To think that ‘passed’ is an awful euphemism

[ClaudiusTheGod]

Why are so many people reluctant to say ‘died’ now?

‘Passed’ used to be used about exams or driving tests. When did passed away become passed? And what’s wrong with saying die/died/dead?

My husband died. He’s dead. He’s never coming back. That’s the truth of the matter, yet I’ve seen people flinch if I use the D words. I would really like to hear opinions on why this is.

'Passed' makes me grit my teeth, awful term, though if it makes a bereaved person feel better I'm not going to say so.

My mother died (20 years ago.) It's still a painful, sad thing for me. It would make it no better to say 'she passed.'

“Passed”, “Passed on” or “Passed away” has been used for as long as I can remember. It’s nothing new.

Death can be difficult for some people. If you know what they mean, does it really matter what term they use to describe it?

I do dislike the way "passed" seems to have suddenly become the euphemism of choice because I find it unclear, like there's a pause before you can be sure that someone is talking about a death and not someone passing an exam or person or place or anything else. However I would never police the language of the bereaved, I know how difficult it can be to say the words out loud so whatever way is easiest for the person to say is fine with me.

I conduct funerals and I also dislike the term. I speak of people as having died; I have never had any relatives object.

My mum left a huge hole too and I couldn't say that she had 'died'. It broke me, it was too final and I couldn't bear it. It has taken 9 years and I can now occasionally say it, but not if I am feeling emotional or sensitive. It is strange really.

'Passed' sounds like a poo though...passed away is better.

Very sorry for your loss OP, but it's just a way of saying that some actually prefer. My mum being one of them when my dad does.

@Couchbettato

Sorry for your loss.

I never understood the term "lost", as in, "we lost Jack last night".

I know people mean that person has died but I'm such a literal thinker, I don't quite know how to react because I am paralysed with asking myself "do they mean they've misplaced them or do they mean they've died?", and it makes my response seem less sincere even if I want it to be really sincere.

You really think people mean they lost someone ?!

I’m a private client solicitor and I often use passed away when I’m talking about people who are still alive and what will happen after they die. Die and death can just seem a bit jarring when talking about children being orphaned and such like.

I have a friend who uses the term "late" - as in "My husband is late".
Even more confusing than gone/lost/passed.

I think it's gross, crass and insensitive to police what terms people choose, as if saying DEAD! is somehow superior.

I personally use died and dead for my Dad, my husband and sadly, last week, my Mum. But if I am speaking to someone who I think would find the word uncomfortable, I will adjust what I say to passed away. Never passed. I have always had pets and when they die, they die, they never ever cross the rainbow bridge! I find that ghastly. But each to her own.

My Dad passed over last month. I can't say died because I cannot bear the thought of never seeing him again.

@RobertSmithsLipstick

I think it's gross, crass and insensitive to police what terms people choose, as if saying DEAD! is somehow superior.

I agree with this. I'm sorry for your loss OP but you are in no position to tell me how to express to someone else a profound loss.

Passes doesn't worry me much, whatever their nearest and dearest feel comfortable with is just fine, though I tend tend towards died and death.

One thing that did really grate on me when Mum died. We (sis and neice)
Met with the celebrant before the service.

She asked if we wanted a reading. I suggested "why do you stand by my grave and weep ...."

She said "oh, no, people don't like the word grave". As my sis didn't disagree, I let it go. But, really? The person is dead/passed/whatever. But others cannot handle the word "grave"?

@littlejalapeno

People should use what they feel comfortable with, this is a pretty pathetic thing to be offended about. My mum died in September, I tell people she passed away because it’s fucking easier than saying there’s a huge void where she used to be and “died” doesn’t quite cover the experience.

You’ve clearly never sat with a dying person and helped them pass over, so they have the minimum of fear and discomfort.

Who are you to police how grieving people communicate about their experience of their loved ones dying?

this....my bereavement my choice of words, if you don't like it then do one.

Each to their own.

I would never begin to try and dictate how someone deals with grief. (Unless it involves balloons).

When my dad was dying in hospital I text relatives to say he was going home, in the African sense.

@Georgyporky

I have a friend who uses the term "late" - as in "My husband is late". Even more confusing than gone/lost/passed.

thats from the no.1 Ladies Detective Agency

I agree, I hate the terms ‘passed away’ and ‘lost’. My daughter died. That is it. Saying lost implies I was careless.

Sorry for your loss. I prefer died/die/dead but I found myself using passed with certain people who I thought would struggle with more direct language. People have a hard enough time talking to you about a death (I know, they should get over it, deal with it etc, but people don't do they?) that I wanted to make it a bit easier.

@user1471453601

Passes doesn't worry me much, whatever their nearest and dearest feel comfortable with is just fine, though I tend tend towards died and death.

One thing that did really grate on me when Mum died. We (sis and neice)
Met with the celebrant before the service.

She asked if we wanted a reading. I suggested "why do you stand by my grave and weep ...."

She said "oh, no, people don't like the word grave". As my sis didn't disagree, I let it go. But, really? The person is dead/passed/whatever. But others cannot handle the word "grave"?

I am sorry for your loss. We read this at my mums - she picked it out herself when planning her funeral. It made me cry a lot though.

Yanbu

@ShinyMe

Somebody I work with used 'transitioned' recently. We had a conversation at compete misunderstanding as I assumed they meant transitioned male to female, but then she said that no, he transitioned over the rainbow to heaven. If I didn't know better I'd have thought it was a joke.

I'm sorry but that made me

Me too!

@RobertSmithsLipstick

I think it's gross, crass and insensitive to police what terms people choose, as if saying DEAD! is somehow superior.

I agree

I like passed. I used it today. I don't mind if you say died.