Do people who talk of a 'forever home' forget they are going to age?

[flashbac]

Who wants to rattle around in a family home when the kids have left and you can no longer do the stairs? Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something?

What is a 'forever home'?

We moved into our "for the next 20 years or so" home last year.

Once we've paid off the mortgage and got DD through her education then we'll think about what we do.

I doubt this is the house we'll live in forever, but who knows 🤷‍♀️ circumstances may change...

I have only heard of the term "forever home" on Mumsnet.
Sounds a silly idea anyway.
Couples/families grow, shrink, need to be closer or further from cities, schools, transport, jobs, couples split, finances change, interests change.
I love my home at the moment and no plans to move, but in 10, 20 years who knows? I may sell up and spend my retirement playing reed pipes and smoking weed in Sedona living in a tent.

"Househogging" sounds ageist. Pop off or move out so OP can buy (but not afford) the house?

It's a just a turn of phrase.

I think it's a ridiculous thing to be upset about. There's nothing wrong with the concept of a forever home. That doesn't mean that you won't necessarily move at some point in the future as circumstances change, but it's a home that you could be content to stay in forever.

If you private rent or own your own house. I don't think that counts as hogging. Living in a 3 bed council property when you no longer need one that big definitely is hogging.

There's nothing wrong with the concept of a forever home.
Sits alongside the idea of "making memories", or people who have these big words on the wall saying " Live Love Laugh " or " Home is Love".
Just a little stomach churning.

same as the virtue signalling of "I would live in a small house and give the extra to my kids"
It’s not virtue signalling in the slightest. It’s pretty normal in my world, I find MN a bit strange in how nuclear it’s families are- all anti the MIL and “not responsible for housing the next generation”. Cold as ice!
I also wouldn’t want the bother and expense of cleaning and heating a massive house just for me. As long as I have a garden I’m fine!
Life is going to be very tough for young people, especially those without inheritance or wealthy parents. Much tougher than any of us can really appreciate.

If you have a big house the LA is much more likely to approve and pay for the adjustments you need so you can live at home for longer. So don’t assume everyone even needs to move. Dementia rates are decreasing year on year.

@IfNot

same as the virtue signalling of "I would live in a small house and give the extra to my kids" It’s not virtue signalling in the slightest. It’s pretty normal in my world, I find MN a bit strange in how nuclear it’s families are- all anti the MIL and “not responsible for housing the next generation”. Cold as ice! I also wouldn’t want the bother and expense of cleaning and heating a massive house just for me. As long as I have a garden I’m fine! Life is going to be very tough for young people, especially those without inheritance or wealthy parents. Much tougher than any of us can really appreciate.

Nah, give a man a fish, feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and feed him for life.

I paid my dues and my daughters education, she’s in a career which means she will buy in her twenties. She doesn’t need me to vacate her family home so she can buy.

And quite frankly I have a cleaner and thankfully can afford to heat my home.

I don't go around calling my house my forever home but I bought it with the intention of living here for a long time. It's not a starter home or a step on the ladder for me. Due to health reasons I most likely won't be in a position to buy anything bigger or trade up so I tried to buy the best house I could afford. If the phrase "forever home" helps someone understand how I feel about my house then I have no objection to using it.

I don't really recognise the idea of an old person rattling around in a big empty house, most of the older people I know have kids and grandkids visiting and moving in and out so downsizing wouldn't make sense.

As folk have said, it means different t things to different people. We have just moved into gear could be considered our forever home. It's a bungalow in a nice area with decent schools so will suit us whilst DS is at school and possibly into old age. I can't see a reason for us to move from here but you can never say never.

I understand the concept of hogging housing if you’re in social housing, my father tried to do it, arguably t was his home for decades on the flip side just him and his partner in a three bed when families were waiting was wrong.

I’d also understand it if there was a shortage of large homes, but there isn’t, there is a shortage of smaller entry level housing, telling folks to move out of their large homes and pay for those, when arguably those folks have more disposable income and can afford to pay more for those houses, just makes it more difficult for younger families.

It doesn’t mean folks who can’t afford those smaller starter homes will suddenly be able to afford large expensive family homes.

@Bluntness100 I think people can afford the 2 bed flats and terraces, its the 3/4 bed houses that are difficult. I bought my 2 bed flat when I was 27. I am looking at 3 bed flats as while they are less common, there is less competition for them! I think its because developers only want to build 1/2 bed flats for yuppies or 4/5 bedroom executive homes for well off families. So we are left searching the old housing stock for something suitable. My MIL's house would be perfect for us (Young couple hoping for a child)- 2 double bedroom and a box room and double reception downstair, but at the same time, she has so much stuff I don't think she can fit it into a flat and she has a daughter living with her too.

I live in the smallish ranch house my parents built in 1958; I bought it from the intervening owner. It adjoins my brother’s and cousins’ property. I will live here until they take me out feet first, be cremated, and my ashes buried in the backyard. I’ll leave the house to a young friend. I rarely use some rooms, but hope to have a partner to share the place again soon. This is my forever home.

@Sn0tnose

SparklyLeprechaun It might be a bit of a misnomer, but what's this about "hogging a house"? I'm not hogging anything, I'll live in my own house for as long as I want and it's nothing to do with anyone else.

You’re not familiar with the housing crisis? Are you in the UK?

I suspect she’s not familiar with the bizarre notion that as soon as your DC grow up and leave home, you need to sell up, presumably find a flat to purchase (as there certainly aren’t enough bungalows to go around) and piss off out of it so someone can buy your house for their own family.

I live alone in a three bedroom house, no children, no partner. Am I "hogging" it or is that term restricted to people over a certain age? And as a single person who hasn't reproduced, am I expected to spend my whole life in a one bedroom flat?

Ha!
I was a first time buyer of a ‘forever home’.
We bought in 2014, having put a pin in a map and chosen an area to live in. Tiny mortgage that won’t be cleared until I’m 68, but won’t be an issue even when I’m retired.
We chose this house based on the ability to future proof. We have a large downstairs bedroom with loo and shower that we added grab rails etc to (for when my parents visited). When we can’t manage the stairs we’ll move down. Large kitchen and living room that can easily accommodate a wheelchair (tested by in-laws). Decent driveway, ramp into garden, thriving community and so on.
The only thing that will move us will be if we need to go into a care home. I do sometime worry about the size of the garden but I temper that with the knowledge that our lovely 84 year old neighbour still manages the majority of his (with some help from DH) and if the worst happens I can get a gardener!

I’m not moving, so Forever Home it is.

Why is it only bad if people live in council houses that are too big for them?? My grandparents lived in a council house for about 40 years- it wasn’t free they paid for it every month. It probably cost them more in rent than it would have to buy! But again, MN is the parallel universe where middle class people are resentful of council tenants. I don’t really have an issue with Ethel down the road staying in her 3 bed she brought up her kids in until she dies. My issue is with a government that doesn’t jnvest in affordable housing.
And Bluntness, congrats on your cleaner and your daughters private education. You are in the 1 % good for you and yours. Thinking more widely though, the next generation are going to have it tough.

@IfNot your cold as ice comment was aimed at me.

So you think I am personally responsible for housing the next generations? I am not - that would be ridiculous.

I pay a lot of tax and down of that goes to social housing g and benefits. I donate to charities and do a small amount of voluntary work. But I fair to see why I should move out of my lovely big home to help the younger generation or solve the housing crisis. It wouldn’t. How would selling a large four devein very expensive hone help a young couple who can’t afford a starter home? It wouldn’t. In fact it would just increase demand for smaller homes (assuming you you’ll allow me to buy a smaller home!).

I am sure your intention is to sell up and buy six starter homes and donate them to young families. Maybe I am cold as ice for not choosing to follow suit.

I wish you luck in your philanthropy

@RedHot22

I don’t like the phrase but we are in ours. Yes we did think about it and I fully intend to leave in a box

Same. Old house with downstairs bathroom and enough room to live on one level if need be. We are a five minute level walk into town with fabulous neighbours all of whom have been here for years. Moving would be stupid. There is very little parking so a modern family wouldn't want it anyway.

Well ours is actually ideal for when we are older if we are still here then. It's a chalet bungalow with 2 bedrooms and a shower room upstairs (which we use for the teens) and then downstairs is large with the master bedroom and bathroom in it's own annex type area (it has it's own separate hall off of the main hall so feels very private). The main hall is very wide (no wheelchair issues) and the kitchen diner and lounge are spacious with flat access to the garden. We are a 2 min walk to shops, good transport and the doctor and dentist are a 30 second walk from our house. We could just ignore the upstairs and happily live on the ground floor to be honest!

No not aimed at you at all, just a general
observation on mn really. For a decade I have read multiple threads about how no one should be expected to look after grandchildren for free, or how no one should expect anything from their parents or family. I just find that whole attitude cold, that’s all. But I appreciate mn is a different universe!
I wouldn’t stop anyone doing anything, including living in a big house they don’t need I just don’t get it myself that’s all.

@IfNot

Why is it only bad if people live in council houses that are too big for them?? My grandparents lived in a council house for about 40 years- it wasn’t free they paid for it every month. It probably cost them more in rent than it would have to buy! But again, MN is the parallel universe where middle class people are resentful of council tenants. I don’t really have an issue with Ethel down the road staying in her 3 bed she brought up her kids in until she dies. My issue is with a government that doesn’t jnvest in affordable housing. And Bluntness, congrats on your cleaner and your daughters private education. You are in the 1 % good for you and yours. Thinking more widely though, the next generation are going to have it tough.

It's more of an issue for council/ housing association tenants because there's a very limited resource available and demand for 3+ bed far, far out strips supply. .the same is not true of private owner/ occupier properties, and the housing market is determined by much much more than supply and demand - so lots of older people selling up wouldn't make those 3-4 bed houses cheaper.

@flashbac

Who wants to rattle around in a family home when the kids have left and you can no longer do the stairs? Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something? What is a 'forever home'?

I clicked on this thinking you meant that people hadn't thought about how to equip/adapt their home so as to make possible effects of ageing easier so they could stay in that home comfortably.

But no. You see them as hogging. How, precisely do you hog something that belongs to you?

Oh think with wfh big houses will become more common. I live alone - one bedroom for me, one guest bedroom, one large office (where i spend 60 hours a week) and one dressing room.

Most people live in space bigger than they need. I don’t have children and am very generous with my nieces and nephews. I will help them with deposits when the time comes. But I’m not selling my house for them or anyone else.

I don’t think that’s cold or selfish.