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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that ‘passed’ is an awful euphemism

172 replies

ClaudiusTheGod · 01/12/2021 18:18

Why are so many people reluctant to say ‘died’ now?

‘Passed’ used to be used about exams or driving tests. When did passed away become passed? And what’s wrong with saying die/died/dead?

My husband died. He’s dead. He’s never coming back. That’s the truth of the matter, yet I’ve seen people flinch if I use the D words. I would really like to hear opinions on why this is.

OP posts:
RobertSmithsLipstick · 01/12/2021 20:12

Ah...
I see now.

OldWivesTale · 01/12/2021 20:14

God yes I hate it too. What's wrong with "died"? Also makes me think of "passing wind".

VestaTilley · 01/12/2021 20:16

I agree, I say died or passed away.

Passed is grammatically incorrect as well as being an annoying euphemism. If anyone says “passed” to me I said “passed away” in my next sentence.

RobertSmithsLipstick · 01/12/2021 20:17

There is a actually quite a lot wrong with died, when it is your only child who has done so.

StoneofDestiny · 01/12/2021 20:21

Yes, it's died. Strange to say 'passed'. Like an exam.
Looking around cemeteries there are a lot of 'fell asleep' on the stones. Now that is scary!

Sparklingbrook · 01/12/2021 20:26

I’ve just seen the other thread. This one does seem a bit badly judged now.

Constellationstation · 01/12/2021 20:36

I prefer using ‘passed away’ when someone I know has recently died and I find it very difficult to say that someone who was close to me is ‘dead’ for quite a while after it’s happened. I’ll never forget when I was at school and my friend sent someone a card saying ‘sorry to hear your dad died’ and it just sounded so blunt to me. Obviously it’s all personal preference.
The term ‘passed away’ is not new, it’s been used since the 15th century.

TheFormerMrsPugwash · 01/12/2021 20:39

@ParkheadParadise I don't think there are any words that would be adequate for your experience. It is every parent's worst nightmare. I am so terribly sorry.

Constellationstation · 01/12/2021 20:42

Oh sorry, I see you weren’t questioning ‘passed away’

Mamadothehump · 01/12/2021 20:44

I agree with you op

Silverswirl · 01/12/2021 20:47

@RobertSmithsLipstick

It was pointed out on the other thread. Why are people saying sorry for your loss? Sorry they're dead must be preferable, in case of confusion.
No, most people don’t mean sorry the loved one is dead. Although then probably also feel that too) They mean sorry for the feeling of loss the person alive is now feeling. Hence the Expression
Yuledo · 01/12/2021 20:49

It really is. I agree.

RobertSmithsLipstick · 01/12/2021 20:49

Well that's not very clear, if we're being pedantic is it?
Why not just "sorry for how you must feel"?

frogswimming · 01/12/2021 20:52

Well my parents have both died and I say died. It didn't occur to me to be offended by other people saying passed or passed away. It's just semantics. They're still dead. How people express themselves is personal to them.

5128gap · 01/12/2021 20:54

Passed suggests moving on elsewhere which many people believe is what happens. A lot of religious people of varying faiths prefer passed. I use died myself to refer to my family members, but tend to use the terminology the bereaved person themselves uses in other cases, as that is the polite thing to do.

FleetwoodRaincoat · 01/12/2021 20:58

I understand that grieving people often don't want to face the word "dead", but I keep hearing it on the news or reading it in the papers. It shouldn't happen, it's utterly ridiculous in a factual setting. No one has passed anywhere, they have died.

Comfortsex · 01/12/2021 20:58

I prefer the clarity of died. I dislike the fluffiness of 'passed'. When people say passed I feel as though they aren't people I can discuss my grief with.

I don't mind "sorry for your loss" because I have lost something - I've lost a wonderful person, the relationship we had, the closeness. It's gone.

RobertSmithsLipstick · 01/12/2021 20:59

Lots of phrases are utterly ridiculous, factually, particularly the ones I see on mumsnet.

NinaDefoe · 01/12/2021 21:01

‘Passed away’, ‘Passed on’ or ‘Passed over to the other side.’

I think people try and use softer words - as in ‘moved on to a better place’.
‘Died’ is too harsh, final and far too real for some people to bear.

I prefer died. People die.

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 01/12/2021 21:02

I agree OP but it's just another popular daft euphemism. If any fucker says I have passed after I'm gone I will come back and haunt them until they say I'm dead.

NinaDefoe · 01/12/2021 21:02

I prefer the clarity of died. I dislike the fluffiness of 'passed'. When people say passed I feel as though they aren't people I can discuss my grief with.

Exactly this.

NinaDefoe · 01/12/2021 21:05

@Sparklingbrook

I’ve just seen the other thread. This one does seem a bit badly judged now.
If this thread is at all linked to the other one, I agree and wouldn’t have posted if I’d known.
FleetwoodRaincoat · 01/12/2021 21:06

@daimbarsatemydogsbone

I agree OP but it's just another popular daft euphemism. If any fucker says I have passed after I'm gone I will come back and haunt them until they say I'm dead.
This!
RobertSmithsLipstick · 01/12/2021 21:07

Me neither, but I've not seen the other thread.
I hope not.

LindaBlinda · 01/12/2021 21:10

Yes same here.

My dad died recently and "passed away" makes me feel awful whenever someone says it about him.

I was with him when he died. Saying he's dead/he died is what seems right to me. It was fact.