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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do people who talk of a 'forever home' forget they are going to age?

476 replies

flashbac · 01/12/2021 13:38

Who wants to rattle around in a family home when the kids have left and you can no longer do the stairs? Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something?

What is a 'forever home'?

OP posts:
KeyboardWorriers · 01/12/2021 19:24

We moved into our big 5 bed when the children were aged 5, 7, 8 and 11. So whilst I don't call it our "forever " home I can see where the terminology comes from. I can't imagine moving before the youngest is in her mid twenties at the earliest, as I think it is nice to always know the back up option of a room at home is available until you are fairly settled in life.

We might downsize then but equally we love where we live, so wouldn't be in any hurry to.

BogRollBOGOF · 01/12/2021 19:25

I'm in a "forever home". There's no likely reason for us to have to relocate. The house is a practical size, can be adapted to be future-proof, the garden managable and location has enough local facilities/ bus route if driving ceases to be practical.

Bungalows are in short supply and getting rarer as those with generous plots get re-developed. Using stairs for as long as you are able is also a good move move for maintaining muscle strength.

It's not a phrase I'd use in regular parlence!

ToykotoLosAngeles · 01/12/2021 19:36

Great idea! All the people over 70 can downsize into starter homes as more attractive cash buyers, and leave the £750k detached homes that FTB can't afford empty.

Lunaduckdrop · 01/12/2021 19:44

The flaw in wishing for older people to "downsize" is that this can make it difficult for them to entertain children and grandchildren who often like to visit as whole families. It also means that they have to jettison large many possessions to which memories are attached.

In her latter years my mother was persuaded, under the having too-many-bedrooms rule that councils were pushing at the time, to move from her two bed terrace with spacious living room and kitchen to a crampt one bedroom bungalow. What a mistake! Within three months she could no longer do stairs, and the stress of the move made her dementia much worse.

As I own my own house I won't have to do this. I'm not "hogging" anything as I live in a location which would be quite inconvenient to anyone with a family or who had to go to work regularly. But even if I was, this is the home that myself and my partner have made. We have a right to enjoy it.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 01/12/2021 19:51

Why do people say "forever home" ?
Because it's quicker than saying "the house we plan to live in til were too old to manage it any more"

CamQ · 01/12/2021 19:57

Haven’t rtft so may have already been mentioned but my physio friend cautions against moving to a bungalow when older as people then often develop ‘bungalow legs’ as they’re no longer getting inadvertent exercise climbing stairs every day and their mobility can deteriorate quite quickly.

Spectre8 · 01/12/2021 20:13

My house is a forever home because its in an area where everything is close by, trains within 5 min walk, shops etc. Big enough if I have one or two children too. On my own its a decent size too.

I wouldn't be able to afford my house now and would have to move out of London.

Suffice to say if i dont get married and dont have kids I'll be staying where I am

TheBullfinch · 01/12/2021 20:18

@jumpers99

People often stay in a larger house due to wanting more living space - houses with less bedrooms tend to have less, and wanting a garden. The 2 bed houses near me are mostly rentals with no garden, there aren't many long term residents. There is a lack of smaller, quiet houses with a small garden in city suburbs, so people end up staying in their larger houses. I don't see my house as a forever house, it's the house that suits my situation at the moment and one day I will move if I need to.
This.

Bungalows are SO expensive and often, just like flats and 2bed houses, dont have gardens and are built on tiny plots.

I'd rather stay in my larger house and have a big garden and space around me.

Bluntness100 · 01/12/2021 20:57

The other thing is this is my daughters family home. She no longer lives here but comes back to stay often, it’s her family home, she still has her bedroom, her toiltetries in her en-suite, shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, tampons, her tooth brush,, her child hood cuddly toys in the room, still some clothes in the wardrobe, the stuff she wears when here, fleeces, leggings, underwear etc.

Yes guests use it, but it’s still her room, if we downsized any new place, it would no longer be her family home, any spare room would be hard to get that vibe back as hers, because she’d lived here. That’s what makes this her home, she lived here.

I noticed with my divorced friends, in their new two bed houses, their kids no longer have a family home, they no longer have their childhood bedrooms. They visit their parents, but the spare rooms are not theirs, they do not belong, their stuff is not in the drawers or wardrobes.

Now I fully understand that it’s a luxury and a privilege to have a family home, to still have your own bedroom but with your adult stuff there, even though you live elsewhere, but it’s not a luxury and a privilege I would give up for her unless I really had to.

househogger · 01/12/2021 21:09

I have lived in my house for forty years. I brought my family up here.
We have had a stair lift for a while, first for my mother, then my husband. I try no avoid using it.
I live her on my own now. My mortgage is paid.
I am not rattling and I am not "hogging". I have bought the house and I'm living in it.
I have room for visitors, family and friends. I have my things around me.
Hopefully I will be able to stay here until I die but if I have to move because of my health I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
Moving is expensive and a big upheaval.

shouldistop · 01/12/2021 21:11

@Bluntness100 that's really nice and I can see exactly where you're coming from.
I haven't had a family home since I was 17 due to my parents divorcing. It did used to make me feel a bit sad until dh and I had our own kids and made our own family home.
I remember having a dream that we were back living in our family home once and I woke feeling really home sick.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 01/12/2021 21:15

My parents still live in my childhood home. My bedroom is now the grandkids bedroom. Similar at PILs... his bedroom is now the 'dormitory' (nicknamed that as there's 3 beds and a cot up there, although the cot is usually moved to the guest bedroom so the baby is with the parents.).

frogswimming · 01/12/2021 21:18

Well I think it means forever (until the kids have left).

nosyupnorth · 01/12/2021 21:48

The only way somebody can stop 'hogging a house' is to become homeless or die - seems like a bit of an extreme solution to a problem that isn't of their making.

Me staying in my house forever or moving somewhere else will have no change in impact whatsover on the housing crisis the ratio will remain 1 person:1 house.

BurntO · 01/12/2021 21:51

It’s just a phrase. I plan to live in my next house for 30 years, I’d call that my forever home. I realise it’s not forever.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 01/12/2021 21:58

@flashbac

Who wants to rattle around in a family home when the kids have left and you can no longer do the stairs? Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something? What is a 'forever home'?
You don't automatically lose the ability to climb stairs just because your children have left home. And even if you would prefer not to have stairs, do you have any idea how few bungalows there are and then how expensive they are?

You also want your children to be able to come and stay in what was their childhood home, along with their partners and children. So you could argue you actually need a bigger home, not smaller.

We really don't need another ageist 'it's not fair to allow older people to stay in their homes of several decades' thread.

Bluntness100 · 01/12/2021 22:21

[quote shouldistop]@Bluntness100 that's really nice and I can see exactly where you're coming from.
I haven't had a family home since I was 17 due to my parents divorcing. It did used to make me feel a bit sad until dh and I had our own kids and made our own family home.
I remember having a dream that we were back living in our family home once and I woke feeling really home sick. [/quote]
I totally understand that, I think it’s a forgotten impact for many, divorce or downsizing, as much as it’s unavoidable for many, does have the result of loosing those roots. 😞

Fillystine · 01/12/2021 22:29

‘Hogging’?!! What a strange turn of phrase. Yes, I intend to stay in my house until I’m dragged out of it in a box. It may well be far too large for two (maybe one?) old duffer but we put our hearts and souls into renovating it, replacing the thatch, building an extension, one of us working overseas to fund the works…but ‘hogging’?!!

MrsBobDylan · 01/12/2021 22:33

I do think the term 'forever home' is a bit daft.

We have moved a fair bit over the years to accommodate the changes life has chucked our way.

As long as my family and dogs come with, I could live anywhere.

User5489205347 · 02/12/2021 06:13

'Forever home' generally means I've bought a big posh house. So a kind of stealth boast

notacooldad · 02/12/2021 06:26

Who wants to rattle around in a family home when the kids have left and you can no longer do the stairs? Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something?
My mum and dads children all left home nearly 40 years ago.
They are still happy in their large 5 bedroom detached and still managing the stairs without an issue. It is their absolute pride and joy.They are in their 80s now. I'm not sure how they are hogging something that they own. It belongs to them. 🤔🙄

RedHot22 · 02/12/2021 07:16

@User5489205347

'Forever home' generally means I've bought a big posh house. So a kind of stealth boast
No It’s finding the type of home that has most of what you need, and in the location you want to be. This will be different for everyone and doesn’t necessarily mean big and posh.
speakout · 02/12/2021 07:41

I agree about location- My house is a little too big for us now, but I adore the location. Set in ancent monastic lands, 20 minutes to the heart of the city, great rail links, surrounded by ancient forest and beautiful river with otters and kingfishers, airport 25 minutes away 3 miles to unspoilt coastline where I can watch puffins and seals, close to mountains, low crime rate.
Houses in my little estate are sold literally within days.
I love this location, couldn't think of a better place to live.

Naughtynovembertree · 02/12/2021 07:44

Apparently people shouldn't use bungalows because they are at risk of bungalow leg. Ie loosing muscle in legs

RedHot22 · 02/12/2021 07:47

When you have one foot in the grave the other should be near a bus stop 😂