'. And I didn't want to have to censor myself and worry about their comfort level when discussing my prognosis or my will or possible funeral arrangements.

I'll respect what words other people want to use in relation to their own circumstances of course. Who wouldn't show consideration and tread kindly in such exchanges. But in relation to myself, and in general conversation I stick to unambiguous language and avoid euphemism.

I hate hearing people saying passed away. People very close to me have died recently and they haven't passed anywhere, they have bloody died

Anything anyone else chooses to use to describe the loss of a loved one is fine by me. Who am I today otherwise?

Yabu. Each to their own
Some people say my husband is dead
Some say my husband has passed (away)

It both (!)describes what happened. Saying passing away doesnt make the person less dead. But it does sound like a softer way of saying it.

Whenever I've heard someone talk about someone having passed I've always assumed they must have some sort of religious beliefs and believe that the person has passed onto somewhere such as an afterlife or something similar.

Otherwise why say passed or passed on? Where have they passed to?

I believe that when you die that's it, you're dead, so for me died or dead fits the bill.

Obviously it's entirely up to each individual to use whatever term they choose and I'd respect that and use the same expression when talking to them.

If I were talking to someone about a loved one of mine having 'died', I hope I would be afforded the same respect. It would make me feel very uncomfortable if anyone talked about a loved one of mine 'passing'.

I have used passed, in the past. Usually for older family members who I did really feel passed on from life. My husband is dead. Super just dead. Aged 34. I get more angry at the committed line but that's a whole other rant.

I didn’t expect so many responses. Thanks to everyone who expressed sympathy over my husband. My condolences to everyone who talked about their own sad experiences.

It’s been very interesting to read the range of opinions on this. Thanks for posting.

Also, apologies for inadvertently starting a thread which some pp have said is a repeat of a very recent one.

People can say dead as much as they like about their loved ones, and themselves.
They can do the actions as well if they want.
It won't make an iota of difference one way or another.
What does make a difference to others is telling them what they should or shouldn't say, as if you know "better" somehow.
It's hurtful and quite spiteful to ride roughshod over others feelings a out something so intensely personal.