Do people who talk of a 'forever home' forget they are going to age?

[flashbac]

Who wants to rattle around in a family home when the kids have left and you can no longer do the stairs? Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something?

What is a 'forever home'?

I fully intend to stay in my house for as long as possible. We will make improvements that hopefully will mean it can be adapted if we become frail. I wouldn’t object to moving to a bungalow when I’m older if needed. I’ve seen too many elderly people struggle in unsuitable houses but I’d hope I’d manage here until my mid to late 70s at least.

@TeenMinusTests that's lovely. My great aunt died in her 90s, in the house she grew up in and where she was married from.

I have a largish house, kids grown up, looking at moving, but not downsizing, we like the room, we don't rattle about and need the room for people staying and large dogs roaming.
As for house hogging, why shouldn't people stay in a home, be it council or not, if they have been in it for years it's their home, full of wonderful memories, not just bricks and mortar.

I’m laughing at ‘bungalow leg’
Who knew there was such a thing

Surely a 'forever home' is just the ideal place to raise your family / stay long term / make memories in, and they feel no need to climb any further up the property ladder.

Downsizing later in life is often a need rather than a want. Releasing equity, being on one level, closer to adult DCs etc. Lots of people would prefer to stay in their 'forever home' but end up moving for necessity.

OP YABU, and do you take every casual turn of phrase quite so literally? I told somebody I was busting for a pee yesterday; I was in no danger of actually busting.

@flashbac

English Housing Survey says under-occupation - usually having 2 or more spare bedrooms - has increased from 43% to 52% since the 90s.

Flashbac I really dont see why this is a problem in the private sector housing market.

A two bedroom house would be too small for me. As others have said I’m even if I decided to sell my house now it wouldn’t help the younger generation - very few first time buyers could afford it.

The house I sold to move into this house was, however; bought by first time buyers.

I am really not sure what argument you are making here. Unless you are referring to social housing which tends to be policy rather than demand led.

@Naughtynovembertree

Apparently people shouldn't use bungalows because they are at risk of bungalow leg. Ie loosing muscle in legs

This is hilarious - I'm sorry because I know it's serious but still...bungalow leg

We are moving to a flat and I have been really looking forward to not having stairs (currently in a town house).

I will have to watch out for flat leg.

Just as an observation, the affluent people I know in their 70s are moving but not downsizing.

They move out of their five bedroom detached to a 3/5 bedroom detached. So lots of room, stairs, big garden etc.

I think as long as you can afford a cleaner, gardener and adaptations (level access shower, stairlift etc) then it's fine.

Generally, once we reach the stage of needing to go into a care home, it is not a choice we make for ourselves because it is a necessity.

@SparklyLeprechaun

It might be a bit of a misnomer, but what's this about "hogging a house"? I'm not hogging anything, I'll live in my own house for as long as I want and it's nothing to do with anyone else.

No I’m afraid you can’t do that, you can only stay in your home until someone who has deemed themselves more worthy of it wants it.

(Sarcasm, in case that wasn’t clear 🤭)

@Mellowyellow222 In London, the 5 bed houses are often split into 2 bed maisonettes which are quite popular with young couples as the bottom apartment gets a garden and sometimes if the garden is big enough, they can split the garden. But as there is a shortage of 3/4 bed houses on the market, FTB can't move up and hence they can't sell their FTB properties to future FTB.

I can understand older people not wanting to sell their homes which they have an emotional attachment but I hope they are not the same old people who protest at any new builds in a field they suddenly developed a fond attachment to (lots of stories of the butterflies in that field, it was where XX proposed to his wife 40 years ago). The tories have lost a by election on that issue in Amersham and Chesham, and honestly a new development there would have been very handy for young FTB who can't afford to buy in London due to it being on the Tube Line.

If old people don't sell and they don't want young people they deem 'undesirable' buying in their lovely picturesque village, i can see no way out of the housing crisis.

The reality for many elderly people in big houses is that they live in one room, commode in the same room, carers making a sandwich or soup but bringing it into the same room to eat and so on. The rest of the house cold and the garden wild. It’s not about a 20 minute lovely walk to the town centre, it’s whether you can make it to the loo or the kitchen. It’s not a nice thing to think about and I can see there’s hostility and denial. I don’t see it as jogging, more like just why?

🤣

My parents are in their ‘forever home’. They are fully prepared to downsize at some point, but until then… bought it over 20 years ago, it’s wheelchair adapted as they need that, has lots of space so they can have our dc over while some people are working, they’ve barely had a week in a row this year without an adult child living with them, we will move in for a week while painting ours, they have 50 people coming for Christmas…. Seems a reasonable name for it! We can keep our house for a good 40 years at least I think. We will renovate /rebuild it at some point, and upstairs will just be for dc, ground level will have master and step free access. I do think it’s silly to plan to stay forever and build a master upstairs.

I understand what you're trying to say OP about the term forever home but the term hogging is equally bad. I'm not hogging my home. I'm living in the house I have paid for.

@LadyWithLapdog my DH grandma had to live in the kitchen diner for the last few months of her life. They set up her bed there with the medical equipment. It was a standard post war 3 bed semi detached- bedrooms upstairs. But her husband is over 90 and still living there but he needs to get help with cleaning and gardening.

But at the same time, I am not sure pensioners would be happy in a flat unless it was as big as a house in terms of floor area (they exist but are not cheap- though cheaper than a house of the same size most of the time). Flats are suited to people who are out of the house often- like DH who goes to work 5 days a week in canary wharf so I am the only person in the flat 3 days a week. If we had a child, that child would most likely be in daycare or grandparents 5 days a week. We are usually out and about on the weekend. Flats suit people with busy lives. Not 2 pensioners knocking around at home together, trying to watch different programmes at the same time, getting on each other's nerves, possible mobility issues so they can't get out. Its why flats are more common in central areas with lots of amenities cos if you feel like you need more space, you can just walk 5 minutes to caffe nero and chill.

My grandparents bought a converted bungalow, it has two beds and a bathroom upstairs and downstairs has living room, dining room, brick conservatory/sun room and another reception room which when my grandfather was very unwell was used as his bedroom, or also had a second downstairs bathroom. The garden is nice but relatively small and low maintenance. They bought it when they retired so they wouldn't have to move again unless requiring residential care. The thought being if they move downstairs it brand they have the upstairs for live in carers if necessary, so yes the intention is to live there forever.

We moved into our house 20+!years ago after 10 years spent shipping our belongings around different secondments around the world. I’m the opposite and can’t really empathise with some peoples constant need to move house. Maybe I’m lazy but the thought of the effort, dislocation, diy and all round cupboard emptying fills me with dread. Would much rather just stay put in my lovely house even if the stairs get a bit tricky.

Both my mother and my mother in law ended up living downstairs in their final years however as the upstairs became no go areas for them so I do see the sense in thinking about this but I would rather pretend it is a problem that isn’t there.

@onlychildhamster I agree a flat is not necessarily a solution. I just wanted to highlight that maintenance of a large property is really difficult and all these people saying they’d just pay a gardener, they’d just pay a cleaner etc, from what money? That’s not what I see generally. I see people (and their children/inheritors!) struggling or disinterested.

Also, what's with the 'rattling around' phrase?

Don't elderly people just 'walk' like the rest of us?

@mustlovegin

Also, what's with the 'rattling around' phrase?

Don't elderly people just 'walk' like the rest of us?

This made me laugh too. I’ve never seen my 90 year old grandmother ‘rattle’. She just walks, albeit more slowly than she used to!

I’m laughing at ‘hogging.’

Oi! Move over, stop hogging this house you worked and paid for.

Regarding “rattling”. I read the thread about Giles Coren and the sex scene he wrote. There’s some rattling in there. Maybe the OP was influenced by that 😂

My in laws are in their late 70s, still very fit, live in a 3 storey 5 bedroom Victorian house , in immaculate condition, beautiful garden. They've spent 25 years living there and a fortune turning it into a beautiful home. Have someone to cut the hedge twice a year but everything else they do.

Every so often they go and look at bungalows, but their heart isn't in it. They love their house, it's by a bus stop and a good shop that's their future proofing.

They know that if one of them becomes less mobile this could all change, but basically they love their house.

@mustlovegin

Also, what's with the 'rattling around' phrase?

Don't elderly people just 'walk' like the rest of us?

I think it’s the MN assumption that if you have more bedrooms than people you’re somehow living in the Palace of Versailles.

…and that as soon as you hit your 60s you need to sell your family home and live in a shopping container.

Shipping* container

@LadyWithLapdog well it would follow that someone who can afford a large house would have had a decent income and would have a decent pension. Probably not true in the cheaper parts of the UK, but in London and the SE, while it used to be more affordable to buy property, you still had to be fairly comfortably off to buy a 5 bed house even in the 1990s. Not the case for a 3 bed terraced in most areas esp the ones that have since gentrified, but then those are not exactly 'big'.

But having money doesn't mean that the maintenance of a large property would be easy. Someone still has to oversee repairs, hire the help etc. I guess the children (if any) would be doing all of that.