Do people who talk of a 'forever home' forget they are going to age?

[flashbac]

Who wants to rattle around in a family home when the kids have left and you can no longer do the stairs? Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die or am I missing something?

What is a 'forever home'?

I hate this hogging a hone sentiment.

I am single, no kids and I work bloody hard. I just bought a gorgeous four bed house. I have a dressing room and an office and a lovely big garden.

The estate agent who showed me it kept talking about smaller homes for me, and said family home about four times during the viewing.

I love it. I will live here as lint as it suites my needs, maybe forever maybe not.

The saying itself is twee, but I love the idea of it.

I have a childhood friend whose grandparents bought their home shortly after they were married. All the children grew up there, all the grandchildren visited for summers and for Christmases, and now that they're gone she lives in it and is raising her son there. She's redecorated so it feels updated and "hers", but it's the family home. It's the place the family always gather still. It has so much history and meaning to them. And it's certainly not so big that two people would feel like they're rattling around!

Anyway - I just adore that idea. I would love that.

Sorry - I will live here until it no longer suits my needs is what that should have said.

@fabricfanatic
LadyWithLapdog
What hobbies do people have that require all this extra space and entire rooms dedicated to them? I’m imagining lots of mini railways. Also, office rooms when retired?! A click on the phone and that’s most paperwork needs sorted.
Well, for us, the hobbies are painting/miniatures/music/woodworking (mostly done in the garage workshop) and sewing/quilt-making/fiber arts.

I don't "need" a full room for my hobbies, but it's a luxury to have room to keep my sewing machines out all the time, not to mention adequate storage and space to work. I could work at the kitchen table, if I had to, but then I'd need to move everything out of the way.

Our office is used daily for wfh. After retirement, it might be converted to a guest room, but then we'd have to get rid of the treadmill that's already in there. Besides, anything DH does on the computer, he tends to do in there, and I'm certain he'll continue using his computer after retirement.

@fabricfanatic This could be me except I am widowed. I have got a room for sewing and a room for messy crafting.....plus a DIY shed that was DH's and a potting shed. My sister visits a lot so she has her own bedroom here and the 4th small bedroom is for guests but rarely used. Autumn and spring the tortoises are in there before they either go into hibernation or go out to spend summer in the garden once its warm enough. I used to work in elderly rehab and met LOADS of people who regretted downsizing...no room to do stuff and hell when the weather is bad and you can't go out. Anyone who wants my house can pay me the going rate for it

I think it's common to have a "starter home" or two when you are young and just getting established. Then you have a few kids and get a bigger home to accommodate. I think this bigger "forever" home is the home base where you want to raise your family, go on to host grandkids, etc. It doesn't mean living there until death it means living their to enjoy your family until you want/need to downsize when it doesn't make sense to live there anymore.

I'm still relatively young and fit and my next home will be a bungalow with a tiny garden to sit in. My DGM ended up living downstairs in her huge house. My DA is in an unsuitable house because although it's fairly big there is too much stuff.

I dont believe in forever anything apart from my DS.

@Legomania

DH and I are just in the process of buying one of these. We mean one we won't outgrow as a family, and are prepared to spend money on to get exactly how we want it. Obviously we'll reevaluate when we retire. But 30 years feels pretty 'forever' right now!

This is us too!

When we moved here we pushed the budget to get a detached with off road parking and decent sized garden.

It's grown with the kids (playroom has become a study/music room) and if I get too decrepit there is a downstairs room with a wc en suite so I can sleep downstairs.

Dh has built a huge shed for himself and a summerhouse for me in the garden.

Can't see us moving. Even when the kids leave its not such an enormous house that we would feel overwhelmed.

It is actually true that people staying in houses that are far too big for far too long has an impact on what younger families can afford. There have been many comments along the lines of “even if my 80 yr old parents moved young couples couldn’t afford their house” but actually , if all the 80 somethings in 4/5/6 bed houses moved there would be more houses, and the prices would drop.
It’s up to people what they do though. I always find it weird when I watch those property shows and some 70 year old couple are “ downsizing” to a 4 bed on half an acre, because if I was ever that wealthy I would be happy to live in a small house with a nice garden and give the extra to my kids.

No worse than the term "Housing ladder"

@IfNot

It is actually true that people staying in houses that are far too big for far too long has an impact on what younger families can afford. There have been many comments along the lines of “even if my 80 yr old parents moved young couples couldn’t afford their house” but actually , if all the 80 somethings in 4/5/6 bed houses moved there would be more houses, and the prices would drop. It’s up to people what they do though. I always find it weird when I watch those property shows and some 70 year old couple are “ downsizing” to a 4 bed on half an acre, because if I was ever that wealthy I would be happy to live in a small house with a nice garden and give the extra to my kids.

but I don't want the price to drop....i mean why would I?

same as the virtue signalling of "I would live in a small house and give the extra to my kids"

actually..it doesn't apply, I have no kids!

My BIL goes on about his big house will be his pension (because he doesn’t have one). Thing is, he still has a mortgage and he’s not far off retiring. Not sure where he thinks he’s going to actually live.

This thread is brilliant. Such judgement and such worthiness.

All these folk who plan to live to a tiny flat when they are older to give the youngsters a chance!

Sorry I will not be doing that. I will be living in whatever home suits me. I am not responsible for housing the next generation

Are people intending on hogging a home too big for their needs until they die

Yes, it's their home

Pedantic nonsense.
Well, I'll let you know, I intend to hit the bucket as soon as I can no longer climb the stairs of my forever home. So there! ... No wait... That's not "forever" either, unless I intend to be buried in it, right?

Or perhaps people don't literally mean "forever", and it's just an aspirational shortcut which simply suggests a bit of stability in their life?
But since the semantics police objects, we shall from now on say "for the next decade or so home"... Or is that too inaccurate still?

'Hogging' a home, FFS. DH and I bought our home off the plans, and will be working for the next 20-30 years to pay off our mortgage. So yes, if we want to live in our home once we've retired and the mortgage is paid off, we bloody well will. Nobody else is entitled to our home just because we'll be older.

I always find it weird when I watch those property shows and some 70 year old couple are “ downsizing” to a 4 bed on half an acre, because if I was ever that wealthy I would be happy to live in a small house with a nice garden and give the extra to my kids.

It's all very easy to talk about what you would do if you were wealthy. My parents are about to downsize from a large 4 bed house with a bighish garden to a small 3 bed one in a developmentfor over 55s. They'll make a fair bit of money out of it. Any of that which doesn't get spent or end up going towards caring for them later on will come to me and my sibling. But they are moving for their convenience, not in order to be morally superior. And quite rightly so.

We're in our "forever" home in that we have no intention of moving until we downsize. We bought this house when we were both 28 with a 1 and 3 in year old. We intend on living in here until the children have my moved out and potentially longer. We have set it up for having young children but we also have plans for how to rearrange rooms for when we have teens+. We will probably buy a new house at some point but it will likely be when we can no longer manage a large house. We call it our forever home but it's not literally forever, just the next 30 or 40 years which sort of feels like forever!

I said I intend to move in a nice flat in central London. Not because I feel the need to House the next generation but because I want to live well. The 2miles to the station and 1h into London may be a bit too much in another X years. Or maybe I will stay put, who knows, and do all cultural activities online.

"Hogging"

When I got married, we bought a 4 bedroom detached bungalow.
We made that choice on the basis that we wouldn't have to move if we got old or became disabled in some way.
We chose the amount of bedrooms for any family we may have.
We still live in it now, even though the kids are adults and left home. Most of the year there is only me living in it due to DH working abroad.
The only way we will leave is in a coffin.
It's nothing to do with anyone else, I certainly wouldn't sell just because someone else might want to buy a bigger place. It's not just bricks and mortar, it's a home. My home!

@Alonelonelyloner

YANBU. I have realised in the last couple of years that my forever home is literally not going to work when I am old and decrepit. I will have to either sell when I am 70 or resign myself to living downstairs. It is a beautiful home but no matter how fit I am (I run marathons and am very fit), I won't manage realistically. It was a dumb move! Maybe I will die before then and then the kids at least get some money :)

Of course you’ll manage. My dad was still going upstairs every day at 98. Decrepitude isn’t inevitable.

I think it’s a nice phase. Never seen anything wrong with it. Describing home owners as “hogging” their own houses on the other hand 🙄

Nobody else is entitled to our home just because we'll be older

^This

My Mum is still living in the house she and my father built going on 5 decades ago. It was completely unsuitable for my father by his final years, and will be for my mother eventually too, and is also far too big for her on her own, along with the massive garden. BUT. She has amazing neighbours who look out for her and she's equally kind and generous to them, we are a big family and the big house still gets filled to the brim when Covid isn't an issue and the garden has kept her sane through the past year or so. She knows that she'll need to move eventually, and is actively keeping an eye out for somewhere (from experience with my father, it's always better to get this done before you need to, with all your marbles still in place, rather than wait until you can't manage the stairs / non accessible bathroom etc) but it will be a big job to clear the house and a huge wrench to leave it when the time comes.

Some of my siblings have similarly big houses, but they also have their in laws living in either converted sheds or smaller houses very nearby, so not impossible they'll convince their children to take over when the time comes! Not so unusual in more rural / farming areas, to have two houses, one for the younger generation raising a family, the other for the grandparents. There might be some chopping and changing who lives where etc over time, but it all works out somehow!